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My 5 Favorite Overblown Pronouncements from the Return of Kings post "5 Things Wrong With Modern Music."

Miley Cyrus, destroying civilization
Miley Cyrus, destroying civilization

I always enjoy it when weirdo ideological alarmists try to write about pop culture. There’s something that’s just so, well, adorable about someone spewing forth angry, pompus tirades, full of bluster and overwrought prose, on the alleged culture-destroying properties of, say, Miley Cyrus.

The recent Return of Kings post “5 Things Wrong With Modern Music” is a lovely example of this genre of criticism, even though one of its points, that modern pop music is too clinically perfect for its own good, and could use a few more rough edges, is actually pretty much on the mark. But even when what author G.W. Rees says is more or less correct, the way he says it is risible. Also, he’s wildly incorrect most of the time.

So without further ado, here are My 5 Favorite Overblown Pronouncements from the Return of Kings post “5 Things Wrong With Modern Music.”

1) “Have you ever seen a room full of women in their twenties singing along to filth this shameless, while grandmothers stare catatonically on in horror, parents guffaw and smirk in direction of the floor, and the more “enlightened” boomers laugh delightfully as if the behaviour their daughters are displaying is of no significance at all?”

I’m going to go with “no” here.

2) “Whores, whores, and more whores. It seems like every other contemporary popstar parades herself with more zeal than a common street hussy.”

“Hussy.” Haven’t heard that one in a while, but then again I don’t usually spend a lot of time hanging out with 90-year-old  misogynists.

3) “A dystopia where all things sexual have been reduced to an amoral form of childish amusement, and the segment of the population who have historically been the nurturers and caregivers of a society have decided to shirk the honourable traditions of their forebears and turn feral.”

It’s true. Most female pop stars are not socialized to humans and do not feel comfortable around them. They do not like to be touched. They are unlikely to “meow” in their attempts to communicate with humans. Many live in colonies with other feral pop stars.

4) “Blue jeans, fast food, Walmart, Hollywood, suburbs, and…”sick beats.” These are all emblematic of the colossally hideous Jabba The Hut-like behemoth—known as globalization—currently devouring tradition and genuine cultures.”

So you’re complaining about Hollywood colonizing the world … using a metaphor based on Jabba the Hut, a character from a blockbuster Hollywood movie that colonized the world?

5) “[T]he broadcasting of such content via mass media in conjunction with the female proclivity towards herd mentality spawns a toxic synergy. Such a combination ultimately results in debased sexual moral standards for young women and the normalization of slatternly behaviour, in turn sowing the seeds of cultural rot and the decline of our once mighty civilization.”

Ok, but it’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it. I give it a 72.

Oh, and speaking of Miley (which at least one of these quotes was doing), she’s not the only one destroying culture.

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Vanir (@Vanir85)
5 years ago

Why do these people have problem with women being “whores” again? I thought RoK was founded by a certain someone whose goal it is to dip his diseased taint in as many women as possible.

Besides the obvious double standard, isn’t it kinda moronic to both want women sex-happy AND virginal. Seriously, it… just doesn’t WORK.

Jem
Jem
5 years ago

The entire lot of them are utterly baffled by the modern world.

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

“Blue jeans, fast food, Walmart, Hollywood, suburbs, and…”sick beats.”????

Besides the use of the word “sick” to describe beats, are any of these things new?

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

“Hussy”? “Slatternly behaviour”? How old IS this guy? He even uses the word “gal”, with that exact spelling, in his post.

I’d also like to take this time to point out that after several collective hours of trawling Facebook and arguing with MRAs, has anyone noticed the habit they have of using really unflattering close ups of themselves as profile pictures? Usually just their heads, sometimes the shoulders, but always with bad lighting and bad angles and the fact that they just make no effort to look reasonably attractive at all in these images.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Besides the obvious double standard, isn’t it kinda moronic to both want women sex-happy AND virginal. Seriously, it… just doesn’t WORK.

REALISM IS MISANDRY!

Judas Peckerwood
Judas Peckerwood
5 years ago

Hussies and slatterns and whores! Oh my!

magnesium
5 years ago

Modern music? Blue jeans? “slatternly”? Settle down, there, Grandpa. I believe we have a photo of G.W. Rees: http://i.imgur.com/91sn32Q.jpg?fb

Tina S
Tina S
5 years ago

Rock n roll, gyrating hips (elvis) and the showing of a woman’s ankle will all destroy society.

Kane Thari
5 years ago

I was going to leave a comment, but then I heard something knock over my trashcan. It’s probably just the colony of feral popstars that live in my back yard. I’m pretty sure it was the Sev’ral Timez clan. They’re always causing trouble. And if you got that reference, you win the Internet.

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

I don’t know about anyone else, but it’s hard to get worked up by these moral panics any more. Every year there’s some reason why the world is going to hell in a hand basket, and yet, it keeps turning.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I love how he assumes that old people are looking on in abject horror.

I know plenty of old folks who are too old to give a fuck about “common decency” anymore.

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

are boomers really the parents of 20somethings now? I come from a place where people have kids young, granted, but most of the people I know with 20something adult kids right now are Xers, not boomers.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

If I wanted to hear old people grumble about the youth I’d just go sit in a local café. Anyway, there is going to be a solar eclipse tomorrow and I have no special glasses nor any real idea where to get some. 🙁 The last eclipse in the UK was in 1999 but because I was a kid and at a weekend away camp we were forced to watch it on TV instead of outside. This is my one chance until 2090 to view one properly.

I’ll have to get up early and check the local corner shop, I guess. Which means going to bed now.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@ceebarks
Most boomers have 40 somethings but I have boomer parents. I was simply born when my mum was older. Someone made a good point on a forum board once which was that in 10-15 years said boomers are going to be needing care homes and society is NOT equipped for that yet!

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

sunnysombrera

Do you have any of that old-timey film for cameras? I remember seeing the 1999 eclipse by looking through the end of a roll of film.

I don’t think the speed of the film matters – if this makes any sense. I bet no one uses film for cameras any more! I think we used normal film for viewing the eclipse. It works really well.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@scarlett
My parents might have a bit hanging around. Good idea! Another tip I’ve picked up while reading is to simply fill a bucket with water and watch the reflection. Or use binoculars to project it onto a piece of card.

Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
5 years ago

The RoK post is from 93 years ago decrying those new-fangled flapper girls, right? Please?

I guess even that would show their cultural opinions to be more up-to-date than their social or sexual attitudes.

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

@sunnysombera yeah, we probably are not ready. lol

I’m in my 30s; my mom’s currently in her mid-fifties and an edge case between boomer/X (and so much about her really reflects that!!)

I guess when I think of “parents of wild early 20somethings” I’m mostly thinking of my husband’s childhood friends and cousins, who are my idea of classic Xers from my area… mostly in their mid-forties now. But not people older than my mother! Even the youngest of my siblings turned 30 last year.

But of course there must be also 50 and 60somethings with young adult children out there, too.

I think the RoK guys seize onto grudges and don’t update them, maybe because they really often seem to lack any meaningful contact with the world outside their little echo chambers. At least update the dance party tableau to include GenX parents’ ironic detachment from the spectacle of their daughters twerking or something like that, lol

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I love how these guys want all the conveniences of modern society, but don’t want the society bit.

Tell ya what, I’ll give up my bodily autonomy and my access to birth control and all that jazz if they give up the internet, satellite television, porn, microwaves, and the polio vaccine.

M.
M.
5 years ago

A dystopia where all things sexual have been reduced to an amoral form of childish amusement …

Is he talking about PUAs? Because it sounds like he’s talking about PUAs.

Blue jeans, fast food, Walmart, Hollywood, suburbs, and…”sick beats.” These are all emblematic of the colossally hideous Jabba The Hut-like behemoth—known as globalization—currently devouring tradition and genuine cultures.

Huh. I wonder why all the neighbours’ dogs just started barking.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

5 Things Wrong with Modern Music:
– women

5 Things Wrong with Modern Cinema:
– women

5 Things Wrong with Leaving my House:
– women

Did I do it right? Can I write for RoK now?

ej
ej
5 years ago

@sunnysombrera

Here are some other ways you could view the eclipse. I think my favorite is the colander method because it makes multiple images.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11483950/Solar-eclipse-how-to-watch-the-eclipse-safely.html

I’m just hoping it won’t be cloudy tomorrow.

Magicat (xyzzy)
5 years ago

Ceebarks, I’ve been completely confused by that as well — I turn 38 soon, my parents were born in 1950, and virtually everyone my age I knew growing up also had parents born in the 50s, while all of the Gen X cousins I have that reproduced did so in the 1990s (producing today’s college & twentysomething crowd).

I’m also a bit baffled by the fact that twentysomethings back around 1990-1994 were the people originally dubbed Generation X, while the book & other articles referred to the “young teens” of the day (like me) as another generation (Generation Y/’Why’)… Yet now we’re being called Generation X (which I feel like I have nothing in common with), relatives up to 35 years old are Millennials (which is ticking the older ones like my brother/SIL off due to the traits Millennials are being bashed for, which their age group lacks). Bah!!

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

@magicat: Right, I was a little miffed and astonished to discover I’m an old Millennial, because I think of them as being at leeeeast five years younger– an alien culture of sriracha and smartphones and earnestness. ha

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

Feeemale? Herd mentality?

Is he confusing us with cows?

http://rsmg.pbsrc.com/albums/v738/LadyFire/Toy%20Box%20Items/cow.gif~c200

This is how my hair looks in the morning, but my eyes are much puffier. Clearly, not a cow. I cannot match the majestic beauty of this cow.

http://imgc.allpostersimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/28/2814/84KOD00Z/posters/mark-hamblin-highland-cow.jpg

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I’m 34, almost 35 and my parents are baby boomers. Counting up from when I got my first period, I could in theory have a 19 year old and I was born in what is commonly thought to be the final year of Gen X. So yeah,I’m thinking most early to mid twenties people have Xer parents.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

*Does best (still bad) Cher impersonation*
Hussies and slatterns and whores
We’d hear it from the MRAs in town
They’d call us hussies and slatterns and whores
But every night all they’d come around
And we would turn them down

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I tried to give some feral pop stars a good home but I had to surrender them. Katy Perry kept hissing and scratching. Lady Gaga peed all over the place and Azalea Banks shredded all my furniture. I tried!

zarathustratheserpent
5 years ago

“[T]he broadcasting of such content via mass media in conjunction with the female proclivity towards herd mentality spawns a toxic synergy. Such a combination ultimately results in debased sexual moral standards for young women and the normalization of slatternly behaviour, in turn sowing the seeds of cultural rot and the decline of our once mighty civilization.”

I never understood this talking point, of saying women have a herd mentality. It really boggles me where they got the idea. I can only guess. It may be this: They see themselves as intellectually and morally superior to women and minorities, and part of that idea is drawn from American ideals of being individualistic, hard-working, and wealthy. For the right wing, nightmarish straw men of communism and socialism is a foil, and they lump people who are “inferior” to them, like women and minorities, in it. Just my little theory.

If anything, in my personal experience at least, women are better at thinking critically and handling stressful situations. Men are the ones who are dogmatic and react disproportionately to stress. The manosphere and GamerGooper clans are mostly made of guys who act like an angry mob or, more fittingly, like anonymous drones in a hive mind. I don’t see women goose-stepping en masse to the whims of a dictator. It is wealthy and powerful men (in politics, religious, or otherwise) who set up strict dogmas for other men to conform to, and punish them severely for deviating from the “one true path”.

Women, however, are more nuanced and more capable of taking other people into account. While men force a dogma, or a false dichotomy, women present more options. While men follow rules better and fit into boxes better, women are more liquid and slither between the cracks, partly because they are neglected, considered of being of no consequence.

Forgive me if I am being a bit “misandrist” right now. I don’t believe men and women are naturally like this. It has to do with patriarchy as an order. However, I am simply sick of the whole “women are hive mind” talking point. It’s so obviously false and the people who say it are so obviously hypocritical, because they act like drones, follow a strict dogmas, and are intellectually and emotionally limited. The projection is just insane. I have never seen people more pathetic and dishonest in my life.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

I’m 39 and an Xer. The parental units are Boomers. This guy has no idea (Surprise!) what he is talking about.

Elliot Rodger Was A Terrorist
Elliot Rodger Was A Terrorist
5 years ago

And apparently:

5 things wrong with the modern DIET:

Women.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/16/paleo-isnt-a-fad-diet-its-an-ideology

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

you’d think the paleo guys would take note of the fact that women live longer than men in virtually every developed society and start cribbing some notes.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@Viscaria – Throw in some references to the rottenness of Western culture and I think that dog will hunt!

Oh, wait, I guess you’ve already got that covered: it’s due to women.

“[T]he broadcasting of such content via mass media in conjunction with the female proclivity towards herd mentality spawns a toxic synergy.

Oh, these fellas and their herds of women stampeding across the plains!

The manosphere likes to claim that women being herd animals is merely an indisputable biotroof, but I wish to propose an alternate source for the idea. My pet hypothesis is that this chestnut came from MRA’s/PUA’s who watched 80’s stand up comics too frequently and too seriously as kids. For some reason, they completely internalized every tired wisecrack about women going to the bathroom in groups (amirightfellas?). They accepted what was supposed to be a throwaway joke as an undeniable truth that proves the true nature of women. In their experience, this has been backed up in real life by a bunch of uncomfortable girls in clubs and bars insisting that “it’s been great to talk to you, creepy dude who doesn’t respect my boundaries and is trying to isolate me, but I need to get back to my friends.” Herd mentality!

My cherished wish is that other jokes from forgettable 80’s comics have also taken root in their minds. Maybe one day we’ll see articles on RoK about the end of civilization due to airline food, and how the moral decline of Europe began with the roll out of Yugo sedans.

M.
M.
5 years ago

The assumptions underpinning paleo have a superficial plausibility. While technology and culture have changed, it’s argued, our bodies have pretty well stayed the same. We evolved to be hunter-gatherers, and contemporary life, with its carbs and computers, is a mismatch with our biological make-up.

Because, you know, prehistoric humans and people in third-world countries without access to modern processed food never starved/starve to death! [/s]

Durant constructs an image of the “natural” that is entirely ideological. The real appeal of hunter-gatherer life is what he imagines to be its strict partition of gender roles, where “Men were hunters, women were gatherers” and where “women rewarded great hunters” with sex. Paleo eating is here connected with an image of society which reproduces itself largely through masculine competition.

Giggles at “HUNTED THE MAMMOTH” aside: FALSE! There’s much more proof that women helped hunt and men helped gather than there is otherwise; the “Prehistoric gender roles” bizzo came from patriarchal anthropologists projecting what they knew instead of looking at what they saw (par for the course *coughs* historical whitewashing *coughs*). Prehistoric humans were less interested in flaunting their MIGHTY ALPHANESS and more interested in, once again, not starving to death.

… Also, this shitwit’s name is literally a Pokemon.

http://i.imgur.com/LvjqBCC.png

Palaeontological choir-preaching aside, I can’t possibly take him seriously.

Tessa
5 years ago

Ceebarks:

you’d think the paleo guys would take note of the fact that women live longer than men in virtually every developed society and start cribbing some notes.

Nah… They’d turn it around and just state how superior guys are for dying earlier. (At least, that’s what my herd told me.)

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
5 years ago

How do you tell if popstars are feral or socialized? One of my pop stars is sitting on my lap right now, making it hard to type. Is this proof that she is socialized?

O/T: I found a dramatic reading of an MRA begging for free work from his supporters. It is hilarious:

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

If all women gave up sex work, wore clothes that covered head to toe and waited till their married, Doosh here will be complaining about that too.

Let’s face it, puas and other Misognists will never be truly happy because they don’t see us as people they need us if they didn’t they wouldn’t spend all their time complaining and giving all their attention to us.

Lea
“Feeemale? Herd mentality?

Is he confusing us with cows?”

Some of us are but I’m a Llama
http://media.giphy.com/media/ws1eTpLPkYKoU/giphy.gif

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

From the paleo article, bolded parts my emphasis:

Australian celebrity chef Pete Evans planned to publish a “paleo diet” cookbook for children, Bubba Yum Yum: The Paleo Way, that encouraged parents to feed infants with a baby formula concoction made from bone broth.

What the hell?!!

correcty fairy
correcty fairy
5 years ago

@Vanir,

Because it’s not about sex. It’s about winning.

epitome of incomprehensibility

I’m 26 going on 27 and my parents are in the baby boomer generation – averaging their ages, they’re 35.5 years older than me.

I followed the link out of morbid curiousity. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry that they’re pitting Johnny Cash against contemporary pop music as if you can’t like a bit of each. Never. That would be too confusing. You have to take sides. Men good, women bad; young bad, old good (except when it’s old good, young bad), etc.

epitome of incomprehensibility

(I meant “old bad, young good” there in brackets. I need sleep.)

Radioactive Elephant
Radioactive Elephant
5 years ago

From the paleo life article:

“Adams’s meat-hating, man-hating mantra – ‘Eat Rice Have Faith in Women’ – is intended to undermine the male culture of meat-eating, thus undermining male power, thus reducing rape”.

This is such a horribly worded sentence that after reading the rest of his beliefs, I’m going to interpret it in the least charitable way.

bekabot
5 years ago

…while grandmothers stare catatonically on in horror…

Nope. I was born in 1962 and lots of their grandmothers are my age and some of their grandmothers are even younger. Their grandmother grew up listening to even worse filth, I can testify to the fact. These girls grow up listening to music much of which is made by young women for other young women, whereas their grandmothers (IOW, women of my generation, more or less) grew up listening to music which was made by young (or youngish) men for other young men, because that’s what there was. That’s what was on the radio and in the record stores and in the concert halls. (Recollect that I refer to a bygone day.) Music which is made by young men for other young men (once again I can testify to the fact) is not known for its dulcet sweetness or for its restrained tone, and yet the women of my generation banged our heads to it for years and years without our male contemporaries objecting one whit (or caring very much, I must say). In fact, if our male contemporaries worried about anything they worried that our moral standards were not growing debased enough.

I look back to the guys I knew then and I glimpse at young guys now and I notice that the industry standard hasn’t changed too much — and on that basis I conclude that whatever’s bothering this lad, it isn’t what he says is bothering him. There is no “catatonic horror” which comes of overhearing a young woman listening to dirty lyrics. If there was, the boys I went to high school with would have shown some sign of it, but I never saw a vestige of any such thing. A remarkable bozo might feel catatonic horror at overhearing a young (or youngish) woman singing dirty lyrics, and he might feel dismay at the thought of her being listened to by others of her gender and her age, but (I would bet money) that’s nothing that couldn’t be cured by a dial-down the scale towards a tenor voice: that’s all that would be needed to set his world right again.

ktrantingredhead
5 years ago

Reminds me of Eric Cartman complaining that “all pop music is just chicks singin about their vajayjays.”

lkeke35
5 years ago

“Get off my lawn!”

technicolorstatic
5 years ago

And everything is going to the beat. I do not believe for five seconds someone who uses the word hussy in ironically understands Kerouac.

technicolorstatic
5 years ago

*unironically

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

I’m reminded of the song “Trouble!” from”Music Man”. From playing pool to listening to ragtime, and next thing you know they’re going to dances at the Armory:
“Libertine men and scarlet women/ In the arms of a jungle
Animal instinct / mass hysteria!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground!”

Basically, any cultural trend that leads women to not obeying men is Eeeevil.

Bear
Bear
5 years ago

Blue jeans, fast food, Walmart, Hollywood, suburbs, and…”sick beats.

Haven’t these things all been around for decades already???

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