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Men! Fight the "seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources" with this tasty chicken recipe

Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!
Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!

The We Hunted the Mammoth Pledge Drive continues! If you haven’t already, please consider sending some bucks my way. (The PayPal page will say you are donating to Man Boobz.) Thanks!

Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.

Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.

But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.

First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.

The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.

Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.

Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”

So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:

remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.

While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.

You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.

I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).

Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!

After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.

Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?

A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.

Living well is sweet revenge.

Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.

In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”

  1. Buy a bag of pistachios.
  2. Eat the pistachios.

Serves one.

Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.

And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.

Deliciously cheesy!
Deliciously cheesy!

 

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suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
5 years ago

I’ve heard of people who like cooking and like to make their own ingredients from scratch, and good for them, but if you acknowledge your audience is only cooking because they can’t find a vagina with a woman attached to do it for them, they’d probably be better off just buying their own chili powder.

Leisha Young
Leisha Young
5 years ago

Look at it this way, if they continue stuffing their chicken with that much cheese and butter they are likely to be dead a lot sooner from clogged arteries.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

I love that he admits that his own recipe isn’t that good. Does it just not occur to him that he could find a way to make chicken that isn’t a little dry, or would potentially adding extra steps make it too complicated?

Right? I laughed out loud when I read that bit. “Here’s my recipe for not very good chicken. Enjoy. Also, women suck.”

Sarity
Sarity
5 years ago

Please! Not the chicken! Anything but dry chicken and twitter pestering! My feminism will never survive such a brilliant strategy! ;_;

tooimpurenangel
5 years ago

The feminists “screaming” were probably doing so because they imagined eating what he was cooking.

nellodee1010
nellodee1010
5 years ago

I just can’t help but feel a little sad for the guy who wrote that, if he was serious. I feel a lot of schadenfreude as well, since this is a sad story he is inflicting on himself intentionally out of misplaced spite, but that is without a doubt the saddest recipe I’ve ever seen. Has this guy ever even tried to read a recipe before? Are we sure he understands what they are? What kind of life must someone have to lead to result in them writing and publishing a recipe like this? It’s a fucking tragedy. A ridiculous, hilarious tragedy.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
5 years ago

Making an origami crane: MGTOW style

1. Get some paper.
2. Cover paper with misogynist slurs
3. Scan paper and tweet to a Feminist, a ‘Feminist’, or just any woman
4. Interpret target’s brief irritation as ‘screaming hysteria’
5. Begin folding paper into shape of crane
6. You need sharp creases, so use an iron
7. While iron warms up, take a moment to hate all women
8. I mean *really* hate.
9. Was that good? Yeah, it was good
10. Fold paper in half along short axis
11. You set it on fire didn’t you?
12. Yeah, well you could put it on ‘delicate’ setting, but that sounds kind of gay
13. Open Wikipedia page for Andrea Dworkin. Fume silently for five min.
14. Ok, using firm, precise folds, turn the paper into a crane.
15. Hm, well that didn’t go well. Why’s it orange now?
16. Ok, new step one: Wash cheeto dust from your fingers
17. Third time’s the charm!
18. …well, there are things in this world that look less like cranes, I guess.
19. Bask in glory of knowing that you don’t need women to make cranes for you
20. Sit in dark eating dry chicken and pondering sense of existential despair

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

As ignotussomnium said, it’s not as if they couldn’t look up other recipes that at least one person actually thought were good. You can find recipes for beginning cooks and cooks on a budget, or both. Also, like, basic food safety guidelines.

baroncognito
5 years ago

Actually, I was reading something recently that said cooking from frozen ends up in less damaged meat than if you thaw it first. (But that might have been an article about steak)

While there are certainly applications where thawing first is helpful, I know that most of the time when I’m grilling, chicken cooks beautifully if you throw it on the grill entirely frozen.

Sure, it’s best to start with fresh chicken, but if you have frozen chicken, it doesn’t really make too much of a difference whether you thaw it or not. (But if you’re making kabobs, it’s easier to get the pieces on the skewer when thawed). You just increase the cooking time by 50%.

baroncognito
5 years ago

This chicken recipe, for example, assumes frozen chicken and takes 75 minutes to cook (at 375 degrees though, not 450).

http://www.food.com/recipe/chicken-and-mushroom-rice-casserole-for-dummies-269237

Also, it submerses the chicken entirely in a liquid.

mhornbeam
mhornbeam
5 years ago

Viscaria

They can’t use cookbooks, most were written by teh evil wimminz and so just reminds them of their MGTOW mission – to leave wimminz behind by obsessing over them

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Living well is sweet revenge.

Funny, but I don’t call dry chicken (badly cooked, if this “recipe” is any indication) and harassing women on the internet “living well”.

But then again, granted, I’m also not a fuckin’ dickhead, so what would I know?

baroncognito
5 years ago

Bina, I think they’re just missing a few key words from that sentence.

“Living in a well is sweet revenge.” And if you would be so kind to hand them down the lotion while they’re in there, they would be quite grateful.

mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

The most amazing thing of all is that this man has posted this “recipe” along with his hints for flavouring and side dishes (such as they are) — On. The. Internet.

That’s the place where I, just now, just for fun, searched a couple of terms,
“cook chicken breast from frozen” — 1.2 million on that list,
“cook chicken breast” — 14 million results.

Surely the doofus who wrote this could have made the same kind of sacrifice on behalf of his readers that David makes for us. He could have gone on the internet to seek out and recommend those sites that are intended for men/ beginner/ reluctant/ frugal cooks and saved all those MGTOWs from the soul-sucking ignominy of looking at sites written by or mostly contributed by horrible women, some of them those super horrible feminist harpies.

He could have made their lives better instead of advising them to live on miserable, badly cooked food.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

And if you would be so kind to hand them down the lotion while they’re in there, they would be quite grateful.

Angela Jones-Parker
Angela Jones-Parker
5 years ago

Those cheese recipes seem legit. I mean, *I* eat cheese like that, doesn’t everyone?

Jennifer King
Jennifer King
5 years ago

I think it says a lot that, of all things to lurk in the manosphere, this has my mind the most boggled. That includes anything from Roosh and Janet Bloomfield. I mean, I understand using pure hatred to get attention. It’s deplorable, but it’s not hard to understand why they sink to the lows they do. But advising people to cook chicken until it’s dried out, while harassing women on Twitter? I mean this is the one I really must say I want to get inside the mind of the man who thought it was a good idea to post this.

th1stle
th1stle
5 years ago

@baroncognito

While there are certainly applications where thawing first is helpful, I know that most of the time when I’m grilling, chicken cooks beautifully if you throw it on the grill entirely frozen.

This is why it’s good to have a community of people who know how to cook. I will try frozen.

monopole
monopole
5 years ago

andrea harris

The funny thing is I do cook chicken breasts with a blowtorch. After cooking in water in its “packaging”.

Actually I’m doing sous vide, using a precisely controlled water bath at 145 degrees for an hour on vacuum packed (and pre-seasoned and/or marinated) chicken breasts. By slowly, precisely, and unifomly raising the temperature of the chicken until the core temperature is high enough to kill the pathogens and denature the meat, a perfectly jucy low fat chicken breast infused with the seasoning results. But the temperature is insufficently high to brown (i.e. induce the Maillard Reaction) thus the use of a culinary blowtorch to quickly brown the exterior.

Of course this is the province of fellow Gamma Rabbits:

I tend to read We Hunted the Mammoth or watch My Little Pony playing with my cats during the cooking process.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I think you guys might like this. :D

It’s a simple site where you can put what you have in your fridge, and it’ll tell you what you can make from those ingredients.

Tea.EarlGrey.Hot.
Tea.EarlGrey.Hot.
5 years ago

I laughed through this whole article. The way you write about MRA/MGTOWs is almost endearing.

They’re like a group of discombobulated chihuahuas lol

Hambeast (formerly twincats)
Hambeast (formerly twincats)
5 years ago

Wow. Such living. Much well. I am jelly.

Wait, no I’m not. I can cook a better meal in a coma. While reading WHTM.

guest
guest
5 years ago

Re potato chip recipe–if you don’t have a mandoline (which I don’t), you can use a potato peeler. Genius.

TakeThatHatOff
TakeThatHatOff
5 years ago

I work in a store that thaws food before sale and I NEVER in my life heard someone call it “Forced thawing”. Its quick thawing isnt it?… honestly between that turn of phrase as well as the “you dont need affirmative consent” joke it seems like that guys anger just drips off everything he says. That is an unhappy human being right there.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.

What’s the nightmare, his obsessive online blather, or the fact that he managed to feed himself without help from a woman?(?)

Either way–yeah, take that, feminists!

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

My nightmares usually involve poltergeists. Or zombies.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a nightmare about a dude eating chicken.

katz
5 years ago

I think he meant “a nightmare for anyone forced to eat it.”

katz
5 years ago

Also, price: $2-$4 is not really a great value for a budget-minded home-cooked meal. I mean, sure, it’s not going to break the bank, but if you were trying to save money you could get a $2 pack of spaghetti and a $3 jar of sauce and feed a whole family.

Jenny (@dontgiveah00t)

Like David Futrelle, I prefer to buy a rotisserie chicken if I’m buying a whole one, because my oven isn’t very good so I don’t roast meat a lot. And I live in Australia and we use Centigrade, so anything about Farenheit or ‘gas mark’ leaves me easily confused – and even I thought there was something odd about a) roasting chicken straight from frozen without any form of defrosting, b) the temperature did look funny, and c) no sort of flavouring on it whatsoever (barring of course the possibilities of allergies).

Jenny (@dontgiveah00t)

Having said that? I make soups and chillies and hummus and tzatziki like a boss. And from that rotisserie chicken I will create chicken chilli, chicken pasta, chicken quesadillas/tacos, and from the bones I will make a stock that causes the gods to weep in envy.

Malitia
Malitia
5 years ago

My nightmares generally feature slimy, cold blooded creatures*… I suppose this guy could qualify, but the chicken not so much (not even when cooked terribly).

* Like worms, frogs and such. Oddly, as I’m not afraid of them when awake. This goes both ways: I’m deadly afraid of heights… but dreams of flying? No problem. My brain works in mysterious ways. O.o

David Rutten
5 years ago

Never was a link to Regular Ordinary Swedish Mealtime more appropriate… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2s0aOhkjmY

Moggie
Moggie
5 years ago

Lady Mondegreen:

I don’t think I’ve ever had a nightmare about a dude eating chicken.

How about a dude-eating chicken?

Kootiepatra
5 years ago

I mean, if you really, really want to start with frozen chicken, and really, really, want to avoid putting in any effort, you can still do it. You just need implement of sorcery called a “crock pot”.

Step 1: At breakfast time, put frozen chicken breasts in a crock pot. My mom used to make 5 pounds at a time.
Step 2: Pour a jar of salsa over said frozen chicken breasts.
Step 3: Put that sucker on low heat and don’t even bother looking at it the rest of the day.
Step 4: At dinner time, mess it up with a couple of forks.
Step 5: Whack some of the resulting stringy chicken into a tortilla, or on top of some rice. Top it with taco stuff.

Voila. Moist, flavorful chicken that you don’t have to know a jot about cooking to accomplish. Plus, your house will smell awesome all day.

Although maybe using a crock pot is just not manly enough for these dudes. Maybe if they were to paint over the “R”?

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Moggie | March 23, 2015 at 5:42 am
How about a dude-eating chicken?

That reminds me of this state fair “freak show” attraction I saw once. It was a bunch of random animals and things that were all really cool to look at, but had the stylings of an old time “freak show”. Like a “Naked Cat Lady” who turned out to be a Sphynx cat. Still really cool.

And they had a 6-foot Man Eating Chicken. Which is exactly what it sounds like. A cutout of a man who was six-foot tall, eating chicken.

RaikonL
RaikonL
5 years ago

You know, do you remember how the Men going their own Way people claimed that they actually have more money because they don’t spend it on women? And now they say that their lifestyle causes them to be short on cash.

Is anything they say consistent?

dhag85
5 years ago

1. Take meat.

2. Put meat in mouth.

3. Is it cooked? If no, follow instructions. If yes, skip ahead to 6.

5. Take meat out of mouth.

5. Put meat in oven. Turn dials until oven seems warm.

6. Put meat in mouth.

7. Chew meat.

8. Swallow meat.

9. BENGHAZI

Ps. Yes there are two step 5. Shut up.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

guest | March 23, 2015 at 1:31 am
Re potato chip recipe–if you don’t have a mandoline (which I don’t), you can use a potato peeler. Genius.

Oooh! Great suggestion! I was talking to a friend of mine earlier, and he had cut his finger on a mandoline slicer slicing potatoes, actually. ; u ;

Kootiepatra
5 years ago

You know, do you remember how the Men going their own Way people claimed that they actually have more money because they don’t spend it on women? And now they say that their lifestyle causes them to be short on cash.

I’m pretty sure that “short on cash” is code for “living off of the charity of a longsuffering relative, rather than actively seeking any kind of gainful employment and/or marketable craft.” Because down with the gynocracy and all that.

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

Paradoxical Intention-Thanx for the chip recipe! It they look delcious. I must try it someday.

monopole-That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing. I think that’s the method Heston Blumenthal and the other chefs at the Fat Duck use. 🙂 The first time I have heard of him is on Heston’s Feasts. The man is a freaking genius. 😀

Vanir (@Vanir85)
5 years ago

The only feminist nightmare here, would be having to EAT this cooking. Between the rape joke and the barely controlled hatred of women spilling from this dude’s every orifice – there is ONE logic fallacy that stands out – ONE thing I DO bother to question.

Aren’t MGTOW men who go their own way because they are “disgusted” by the modern women living free and enjoying things not being a servant and *having a career*? So, do they WANT women to have to depend on men for money (you know, like a vile stay-at-home succubi), or to be free to earn their own income (like the man-and-family-hating feminazis modern women are)???

AnAndroid
AnAndroid
5 years ago

Honestly, whenever I think of elam’s attempt at “Manly cooking advice” (and now this) I always think of thse guys and this oooooooold youtube series.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

Apparently, a central part of the MGTOW ideology is to avoid paying taxes,because an organized society with welfare only benefits women, or something.

If you earn little, you don’t pay much taxes proportionally, and certainly not in absolute numbers. Of course, then you need to live on a low budget, but that’s easier if you also don’t have a family or go around buying random women passive-aggressive sour drinks or whatever normal men do to get laid.

Men opting out from supporting families and the society is supposed to be a horror to feminists, and presumably women generally. Caveman cuisine is just a tangential phenomenon.

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
5 years ago

Ooh, my go-to “I can’t be bothered to cook” recipe is for Avocado pasta –
It takes 10 minutes and feeds 2 people:

Put 2 portions of pasta on to boil.
Take the pulp of 1 ripe avocado, 2 cloves garlic, 2 tbsp lemon juice, 1 tsp coriander or lemon thyme, black pepper to season & stick them in a blender. Whiz it up into a creamy sauce.
Stir the sauce through the cooked pasta and cover liberally in parmesan cheese.

My mum is a lousy cook because she hates cooking, but even she knows a delicious chicken recipe:

Rub crushed garlic onto enough fresh chicken pieces (legs & breasts) to serve everyone & put them in a casserole dish.
Mix 1 tin cream of mushroom soup with 1 500g pot Greek yoghurt & pour over the chicken.
Sprinkle with paprika.
Cook at 200*C for about 30 minutes (plenty of time to waste on the internet), before putting on a pan of rice. Add cloves and star anise to the rice for extra flavour.
After 10 minutes for the rice to cook through, take out the chicken (cut into it to check that it’s fully cooked) and serve on rice with lots of the mushroom sauce.

Those are two recipes I know off the top of my head that require such little effort and are much better than plain, dry chicken breasts (ugh!)

And if those aren’t manly enough, here’s a dude who makes domestic competence sexy:
http://www.cookingcomically.com/

Vanir (@Vanir85)
5 years ago

Living well is sweet revenge.

If this cooking is an indication of how “well” they live, I almost pity them… and then I remember what hateful creeps they are. However; revenge for WHAT? For women existing? Not sucking men off on command? Not being their little waifu slaves? What?

I’m suspecting pathological levels of entitlement are at work, here.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

450 degrees for an hour = a little dry? Seems like a recipe for charcoal briquettes.

It’s the classic “dinner is ready when the fire alarm goes off”.

Anyway, real men cook meat by setting a forest on fire and then looking for half-burned animal carcasses.

If he really didn’t want to waste resources (er, the sweat of man’s brow), he shouldn’t be eating meat, period. Meat takes substantially more resources to produce than vegetables/grains/etc.

Or at least not eating mostly just meat. Of course manly men aren’t concerned about sustainability but even considering just money, unless you have some weird health issues you can eat cheaper and still healthy using relatively little animal products.

You get the impression that eating meat is some kind of masculine principle here. Or maybe the author is a bodybuilder, or buys into some kooky “high-protein” diet. Or all of the above.

He seems to prefer chicken breast over other not-so-expensive meats because it’s a relatively low-fat protein source, rather than because he really loves chicken breast. I’d recommend him to stop bodybuilding and cut down on protein if he wants to save money (not to mention his health or the environment), but he clearly wants an excuse to eat lots of meat.

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

Hm. I’m a vegan for animal rights reasons, but apparantly it goes really well with my feminism too, since chicken breasts are “a feminist nightmare”. Who’d have thought.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

There is just something really sad about a man sitting at home after a long day at his low-paying spite job, working his way through his tasteless spite chicken, waiting vainly for the day some woman notices he’s not starving to death and feels so inexplicably threatened by it that she will start cooking all of his meals for free.

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

I read through the whole thread and it’s hilarious. 😀 Thanks for all the laughs, folks. And now I know how to eat a chicken LIKE A MAN!