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Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.
Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.
But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.
First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.
The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.
Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.
Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”
So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:
remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.
While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.
At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.
While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.
You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.
I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).
Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!
After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.
Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?
A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.
Living well is sweet revenge.
Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.
In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”
- Buy a bag of pistachios.
- Eat the pistachios.
Serves one.
Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.
And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.
@MrFoster – That’s really cool! I’ve been lucky enough to go on a few nature walks/lectures with a local foraging expert (Mr. FM curses that man’s name, because now I end up being the weirdo collecting weeds every time he suggests a family walk). Next time he teaches a class I’ll have to ask him if any of our local pines are good for tea.
Another hostess tip: Make sure to double your usual serving of cheese per diner if you happen to have several Nice Guys on the guest list. They’ll provide the accompanying whine.
“Force-thaw,” as if the chicken might disobey and decide not to thaw.
My grandmother always warned me against dating men who couldn’t cook or use a washing machine because it meant he was raised up expecting a mother instead of a wife.
Usually I’d admire these dudes going their own way, they express a desire to live within their means and refuse to lick corporate boots, but they’re obsessed with women to the point of centering even their COOKING around getting their attention like little boys tugging on pigtails in the playground.
Also, that’s obviously way too long to be cooking a damn chicken. You can get a decent meat thermometer for less than ten bucks, same goes for seasoning. Pretty sure that feminists haven’t cornered the market on a dry rub for that sad, boring chicken.
And if you want to wilt boners even further, make pistachio surprise but substitute M&Ms.
Men going their own way: Claim to have completely removed woman from every aspect of their lives yet are unable to write a poor recipefor chicken with out including hate filled rants against woman. PS I could make a better chicken dinner using shake and Bake and stove top stuffing.
I never follow links to AVFM, or any other manosphere web site, because I value what little shreds of sanity I have left. Today I did, because I couldn’t believe someone actually posted these “recipes” seriously. If you thought the author’s inability to cook a damn meal without harassing women was bad, you might have missed this gem: he says he only ate at restaurants twice this year so far, and one of those times a woman paid. Whatever happened to Going His Own Way? 😉
Also, I never realized the MGTOW lifestyle, such as it is, involved being such a giant scrooge. Seriously, is drinking cheap wine supposed to be a cusing blow to feminism, or something?
Oops, my last post should have read “crushing blow to feminism”…
Oh gods above. That is the LAZIEST recipe I’ve ever seen! For someone who wants to “go their own way”, you’re sure making yourself miserable while you do it. Plain chicken…ew.
Here, try these instead.
And I have a good recipe for chips (Er…”crisps” if you’re one of our across-the-pond friends!) too! (That I got from a Wiccan blog! HA!)
Take some root veggies, like potatoes, turnips, rutabagas, sweet potatoes, beets, or parsnips, and slice them thin. (A mandoline cutter would be useful here! You want them all to be even in thickness so they cook evenly!) Bonus points if you grew them yourself!
Coat them with a thin layer of olive oil (or whatever oil you like). I like to have oils with garlic and rosemary or something. But be careful! If you use too much oil, they’ll get soggy. :P
Sprinkle them with your favorite seasonings! I usually like just a touch of sea salt, but things like cajun spice, chili powder, salt and/or pepper work just as good too!
Put them on a wire rack (for extra crispiness!) and bake them for thirty minutes at 400 degrees Fahrenheit (roughly 200 degrees Celsius). Check on them every few minutes once they’ve been baking for twenty, because they might get burnt quickly! Each oven is different, just like each person is different! :D
Pull out any chips that are brown, and put the rest in the oven until they all are.
Remove from the oven and let cool, then serve with your favorite dipping sauce, or just eat them plain! :O
http://www.simplyorganic.com/simplyorganic/images/oven-baked-potato-chips.jpg
Whoops! I forgot a picture! See how pretty they look? 8D
And his complete instructions for sides to go with your chicken are “some veggie dish.” Would actually posting a recipe for vegetables not be manly enough? And it doesn’t even occur to him that you might want some kind of carbohydrate to go with your meal.
Seriously, I can’t pick my favorite part of this post. He talks about “variations” on his recipe, as if “cook chicken in the oven” was enough of a recipe to have variations.
I was curious to see if my feminist friend Katie had delved into cooking, and I couldn’t find her picture anywhere (cause she doesn’t have a reflection or show up in photos), but I found another Katie making desserts, so maybe I’ll have to try some of those eventually.
http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/recipes/
You all are making me hungry XD
Can we add two sour apple martinis to the welcome pack?
Who needs to look up actual recipes? These are men boldly going their own way in the kitchen, where no man has ever gone before. There’s nothing more manly than overcooked chicken.
Seriously, this is one of those Poe articles. If it wasn’t actually on AVFM I might actually think it was making fun of anti-feminists because it’s just so absurd.
I’m no expert, but in the first “recipe,” shouldn’t you defrost the chicken before you cook it? Then afterwards, maybe baste it a bit (instead of harassing women on the internet) so that you don’t end up with a dry hunk of meat?
This MGTOW doesn’t even care enough to learn how to cook a meal properly or teach others how to do so. He’s more focused on “winning” against feminists, but judging by his sad, dry little meal, I’ll let you decide…
Thank God he’s going his own way as he’d kill women with those recipe ideas. Defrost it by placing it under a leaky faucet. Ahaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa. Is he for real??!
If anyone likes apple but finds the taste of most appletinis to be fake and gross like I do, I recently had a very good one at a restaurant. It was made with vodka, Berentzen apple brandy, and apple juice. It was very good. I might try and make it at home someday although I’d have to experiment with proportions.
I also recommend Redd’s apple ale mixed with a shot of Fireball cinnamon whiskey.
Are apple drinks misandry now? I hope so! It only makes them more appealing. All the sad misogynist boners in the world won’t make me like apple Pucker though.
So wait, their diabolical plan to crush feminism is… cooking for themselves? Really? Is this a parody?
Also, my father used to do most of the cooking for me and my mother when I was growing up (and it was a lot better than plain dry chicken, too). Did that make him a pussified mangina beta, or a feminist-nightmare manly man’s man? I’m so confused here.
Lacerta viridis
Definitely beta becuase he’s doing it for his family and not for himself
WWTH –
The apple-flavored Crown Royal is amazing. I find a lot of apple alcohols to be very green-jolly-rancher in flavor, but that one is magical. I like whiskey, and when you pour, the Apple Crown actually smells like a fresh-cut apple – you can even smell that it’s a Gala, not a mushy Red Delicious or something. So you can definitely taste apple, but it’s not ridiculously oversweetened, and it doesn’t overwhelm the whiskey.
…sometimes I have to remind myself I don’t actually work in a liquor store anymore.
This guy is deliberately taking the piss out of MRAs, isn’t he? I almost bought it until the leaky faucet.
Can anyone parse this? Near as I can figure, he’s saying something like
I can add anything people like to the picture, but someone has to flag down Argenti to get something added to the page.
Man, now I want a cheese salad.
Yay, a funny MRA rant for once!
“Men, learn to do some of your own cooking. That will be a nightmare for the feminists once they realize they are not needed and this means no more free martinis for them.”
Sure, go ahead and learn- uh, I mean, nooooooo, not that! Don’t learn to cook for yourselves and Go Your Own Way. Oh nooooooo.
And I haven’t seen so much masculine overcompensation in cooking since Epic Meal Time. Also, it really says something when they can’t even write a simple recipe (which isn’t even that good) without harassing feminists/women or making a rape joke. Have they forgotten what Going Their Own Way even means?