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Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.
Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.
But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.
First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.
The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.
Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.
Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”
So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:
remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.
While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.
At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.
While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.
You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.
I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).
Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!
After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.
Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?
A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.
Living well is sweet revenge.
Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.
In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”
- Buy a bag of pistachios.
- Eat the pistachios.
Serves one.
Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.
And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.
I’ve heard of people who like cooking and like to make their own ingredients from scratch, and good for them, but if you acknowledge your audience is only cooking because they can’t find a vagina with a woman attached to do it for them, they’d probably be better off just buying their own chili powder.
Look at it this way, if they continue stuffing their chicken with that much cheese and butter they are likely to be dead a lot sooner from clogged arteries.
Right? I laughed out loud when I read that bit. “Here’s my recipe for not very good chicken. Enjoy. Also, women suck.”
Please! Not the chicken! Anything but dry chicken and twitter pestering! My feminism will never survive such a brilliant strategy! ;_;
The feminists “screaming” were probably doing so because they imagined eating what he was cooking.
I just can’t help but feel a little sad for the guy who wrote that, if he was serious. I feel a lot of schadenfreude as well, since this is a sad story he is inflicting on himself intentionally out of misplaced spite, but that is without a doubt the saddest recipe I’ve ever seen. Has this guy ever even tried to read a recipe before? Are we sure he understands what they are? What kind of life must someone have to lead to result in them writing and publishing a recipe like this? It’s a fucking tragedy. A ridiculous, hilarious tragedy.
Making an origami crane: MGTOW style
1. Get some paper.
2. Cover paper with misogynist slurs
3. Scan paper and tweet to a Feminist, a ‘Feminist’, or just any woman
4. Interpret target’s brief irritation as ‘screaming hysteria’
5. Begin folding paper into shape of crane
6. You need sharp creases, so use an iron
7. While iron warms up, take a moment to hate all women
8. I mean *really* hate.
9. Was that good? Yeah, it was good
10. Fold paper in half along short axis
11. You set it on fire didn’t you?
12. Yeah, well you could put it on ‘delicate’ setting, but that sounds kind of gay
13. Open Wikipedia page for Andrea Dworkin. Fume silently for five min.
14. Ok, using firm, precise folds, turn the paper into a crane.
15. Hm, well that didn’t go well. Why’s it orange now?
16. Ok, new step one: Wash cheeto dust from your fingers
17. Third time’s the charm!
18. …well, there are things in this world that look less like cranes, I guess.
19. Bask in glory of knowing that you don’t need women to make cranes for you
20. Sit in dark eating dry chicken and pondering sense of existential despair
As ignotussomnium said, it’s not as if they couldn’t look up other recipes that at least one person actually thought were good. You can find recipes for beginning cooks and cooks on a budget, or both. Also, like, basic food safety guidelines.
Actually, I was reading something recently that said cooking from frozen ends up in less damaged meat than if you thaw it first. (But that might have been an article about steak)
While there are certainly applications where thawing first is helpful, I know that most of the time when I’m grilling, chicken cooks beautifully if you throw it on the grill entirely frozen.
Sure, it’s best to start with fresh chicken, but if you have frozen chicken, it doesn’t really make too much of a difference whether you thaw it or not. (But if you’re making kabobs, it’s easier to get the pieces on the skewer when thawed). You just increase the cooking time by 50%.
This chicken recipe, for example, assumes frozen chicken and takes 75 minutes to cook (at 375 degrees though, not 450).
http://www.food.com/recipe/chicken-and-mushroom-rice-casserole-for-dummies-269237
Also, it submerses the chicken entirely in a liquid.
Viscaria
They can’t use cookbooks, most were written by teh evil wimminz and so just reminds them of their MGTOW mission – to leave wimminz behind by obsessing over them
Funny, but I don’t call dry chicken (badly cooked, if this “recipe” is any indication) and harassing women on the internet “living well”.
But then again, granted, I’m also not a fuckin’ dickhead, so what would I know?
Bina, I think they’re just missing a few key words from that sentence.
“Living in a well is sweet revenge.” And if you would be so kind to hand them down the lotion while they’re in there, they would be quite grateful.
The most amazing thing of all is that this man has posted this “recipe” along with his hints for flavouring and side dishes (such as they are) — On. The. Internet.
That’s the place where I, just now, just for fun, searched a couple of terms,
“cook chicken breast from frozen” — 1.2 million on that list,
“cook chicken breast” — 14 million results.
Surely the doofus who wrote this could have made the same kind of sacrifice on behalf of his readers that David makes for us. He could have gone on the internet to seek out and recommend those sites that are intended for men/ beginner/ reluctant/ frugal cooks and saved all those MGTOWs from the soul-sucking ignominy of looking at sites written by or mostly contributed by horrible women, some of them those super horrible feminist harpies.
He could have made their lives better instead of advising them to live on miserable, badly cooked food.
It occurs to me that I actually do have a chicken recipe that I make all the time. 1) Buy rotisserie chicken for $6 at the grocery. ta da! The main course for more than one dinner, cheap!
Those cheese recipes seem legit. I mean, *I* eat cheese like that, doesn’t everyone?
I think it says a lot that, of all things to lurk in the manosphere, this has my mind the most boggled. That includes anything from Roosh and Janet Bloomfield. I mean, I understand using pure hatred to get attention. It’s deplorable, but it’s not hard to understand why they sink to the lows they do. But advising people to cook chicken until it’s dried out, while harassing women on Twitter? I mean this is the one I really must say I want to get inside the mind of the man who thought it was a good idea to post this.
@baroncognito
This is why it’s good to have a community of people who know how to cook. I will try frozen.
andrea harris
The funny thing is I do cook chicken breasts with a blowtorch. After cooking in water in its “packaging”.
Actually I’m doing sous vide, using a precisely controlled water bath at 145 degrees for an hour on vacuum packed (and pre-seasoned and/or marinated) chicken breasts. By slowly, precisely, and unifomly raising the temperature of the chicken until the core temperature is high enough to kill the pathogens and denature the meat, a perfectly jucy low fat chicken breast infused with the seasoning results. But the temperature is insufficently high to brown (i.e. induce the Maillard Reaction) thus the use of a culinary blowtorch to quickly brown the exterior.
Of course this is the province of fellow Gamma Rabbits:
I tend to read We Hunted the Mammoth or watch My Little Pony playing with my cats during the cooking process.
I think you guys might like this. :D
It’s a simple site where you can put what you have in your fridge, and it’ll tell you what you can make from those ingredients.
I laughed through this whole article. The way you write about MRA/MGTOWs is almost endearing.
They’re like a group of discombobulated chihuahuas lol
Wow. Such living. Much well. I am jelly.
Wait, no I’m not. I can cook a better meal in a coma. While reading WHTM.
Re potato chip recipe–if you don’t have a mandoline (which I don’t), you can use a potato peeler. Genius.
I work in a store that thaws food before sale and I NEVER in my life heard someone call it “Forced thawing”. Its quick thawing isnt it?… honestly between that turn of phrase as well as the “you dont need affirmative consent” joke it seems like that guys anger just drips off everything he says. That is an unhappy human being right there.