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The Cuckunist Manifesto

A spectre is haunting sluts: The spectre of Chad
A spectre is haunting sluts: The spectre of Chad

This is the final day of the We Hunted the Mammoth Pledge Drive. If you haven’t already, please consider donating through the PayPal button below. (The PayPal page will say you are donating to Man Boobz.) Thanks!

Sometimes dudes stop by this blog and drop entire manifestos in the comments. I thought I’d share this one with you all. I’ve highlighted some of the best bits.

Puahater/sluthater here to shake up this echo chamber. Look David, as an obese unattractive guy, why do you devote your life’s work to being a white knight for women who only want to fuck Chads and cuckold beta male boyfriends and hubbies? Join the dark side. I invite every beta male on this blog to join the dark side and fight for men’s rights together.

You want to know why I joined the dark side? Society has treated me like shit all my life because I’m an autistic manlet. Society made me who I am. And one day I woke up and decided that I was going to stop being subservient to a society that enslaves us and treats us like yesterday’s garbage. I decided to go my own way. I don’t owe society shit. We’re going to red pill as many men and female allies (like MRA Karen Straughan) as we possibly can. Every single one of you white knight beta cucks will be red pilled and see the truth. You’ll stop being white knights. You’ll stop being cucks. You’ll be disciplines and acolytes of the Red Pill church.

And together we will put our bodies upon the gears, the levers, upon all the apparatus until we make it all stop. Until western civilization collapses. If we all go our own way and drop out of society, society will crash. Society can’t function without beta males. If it wasn’t for beta male engineers, there would be no Tinder for sluts to hook up with Chads. You beta males. You are the difference in the world. Stop being cucks. And join us.

Society has done nothing for you David. You’re obese and ugly. No girl wants to fuck you unless she wants to use you for beta bux. You owe nothing to society. Join the dark side.

Why should we be nice to girls and pretend to take an interest in their lives when these bitches fuck Chad without a condom on the first date without any effort? Why should we buy bitches dinner and drinks. Wine and dine them and jump hoops in order to get laid when Chad gets it instantly and for free? Beta males need to boycott dating and boycott society.

BETA MALES OF THE WORLD UNITE

Sorry, I’m not going to join your revolution. Which is a pity for you, because I could destroy Western Civilization in a snap BY SITTING ON IT.

giphyrimshotBONUS POINTS for anyone who can find the sentence in the above manifesto copied almost word for word from a famous speech by Mario Savio of the Berkeley Free Speech Movement in 1964. I mean, for anyone who can find it without clicking that link, which would sort of be cheating.

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Mizuki
Mizuki
9 years ago

@weirwoodtreehugger

You just wait until things get dicey and all the alphas ditch the slutty slut slut. Then they will be crying on a boat to Madagascar going “Please love us!” But Madagascar will have closed its borders the moment it realized that STDs were found in a single person in Peru. And then where the womenzz be? Dead that’s where.

Halcyon
Halcyon
9 years ago

So, I admit I’m relatively new to following this particular insanity, but that’s, like, whatever the non-religious equivalent of a Poe post is, right? For the good of my sanity I need to believe that.

Shaenon
9 years ago

Yes, honey, you destroy Western society. Barbarians in a post-technology Mad Max hellscape will respect the hell out of an “autistic manlet” who may or may not have Tindr programming skills, and will definitely not eat him. Don’t go to Bartertown, though. It’s run by a woman.

I always love when these guys rant for five or six paragraphs about how painfully oppressed they are, and when they’re finally forced to give an example of this oppression it’s something like, “If I ever went on a date, she might assume I was paying!”

Shaenon
9 years ago

Apparently, it simply doesn’t occur to him that most men are getting laid and that the vast majority of the time it’s got nothing to do with their looks. It’s that they’ve put time and effort into being better people (or at least trying to be).

The answers I’ve seen to this conundrum are:

a) This is an optical illusion; only Brad Pitt is getting laid. All other men are virgins for life. If I looked out the window I would not be able to see just regular couples walking around. I would see lonely single men and, occasionally, Brad Pitt followed by his harem of 3.5 billion women.

b) Men other than Brad Pitt are getting laid, but their wives/girlfriends/FWBs/polyamorous triads run off to sleep with Brad Pitt every time they turn around. Or they slept with Brad Pitt in the past, which is just as bad.

A while back I had a bit of back-and-forth with a red piller who was ranting about how the “vast majority” of women are evil bitches with personal armies of male slaves doing their bidding. I asked him if this described any woman he had ever met in real life, like for example did his mom have a man army? He just got mad at me for insulting his mom. Which I wasn’t! If his mom has a man army I want to hang out with her.

Ghost Robot
Ghost Robot
9 years ago

The self-pity in that screed is truly astounding. It’s like many of these guys were snap-frozen somewhere in high school and never evolved past those social dynamics. Or maybe they’re so scared of women that everything they think they know about them comes from the worst of daytime chat shows and supermarket tabloids. And MRA/MGTOW sites, of course.

I frequently wonder if any of these guys have really, genuinely made an effort to connect to *anyone* (male or female, friend or lover) in their lives. I feel for anyone with social anxiety, but at some point, you’ve just got to take a chance with people. All this utterly unscientific bullshit about alpha/beta/etc-males only compounds all the destructive self-pity.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
9 years ago

I can’t decide if Chad and Katie are dating or hate each other. I’m sort of imagining their relationship as sort of like Trevor Goodchild and Aeon Flux.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
9 years ago

I’m sort of a bad writer.

Sandy Lee
9 years ago

Before I heard of MRAs (which was within, give or take, the last year), I had not heard the term “cuckold” (or any variation on it) in decades, and that was in very dated fiction. These dudes have an obsession with being “cuckolded.”

@loganbacon: I know what you mean: the “MRA” community seems to have an obsession with both the word and the practice of cuckolding, yelling about “beta cucks” and “cuck-cunts” and other terms flecked with rage-spittle. There is only one other context in which I see the term “cuckolding” used with frequency, and that is the specific sexual fetish of cuckolding: i.e the person with the fetish (usually a man) deriving sexual pleasure from watching or being told about their partner (usually a woman) having sexual contact with someone else. It’s actually one of the most common self-professed fetishes, and hey, if all parties are engaging in the practice with informed consent and everybody’s enjoying themselves, then more power to them.

We can assume on the part of MRAs that most of their mention of “cuckolding” can refer to actual cheating and violation of trust, particularly that of the variety perpetrated by their fantasy “woman who is my property”. It’s just amusing, and possibly quite telling, that their terminology is nicked from the (usually) mutually gratifying and healthy fantasies of “cheating” enacted by cuckold fetishists. Perhaps the MRA dudebro’s rage at being “cucked” comes from a bizarre stew of entitlement, jealousy, rage and… curiosity? Maybe even titillation? In the same way that stew affects his opinions of women in general, of course.

boogerghost
boogerghost
9 years ago

Everything @Shaenon said. Everything.

And is going to take 40 years of teen cinema about bright, funny-looking, underappreciated, self-pitying, shallow, underwear-stealing GIRLS for these dudes to realize females have trouble getting dates too?

JM
JM
9 years ago

So all I need to do to join your movement (because I would never ever ever consider myself an alpha male) is

1. End my happy marriage with my amazing wife
2. Quit my female dominated profession where my skills are respected, appreciated and have been awarded with promotions early on.
3. Refuse to do anything for my female friends who do nice things to make me smile
4. Never work again, yet somehow not starve to death (are MRA’s able to produce their own food like plants or somethign?)
5. Generally me miserable and angry at the world.

Oh boy oh boy….that sounds a,along! Where do I sign?/sssss

Kel D
9 years ago

Not only is that quote from a famous speech but it was paraphrased in Battlestar Galactica. (http://www.tv.com/m/shows/battlestar-galactica/lay-down-your-burdens-part-2-611965/trivia/)The writers got permission from Savio’s family.

BSG analysis containing all the spoilers ever:-

So, Chief Tyrol. A slightly overweight engineer. At the start of the first season, he’s in a sexual/romantic relationship with his very hot boss. He breaks up with her because she’s pretty much a killer robot, although she had no idea. In later seasons, he’s married to a very cute definitely human colleague whose jaw he accidentally broke during a night terror before they dated. She tries to kill herself when she realises HE was a robot all along but ends up being killed by another (lady) killer robot.

The speech is about unionising to increase the quality of living conditions. The gears and machine he’s talking about in that speech were created by a hot, short-ish autist who can get laid by just about anyone he wants although his main squeeze is *another* different killer robot.

It’s almost as if you can’t just neatly put people into categories like Chads, betas and manlets.

Then again, the writers of BSG did a lot of hard work to try to take all sexism out of the culture of the 12 colonies. So maybe chubby engineers and short autists only hope of getting sex is either the end of sexism… or an invasion of killer robots. Either/or.

kiki
kiki
9 years ago

A diverse and multiethnic group of anti-authoritarian rebels take up arms against a system personified by the Agents

…and fail until they are saved by White Jesus. But your point still stands. 🙂

bodycrimes
9 years ago

It always amazes me that the red pillers think the wehuntedthemammoth website exists specifically as a honeypot to attract women who will fuck David. They think (rightly) that this is a poor sexual strategy and don’t understand why he bothers with it.

It completely passes over their heads that it might be what it says it is – an engine of mockery. That pointing and laughing at the red pillers is actually kind of amusing. It’s an end in itself.

If David WERE to get laid from it (and who knows? Maybe his life is non-stop rolling in cuck), that would just be dessert, not the main course.

M.
M.
9 years ago

The Godawful writing, typos, embarrassing self-importance, obsession with “Betas” vs “Chads” and serious case of the Poes remind me of one thing: My Immortal.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

You just wait until things get dicey and all the alphas ditch the slutty slut slut. Then they will be crying on a boat to Madagascar going “Please love us!” But Madagascar will have closed its borders the moment it realized that STDs were found in a single person in Peru. And then where the womenzz be? Dead that’s where.

Society would collapse without Madagascar. And Egypt, too. Sure, women may laugh at it now, the pathetic little Israel-toucher (does it even lift?) but, come the revolution, all the sluts and bitches will be running to its pyramids for protection.

Barbarians in a post-technology Mad Max hellscape will respect the hell out of an “autistic manlet” who may or may not have Tindr programming skills, and will definitely not eat him.

Yes, and keep investing in bitcoin, because dystopian revolution/disaster is guaranteed to come with electricity and a functioning internet.

It never stops being hilarious, the idea that people with no useful skills to offer our current society will suddenly become hot commodities after the Breakdown.

We’re going to red pill as many men and female allies

Why does it sound like he’s planning to pill a cat?

With about an equal chance for success, I imagine.

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

I met my last two girlfriends (and ended up marrying the second) online. In both cases we lived some distance apart, and so by the time we finally met we’d spent weeks emailing and phoning, so we knew each other reasonably well the first time we ended up in the same room together – and we already liked what we knew.

I seriously doubt that height, weight or wrist circumference would have made the tiniest bit of difference. Not least because one tended towards Modigliani and the other towards Rubens when it came to physical type.

And in both cases we had sex for the first time on the night of the very day that we first met – and I suspect this was on the cards even if either or both of us had had a very different appearance. Because we’d already exchanged tens if not hundreds of thousands of words about each other and knew that we were extremely compatible on all sorts of levels – so much so that the physical aspect was almost irrelevant.

Conversely, even if “PUAhater” is real (I have my doubts, frankly), every single word of that post drips with “I HATE EVERYONE AND PARTICULARLY WOMEN, WHO ARE ALL SUBHUMAN AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE TURNED INTO SEX SLAVES FOR MY PLEASURE.” Who’s going to want to date that? Even if he looked like Brad Pitt at the time of Thelma & Louise, he’s going to struggle to maintain anyone’s interest for long.

Delphi Ote
Delphi Ote
9 years ago

Dear manifesto aurhor,

I fit a lot of your descriptions of supposed failings, but I’ve had a lot of success with the following strategy: being genuinely interested in other people. Listening to them and learning about them is a lot of fun in and of itself. The fact that it sometimes leads to sex is a nice perk, but hearing about other people’s lives is fascinating.

Get out of your own head, let go of all your petty obsessions, and open up to other people. I promise you’ll be happier.

-Delphi

Delphi Ote
Delphi Ote
9 years ago

“But Madagascar will have closed its borders the moment it realized that STDs were found in a single person in Peru.”

Just in time to develop a vaccination and save all of humanity from extinction . Jerks. And don’t get me started on Greenland!

Citizen Justin
9 years ago

For the record, this is an example of a Chad – a graffito that originally became popular in the UK during wartime years, to complain about shortages.

http://www.diggerhistory.info/images/asstd3/kroy-small.jpg

Apparently in the USA it sometimes appears with the phrase ‘Kilroy was here’, which has a different origin.

Linax5
Linax5
9 years ago

”join the dark side” reminds me of spongebob where one part of the room was dark and the other part with light

ThresherK
ThresherK
9 years ago

I just gotta add: The Doug gif makes column a real win. “Ugly Americans” is like a secret handshake and not-so-guilty-pleasure for those of us with a social worker in the family.

Caterina
Caterina
9 years ago

He keeps saying he’s a Beta, but it is obvious that he’s a Delta at best. He’s too wordy to be an Epsilon.

Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

I used to think I was a Pi; but I was just being irrational.

Gabriella
Gabriella
9 years ago

The one thing, THE ONE GOLDEN SECRET these guys can’t wrap their head’s around, is that NO ONE WILL FUCK YOU, not because you’re a beta, BUT BECAUSE YOU’RE A JERK.