The We Hunted the Mammoth Pledge Drive continues! If you haven’t already, please consider sending some bucks my way. (The PayPal page will say you are donating to Man Boobz.) Thanks!
Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.
Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.
But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.
First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.
The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.
Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.
Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”
So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:
remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.
While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.
At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.
While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.
You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.
I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).
Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!
After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.
Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?
A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.
Living well is sweet revenge.
Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.
In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”
- Buy a bag of pistachios.
- Eat the pistachios.
Serves one.
Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.
And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.
*Except the comments are super triggering and rapey, but I feel like that’s a given.
@kootiepatra
This would make an excellent infomercial:
NEW FOR MEN ONLY! The COCKPOT. Are you a misogynist douchebag who hates women but is ever-butthurt that women won’t cook all your meals for you (while simultaneously pleasing your peen)??! Tired of all the effort that goes into feeding yourself? We’ve got just the thing for you. From the makers of Hands-Free Wiper comes the COCKPOT, a zero effort cooking machine for alpha manly men. That’s right, just walk up to the COCKPOT, yell at it what you want to eat (make sure to call it a lazy bitch while you’re at it), then retreat to the couch/computer chair. For every feeemale/feminist you harass on the interwebz, one ingredient will magically appear in the COCKPOT and begin cooking. Any alpha dudebro worth his shit will have a wholesome meal ready to eat in 15 minutes!!
AHAHAHA
Even my little brother knows how to do that…and he doesnt need a…err..”recipe”…
I thought that manly men eat chicken raw… and had chronic diarreah problems. Given the accompanying irritation, I can now see why Roosh would have problems with wiping his own ass.
@WWTH:
Here we get the media reporting that ‘single mothers’/’foreigners’/’work shy’* other scapegoated groups are taking all the jobs/welfare payments/healthcare/whatevers that should rightly go to more worthy causes like the latest console or a holiday for the hard working tax paying public.
And the politicians – rather than correct the usually completely incorrect statistics – respond as if they’re real and something that needs addressing, thus reinforcing the public view that they are real threats.
Of course when you look at the statistics they are as you say a drop in the ocean, a tiny portion of the budget. But most people now believe it’s a massive chunk and that cutting the budget would save the country from ruin.
* Where ‘work shy’ covers disabilities, illness, being foreign, having children but no partner to support you while you work, you get the idea.
There are ways of cooking chicken where it doesn’t come out dry, but is the point that he’s eating badly cooked food just because it’s rapey?
haha, what a schmuck. I really doubt there are any “mgtow” who’ve actually quit or scaled back decent paying jobs in favor of voluntary poverty anyway. (There may be a handful who are already broke and using it as a rationalization/ego defense thing, but that’s different, and there’s probably not that many of them, either.)
I know a fair number of people with pretty healthy household incomes who whine about how their taxes and hard, hard work are funding the dysfunction of undesirables.
But when you point out that sure, they could drop their incomes substantially, liquidate most of their assets, adopt/birth a couple/few kids, and *also* qualify, on a largely time-limited basis, for aaaall the amazing bennies that low-income people receive in this country’s famously cushy social safety net, they usually shut up for awhile. It’s not quite like winning a new car or whatever.
this going galt shit is absurd fantasy
I can’t decide whether I should call in sick today. On the one hand, I’m not that sick. I think it’s just a cold. But what if I do get sicker tomorrow? I haven’t been there long enough to get paid time off so it would be undesirable to stay home more than one day.
On the other hand, my throat is killing me and my job involves talking. I’m not sure I can deal with that tonight.
Ack! What to do? Somebody tell me.
I’m leaning towards staying home. That way I can rest my throat and order Chinese so I can get hot and sour soup which is more effective than chicken noodle IMO.
Wouldn’t the best way to “stick it” to the wimminz be to earn LOTS of money and get into a position of authority and/or government where you could impose your misogyny in some REAL way and not just, you know, on the interwebz? These guys are so confused. It’s pretty clear that this is all some cry for attention “I hate you. I’m gonna go off by myself and you can just SEE how good I have it without you. I’m going. I promise. Yep, going my own way. For reals.”
@WWTH
Hot and sour soup is amazeballs for colds, especially sinus congestion. I’d stay home if it were me, because your job involves a lot of talking. If you get sicker and need more time, most jobs will accept a doctor’s note (not mine, but I’m crossing my fingers you’ll be better after 1 day).
yeah, very much reminds me of 2008-2009, where you’d get all these libertarian/tea party types going “I am going to shutter my Very Successful Business/quit my Well-Compensated Job” and take MY TAX DOLLARS AND PRODUCTIVITY out of the economy. I AM GALT”
never mind that there were (and are) vast throngs of desperate un-and-underemployed people pounding the pavement for any opportunity they could get.
OK, Galt good for you– but I promise you that there’s ten hungry people who’ll do that job or serve those customers at least as well as you did… if your boss doesn’t sigh with relief at having an easy chance to cut payroll by eliminating/consolidating your position anyway.
At some level, I think most of them did understand that, so it amounted to little more than an expression of frustration at the crummy economy– but a pretty dumb and counterproductive one, lol
WWTH, it sounds like you should stay home, get some rest, and feel better! I’m sorry that you don’t get paid for the time :-S
My little 3 year old nephew tried to make his parents and little brother pancakes and coffee but got powder everwhere he even filled the cups with powder. I’m so proud of him.
Adam
And they wonder why nobody wants them
WWTH
I don’t know if it will help but maybe you can drink hot lemonade? I hope you get to feeling better!
You know, if you leave aside the hatred on her face, that succubus is actually quite attractive. Not even any horns or wings or cloven hooves or any other non-human features to even attempt to make her scary (I understand that there were stories where Lilith herself could resume human form, to the point where it was impossible to recognize her except for her hairy legs – and since we’re talking the Middle Ages here, “hairy” probably meant “downright furry”).
It makes me wonder if the succubi, in addition to being an explanation for nocturnal emissions, were a kind of medieval rape fantasy for men. After all, who’s most likely to have nocturnal emissions? Young boys and cloistered monks, both of whom are likely to be uncomfortable with their own sexuality and not want to take responsibility for it. They’re not having naughty dreams, oh no – they’re being assaulted in their sleep by hot, hot lady demons.
And what did Lilith and her daughters do? They rode on top, taking control in a way that probably would have seemed both perverse and enticing.
(I also find it interesting that older versions of Lilith and the Succubi were at least as interested in murdering babies – i.e., causing crib deaths – as they were in raping sleeping men, and modern versions need superpowers like life-draining to be taken seriously. You can learn a lot about an era by its monsters.)
MGTOW: The key to feeling self-righteous about being a lazy, socially inadequate slob! Take the Red Pill today!
But doesn’t Mr. Løvenskiolds realize he’s subsidizing the feminist-dominated kitchen appliance industry? To really level up your MGTOWing, simply allow the chicken breast to thaw on the countertop overnight and then eat it raw. TOTALLY ALPHA MOVE BRO. And salmonella is a small price to pay for giving the GE/Kenmore Feminazi Cartel a big middle finger.
Next week I’ll share the secrets of delicious, filling
lazy slobMGTOW staples like “Saltines with cheese and/or peanut butter” and “raw pre-mixed cookie dough.” Later this month: A tantalizing hidden gem I like to call “cold Pop Tarts.” Stay tuned!Ha! Turns out, to no one’s surprise, that MRA know as much about cooking as they do about women and relationships.
I’m confused by this, though:
“Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.”
If these newly liberated MGTOW stopped wasting money on the needy seductive succubi, then they surely would have more of it, no? Or is it that they waste it now on poorly conceived and executed meals…?
@Pocket Nerd:
“To really level up your MGTOWing, simply allow the chicken breast to thaw on the countertop overnight and then eat it raw. TOTALLY ALPHA MOVE BRO. And salmonella is a small price to pay for giving the GE/Kenmore Feminazi Cartel a big middle finger.”
I approve. Enthusiastically so. 😉
You all slay me. I am slain. =]
@because reasons
“Wouldn’t the best way to “stick it” to the wimminz be to earn LOTS of money and get into a position of authority and/or government where you could impose your misogyny in some REAL way and not just, you know, on the interwebz?”
Well, it makes sense for a post on AVFM, considering Elam himself said :
“Neither I nor AVFM has a legislative agenda, nor any politicians to endorse, nor lobbying to accomplish because none of that is of any value in a society that still refuses to accept reality.”
Best way to change a society that refuses to accept reality is to drop your well paying job, eat dry chicken and shout at twitter feminists, obviously.
Of course the biggest benefit of Pistachio Surprise Dinner is that you get to crack your nut over and over and over and over and over again during the meal.
@Spindrift
Oh, so by not doing anything to change society (aside from making it an angrier place), they hope to change society? The brain hurt is strong with them.
@Pocket Nerd “To really level up your MGTOWing, simply allow the chicken breast to thaw on the countertop overnight and then eat it raw. TOTALLY ALPHA MOVE BRO. And salmonella is a small price to pay for giving the GE/Kenmore Feminazi Cartel a big middle finger.”
A real ALPHA MALE would eat the raw frozen chicken before it’s even thawed, while weightlifting, staring down a tiger till it died of fright, and ignoring how itchy his but is since he stopped wiping it cause HE’S A REAL MAN!
A true alpha can scatter away salmonella with a mighty fist pump. No bacteria would dare enter the lair of a true alpha male anyway.
@ Spindrift: you’re missing pocket nerd’s point. Real alpha manly men don’t have freezers in the first place. If they want meat they have to hunt it, kill it, eat it raw or get the wimminz to build a fire and cook it. Of course, all while staring down tigers and not giving into the beta temptation to scratch his itchy, dirty butt. And since this class of real alpha manly men GTOW, they eat it raw. lol