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4 uninhabited islands that pickup guru and wannabe island-nation-founder Roosh V should consider moving to

Scenic Clipperton Island
Scenic Clipperton Island

NOTE: All these suggestions also apply to MGTOWs and incels, especially incels. And pretty much everyone else I write about on this blog.

Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today  — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.

In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy

a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.

And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.

This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”

While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.

Here are some better suggestions.

1) Bouvet Island

Bouvet Island: Ice, Ice Baby!
Bouvet Island: Ice, Ice Baby!

Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!

2) Clipperton Island

Wish You Were There!
Wish You Were There!

Clipperton island is a miniscule uninhabited atoll in the Pacific Ocean with a rich history. Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs. And rats.

Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:

The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.

And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.

See, the island isn't completely free of vegetation. it's got trees. And algae.
See, the island isn’t completely free of vegetation. It’s got some trees. And algae.

3) Snake Island

DailyMotion has helpfully labeled some of Snake Island's most notable features
A helpful person on the internet has labeled some of Snake Island’s most notable features

Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:

Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.

Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]

4) Ball’s Pyramid

bp1

Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.

But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.

So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.

And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.

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reymohammed
reymohammed
5 years ago

Cut to the chase and send him to Bikini Atoll.

jfwlucy
5 years ago

Can we fit all the libertarians on there, too, and let them all Social Darwinism each other? Actually, I would watch the heck out of a reality show along those lines.

Annie Squidface
5 years ago

I was just going to suggest Snake Island. <3

Barring that, and I know this isn't an island but hear me out, is North Korea on the table?

Annie Squidface
5 years ago

I mean, if so, pretty sure that we can pool our ill-gotten child support checks on a plane ticket.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

What’s the name of that island that the UK government used for experimenting with anthrax? I know it’s been given the all-clear now but still.

Anne
Anne
5 years ago

I don’t give a damn about which Island as long as it is as far away as possible from the rest of the World. Hopefully he will take the rest of the Little haters with him

Noah
Noah
5 years ago

“a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening”

So the government provides you with women but you have to seduce them… what the hell’s the point? That isn’t a bonus. Every club or bar in the world has women that you might try providing with “the tingles they require for leg opening.” If your going fantasize about a creepy imaginary island, you could at least make it sound like a fantasy worth having (that is, worth having for creepy sleazebags).

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
5 years ago

The thought of him being on these islands has made me so incredibly happy. He’d probably fit in quite well with the snakes though, poisonous and not sexually attractive to women.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

They should go here:

http://www.isladelasmunecas.com/

Just tell them it’s a island full of dolls, they don’t need to know what kind.

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

He’d fit right in on Snake Island.

Soup or Man?
Soup or Man?
5 years ago

I would sure love to see what would happen to him on Sentinel Island.

On another note…wouldn’t “state provided sluts” be less, well, sluts…and more like state employees? Do they have to run for office or is it like the police force?

apeculiarpersonage
apeculiarpersonage
5 years ago

Might I suggest any one of the lovely guano islands?

smithshadow
5 years ago

May I admit to a certain amount of confusion. Roosh V has in the past accused women of soft cuckolding their husbands/lovers/significant others by sleeping with other men. He has also bemoaned the trouble he has in finding a woman he can commit to mainly because they may have slept with other men etc. He has tried to sleep his way through various countries (and in some cases failed). Now he is proposing to create a society in which all the women are promiscuous. Does this cause headaches for anyone else?

Instead of populating the island with the dreaded females who may prove to have their own minds and opinions, why not duplicate Everpeach 1.0 in the numbers required to meet the sexual needs of the islands inhabitants? Everyone wins, except Everpeach.

Fabe
Fabe
5 years ago

On another note…wouldn’t “state provided sluts” be less, well, sluts…and more like state employees? Do they have to run for office or is it like the police force?

Most likely Sexual slavery with the women being purchased on the black market because I can’t see any woman volunteering to live on this proposed island.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

I vote for Clipperton Island. It’s already full of rats. And I’m sure Roosh knows how to deal with crabs.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

These jokers need to learn that true “satire” doesn’t have you going “*sigh*, yeah man, wouldn’t that be awesome?” at the end.

(As much props to roosh as I could possibly muster, he had one joke that made me laugh. His heir would be called Roosh VI, because his handle is Roosh V. I know, I know… just, I needed something to get through that barf fest.)

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

It doesn’t really matter what island they go to. I’d be up for shipping them off to Pleasure Island as long as they didn’t have an internet connection over there. Unfortunately with modern technology physical distance or isolation doesn’t rid you of someone.

Cavoyo
Cavoyo
5 years ago

Why “Rooshland”? It should obviously be called “Rooshia”.

Elliot Rodger Was A Terrorist
Elliot Rodger Was A Terrorist
5 years ago

Kirbywarp:

Maybe if they go to Pleasure Island they’ll turn into donkeys.

markb
markb
5 years ago

What did those snakes ever do to you?

totallyalphadudebro
totallyalphadudebro
5 years ago

*Rattles collecting tin* Come on, Mammotheers, cough up! Let’s send this douche on a long canoe ride. It’s the ultimate form of charity (for us, not him.)

@Lady Mondegreen- If Clipperton Island is full of rats and crabs now, I’d say the PUAs have already arrived.

totallyalphadudebro
totallyalphadudebro
5 years ago

I should say this is a canoe ride for one. But he can be bon voyaged at the dock by thousands of jubilant women.

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

Snakes gotta eat too, markb.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

It’s so pathetic when the manosphere tries to do satire. They just end up making themselves look like the ridiculous ones.

contrapangloss
5 years ago

I’d love to wave them off on their journey with a giant banner:

“(: Goodbye Forever! You will not be missed! :)”

marinerachel
marinerachel
5 years ago

…..can we make a reality television programme of it?

Kreator
Kreator
5 years ago

I say we send him to Skull Island and pit him against King Kong; let’s see who’s more alpha.

Mitchel
5 years ago

Lol. Roosh is such a moron. Check out the latest ROK article. “Game veteran” Troy Francis talks about the upsides of porn.

acrannymint
acrannymint
5 years ago

Isn’t there some recently formed volcanic island that is expected to disappear in a few weeks/months he can have. I remember seeing an article on it but am just not that motivated to to do a search

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

Roosh is probably the first person in the reality TV era to be voted onto the island.

Earl
Earl
5 years ago

David, I admire your fortitude in not making a “balls” joke with that last one. Kudos to you.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

If the fictional island in Lost was real we could send him there. It’s in another dimension, or whatever the hell the ending was to that show. Wtf happened again? I dropped out at around season three.

mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

Australia has some new contenders in the remote island stakes.

These six new islands actually stay dry and out of the water All. Day. (Unlike the one that was there before that was overwhelmed by high tide most days.)

http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/30/australias-newest-islands-thrust-from-the-sea-by-a-raging-cyclone-nathan

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Oh, and the anthrax testing island is called Gruinard Island, I looked it up. About ten years ago it was claimed to be fully decontaminated and the heirs of the old owners bought the land back, but still. Even if there were traces of the virus left the island would still be less diseased than Roosh himself and his unwashed arse.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

My bad, anthrax is not a virus but a bacterium that infects via spores. I can science, honest.

Amused
5 years ago

May I suggest the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Bill
Bill
5 years ago

Seconding the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Also, we can’s send them to Ball’s Island. There’s a critically endangered species of giant bugs that lives there (Dryococelus australis, look it up on Wikipedia), and I do think it would be rather rude to force them to put up with Roosh and friends nonsense so we don’t have to.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

The GP Garbage Patch. No question.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
5 years ago

@Mitchel: “game veteran”, really?!? It actually took me a while to remember “veteran” means “experienced”; I first read it in the “war veteran” sense, like a survivor.

I’m all for Roosh having his own private island if it keeps him away from the rest of civilization. As for all you fine folks in the WHTM community, I’d suggest Aoshima Island.

http://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2015/03/a-visit-to-aoshima-a-cat-island-in-japan/386647/

michael_the_rabbit
michael_the_rabbit
5 years ago

How is “rotating population of sluts” gonna be funded without taxes? Would all of RPDSR (Red Pill Douchebags’ State of Rooshland) revenue come from selling pick-up manuals?

M.
M.
5 years ago

How about the island from RE4? No living people on it (since zombies aren’t alive and parasites aren’t people).

http://nequam.xepher.net/images/regenerators.gif

And as a bonus, it’s just as real as the MGTOWs’ stated goal of GTOW!

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

I don’t care where they go, as long as it’s *away.*

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Is that island that is part Alaska, part Russia that was the inspiration for Sarah Palin’s “I can see Russia from my house” gaffe inhabited?

skybison
skybison
5 years ago

I want to move to snake Island.

Snakes are cool.

As for Roosh, here’s my suggestion:

[IMGcomment image?w=560[/IMG]

skybison
skybison
5 years ago

Shoot, how do you post images here?

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

@michael_the_rabbit:

Apparently there’d be something like a 20% levy on imported goods, which is surprisingly self-reflective. Roosh knows that nobody on his island would actually do real work and production, despite the standard rhetoric about how every man inherits a long history of invention and is just one bored afternoon from greatness. Everything they consume would have to be shipped in from overseas, so it’d basically be a super sales tax.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

@skybison:

Just put in the raw url, and wordpress will embed the image for you.

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