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4 uninhabited islands that pickup guru and wannabe island-nation-founder Roosh V should consider moving to

Scenic Clipperton Island
Scenic Clipperton Island

NOTE: All these suggestions also apply to MGTOWs and incels, especially incels. And pretty much everyone else I write about on this blog.

Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today  — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.

In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy

a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.

And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.

This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”

While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.

Here are some better suggestions.

1) Bouvet Island

Bouvet Island: Ice, Ice Baby!
Bouvet Island: Ice, Ice Baby!

Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!

2) Clipperton Island

Wish You Were There!
Wish You Were There!

Clipperton island is a miniscule uninhabited atoll in the Pacific Ocean with a rich history. Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs. And rats.

Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:

The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.

And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.

See, the island isn't completely free of vegetation. it's got trees. And algae.
See, the island isn’t completely free of vegetation. It’s got some trees. And algae.

3) Snake Island

DailyMotion has helpfully labeled some of Snake Island's most notable features
A helpful person on the internet has labeled some of Snake Island’s most notable features

Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:

Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.

Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]

4) Ball’s Pyramid

bp1

Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.

But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.

So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.

And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.

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skybison
skybison
5 years ago

Well then here’s my choice for Roosh’s new home

http://favim.com/orig/201103/06/Favim.com-5594.jpg

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Is this going to end with Roosh and his mates squatting in that hut on the rock from Philosopher’s Stone?

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
5 years ago

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inaccessible_Island

For the name, and the 1000ft high cliffs. There’s a species of endemic flightless bird and I wouldn’t want to inflict PUAs on it. Actually, a lot of remote islands have rare, threatened species, are important for seabird breeding, and are some of the last (relatively) pristine ecosystems in the world. I wouldn’t want to dump the garbage that human society generates there, and I guess that includes PUAs.

A Tepui http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tepui would also work as an isolation site, but suffers from similar ethical concerns for the indigenous flora and fauna. I’m not saying that lichens are due more moral consideration than PUAs, but I would definitely prefer the company of the former. Mostly I’m mentioning that because Tepuis are cool.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
5 years ago

I know! The Antarctic Plateau! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antarctic_Plateau

It’s suitably isolated, and there is barely even any microscopic life. They might spoil the scenic beauty, but I guess I’m willing to live with that. I’m sure they could build a dome or something with their Randian Superman Science powers.

Wazza
Wazza
5 years ago

Rockall in the North Atlantic.

T.H. White wrote a book about called The Master wherein it is
“… inhabited by a mysterious person who aims to take over the world.”

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
5 years ago

How about Gaunilo’s Perfect Island?

The perfect island, this argument goes, is the island than which no greater can be conceived. Any island that does not exist, though, cannot be the island than which no greater can be conceived, for it could be conceived to exist which would be greater. Anyone who thinks that the perfect does not exist, then, is confused; the concept of the perfect island entails that there is such a thing.

http://www.philosophyofreligion.info/theistic-proofs/the-ontological-argument/st-anselms-ontological-argument/gaunilos-perfect-island/

With their superior grasp of Man Logic, they should be thrilled to live on an island that is entirely a logical construct.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Aw, I was going to suggest the Garbage Patch. : I

I got distracted by a Tarot game on tumblr. >.>

Catalpa
Catalpa
5 years ago

On the whole, the majority of uninhabited islands have a very good reason for being uninhabited. So I’d be quite happy seeing any MGTOWers and other manosphere types ship themselves off to one of them.

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
5 years ago

I third (fourth?) the reality show idea, particularly with Libertarians/Randians in the mix. I mean, you guys heard how the proposed Objectivist paradise in Chile went, right? http://gawker.com/ayn-rands-capitalist-paradise-is-now-a-greedy-land-grab-1627574870 It’s like neo-reactionaries of all stripes live to provide the rest of us with endless schadenfreude and amusement.

Speaking of amusement, did you hear about Ayn Rand’s fangirling of a cold-blooded killer? A comment on the above Gawker article sent me down an internet hole researching Ayn Rand’s fascination with William Hickman, who murdered and dismembered twelve-year-old Marion Parker. http://michaelprescott.freeservers.com/romancing-the-stone-cold.html For her he expressed the pure philosophy of the “real man,” devoid of any consideration of other people, and it was a collectivist society that turned him into a purposeless monster he became. Maybe this isn’t surprising, seeing how the heroes of her novels are sociopathic rapists, but I would have thought the depths of Hickman’s depravity would have been too much even for Rand. I have a feeling that her views about men dovetail pretty neatly with the manosphere’s.

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
5 years ago

“the” purposeless monster he became. D’oh!

katz
5 years ago

When in doubt, there’s always the moon.

tonni
tonni
5 years ago

i cant believe no one thought of the giant plastic/trash islands floating in the oceans. at least they can’t really do much harm to wildlife and nature there

Leisha Young
Leisha Young
5 years ago

Alcatraz Island!

Leisha Young
Leisha Young
5 years ago

Seriously though. I kind of like the fact that there are place on Earth where animals can flourish without the threat of human contact. Oh to be a bird!

contrapangloss
5 years ago

I read your correction as the porpoiseless monster he became. Now I’m imagining giant squids with pet porpoises, and a overly nasty giant squid whose porpoises all up and swam away because awful.

It was adorable.

Then I scrolled up and my lovely world of adorable porpoises and squids and that one bad squid that eventually had a bad meeting with Captain Nemo in the Disney Ridiculous version being porpoisless was kind of ruined.

Hickman is… whoa. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

StarStorm
5 years ago

How come I get the idea that “you can’t violently rape them” is just him covering his ass and trying to convince the women he wants to make available that it’s not really Rape Island?

Or at least, an attempt to make his fantasy not-nauseating to women?

Film Runner
5 years ago

Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs.

Like Roosh!

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Leisha Young | April 2, 2015 at 2:17 am
Alcatraz Island!

Nah, too close to shore.

And people have escaped there before.

And I’d like to visit it without it being tainted by Roosh Stink. : P

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

How is Roosh going to be able to provide “free and fast” internet and state-sponsored sluts without income tax? Who’s paying for those?

Some other suggestions:

1. Graham Island, an underwater island off of Sicily. It’s an active volcano that periodically erupts, appears above the ocean, gets fought over by various European nations, then sinks beneath the waves again. If Roosh and co. were living on it, European nations would fight *not* to have ownership.

2. The disappearing “Magic Island”, set amid the lovely -290 F methane lakes of Titan.

3. The Island of Misfit Toys. But only after it’s been safely evacuated by Santa.

4. Send him back to the Polish jail he claimed to be in last April Fools day.

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

Eh, he can always use other taxes, like a sales tax or a property tax.

JDF
JDF
5 years ago

Ball’s Pyramid has the potential to be the coolest supervillain lair ever! Now, where did I leave my giant tunneling laser?

teabug
teabug
5 years ago

Whenever Roosh rants on about “fallen Western women monetizing their pussies”, boasts men’s entitlement to women, and trivializes rape I just feel sorry for him, because his skewed worldview, completely absent values and hatred of not just women but pretty much everyone but himself aren’t even his biggest problems. (Although it IS becoming a problem for those around him.) It’s his unmatched stupidity. It explains why he’s acting the way he does and it’s what’s really holding him back. He of course lacks the common sense to realize this, and the really tragic part is that it doesn’t seem to be a conscious choice on his behalf. People should pity him, rather than hate him… If they don’t already.

Happy Easter!

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

LOL! This whole aritcle made me laugh! XD I have found an volcanic island that would suit him. It is newly formed and features a crator full of poisonsous water that smells of slupher.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-03-11/tonga-newly-formed-volcanic-island-first-pictures/6301480

Perhaps this one? It’s just seabed that has risen up during an earthquake. Nothing but rock and mud.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-24238033

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

Sorry, I meant crater.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

How about the Antipodes?

“The Antipodes are a group of volcanic islands south of New Zealand. The cold climate and harsh winds make the islands too harsh a place to live. It is known for numerous shipwrecks and deaths, some from trying to survive on the islands, despite supplies being left there in castaway huts, as seen in the photograph. Two people died by shipwreck there as recently as 1999.” – from the Mental Floss website.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Are there any islands out there that are purported to be haunted? Apart from Island of the Dolls.

I would totes watch a reality show that was full of libertarians and Rooshvians AND grumpy ghosts.

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

However, my picks from David’s list would be Bouvet Island and Snake Island. XD

sunnysombrera-The Antipodes sounds awesome! I think Roosh will love it there. >:-)

monopole
monopole
5 years ago

Ball’s Pyramid just has to have Skullcrusher Mountain on it

Anthrax Island

@weirwoodtreehugger
Yes, Little Diomede is inhabited and used to support a Marine Base during the cold war. My father was seconded from the Air Force there during the Korean War, his Polish was close enough to Russian that he could shout interesting things at the Russian Troops in Big Diomede.

M.
M.
5 years ago

@sunny

<a href="http://gothamist.com/2014/10/16/photos_north_brother_island.php#photo-1"North Brother Island. Actually, that’s a really good choice, despite being in NYC – ghosts or no ghosts, it’s a dangerous quarantine zone, about as safe as sticking your face in a blender and illegal to visit without a permit (and you can’t get a permit unless you’re a photographer or own a ghost-hunting reality show).

M.
M.
5 years ago

Argh, fucked up my HTML. Take two.

North Brother Island. Actually, that’s a really good choice, despite being in NYC – ghosts or no ghosts, it’s a dangerous quarantine zone, about as safe as sticking your face in a blender and illegal to visit without a permit (and you can’t get a permit unless you’re a photographer or own a ghost-hunting reality show).

M.
M.
5 years ago

Oh! I don’t think anybody’s mentioned Battleship Island yet! All of the above applies to this one as well, aside from the NYC bit.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Eh, he can always use other taxes, like a sales tax or a property tax.

Yeah, those aren’t going to go over too well in Men-Galting-Their-Own-Way-Ville.

One does wonder what the economy of the island would consist of, with all of those indispensible members of society living there. E-books? Tourism?

@sunnysombrera

Are there any islands out there that are purported to be haunted? Apart from Island of the Dolls.

There’s Poveglia Island in Venice, which has a grisly history as a quarantine station for plague victims in the 19th century. Later, it had a mental hospital run by a sadistic doctor. It’s said to be haunted by the ghosts of patients, who eventually drove the doctor to throw himself off the bell tower.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Not technically an island, but how about the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone? It’s full of radioactive wolves and alpha particles. PUA paradise!

Holytape
5 years ago

A lot of those islands are bird breeding sites. So how about they just move to the mid-pacific garbage patch?

michael_the_rabbit
michael_the_rabbit
5 years ago

@kirbywarp

Thanks, I didn’t notice this gem. Anyway, these imported goods have to be paid for somehow, which brings us back to sleazy pickup manuals.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

“the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone?”

A friend fancies a trip there. In trying to get me to tag along she’s pointed that, as I now live in Cornwall, I’d actually be experiencing *lower* radiation levels.

[In the UN list of radiological hazards “living in Cornwall” is a separate category!]

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

I think skybison wins the thread with their suggestion 🙂

RaikonL
RaikonL
5 years ago

I vote for Bouvet Island. Don’t forget that it is suspected that it is subject to secret Nuclear Launch tests.

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

Has anyone been on Fundies Say the Darnedest Things (fstdt.com) today and seen the Roosh Defcock system?

I am speechless.

bekabot
5 years ago

1) Bouvet Island

…and if that won’t make a man of you, nothing will.

4) Ball’s Pyramid

Used to be part of Mordor. ‘Ware the Orcs.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

@Scarlettathena:

Who knew that the US has people campaigning to make flirting, bodybuilding, and consensual sex illegal… I must really not get out much.

Women have gained masculine traits and delay monogamy to launch a meaningless office career while experimenting with over 25 local and foreign penises to understand how their vaginas respond to various bad boy stimuli.

What an oddly constructed and strangely specific sentence. Is there a “buy 24, get 1 free” deal down at the local Penis Shop?

It’s funny because according to Roosh, “foreign” means “not the right skin color for the country you reside in.”

Gotta love the closing statement.

The best advice I can give men who don’t want to move every three years is to find a city that is either in DEFCOCK 4 or just recently slipped to DEFCOCK 3, because once a decline accelerates, it may happen too quickly for you to leave before you wake up and see a nuclear cloud in the shape of a vagina right outside your window.

“We have gathered the top scientific minds to find new and innovative ways to protect our country. Our enemies want us dead; and these men and women are the ones who will save our hide and bring the goddamn fight to them! It’s been one year of funding and development; let’s see what you’ve got!”

“I’ve created a nuclear bomb that blows up into the shape of a vagina.”

“… what?”

“A nuclear bomb, sir, that blows up in the shape of a vagina! See, it’s got little side rockets for the Fallopian tubes and everything!”

“… SEARGENT!”

“Sir yes sir!”

“Give this man a goddamn medal.”

“Yes sir!”

“Sometimes I can’t take how goddamn proud I am to serve this country. We’re in DEFCOCK 1 now, people, give yourselves a goddamn round of applause!”

Monopole
Monopole
5 years ago

Of course there is R’lyeh, but the PUAs might bring down the property values…

“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Roosh R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@kirbywarp “Who knew that the US has people campaigning to make flirting, bodybuilding, and consensual sex illegal… I must really not get out much.”

They want to ban flirting? Seriously? Are they following orders from the mikado?

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

@Kirbywarp – that first one you quoted struck me too on various levels. Women’s office jobs are “meaningless”?! In what sense? Are men’s office jobs meaningless too? My job brings me money, contact with colleagues and students, a sense of accomplishment.

I also learned the term “divorce rape”. Which I guess in really alimony and child support. Also “provider game” and “clown game”. I shudder to think what that latter one is.

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

@Kirbywarp 2 – also good dialogue! I like the part about the fallopian tubes.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

There are also sea mounts, which are almost-islands. Just build a substructure up to sea level, and plop Pen Island on top. No soil, vegetation or fresh water, just a bunch of Randian Ubermenschen making civilization out of thin (hot) air.

Do they realize how much we would miss them if they went away?

M.
M.
5 years ago

Also “provider game” and “clown game”. I shudder to think what that latter one is.

I don’t know whether I should post a picture of Pennywise, The Joker or John Wayne Gacy. All of them would fit.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

Actually, the thing that really skeeves me off is “tribal game,” which according to Roosh is one of two necessary games in a DEFCOCK 5 (super patriarchal) society. The other two seem pretty basic; “provider game” means flashing your (supposed) wealth around, “clown game” means pretending to have a likable personality. But what the flying fuck is “tribal game?”

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

“Tribal game” sounds suspiciously like arranged marriages and honor killings.

Honestly, I don’t know what’s stopping Roosh from moving to Iran and Saudia Arabia, since he reveres gender apartheid so much. I mean, other than the teensy problem of getting regular head-kickings from the religious police for minor “vice” infractions, like standing in the wrong queue at the shops. There’s zero chance of ever running game there.

He’s such a miserable, airless little fungus. He wants a society where woman are bound by sharia law, but not men, and he’s spent his entire life tantrumming about the fact that it doesn’t exist.

To paraphrase Joshua from War Games, Roosh’s game is a very strange one, and the only winning option is not to play.