Sitting near the top of the front page of the Men’s Rights Reddit at the moment, with more than 300 upvotes: A post, based on a three and a half year old comment on a Fat Acceptance blog, with the title “Woman gains 65 pounds after getting married, forces husband to get Viagra after he is no longer attracted to her.”
Brace yourself for the HORROR of a wife who put on weight in blatant disregard of the rights of her husband’s boner.
Naturally, the Men’s Rights Redditors are OUTRAGED at this insidious assault on a man’s right to tell his wife that she’s too fat and ugly to fuck.
Here’s the top comment, with more than 100 upvotes:
The charming blueoak9 set the “ignorant sow” straight on a question of Boner Science:
Others concluded, from the fact that he agreed to try Viagra, that she was essentially drugging and raping him. No, really.
![Surprentis 50 points 4 hours ago Might as well be rape at that point. permalink embed save report give gold reply [–]ManRAh 31 points 3 hours ago She's literally drugging him so he'll have sex with her. By definition, it absolutely is.](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/drugrape.png?resize=526%2C209&ssl=1)
Carchamp1 expanded on this, er, logic:
So never let it be said that Men’s Rights activists don’t take rape seriously. They take it very seriously when a man is raped by a woman by agreeing to try Viagra and then having consensual sex with her even though she’s a fatty.
@weirdwoodtreehugger
Oops….did I just feed a troll?
Yea, shut up woody!
They’re not a cult but HAES promotes some seriously wrong-headed ideas.
@Catherrine
“So basically he told her that she’s deformed and everything she is is, to him, based on her body. Hell, he could have told her that she turned into She-Hulk or Godzilla! It would have about the same emotional impact.”
Um no… He was being honest about the the significant weight gain as the reason for the lack of physical attraction, and only then after being cornered on the subject.
@Ceebarks – agree: man puts on weight, stops shaving or generally taking care with his appearance, then “explodes” when his wife admits to a lack of desire. Not acceptable no matter how much his feels are hurt. There’s something suspicious and a tad self-serving about the pop psych/cultural critiques here, where male sexual orientation is apparently invalid if they prefer a sexual partner who’s within range of a certain physical ideal (or just someone who isn’t clinically obese). Intercourse for purely altruistic reasons is not ideal or desirable for the relationship, it would likely result in resentment and extinguish whatever remaining attraction.
In regards to the HAES = cult; I’m a bit confused as to how that’s the case, though. I came to the same conclusions that they did after both losing and gaining weight, and now my weight is between both extremes and I’m happier for it.
male sexual orientation? Wtf? I think you’re trying to say that women shouldn’t be all whiny just because a man doesn’t like fatties. But your wording is all kinds of weird. And icky.
Any organization that encourages a person to gain 65 lbs of body fat by overeating and calls that process “finding what works for your body” is at the very least cult-like. Cults attract by promoting irrational ideas that make people feel better — whether or not those ideas are healthy.
I can eat whatever I want all the time and become obese and that is “healthy”? This is a very appealing idea that can survive on groupthink alone. The groupthink apparently could even lead someone to normalize the idea of planned diabetes.
And in this woman’s story we see a common occurrence with cults: The cult ideology is driving a wedge between her and her husband. She may ultimately have to choose between her husband and the cult. I would guess she will choose the cult, believing that they are the ones who really care about her.
@Bryce
You do understand that “She-Hulk or Godzilla” part is hyperbolic, right?
Look, I’m not saying that he is a horrible person. Or that he have no right to prefer this or that body shape. Far from it.
/I will say that I think that he should have raised the subject before he got “cornered on the subject”. But even so; I don’t think that he (or she) is a terrible person.
The part you quoted was me trying to explain how it might have felt to his wife and why it might have made her “Explode”.
deniseeliza said it much better then I ever could, so instead of trying to explain it myself, I’ll just quote:
My whole post is about not speculating and jumping on this or that expression (in this case “explode”) and making a whole narrative about people we know next to nothing about.
That’s it. I have no interest in trying to paint either of them as a villain.
I am guessing Paul didn’t bother to do any actual research on what HAES is. Nope. But it’s definitely a cult. I had never heard of it before this thread, but reading some things about them and visiting their website..they seem to be saying that being fat=/=being unhealthy and we should accept diverse body types. Which means you CAN be healthy and be fat and vice versa. And I, for one, am ALL for body acceptance.
“I think you’re trying to say that women shouldn’t be all whiny just because a man doesn’t like fatties.”
Agreed, they shouldn’t. Any more than men should be “all whiny” about a woman who only experiences sexual attraction to healthy-BMI men. It’s not her fault. It just is.
You want to know what? We still don’t know anything. At all. About what’s going on here. With this woman. Maybe this woman was skinny as a skeleton, and it made her miserable. Maybe she was heavy, and dieting still made her miserable. Doesn’t matter. It’s not a cult when a person decides to not be made miserable by self imposed standards.
Just….Christ on a cracker, a person is allowed to choose their body type. I’m healthier and stronger at my middle weight than I was at either extreme, but I know that what works for me may not be a sustainable thing for every person. How hard is that to grasp?
Just…. @because reasons ad nauseam
Obviously that’s not the point here. People are allowed to be attracted to whoever they want. Jesus, I don’t have the energy to explain the rest to you.
Sorry, my last post was directed at Paul.
@Ghost Bird
Idk if you meant you’re tired of talking about this in general (as am I) or you’re tired of me commenting. I didn’t mean to over-comment if that’s the case.
@because reasons
Oh, you aren’t commenting too much at all! Basically I’m saying people who disagree and are fat shaming others should read your brilliant comments till they’re sick of it because you’re so friggin’ right.
Agree; because reasons has made a lot of good posts on here.
@marinerachel not gonna take the bait not going to turn this thread even more into an OT debate about HAES nope nope nope.
OH! Thank you! 🙂
“Christ on a cracker, a person is allowed to choose their body type. ”
Of course they are. If they were not, this woman would never have been posting about the serious problems she’s experiencing as a result of her new choice.
The choice to purposefully overeat and put on 65 lbs of adipose tissue is, objectively, not a healthy one. Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s not a crisis. The husband in this story, who as she describes him apparently truly loves her, is almost certainly torn up about a lot more than just their sex life. There’s no acceptable way to communicate to her that what she is doing to herself is horrifying.
I speak as someone who is currently watching a close family member kill himself this way. It’s impossible to stop him. We tried. Now we just watch as years we could have had with him get chopped off the end of his life. As his lack of mobility, freely chosen by him, becomes humiliating. As he keeps eating boxes of poison, putting on more and more weight. It’s a fucking horror show.
You can blow it out your ass, closetpuritan.
People here express opinions in favour of HAES without criticism. Where were you when those people were taking the dischussion off-topic? People disagree with HAES and they’re accused of trolling tactics. Sorry, exactly WTF was that?
It’s not fucking baiting to disagree. If it’s offtopicness that’s the bproblem fine but it clearly isn’t when only detractors are accused of baiting.
This is fast becoming another science don’t real thread and that’s just dumb.
Furthermore, the jump to demonise the husband and neutralise the wife blowing up in this thread has been gross.
This is why people stop commenting on this blog. It’s not David or the blog’s content. It’s the “No, YOU shut up” in the comment section.
I’m going to have a fucking cheeseburger now.
Paul
Gaining 65 pounds is not necessarily killing yourself or horrifying. It’s just the body type she is most comfortable having. I don’t think it’s fair to condemn that women for choosing to gain weight. That’s her choice and there is nothing wrong with making that choice.
@because reasons
Yeah, it was badly put, I was responding to the ridiculous proposition that men must be “brainwashed” by western culture, the media etc. for finding one range of body shape attractive in preference to another, as if that couldn’t just be part of one’s basic orientation (not discounting individual variation here; obviously weight isn’t an issue for a lot of men).
The way I read it was, it sounded like some people were suggesting a) men don’t have the right to their own desires, what they find appealing, what they don’t etc. Invalid. b) Men should ‘adjust’ said desires essentially forcing attraction out of nothing, as if that were possible c) lack of sex = betrayal on his part.
Because God forbid somebody give up their daily sugar-laden deserts instead. Not an option apparently.
Again, I can’t see how being *moderately* overweight would extinguish all attraction, so this man might have been being mean spirited, trying punish her, shame her into getting back in shape, that’s also a possibility.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CzqzzBV2tMk/TxBM3ar18MI/AAAAAAAAPm0/6faLPO9BM8w/s400/i-can-has-cheezburger.jpg
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
This topic has obviously touched a nerve with commenters, whether it’s the relationship in question, MRA stupidity, or body acceptance vs. fat-shaming. I definitely don’t want to see this thread down-spiral any further so maybe we can agree to disagree? I don’t think personal attacks are going to help the conversation.
@Bryce
Ok, thanks for clarifying. It is a shame that men AND women are programmed by society to think one body shape or other feature is “hot or not”.
I think any feelings of betrayal would come from his skirting around the issue for so long and not discussing it with his partner until confronted by her in desperation. Communication is the main key to making relationships work/succeed so when that breaks down it can feel like your partner is no longer invested in it.
Who said anything about eating daily sugar laden *desserts*? You know what, that doesn’t even matter. This sentence has fat-shaming all over it and it’s not cool.
Walter,
That’s 65 lbs so far. By her own account she has not plateaued yet.
Regardless, when a person increases their weight by 50% via purposeful overeating, it qualifies as a crisis for their family, as would many other medical conditions.
It’s her choice, of course. But the choice has consequences. No longer being attractive to her husband is just one of them.
As the result of a deliberate choice, she’s facing serious threats to her marriage and her health, and the cult is proudly not even suggesting that she return to a sensible, healthy diet and resume exercising every other day. They’re telling her she’s doing the right thing. And they’ll be saying that when she hits 200% of her healthy weight. And 300%. And 400%. It’s sick. As sick as the pro-ana cult, with similar consequences.
hi there; de-lurking for a minute
wow, this comment section is a huge mess i should have stayed away from. i am really disappointed to hear such awful fat shaming, here of all places. *sighs* ):