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Men! Fight the "seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources" with this tasty chicken recipe

Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!
Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!

The We Hunted the Mammoth Pledge Drive continues! If you haven’t already, please consider sending some bucks my way. (The PayPal page will say you are donating to Man Boobz.) Thanks!

Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.

Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.

But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.

First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.

The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.

Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.

Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”

So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:

remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.

While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.

You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.

I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).

Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!

After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.

Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?

A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.

Living well is sweet revenge.

Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.

In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”

  1. Buy a bag of pistachios.
  2. Eat the pistachios.

Serves one.

Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.

And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.

Deliciously cheesy!
Deliciously cheesy!

 

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freemage
5 years ago

Damn, you all make me look lazy. I stick to the basics for the most part. Still do better than those crappy ‘recipes’, mind you, but I hardly consider myself a gourmand–and I don’t spend much on the food, either.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

I admit, I’ve enjoyed cooking more since having more time in which to do it. By the way, the chicken turned out very nicely, and I made a quart of gravy. Simmered the giblets in broth for about three hours, defatted the pan drippings, et voila. Gravy is one of those things you really can’t have too much of.

LBT, sorry to hear about your culinary/digestive issues. I hope you can find more things that are both tasty and digestible. And it bears repeating – it’s nice to have you back.

Hambeast (formerly twincats)
Hambeast (formerly twincats)
5 years ago

Enh, I will point out that some of us (myself included) will get sick without meat. Trust me, I’m on a strict meal plan due to eating disorder recovery, and so I was getting my protein. Dunno what it is, but I need to have a tiny bit of meat or I get sick.

Also, some of us live in households with people that flat out refuse to have anything to do with vegetarianism let alone veganism (that would be my husband and my dad.) I have to cook for four people (two of whom do not live with us) and don’t have the wherewithal to cook vegetarian for me and carnivorous for others. Well, not often, anyhow. Sometimes I just gotta have a pot of rice and beans…

I might get away with that Black Metal Vegan Pad Thai if I put some chicken in it; that looked awesome!

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

The word “experimenting” combined with the passive voice makes me want to ask if you’ve had this peer reviewed yet.

There needs to be a peer-reviewed journal for cooking recipes.

“Journal of Novel Preparations for Human Nutritional Media”

jaygee
jaygee
5 years ago

This post/comment section pokes fun at and offers actual cooking advice to counter the PUA nonsense. I love how the commenters can turn the face palmingly stupid into an opportunity to share good stuff, like the examples of good poetry a few posts ago when PUAs attempted to write their own. Anyway, I may come back to the comments to try the recipes people shared. One of my favorites is Foodwishes on YouTube and blogspot. Chef John is awesome. Recipes are fairly easy and the videos are basically food porn. Here’s one simple chicken recipe I’ve actually tried:
http://foodwishes.blogspot.com/2011/03/just-chicken-and-mushrooms.html?m=1

Mostly Harmless
Mostly Harmless
5 years ago

Derp! These seem like they’d be right up the alley of your target audience! How did you miss them?

http://bertc.com/subfive/recipes/penisstew.htm

http://deep-fried.food.com/recipe/rocky-mountain-oysters-28386

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

My boyfriend has this chicken-related anecdote to share:

It was raining and all the wood was wet, so we couldn’t build a fire. But we were hungry — mighty hungry, Boy Scout hungry. We had 4 matches in a waterproof container. We were able to singe the skin of the chicken. We ate it. That’s what a real (13-year-old) man does. I defy any manospherian to eat raw chicken outside in the cold, the dark, and the rain. We weren’t Marines or anything — but we could’ve been.

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