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alpha males heartiste men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny PUA

Heartiste: Pick up prole chicks using ingenious "logo" ploy!

Hey, prole chicks!
Hey, prole chicks!

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Heartiste, of the Chateau Heartiste, isn’t just an unending source of ludicrously overcooked, try-hard bromides against fatties, liberals and “vibrants,” his favored term of art for people whose skin isn’t white. No, once in a while the alleged pickup artist actually gives out some advice on how to score with the HBs of the world.

Today, he’s got some amazing advice on how to pick up “red state prole chicks.” Well, “amazing” in the sense that videos of people popping infected cysts using rusty nails in their backyard are “amazing” — that is, gross and wrong but you can’t look away.

Anyway, brace yourself, because the master is about to unload a tip worth its weight in pus:

Here’s the trick, should you find yourself deep in bucolic red territory: Deck yourself out in a piece of clothing or an accessory with insignia that clearly identifies some media, fashion, or arty conglomerate.  …

Cute prole girls are salt of the earth, but they love the fantasy of the blue city alpha male with connections and a social calender bursting with fruit flavor. Dat “expert from afar” feel. Wearing something that signals you work for one of those dream companies, true or not, is a honey cock trap for inexperienced naifs.

Huh. I still have an umbrella with the Money magazine logo on it from when I used to work there. (In my defense, it was free.) I had no idea it could be used in HB acquisition.

BRB, booking a flight to Alabama.

WE HUNTED THE MAMMOTH FRIDAY CHALLENGE: Work the phrase “honey cock trap” into conversation.

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weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

The whole play guitar to attract hipster women thing is pretty hilarious too. I’m not a hipster or even particularly cool and I’ve known a ton of men who are musicians. I admit to often being attracted to that type and most of the guys I’ve dated were a musician in some way, shape or form. Even still, it’s not that impressive in and of itself to play an instrument. It’s hilarious to think that shitty guitar playing is somehow going to be this big novelty that will impress the panties off of all the hipster/artsy young women. In any city, guys who can play an instrument are a dime a dozen.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@WWTH

I’ve quite a few muso friends. As the saying goes:

“What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless.”

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

a social calender bursting with fruit flavor.

Why, it’s a veritable bag of Jolly Ranchers! Or Starburst Fruit Chews. Or…something.

Also, what’s a “honey cock trap”? I wasn’t aware that you could catch roosters with honey. Flies, yes, and more so than with vinegar. Fartiste ought to try that some time, instead of all this dimwitted incessant negging.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Crack the chicken’s neck in front of a girl, for an additional two hours of mind-blowing orgasms later.

Yeah, that would totally work. If she doesn’t back away looking green around the gills and struggling to keep her last meal down.

(I always did figure this dude for a chicken-choker, but not THAT kind.)

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
5 years ago

I’ve been binge watching recent seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and I’ve realized that Heartiste and Roosh are basically Carl.

booburry
5 years ago

– Store a few photos on your phone of you knee-deep in deer guts and camo gear. (Ok, you still have a phone.)

What is the reason for this? Do people walk up to people in bars demanding to look at pictures of them on their phones even though you’re sitting right in front of them? Or do you whip out your phone out of nowhere like “Wanna see these sweet pics of me up to my eyeballs in animal insides?”

M.
M.
5 years ago

“Lately I’ve been thinking about [INSULTING ADJECTIVE] [GREEK LETTER OF THE ALPHABET] and their [ADJECTIVE] [ADJECTIVE] [WEIRDLY HYPHENATED PLURAL NOUN]. I’ve come to the conclusion that [NASTY WORD] [SYNONYM FOR FEMALE ANIMALS] are just too [ADJECTIVE] to [VERB]. Even when you try running [TIME OF DAY] [BEVERAGE] [EMOTION] [RANDOM NUMBER] game on them, they still [VERB] you in the [BODY PART]. And let’s not even talk about [PLURAL ETHNIC SLUR]”.

“Lately I’ve been thinking about yellow-bellied lambdas and their exploding upside-down snapping turtle-refrigerators. I’ve come to the conclusion that mildewy ewes are just too discombobulated to dance the can-can. Even when you try running twilight peppermint frappuccino sleepy googolplex game on them, they still suplex you in the popliteal fossa. And let’s not even talk about nopetopi.”

(Nopetopus is now an ethnic slur, apparently. =P)

brooked
brooked
5 years ago

Store a few photos on your phone of you knee-deep in deer guts and camo gear. (Ok, you still have a phone.)

Plus, you’d have to kill an enormous amount of deer to have the guts come up to your knees, unless you’re standing a bucket of deer innards and I have no idea how sharing photos of these things would work to a man’s advantage.

Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
5 years ago

Lately I’ve been thinking about [INSULTING ADJECTIVE] [GREEK LETTER OF THE ALPHABET] and their [ADJECTIVE] [ADJECTIVE] [WEIRDLY HYPHENATED PLURAL NOUN]. I’ve come to the conclusion that [NASTY WORD] [SYNONYM FOR FEMALE ANIMALS] are just too [ADJECTIVE] to [VERB]. Even when you try running [TIME OF DAY] [BEVERAGE] [EMOTION] [RANDOM NUMBER] game on them, they still [VERB] you in the [BODY PART]. And let’s not even talk about [PLURAL ETHNIC SLUR]

Lately I’ve been thinking about whiny Mus and their conniving biodegradable hurdy-gurdy-player-parties. I’ve come to the conclusion that septic does are just too inspiring to conjure. Even when you try running teatime bubble-tea loyalty infinity game on them, they still puzzle you in the uvula. And let’s not even talk about orange longhair tabbies.

Kootiepatra
5 years ago

Plus, you’d have to kill an enormous amount of deer to have the guts come up to your knees, unless you’re standing a bucket of deer innards and I have no idea how sharing photos of these things would work to a man’s advantage.

Long after that perilous, icy night on Hoth, Luke Skywalker introduced himself to prospective girlfriends by firstly, ensuring that they weren’t related, and secondly, showing photos of that time his good buddy Han saved his life by improvising a tauntaun sleeping bag.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Well bearing in mind there are three women in the galaxy (and one’s his sister and the other’s his aunt) he had to be on his game.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw

Weren’t there some dancing women in a bar? I can’t remember, they didn’t have names at any rate.

Ellesar
5 years ago

Mitchel – I have only visited the site twice, and both times was struck at how nasty you guys are to each other. The rating bit – guys telling each other how crap they look, even if was perfectly obvious that they did not. A man calling himself ‘genetic trash’, and people agreeing with him, and everyone saying he’ll never get a girlfriend. Plus the things you say about women are sickening. It is a totally negative site, wallowing in self pity and blame of ‘sluts’. And I really didn’t see much that was critical of PUA.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

I like to wear plain T-shirts, but in my experience it’s actually hard to find shirts without some makeshift decorative logo.

– Communal (communist) gardens are all the rage in SWPLvilles. I think this fad is driven partly by soft liberal men who feel a twinge of shame for their rootless (heh) effeminacy, and getting their hands into soil helps them feel less like a eunuch. But, communal gardens are also lesbian havens, and plots are tiny. If you have a square foot of private land, grow something cool for yourself, like giant squash.

I had a plot for over ten years in communist garden, where all the other plotters were middle-aged or older women. Dunno if any were lesbians, but they were totally jealous of my well-ordered plot, a result of plenty of free time and a slightly OCD approach to gardening.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

For some reason, the (mis)use of ‘prole’ made me think of “1984”. That did not improve the mental imagery.

It appears that their understanding of Marxian class theory is as spot-on as their knowledge of lupine pack dynamics.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Flapping Fartiste in the wenis sounds like a lot of fun. And poetic justice, too.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
5 years ago

I’ve been binge watching recent seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and I’ve realized that Heartiste and Roosh are basically Carl.

Or Carl is a parody of that type of guy – which is hilarious to me because dudes, even people who write for Adult Swim think you sound ridiculous (personally, I picture the average MRA as a 20something bro and thus probably a huge Adult Swim fan).

contrapangloss
5 years ago

I wanna play the Mad Libs, too!

Lately I’ve been thinking about slimy epsilons and their shiny crooked little-deltas. I’ve come to the conclusion that dastardly does are just too wretched to fly. Even when you try running 0900 Kool-Aid Rage 83 game on them, they still forget you in the ciliary ganglion. And let’s not even talk about spaniels.

…my apologies to spaniels. They are sweet dogs who are two parts fuzzy and three parts love.

skiriki
5 years ago

Hay folks, this is my interpretation of Honey Cock Trap: http://i.imgur.com/0PlT3zN.png

(Intentionally inlined, because it has has a cock in it, even if it is digitally rendered one.)

Silky
5 years ago

“…for inexperienced naifs.”

Wow- you’d think someone so homophobic (I assume from the fruity schedule comment) wouldn’t use the word “naifs,” which is masculine (the feminine version would be “naives.”)