I always enjoy it when weirdo ideological alarmists try to write about pop culture. There’s something that’s just so, well, adorable about someone spewing forth angry, pompus tirades, full of bluster and overwrought prose, on the alleged culture-destroying properties of, say, Miley Cyrus.
The recent Return of Kings post “5 Things Wrong With Modern Music” is a lovely example of this genre of criticism, even though one of its points, that modern pop music is too clinically perfect for its own good, and could use a few more rough edges, is actually pretty much on the mark. But even when what author G.W. Rees says is more or less correct, the way he says it is risible. Also, he’s wildly incorrect most of the time.
So without further ado, here are My 5 Favorite Overblown Pronouncements from the Return of Kings post “5 Things Wrong With Modern Music.”
1) “Have you ever seen a room full of women in their twenties singing along to filth this shameless, while grandmothers stare catatonically on in horror, parents guffaw and smirk in direction of the floor, and the more “enlightened” boomers laugh delightfully as if the behaviour their daughters are displaying is of no significance at all?”
I’m going to go with “no” here.
2) “Whores, whores, and more whores. It seems like every other contemporary popstar parades herself with more zeal than a common street hussy.”
“Hussy.” Haven’t heard that one in a while, but then again I don’t usually spend a lot of time hanging out with 90-year-old misogynists.
3) “A dystopia where all things sexual have been reduced to an amoral form of childish amusement, and the segment of the population who have historically been the nurturers and caregivers of a society have decided to shirk the honourable traditions of their forebears and turn feral.”
It’s true. Most female pop stars are not socialized to humans and do not feel comfortable around them. They do not like to be touched. They are unlikely to “meow” in their attempts to communicate with humans. Many live in colonies with other feral pop stars.
4) “Blue jeans, fast food, Walmart, Hollywood, suburbs, and…”sick beats.” These are all emblematic of the colossally hideous Jabba The Hut-like behemoth—known as globalization—currently devouring tradition and genuine cultures.”
So you’re complaining about Hollywood colonizing the world … using a metaphor based on Jabba the Hut, a character from a blockbuster Hollywood movie that colonized the world?
5) “[T]he broadcasting of such content via mass media in conjunction with the female proclivity towards herd mentality spawns a toxic synergy. Such a combination ultimately results in debased sexual moral standards for young women and the normalization of slatternly behaviour, in turn sowing the seeds of cultural rot and the decline of our once mighty civilization.”
Ok, but it’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it. I give it a 72.
Oh, and speaking of Miley (which at least one of these quotes was doing), she’s not the only one destroying culture.
On the Io9 article about the female Thor comic doing well, some guy is whining at me about how mean white and male tears jokes are. It’s hilarious how upset these people get about the slightest affront to their privilege.
Also scandalous: Bifurcated girls.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/VanityFairUSCover6June1903.JPG/622px-VanityFairUSCover6June1903.JPG
Oh my god, is that Edwardian porn?
“Relax! Jokes against oppressed people are funny! It’s just a joke! You need to lighten up!”
*hears a joke about white men or male tears*
“HOLD UP THAT’S NOT COOL HOW VERY DARE YOU THAT’S NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!!!11!!!”
Yes. Yes it is. Complete with scandalous ankles.
“Gay Girls In Trousers”
Where do I sign up!?
@LBT:
Hey, hey, hey now! Don’t be dissin’ Gitarzan (or novelty music in general) or else me, the Witch Doctor, the Purple People Eater, Spike Jones and Dr. Demento will be dancing to the Monster Mash underneath your window till all hours.
@LBT
That Puppet on a String reference made me remember this video that I was obsessed with a few years ago.
Skip to 1:20.
I’m bad at estimating the age of kids, but she’s like the size of a large cat. And her stage name is Lickshot Marcia. Might be the best thing I ever saw.
Also, skip to 7:20 for Puppet on a String cover.
Haha. Now the whiny sea lion is claiming that he finds people who whine about women and POC being represented in comics and other nerdy type media reprehensible but that I’m just as bad.
Of course, I checked his posting history and the only other post I saw about racism or sexism was him whining about how a exclusionary a reading challenge to only read authors that aren’t cishet white men for a year is.
RE: katz
See, I see ‘bifurcated girls’ and think they’ve been cut in half. D: Fail, porno!
RE: Hambeast
Don’t be dissin’ Gitarzan (or novelty music in general) or else me, the Witch Doctor, the Purple People Eater, Spike Jones and Dr. Demento will be dancing to the Monster Mash underneath your window till all hours.
Hey, don’t get me wrong, I have a soft spot for those godawful songs too. I love it. But I think we can all agree that they’re still really, really bad. It was a dark day for people with taste. You and me were totally safe.
RE: dhag85
Actually, Puppet on a String inspired ANOTHER song… Alfie by Lily Allen. Why the hell was such a godawful song so inspiring for other people? Even Shaw loathed it!
100 Stunts In “Pants”. That’s good value for two bits!
Yes, some of the dudebro plaintiveness smacks heavily of ‘wait, wait, that’s MY ox you’re goring! Not cool!’
Dave, you need to check out one of the latest ROK articles,
http://www.returnofkings.com/58791/6-warning-signs-a-girl-isnt-worth-a-relationship
Roosh appears to be getting dumber by the day lol.
WTF is wrong with blue jeans? They’re comfortable, practical and durable. I suspect the only reason you hate ’em is because they’re harder to get into than a loose, billowy skirt, and anything that impedes access to a would be-masher is A Terrible Sartorial Sin.
And really, dude…you’re a first-worlder who no doubt (erroneously) considers himself superior to anyone from a “genuine culture”. Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?
“Slatterns in blue jeans” is my new band name.
Anyway, G.W. is in good company:
(Wow. Even then, MGTOWs still complained about the wimmenz.)
How is it that bad morals came to mean “Women choosing with whom they have sex.”??
I’d attribute it to latent Puritanism but most MRAs I’ve encountered are frelling atheists.
– Pope John XXII, railing against the invention of polyphonic music, 1324.
WRT The OP, I expect RoK to follow it up with an article about the three best musicians of all time, and they’re the Beatles, the Stones, and Elvis.
Jabba the *Hutt*
Ah yes, the classic complaint of the far right. The very far right.
What they call degeneration, I call progress.
What the hell does any of that whining have to do with the music itself?
May have been mentioned already but I love that Ring of Fire is held up as an exemplar of manliness when it was co-written by a woman (June Carter Cash) and first recorded by another woman (Anita Carter)
Not only was “Ring of Fire” written by June Carter, it was about the early stages of her relationship with Johnny Cash…who most certainly wasn’t an MRA or PUA. Quite the opposite in many ways, I think, once he came to grips with his drug problems. He made an effort to be a real Christian (as opposed to the “yore saved!!!” type), even performing for the guys in Folsom Prison (and naturally, his “Folsom Prison Blues” was part of the set). And a lot of his own lyrics are about poverty and other social-justice issues.
No, idiot who wrote that blargh, you are no Johnny Cash. He was a better man on his worst day than you’ll ever be on your best.
RoK logic: women who have sex are evil, now have sex with me.
Yeees. Because men have absolutely zero tendency towards herd mentality. None at all. Hurdur.