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Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.
Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.
But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.
First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.
The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.
Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.
Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”
So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:
remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.
While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.
At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.
While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.
You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.
I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).
Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!
After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.
Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?
A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.
Living well is sweet revenge.
Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.
In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”
- Buy a bag of pistachios.
- Eat the pistachios.
Serves one.
Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.
And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.
RE: Paradoxical Intention
The best part about that video was the Manny Calavera cameo of the skeleton lying on the table. 😀
We finally got to play Grim Fandango in 2013. WE FINALLY GOT THE REFERENCE!
RE: Emmy Rae
I can’t WAIT to try that version of mac n cheese!
Warning: it is addictive, and you will start buying mac and cheese in buckets when your favorite brand is on sale.
RE: Falconer
They REMASTERED Grim Fandango? 8D?
Yes they did!
http://www.gog.com/game/grim_fandango_remastered
@friday jones
AHAHAHA! Reminds me of this old chestnut:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/18/william-gibson-genital-fluffer-airing-penis-out_n_4296936.html
“I swear, I was only airing it out!” or “I was just scratching this horrible rash I have.”
ps- there’s nothing wrong with self-love, but it does lead to some humorous situation/excuses/euphemisms!
RE: Falconer
From Sneak: Yay! Did they fix that really frustrating character-centered control? I remember I had trouble navigating due to that…
Aaaaand THAT is why nobody wants to fuck…er, DINE with him. (Also: SALMONELLA HAIR. EWWWWWWWW.)
PS: That sous-vide video has me intrigued. I wonder if one could do the same with a crockpot? It’s low-heat, too…must investigate.
Aha! Yes, one can:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/12/sous-vide-diy-hack_n_5668862.html
And now, I’m really, REALLY tempted to try some.
PS: We really need to put up a recipe-exchange site. Call it We Cooked the Mammoth.
RE: Bina
WE COOKED THE MAMMOTH TO FEED YOU.
(Also as a side note, my writeathon’s pretty much dead and I’m shutting it down. There’s one final poll for what stories get posted with the Patreon money, and then it looks like I’ll be putting it to bed for a while. Two years is a good run; vote for your freebies while you can!
Rationalization. I just realized this entire “movement” is rationalization for sad losers eating dry chicken breasts at home alone. “We aren’t pathetic specimens who can’t attract a mate! It’s a conspiracy!”
I haven’t, because I’m waiting until I can afford it.
http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/crying-waterfalls.gif
Flavor would be capitulating to the gynocracy.
@Bina
Exactly.
Doosh: I was hungry so I made some dinner before you got here. I guess you can eat some too. Or not. Whatevs.
Lady: Uh, thanks. This looks…interesting. How did you prepare this?
Doosh: Well, being an excellent cook, I forced this weak looking piece of chicken BREAST to thaw by exposing it to some water torture. Then I stuffed it full of my nuts..er..herbs and threw it into the over for like, an hour.
(sound of the door shutting and footsteps hurrying down the hall)
Doosh: That’s fine, I wasn’t gonna ALLOW you to eat my magnificent creation anyways. Dumb bitches.
It’s strange to me how people seem to see cooking as so arcane. I mean, sure, I felt that way when I was twenty and living on my own the first time, but I kinda HAD to learn, since I didn’t want to live on sandwiches forever.
I mean, no lie, I’m happy to let hubby do it most the time, but still, if we split, I wouldn’t STARVE.
Chicken is actually a rather expensive source of protein. Maybe someone of the manosphere can suggest a recipe with lentils instead. Lentils are also healthier for you than chicken is and men who abstain from eating animal products actually have higher testosterone levels than their omnivorous dudebros. Not only will the men eating lentils be more alpha manly but they will also have more money left over that they can spend on having fun without those evil females. The dudebros will have longer lives, less risk of cancer and heart disease and will be around late into old age to have fun and enjoy their lives without those nefarious females.
LBT,
Every time I walk into a book store, I walk past a shelf full of vegetarian cookbooks. Have you tested them and found them wanting? Or is your experience with inherited and found cookbooks more than with cookbook shopping?
RE: creepy cupcake
Enh, I will point out that some of us (myself included) will get sick without meat. Trust me, I’m on a strict meal plan due to eating disorder recovery, and so I was getting my protein. Dunno what it is, but I need to have a tiny bit of meat or I get sick.
Shame. I’d really LIKE to go veg. I don’t even really LIKE meat!
RE: Orion
I haven’t tried many vegetarian cookbooks; the few I did tended to prefer veggies I didn’t at the time, and soy, which I really don’t care for. I should give it another go now!
You’d think men would be more into cooking, since it’s pretty much chemistry you can eat.
I thought they were all about the SCIENCE and LOGIC shtick.
http://giphy.com/gifs/bill-nye-pointing-13Crr6gkUCCEWA
I’m pretty useless in the kitchen (what is a broil?) but I don’t post my terrible cooking ideas online as recipes.
I had NO IDEA that they had remastered Grim Fandango! I just bought it. No hesitation. I made it about halfway through the decade-old copy my friend lent me in University before the incompatibility of the old game and my new laptop led to a fatal error. Twas a tragic day.
http://media.giphy.com/media/13Crr6gkUCCEWA/giphy.gif
Gif didn’t embed due to human error. You get off this time, Embed Mammoth.
@LBT:
It kinda feels like a thing that people just believe but never really justify to me… Every time I try cooking a new meal (sadly not very often), I keep getting surprised at how straightforward it all is. There are definitely some things that take skill, but the rest basically feel like finding a recipe and following the instructions.
Sorta as if people viewed writing words on paper as arcane simply because of the skill it takes to write a book. The fundamentals are really easy.
I’m also the kind of guy that puts a bunch of veggies and some meat into a big pot and applies heat until done, putting a handful of spice in if I’m feeling adventurous. Doesn’t take much to be tasty.
@yutolia
If this is a nightmare, don’t wake me up. Just let me keep on slumbering and enjoying this sweet, sweet dream.
I love how he includes two Twitter feminists blocking him while waiting for the chicken to thaw, as if that’s part of the recipe.
If I’m all out of screaming feminists, can I substitute meowing cats?
That’s what social media is for! First the mighty MGHOW Instagrams a picture of the elephant with a triumphant caption and hashtag (“Dinner for one! #chekm8feminazis”). Next, he makes a badly-lit YouTube video about how feminism can’t destroy a man’s naturally superior aim, no matter how hard those wimmenz try. Then he gets on Facebook, finds a woman who’s running a cooking page and argues with her over the best way to carve and cook an elephant until he has a meltdown and gets blocked. Finally, he realizes that the elephant has spoiled while he’s been having a virtual victory lap, and takes to Twitter to yell “You ruined my meat!” at yet some more random women.
I just read Judgypants’s latest offering, apparently McLovin’s bad chicken recipes are satire, which apparently makes us all stupid for laughing at it. Not quite sure how that works.
This…this is some guy having fun at AVFM’s expense, right? Or is it just Poe’s Law in action? I mean, “get on twitter and yell at any feminists you can find” while waiting for chicken to thaw reads exactly like parody.
@sn0rkmaiden – haha, didn’t see your comment there.
That’s my problem, too. I tried to be a vegetarian leaning towards vegan for almost two years, and I just couldn’t make it work. I’m sensitive to a lot of soy, and carby proteins like seitan and most beans spike my blood sugar. I ate a gorgeous diet, too, no junk-food vegging (my desire for fresh veggies led to start gardening, actually). I just ended up flabby, tired, and elevated of blood glucose. When I threw in the towel and started omnivoring again, I got a lot better.
I am jealous of everyone who can be a vegan or vegetarian and make it work. I loved the food!
Are those cats on Twitter? Because if so, I am now extremely disappointed in my friends’ Follow Friday recommendations.