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Men! Fight the "seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources" with this tasty chicken recipe

Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!
Begone, demoness! For I have eaten a delicious low-cost chicken dinner!

The We Hunted the Mammoth Pledge Drive continues! If you haven’t already, please consider sending some bucks my way. (The PayPal page will say you are donating to Man Boobz.) Thanks!

Several months back, you may recall, A Voice for Men’s master chief chef Paul Elam launched what he claimed would be a weekly cooking column in order to share some of his highly masculine cooking expertise with the half-dozen Men Going Their Own Way who read his site.

Alas, after two columns blathering about the food truths the evil gynocracy is trying to suppress, he managed to post only one recipe for chili powder before abandoning the project and wandering off to yell at women on the internet. I guess we shouldn’t complain too much, for as Elam has pointed out, yelling at women on the internet is the highest form of human rights activism.

But fear not, masculine food eaters! Men hoping to learn how to Go Their Own Way in the kitchen now have a new champion: AVFM’s chief succubi monitor August Løvenskiolds, who has stepped up with a cooking column for manly men that if anything is even more manly than Elam’s efforts in the genre.

First up, a recipe for chicken. As McLøvenskiolds points out, chicken is an inexpensive source of tasty protein, perfect for MGTOWers on a limited budget.

The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.

Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.

Eating chicken is a perfect way to put those nasty feminazis on notice. Indeed, you can pick up an entire family pack of frozen chicken breasts for “the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.”

So how do you transform this frozen meat into tasty food? McLøvenskiolds starts out with this amazing recipe:

remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast.

While this recipe, along with veggies, cheap wine and dipping sauce, will provide you with a (slightly dry) eating experience that “Caesar would envy two thousand years ago,” McL goes above and beyond with a SECOND recipe for chicken breasts.

You may want to sit down, as this recipe has several steps to it beyond removing the chicken breast from the freezer and cooking it.

I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).

Yes, that’s right. You will be “force-thawing” the chicken breasts and preheating the oven AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME. Take THAT, femiharpynazis!

After this, you cut open the breast and stuff it with garlic, butter and your herb of choice. And then bake it. Also, you can stuff the chicken with other things if you like. As McL points out, you don’t need to get “affirmative consent” before stuffing the chicken.

Get it, get it? It’s like you’re raping the chicken! Because what kind of MGTOW recipe would this be without a rape joke?

A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.

Living well is sweet revenge.

Sitting at home by yourself thinking evil thoughts about feminazis while eating a chicken breast that you stuck some stuff into is pretty much the dictionary definition of a life well-lived.

In any case, all this talk of food has inspired me to post a recipe of my own. I call it “Pistachio Surprise.”

  1. Buy a bag of pistachios.
  2. Eat the pistachios.

Serves one.

Next week, I may share my recipes for leftover pizza and/or toast.

And while I’m at it, here are some delicious cheese recipes courtesy of Roz Chast.

Deliciously cheesy!
Deliciously cheesy!

 

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Button
Button
5 years ago

This cannot possibly be in earnest. How exactly is a dude cooking his own food a “nightmare for feminists”?

ghilie
5 years ago

450 degrees for an hour = a little dry? Seems like a recipe for charcoal briquettes.

L
L
5 years ago

1. If he really didn’t want to waste resources (er, the sweat of man’s brow), he shouldn’t be eating meat, period. Meat takes substantially more resources to produce than vegetables/grains/etc.

2. COOKING MEAT FROM FROZEN? WTF.

3. Men cooking for themselves is literally a stereotypical feminist dream. Wtf is this guy on?

4. Why is he acting like cooking is only something women can do? Does he not realize that almost all of the world’s great chefs are men? I mean, because misogyny, but it’s not like men cooking is something super revolutionary. Yesterday I was at a restaurant and there was a 12 year old standing in line in front of me. He was a former contestant on MasterChef Jr. and he showed me some of the meals he cooked and had posted on Instagram. Again, he was TWELVE.

This is literally the dumbest thing I have ever read, I think my IQ dropped a few points, which is why this is so incoherent sorry.

Shalimar
Shalimar
5 years ago

I don’t think that was a rape joke. I think he was telling them it is perfectly normal to stick your penis in the chicken to help thaw it out.

In related news, normal for an AVFMer has to involve psychedelics.

cretaceouskitteh78
cretaceouskitteh78
5 years ago

If by “nightmare” he means “prolonged state of complete indifference”, then YES! I totally just had a nightmare over this!

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

How do mgtows go to the store with all those women around? And why the Internet? There’s women there too. Lol those mgtow really do want us, they can’t get us out of their minds.

“We’re going to go away and taking our abusive behavior with us!”

::Two hours later::

::Cries:: “Please pay attention to meeeee.”

andrea harris
5 years ago

Hold on hold on hold on, what is this I am reading… Randy “Buzzsaw” McHollister here, to tell you what’s what when it comes to proper REAL MAN style eating.

First, real men don’t need directions, even for cooking! What’s he trying to do with all the nancy-fancy instructions like “take the chicken out of the packet” and “turn the oven on”?!? Is he trying to pussify men? Any real man knows by his manly, testosterone-fueled instinct how to eat a chicken! And how is you eat that motherfucker raw! In fact, you don’t even have to take it out of the package–REAL men eat the packaging too! In fact–

What. Oh. Oh OKAY nancy man, I’ll tell them.

Apparently it’s not a good idea to eat chicken raw. Thanks probably to FEMINISTS (spit!) raw chicken can carry dangerous levels of some stupid bacteria that might give you the runs if you’ve been around FEMINISTS too long and they’ve drained you of too much of your MANHOOD. So if you WANT TO, go ahead and be a girl and cook the chicken! But at least do it in a MANLY way. Stay out of that feminized kitchen: get yourself a blowtorch and char that motherfucking bird, package and all!

Yeah, don’t thank me for saving your balls, dudes.

REAL Man Randy “Buzzsaw” McHollister out!

anemonerosie
5 years ago

Why and how does them not needing to spend money on dating/buying drinks/however these guys acquire ladies/whatever equate to having less money? They save money on condoms and on plumbers visits when they flush said condoms!

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Here’s my recipe for the perfect dinner for feminists who want to make manosphere boners sad by consuming calories (something only evil fat feminists do).

Preheat oven to 425°f. Put frozen pizza in oven. Here’s the tricky part; open the box, take pizza out and remove the plastic wrap first.

Let the pizza cook for ten to fifteen minutes. By the time the pizza is done, you will be ten to fifteen minutes older, therefore slightly more boner wilting.

Cut the pizza into six or eight slices with the implement of your choice. Some feminists use a pizza cutter. Some use their castrating knife. You make the call.

Place the slices on a plate. Bring to couch. Turn on your Sex and the City DVDs.

Enjoy!

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

Is he properly going his own way if that was a female chicken?

You can really see that fabled “high productivity” of men shine through his “leave it to cook itself while you harass feminists” technique.

Not surprising that a MGHOW can’t even fry some chicken without annoying internet feminists, their need to do so is just too overwhelming.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
5 years ago

MGTOW is an elaborate justification and excuse for living the way these guys were living anyway: lazy, angry, and alone.

Make sure to put the least effort possible into your own life or the feminists win!

Cnogel
Cnogel
5 years ago

Well he’s got a point I guess. Overly dry chicken does sound kind of nightmarish to me.

Mouse Farts
Mouse Farts
5 years ago

he MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women…

Uh huh. ‘Kay.

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

http://imgur.com/P11syVW

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@ghilie

450 degrees for an hour = a little dry? Seems like a recipe for charcoal briquettes.

Seriously, even when you take into account that you’re cooking the thing from frozen. Maybe the end game is to take that desiccated mini brick and use it to bring down a bull elephant (the manliest protein in a post-mammoth world) with a killing blow.

From the OP:

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

“I’m cooking my own dinner! Ha! Tremble in terror, wimmenz, for you’ve been replaced by the WalMart meat department and a toaster oven!”

“Uh, okay…”

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

So going his own way that even his dry-chicken-a-la-nihilo recipe involves crying for attention from women.

Plus, loved the “Pistachio Surprise” recipe.

M.
M.
5 years ago

I once heard a bizarre figure of speech, “Keep fucking that chicken,” meaning “Keep doing what you’re doing, even though it’s completely ridiculous and/or mind-numbingly stupid and we’re all laughing at you for doing it.”

This would be inappropriate for me to bring up any other post, but I think it works on this one. =P

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Here’s a Bon bon recipe
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/bon-bons/

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@M. “I once heard a bizarre figure of speech, “Keep fucking that chicken,” ”

Was it this?

katz
5 years ago

I love that he admits that his own recipe isn’t that good. Does it just not occur to him that he could find a way to make chicken that isn’t a little dry, or would potentially adding extra steps make it too complicated?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Roz Chast! <3

I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it.

Euwwwwww. Of course he’s doing this to a breast. This guy seriously sounds like Jeffrey Dahmer. That isn’t cooking, it’s proxy torture. What kind of moron puts something under a dripping leaky faucet to thaw it? Normal thawing methods would be to run it under an actual stream of water, put in in a bowl of cold water, leave it in the fridge, or nuke it on “defrost”.

What else does he have stored in his freezer?

It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting.

Because I’m sure that happened, too.

I usually calculate about four betas cuckolded per minute of cooking time. More for large dinner parties.

MrFoster
MrFoster
5 years ago

Last time these troglodytes tried to make a cooking blog I linked to a much better cooking blog, this time I’ll share with everyone a unique and simple recipe you probably won’t find anywhere else:

How to make pine-needle tea:

First, to answer the inevitable question of “why?” Pine needle tea is a damn fine source of vitamins C and D, better than a glass of orange juice if prepared properly and tastes good.

Step 1: Identify your pine source

Yew, Norfolk Island Pine, and Ponderosa pine trees are poisonous to humans, you probably won’t die but you will at the very least spend a distressing amount of time either on or kneeling in front of the toilet. Everything else is good but just in case, learn the difference.

Step 2: Obey the law:

I don’t know any place that sells loose pine needles, if they did I would shop there forever and ever, but for now my primary source is a tree from my local civic park. Cutting it from the tree is vandalism but taking pine branches that have fallen to the ground is a-ok. Meanwhile taking fallen pine branches from national or state parks is super-duper illegal and you will get fined or jailed. If the tree is on private property, ask permission first because duh.

Step 3: Preparation

Now that you have your pine needles, cut off the brown tips, they ruin the flavor and have no nutritional value. Boil water 3 cups of water for every 1 cup of needles to 66 degrees Celsius or 150 degrees Fahrenheit

Step 4: Seep

Place the needles in the boiling water, let seep for 7 minutes, then remove the needles and enjoy.

M.
M.
5 years ago

@Spindrift

Nope, just some guy mocking Romney’s cavalcade of election-year failures on a random blog, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he got it from that. LOL… I hadn’t seen that before, what the hell. o.O

M.
M.
5 years ago

Anyway, stepping away from my half-awake brain’s random thoughts:

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m the sort of person who could set a bowl of water on fire, but wouldn’t leaving raw chicken to thaw under a leaky tap be an RSVP’d invitation to salmonella’s birthday party?

Hel
Hel
5 years ago

That is one of the shittiest recipes I’ve ever seen. I like boneless/skinless chicken breast because it’s cheap and versatile, but by itself it’s pretty flavorless – you need a marinade to perk it up. Half-assedly fisting some butter and couple bits of herbs in there ain’t gonna do it. Also: no need to force thaw if you remember to take it out the previous night. Also also: I like that the “more elaborate” recipe’s side is just some frozen corn. This isn’t even half-assed. It’s like…0.00542-assed.

dhag85
5 years ago

Sorry but this is just too fucking amazing.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@MrFoster – That’s really cool! I’ve been lucky enough to go on a few nature walks/lectures with a local foraging expert (Mr. FM curses that man’s name, because now I end up being the weirdo collecting weeds every time he suggests a family walk). Next time he teaches a class I’ll have to ask him if any of our local pines are good for tea.

I usually calculate about four betas cuckolded per minute of cooking time. More for large dinner parties.

Another hostess tip: Make sure to double your usual serving of cheese per diner if you happen to have several Nice Guys on the guest list. They’ll provide the accompanying whine.

katz
5 years ago

“Force-thaw,” as if the chicken might disobey and decide not to thaw.

Annie Squidface
5 years ago

My grandmother always warned me against dating men who couldn’t cook or use a washing machine because it meant he was raised up expecting a mother instead of a wife.

Usually I’d admire these dudes going their own way, they express a desire to live within their means and refuse to lick corporate boots, but they’re obsessed with women to the point of centering even their COOKING around getting their attention like little boys tugging on pigtails in the playground.

Also, that’s obviously way too long to be cooking a damn chicken. You can get a decent meat thermometer for less than ten bucks, same goes for seasoning. Pretty sure that feminists haven’t cornered the market on a dry rub for that sad, boring chicken.

scarlettpipstrelle
5 years ago

And if you want to wilt boners even further, make pistachio surprise but substitute M&Ms.

Fabe
Fabe
5 years ago

Men going their own way: Claim to have completely removed woman from every aspect of their lives yet are unable to write a poor recipefor chicken with out including hate filled rants against woman. PS I could make a better chicken dinner using shake and Bake and stove top stuffing.

M. Tremblay
M. Tremblay
5 years ago

I never follow links to AVFM, or any other manosphere web site, because I value what little shreds of sanity I have left. Today I did, because I couldn’t believe someone actually posted these “recipes” seriously. If you thought the author’s inability to cook a damn meal without harassing women was bad, you might have missed this gem: he says he only ate at restaurants twice this year so far, and one of those times a woman paid. Whatever happened to Going His Own Way? 😉

Also, I never realized the MGTOW lifestyle, such as it is, involved being such a giant scrooge. Seriously, is drinking cheap wine supposed to be a cusing blow to feminism, or something?

M. Tremblay
M. Tremblay
5 years ago

Oops, my last post should have read “crushing blow to feminism”…

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Oh gods above. That is the LAZIEST recipe I’ve ever seen! For someone who wants to “go their own way”, you’re sure making yourself miserable while you do it. Plain chicken…ew.

Here, try these instead.

And I have a good recipe for chips (Er…”crisps” if you’re one of our across-the-pond friends!) too! (That I got from a Wiccan blog! HA!)

Take some root veggies, like potatoes, turnips, rutabagas, sweet potatoes, beets, or parsnips, and slice them thin. (A mandoline cutter would be useful here! You want them all to be even in thickness so they cook evenly!) Bonus points if you grew them yourself!

Coat them with a thin layer of olive oil (or whatever oil you like). I like to have oils with garlic and rosemary or something. But be careful! If you use too much oil, they’ll get soggy. :P

Sprinkle them with your favorite seasonings! I usually like just a touch of sea salt, but things like cajun spice, chili powder, salt and/or pepper work just as good too!

Put them on a wire rack (for extra crispiness!) and bake them for thirty minutes at 400 degrees Fahrenheit (roughly 200 degrees Celsius). Check on them every few minutes once they’ve been baking for twenty, because they might get burnt quickly! Each oven is different, just like each person is different! :D

Pull out any chips that are brown, and put the rest in the oven until they all are.

Remove from the oven and let cool, then serve with your favorite dipping sauce, or just eat them plain! :O

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

http://www.simplyorganic.com/simplyorganic/images/oven-baked-potato-chips.jpg

Whoops! I forgot a picture! See how pretty they look? 8D

katz
5 years ago

And his complete instructions for sides to go with your chicken are “some veggie dish.” Would actually posting a recipe for vegetables not be manly enough? And it doesn’t even occur to him that you might want some kind of carbohydrate to go with your meal.

Seriously, I can’t pick my favorite part of this post. He talks about “variations” on his recipe, as if “cook chicken in the oven” was enough of a recipe to have variations.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

I was curious to see if my feminist friend Katie had delved into cooking, and I couldn’t find her picture anywhere (cause she doesn’t have a reflection or show up in photos), but I found another Katie making desserts, so maybe I’ll have to try some of those eventually.

http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/recipes/

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

You all are making me hungry XD

scalyllama
5 years ago

Can we add two sour apple martinis to the welcome pack?

ignotussomnium
ignotussomnium
5 years ago

Who needs to look up actual recipes? These are men boldly going their own way in the kitchen, where no man has ever gone before. There’s nothing more manly than overcooked chicken.

Seriously, this is one of those Poe articles. If it wasn’t actually on AVFM I might actually think it was making fun of anti-feminists because it’s just so absurd.

th1stle
th1stle
5 years ago

I’m no expert, but in the first “recipe,” shouldn’t you defrost the chicken before you cook it? Then afterwards, maybe baste it a bit (instead of harassing women on the internet) so that you don’t end up with a dry hunk of meat?

This MGTOW doesn’t even care enough to learn how to cook a meal properly or teach others how to do so. He’s more focused on “winning” against feminists, but judging by his sad, dry little meal, I’ll let you decide…

CattyGal
CattyGal
5 years ago

Thank God he’s going his own way as he’d kill women with those recipe ideas. Defrost it by placing it under a leaky faucet. Ahaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa. Is he for real??!

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

If anyone likes apple but finds the taste of most appletinis to be fake and gross like I do, I recently had a very good one at a restaurant. It was made with vodka, Berentzen apple brandy, and apple juice. It was very good. I might try and make it at home someday although I’d have to experiment with proportions.

I also recommend Redd’s apple ale mixed with a shot of Fireball cinnamon whiskey.

Are apple drinks misandry now? I hope so! It only makes them more appealing. All the sad misogynist boners in the world won’t make me like apple Pucker though.

lacerta viridis
lacerta viridis
5 years ago

So wait, their diabolical plan to crush feminism is… cooking for themselves? Really? Is this a parody?

Also, my father used to do most of the cooking for me and my mother when I was growing up (and it was a lot better than plain dry chicken, too). Did that make him a pussified mangina beta, or a feminist-nightmare manly man’s man? I’m so confused here.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Lacerta viridis
Definitely beta becuase he’s doing it for his family and not for himself

Mouse Farts
Mouse Farts
5 years ago

WWTH –

The apple-flavored Crown Royal is amazing. I find a lot of apple alcohols to be very green-jolly-rancher in flavor, but that one is magical. I like whiskey, and when you pour, the Apple Crown actually smells like a fresh-cut apple – you can even smell that it’s a Gala, not a mushy Red Delicious or something. So you can definitely taste apple, but it’s not ridiculously oversweetened, and it doesn’t overwhelm the whiskey.

…sometimes I have to remind myself I don’t actually work in a liquor store anymore.

Shaenon
5 years ago

This guy is deliberately taking the piss out of MRAs, isn’t he? I almost bought it until the leaky faucet.

jy3
jy3
5 years ago

Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources.

Can anyone parse this? Near as I can figure, he’s saying something like

Being harvested for resources is most men’s primary goal in life, so they accumulate more, so they have more disposable income. MGTOWs don’t go for that, so they don’t have as much income, so they don’t have as much disposable income.

katz
5 years ago

Can we add two sour apple martinis to the welcome pack?

I can add anything people like to the picture, but someone has to flag down Argenti to get something added to the page.

me and not you
me and not you
5 years ago

Man, now I want a cheese salad.

BritterSweet
5 years ago

Yay, a funny MRA rant for once!

“Men, learn to do some of your own cooking. That will be a nightmare for the feminists once they realize they are not needed and this means no more free martinis for them.”

Sure, go ahead and learn- uh, I mean, nooooooo, not that! Don’t learn to cook for yourselves and Go Your Own Way. Oh nooooooo.

And I haven’t seen so much masculine overcompensation in cooking since Epic Meal Time. Also, it really says something when they can’t even write a simple recipe (which isn’t even that good) without harassing feminists/women or making a rape joke. Have they forgotten what Going Their Own Way even means?

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