NOTE: All these suggestions also apply to MGTOWs and incels, especially incels. And pretty much everyone else I write about on this blog.
Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.
In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy
a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.
And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.
This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”
While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.
Here are some better suggestions.
1) Bouvet Island
Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!
2) Clipperton Island
Clipperton island is a miniscule uninhabited atoll in the Pacific Ocean with a rich history. Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs. And rats.
Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:
The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.
And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.
3) Snake Island
Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:
Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.
Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]
4) Ball’s Pyramid
Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.
But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.
So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.
And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.
Cut to the chase and send him to Bikini Atoll.
Can we fit all the libertarians on there, too, and let them all Social Darwinism each other? Actually, I would watch the heck out of a reality show along those lines.
I was just going to suggest Snake Island. <3
Barring that, and I know this isn't an island but hear me out, is North Korea on the table?
I mean, if so, pretty sure that we can pool our ill-gotten child support checks on a plane ticket.
What’s the name of that island that the UK government used for experimenting with anthrax? I know it’s been given the all-clear now but still.
I don’t give a damn about which Island as long as it is as far away as possible from the rest of the World. Hopefully he will take the rest of the Little haters with him
jfwlucy, I fully support your proposal.
“a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening”
So the government provides you with women but you have to seduce them… what the hell’s the point? That isn’t a bonus. Every club or bar in the world has women that you might try providing with “the tingles they require for leg opening.” If your going fantasize about a creepy imaginary island, you could at least make it sound like a fantasy worth having (that is, worth having for creepy sleazebags).
The thought of him being on these islands has made me so incredibly happy. He’d probably fit in quite well with the snakes though, poisonous and not sexually attractive to women.
They should go here:
http://www.isladelasmunecas.com/
Just tell them it’s a island full of dolls, they don’t need to know what kind.
He’d fit right in on Snake Island.
I would sure love to see what would happen to him on Sentinel Island.
On another note…wouldn’t “state provided sluts” be less, well, sluts…and more like state employees? Do they have to run for office or is it like the police force?
Might I suggest any one of the lovely guano islands?
May I admit to a certain amount of confusion. Roosh V has in the past accused women of soft cuckolding their husbands/lovers/significant others by sleeping with other men. He has also bemoaned the trouble he has in finding a woman he can commit to mainly because they may have slept with other men etc. He has tried to sleep his way through various countries (and in some cases failed). Now he is proposing to create a society in which all the women are promiscuous. Does this cause headaches for anyone else?
Instead of populating the island with the dreaded females who may prove to have their own minds and opinions, why not duplicate Everpeach 1.0 in the numbers required to meet the sexual needs of the islands inhabitants? Everyone wins, except Everpeach.
Most likely Sexual slavery with the women being purchased on the black market because I can’t see any woman volunteering to live on this proposed island.
I vote for Clipperton Island. It’s already full of rats. And I’m sure Roosh knows how to deal with crabs.
These jokers need to learn that true “satire” doesn’t have you going “*sigh*, yeah man, wouldn’t that be awesome?” at the end.
(As much props to roosh as I could possibly muster, he had one joke that made me laugh. His heir would be called Roosh VI, because his handle is Roosh V. I know, I know… just, I needed something to get through that barf fest.)
It doesn’t really matter what island they go to. I’d be up for shipping them off to Pleasure Island as long as they didn’t have an internet connection over there. Unfortunately with modern technology physical distance or isolation doesn’t rid you of someone.
Why “Rooshland”? It should obviously be called “Rooshia”.
Kirbywarp:
Maybe if they go to Pleasure Island they’ll turn into donkeys.
What did those snakes ever do to you?
*Rattles collecting tin* Come on, Mammotheers, cough up! Let’s send this douche on a long canoe ride. It’s the ultimate form of charity (for us, not him.)
@Lady Mondegreen- If Clipperton Island is full of rats and crabs now, I’d say the PUAs have already arrived.
I should say this is a canoe ride for one. But he can be bon voyaged at the dock by thousands of jubilant women.
Snakes gotta eat too, markb.
It’s so pathetic when the manosphere tries to do satire. They just end up making themselves look like the ridiculous ones.