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Men! Fight the "seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources" with this tasty chicken recipe

Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!
Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!

The We Hunted the Mammoth Pledge Drive continues! If you haven’t already, please consider sending some bucks my way. (The PayPal page will say you are donating to Man Boobz.) Thanks!

Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.

Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.

But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.

First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.

The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.

Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.

Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”

So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:

remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.

While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.

You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.

I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).

Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!

After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.

Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?

A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.

Living well is sweet revenge.

Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.

In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”

  1. Buy a bag of pistachios.
  2. Eat the pistachios.

Serves one.

Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.

And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.

Deliciously cheesy!
Deliciously cheesy!

 

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LBT
LBT
5 years ago

RE: Paradoxical Intention

The best part about that video was the Manny Calavera cameo of the skeleton lying on the table. 😀

We finally got to play Grim Fandango in 2013. WE FINALLY GOT THE REFERENCE!

RE: Emmy Rae

I can’t WAIT to try that version of mac n cheese!

Warning: it is addictive, and you will start buying mac and cheese in buckets when your favorite brand is on sale.

RE: Falconer

They REMASTERED Grim Fandango? 8D?

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

@friday jones
AHAHAHA! Reminds me of this old chestnut:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/18/william-gibson-genital-fluffer-airing-penis-out_n_4296936.html
“I swear, I was only airing it out!” or “I was just scratching this horrible rash I have.”
ps- there’s nothing wrong with self-love, but it does lead to some humorous situation/excuses/euphemisms!

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

RE: Falconer

From Sneak: Yay! Did they fix that really frustrating character-centered control? I remember I had trouble navigating due to that…

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

As Doosh says, if that chicken cared about him, it would take that “forced-thaw” and dry stuffing…and like it!

Aaaaand THAT is why nobody wants to fuck…er, DINE with him. (Also: SALMONELLA HAIR. EWWWWWWWW.)

PS: That sous-vide video has me intrigued. I wonder if one could do the same with a crockpot? It’s low-heat, too…must investigate.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Aha! Yes, one can:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/12/sous-vide-diy-hack_n_5668862.html

And now, I’m really, REALLY tempted to try some.

PS: We really need to put up a recipe-exchange site. Call it We Cooked the Mammoth.

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

RE: Bina

WE COOKED THE MAMMOTH TO FEED YOU.

(Also as a side note, my writeathon’s pretty much dead and I’m shutting it down. There’s one final poll for what stories get posted with the Patreon money, and then it looks like I’ll be putting it to bed for a while. Two years is a good run; vote for your freebies while you can!

kmcorby
5 years ago

Rationalization. I just realized this entire “movement” is rationalization for sad losers eating dry chicken breasts at home alone. “We aren’t pathetic specimens who can’t attract a mate! It’s a conspiracy!”

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Falconer | March 23, 2015 at 3:42 pm
@PI: Yes, yes it was. Have you played the remastered game? I’m waiting on my new computer, which should be able to run it, and should be arriving tomorrow.

I haven’t, because I’m waiting until I can afford it.

http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/crying-waterfalls.gif

kmcorby
5 years ago
Reply to  katz

Flavor would be capitulating to the gynocracy.

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

@Bina
Exactly.
Doosh: I was hungry so I made some dinner before you got here. I guess you can eat some too. Or not. Whatevs.
Lady: Uh, thanks. This looks…interesting. How did you prepare this?
Doosh: Well, being an excellent cook, I forced this weak looking piece of chicken BREAST to thaw by exposing it to some water torture. Then I stuffed it full of my nuts..er..herbs and threw it into the over for like, an hour.
(sound of the door shutting and footsteps hurrying down the hall)
Doosh: That’s fine, I wasn’t gonna ALLOW you to eat my magnificent creation anyways. Dumb bitches.

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

It’s strange to me how people seem to see cooking as so arcane. I mean, sure, I felt that way when I was twenty and living on my own the first time, but I kinda HAD to learn, since I didn’t want to live on sandwiches forever.

I mean, no lie, I’m happy to let hubby do it most the time, but still, if we split, I wouldn’t STARVE.

creepy cupcake
creepy cupcake
5 years ago

Chicken is actually a rather expensive source of protein. Maybe someone of the manosphere can suggest a recipe with lentils instead. Lentils are also healthier for you than chicken is and men who abstain from eating animal products actually have higher testosterone levels than their omnivorous dudebros. Not only will the men eating lentils be more alpha manly but they will also have more money left over that they can spend on having fun without those evil females. The dudebros will have longer lives, less risk of cancer and heart disease and will be around late into old age to have fun and enjoy their lives without those nefarious females.

Orion
5 years ago

LBT,

Every time I walk into a book store, I walk past a shelf full of vegetarian cookbooks. Have you tested them and found them wanting? Or is your experience with inherited and found cookbooks more than with cookbook shopping?

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

RE: creepy cupcake

Enh, I will point out that some of us (myself included) will get sick without meat. Trust me, I’m on a strict meal plan due to eating disorder recovery, and so I was getting my protein. Dunno what it is, but I need to have a tiny bit of meat or I get sick.

Shame. I’d really LIKE to go veg. I don’t even really LIKE meat!

RE: Orion

I haven’t tried many vegetarian cookbooks; the few I did tended to prefer veggies I didn’t at the time, and soy, which I really don’t care for. I should give it another go now!

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

You’d think men would be more into cooking, since it’s pretty much chemistry you can eat.

I thought they were all about the SCIENCE and LOGIC shtick.

http://giphy.com/gifs/bill-nye-pointing-13Crr6gkUCCEWA

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

I’m pretty useless in the kitchen (what is a broil?) but I don’t post my terrible cooking ideas online as recipes.

I had NO IDEA that they had remastered Grim Fandango! I just bought it. No hesitation. I made it about halfway through the decade-old copy my friend lent me in University before the incompatibility of the old game and my new laptop led to a fatal error. Twas a tragic day.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

http://media.giphy.com/media/13Crr6gkUCCEWA/giphy.gif

Gif didn’t embed due to human error. You get off this time, Embed Mammoth.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

@LBT:

It’s strange to me how people seem to see cooking as so arcane. I mean, sure, I felt that way when I was twenty and living on my own the first time, but I kinda HAD to learn, since I didn’t want to live on sandwiches forever.

It kinda feels like a thing that people just believe but never really justify to me… Every time I try cooking a new meal (sadly not very often), I keep getting surprised at how straightforward it all is. There are definitely some things that take skill, but the rest basically feel like finding a recipe and following the instructions.

Sorta as if people viewed writing words on paper as arcane simply because of the skill it takes to write a book. The fundamentals are really easy.

I’m also the kind of guy that puts a bunch of veggies and some meat into a big pot and applies heat until done, putting a handful of spice in if I’m feeling adventurous. Doesn’t take much to be tasty.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

@yutolia

Wow, so he thinks that us not having to cook for these shits is a nightmare? I think I like this nightmare.

If this is a nightmare, don’t wake me up. Just let me keep on slumbering and enjoying this sweet, sweet dream.

I love how he includes two Twitter feminists blocking him while waiting for the chicken to thaw, as if that’s part of the recipe.

If I’m all out of screaming feminists, can I substitute meowing cats?

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

For whom would the MGTOW hunt the bull elephant? Who would be privileged to listen to them brag on constantly about taking down a bull heffalump using a chicken-breast-briquet missile hurled by their high-productivity arm?

That’s what social media is for! First the mighty MGHOW Instagrams a picture of the elephant with a triumphant caption and hashtag (“Dinner for one! #chekm8feminazis”). Next, he makes a badly-lit YouTube video about how feminism can’t destroy a man’s naturally superior aim, no matter how hard those wimmenz try. Then he gets on Facebook, finds a woman who’s running a cooking page and argues with her over the best way to carve and cook an elephant until he has a meltdown and gets blocked. Finally, he realizes that the elephant has spoiled while he’s been having a virtual victory lap, and takes to Twitter to yell “You ruined my meat!” at yet some more random women.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

I just read Judgypants’s latest offering, apparently McLovin’s bad chicken recipes are satire, which apparently makes us all stupid for laughing at it. Not quite sure how that works.

Cyberwulf
Cyberwulf
5 years ago

This…this is some guy having fun at AVFM’s expense, right? Or is it just Poe’s Law in action? I mean, “get on twitter and yell at any feminists you can find” while waiting for chicken to thaw reads exactly like parody.

Cyberwulf
Cyberwulf
5 years ago

@sn0rkmaiden – haha, didn’t see your comment there.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

Enh, I will point out that some of us (myself included) will get sick without meat.

That’s my problem, too. I tried to be a vegetarian leaning towards vegan for almost two years, and I just couldn’t make it work. I’m sensitive to a lot of soy, and carby proteins like seitan and most beans spike my blood sugar. I ate a gorgeous diet, too, no junk-food vegging (my desire for fresh veggies led to start gardening, actually). I just ended up flabby, tired, and elevated of blood glucose. When I threw in the towel and started omnivoring again, I got a lot better.
I am jealous of everyone who can be a vegan or vegetarian and make it work. I loved the food!

I love how he includes two Twitter feminists blocking him while waiting for the chicken to thaw, as if that’s part of the recipe.

If I’m all out of screaming feminists, can I substitute meowing cats?

Are those cats on Twitter? Because if so, I am now extremely disappointed in my friends’ Follow Friday recommendations.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

I just read Judgypants’s latest offering, apparently McLovin’s bad chicken recipes are satire, which apparently makes us all stupid for laughing at it. Not quite sure how that works.

In the AVfM Monopoly set, the “Get out of jail free” card must be marked “SATIRE!” ‘Cause lordy, do they throw that word down the moment they smell trouble or ridicule.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

sn0rkmaiden | March 23, 2015 at 6:40 pm
I just read Judgypants’s latest offering, apparently McLovin’s bad chicken recipes are satire, which apparently makes us all stupid for laughing at it. Not quite sure how that works.

Yeah, because making an ass out of yourself and revealing you don’t know shit about cooking is totally satire, and makes US look stupid when we have a laugh at it.

What is with these MRAs and their perpetual pseudo-intellectual boners for “satire”? It’s like when you first find out about a thing, and you’re so excited about said thing that you constantly talk about it or indulge in it.

Except they’re doing it based around a very wrong assumption about what satire is.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

What are they supposed to be satirising?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

And all the gleeful mockery we’ve been indulging in isn’t satire?

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

Ahhhh I love this thread.
David could go on holidays (with all the money we’re giving him from our government paychecks) and this thread would go on and on and still be funny 🙂

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

weirwoodtreehugger | March 23, 2015 at 7:12 pm
What are they supposed to be satirising?

Food blogs? People with still-functioning taste buds?

Tracy
Tracy
5 years ago

What are they supposed to be satirising?

Themselves?

I hear Roosh is coming out with a cookbook, tentatively titled ‘Bang Chicken’

https://flic.kr/p/qPphgb

Tracy
Tracy
5 years ago

@LBT @FlyingMouse I don’t do well without meat either 🙂 I’m celiac, and legumes do not like me (I can have a small amount), nuts are ok but also have to watch how much of them I eat. I was a very sick vegetarian, years ago! Good times.

jy3
jy3
5 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention: My guess? They heard a lefty comedian use the word “satire” and get let off the hook for saying something insensitive, so they started using “satire” whenever they wanted to get let off the hook for saying something. Cargo cult satire, if you will.

monopole
monopole
5 years ago

@Bina
I recomend this sous vide construction guide:
http://www.eggchowfun.com/
I built one based on it and It has been churning along for over 3 years! Sous Vide is really awesome, not only do you get idiot proof flawless meals, but you can prep and freeze a months worth of meals and simply drop a bag into the sous vide (a.k.a. Meat Jacuzzi) and go off and do things for an hour or so and get a perfect meal. Also a basic rice cooker is better than a hot pot for various reasons but either will do if you have one on hand .

@Paradoxical Intention
Have you looked at the ResidualVM and ScummVM programs on the Raspberry Pi 2? With a bit of well documented tweaking you can get the OG versions running on the RaspPi2 which is $35 (plus a cell charger and a microsd card).

ghilie
5 years ago

Re: satire

I read some of the comments on that article, and it was fairly clear that the intended audience didn’t even think it was satire. Not that I ever buy it when they claim satire, but shouldn’t good satire mean that someone, somewhere is in on it?

baroncognito
5 years ago

As long as we’re all recommending cheap cookery: Broke Eats!

katz
5 years ago

I love how little encouragement this community needs to post a bunch of recipes and cooking resources.

leftwingfox
5 years ago

Was experimenting the other night. Boneless, skinless chicken thighs went on sale. Half of them were cut into small strips, stir-fried, and served with asian vegetable mix and steamed rice with a soy-ginger store sauce, the other half were shaken in a bag with flour, seasoning salt and pepper, and sauteed in butter. The excess fat was drizzled out, some flour was added to the pan and whisked to make a roux, then chicken stock and beer were added to make the gravy. Served that with egg noodles and purple brussels sprouts (trim bottoms, split in half, dump into a heavy lidded pot with a pinch of salt and a half-cup of water, turn the stove to max, then cook 5 minutes from cold).

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

@monopole: It took me a minute to realize what you were talking about, but I think my brain just short-circuited. Sorry, I’m not very handy with hardware. ; u ;

Plus, Grim Fandango Remastered is only like twenty bucks. So…cheaper and less hardware fiddle-faddle.

@baroncognito: Bless your face for posting that video. That was amazing.

contrapangloss
5 years ago

Seconding the thanks for Broke Eats.

Easy and cheap food is something I need to get more savvy about.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

I just read Judgypants’s latest offering, apparently McLovin’s bad chicken recipes are satire, which apparently makes us all stupid for laughing at it. Not quite sure how that works.

As usual, it’s an own goal for Team MRA. These guys can’t win for losing.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

It’s hard to play a goal sport against a team that won’t put the damn goals down while they scurry about the field but still somehow manages to kick the ball into their own goal.

Tyra Lith
Tyra Lith
5 years ago

for actual satire I recommend the Vegan Black Metal Chef. Haven’t tried any of his recipes but the food he makes sure does look good:

Moggie
Moggie
5 years ago

Tracy:

I hear Roosh is coming out with a cookbook, tentatively titled ‘Bang Chicken’

Jerk chicken. That secret ingredient is liquid fucking gold.

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

@Buttercup

If I’m all out of screaming feminists, can I substitute meowing cats

I will take meowing cats over a twitter feud any day!

@ghilie
Oh.My.God. Gag.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

So last night I played Grim Fandango and ate delicious, well prepared pasta sauce courtesy of boyfriend (misandry!) and drank some fantastic peppercorn beer. Living well is sweet revenge!!1!

Falconer
5 years ago

@LBT:

From Sneak: Yay! Did they fix that really frustrating character-centered control? I remember I had trouble navigating due to that…

ISTR they included point-and-click navigation as an option, but if you really want to you can use the original controls.

Falconer
5 years ago

@leftwingfox:

Was experimenting the other night. Boneless, skinless chicken thighs went on sale. Half of them were cut into small strips, stir-fried, and served with asian vegetable mix and steamed rice with a soy-ginger store sauce, the other half were shaken in a bag with flour, seasoning salt and pepper, and sauteed in butter….

The word “experimenting” combined with the passive voice makes me want to ask if you’ve had this peer reviewed yet.