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The Protocols of the Elders of Mangina

Not Pictured: Manginas
Not Pictured: Manginas

The dude behind the Black Pill blog — formerly known as Omega Virgin Revolt — has some harsh words for the conspiracy theorists who seem to be everywhere online.

Does he take them to task for the bizarre anti-Semitism that infects their ranks? No. For declaring everything from the Kennedy assassination to the recent record snowfall in Boston to be “False Flags?” No again. For convincing themselves that TV news anchors routinely shape-shift into their reptilian forms and back again while on the air, just to screw with us? No again, again.

What’s got him riled up is their silence on the Mangina Question.

I’ll let him explain.

As we know conspiracy theorists refuse to believe women have any agency. They blame Jews, or the Rockefellers, or demons, or aliens, or the Illuminati, or pretty much anyone but women themselves for the actions of women. They refuse to hold women accountable.

Boy, don’t you just hate it when these conspiracy goobers blame the reptilians for 9/11 instead of the real criminals? That is, ladies. LADIES DID 9/11.

But wait, what about the manginas?

I realized that there is a corollary to this. Conspiracy theory implicitly denies the existence of manginas.

WOAH.

Manginas can not exist in the conspiracy theorist paradigm because they believe that men are always in charge. Maginas serve women, not the other way around, so that goes against everything conspiracy theorists believe in.

DOUBLE WOAH.

However, this is not how reality works. Manginas do exist, and we see them all the time. One of the reasons why that women are able to get away with murder (both figuratively and literally) is because manginas assist them and block those who would old women accountable for their actions. One thing manginas are not is in charge. Manginas are subordinate to women. While women have a lot to answer for, so do manginas.

This is all pretty mindblowing, but it gets worse. Conspiracy theorists don’t just ignore manginaism. THEY ARE THEMSELVES MANGINAS.

By blaming groups of men for women’s actions, conspiracy theorists are manginas. (And they need to be held accountable for assisting women like any other mangina.) This is why conspiracy theorists don’t believe in and don’t want to talk about manginas. If they did, they would be pointing the finger at themselves in addition to admitting that conspiracy theory is a lie.

MIND COMPLETELY BLOWN.

mind_blown

H/T — @WizKhalawya on Twitter

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kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

When conspiracy theorists describe Jews, Rockefellers, the Illuminati, or whoever, they effectively only include the men in those groups. What this means is that conspiracy theorists assume that a group of men is the primary agent behind women’s actions and that women are simply automatons doing the bidding of these men. … Manginas can not exist in the conspiracy theorist paradigm because they believe that men are always in charge. Maginas serve women, not the other way around, so that goes against everything conspiracy theorists believe in.

Err, if in the conspiracy mindset a “group” of men is the primary agent behind women’s actions, why is that another “group” can’t exist, namely manginas? Nice bit of logic-fail there…

Kootiepatra
9 years ago

So, if “conspiracy theory is a lie,” then is this made-up mangina conspiracy also not “a lie”? Or is it only a lie because it doesn’t place everything that’s ever happened at the feet of women — in which case, are we just supposed to take his word for it or is there, like for many of these actual conspiracies, actual evidence?

From my (admittedly limited) dealings with conspiracy theorists, everything is pretty much a conspiracy theory unless it’s the conspiracy theory one personally ascribes to, in which case that’s just cold hard truth, yo.

Kootiepatra
9 years ago

Err, if in the conspiracy mindset a “group” of men is the primary agent behind women’s actions, why is that another “group” can’t exist, namely manginas? Nice bit of logic-fail there…

PLOT TWIST: Same group of men. The Illumanginati.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

@Kootiepatra:

Illuminati, manginas. Powerful rulers pulling the strings, desperate men seeking to serve women. It all points to one conclusion.

David Bowie

maghavan
maghavan
9 years ago

My Name is Maghavan and I’m a recovering Mangina. It’s been 193 days since my last White Knighting.

It all started innocently enough. Occasional instances of treating women like people and caring about them as such. But “occasional” soon became “regular” and before I knew it simply being decent wasn’t enough. I began seeking more intense thrills, like being a fraudulent witness to help women nail men with false rape accusations.

When I finally “hit bottom” I found myself at the bottom of a 4′ hole, digging away to help hide the body of a murdered male. Something inside me said “This isn’t right”. Now I tour the country teaching children about Meninism and the dangers of Manginaism, but every day is a struggle.

contrapangloss
9 years ago

That Labyrinth clip.

All I can say is Bowie has a really interesting definition of slave. By interesting, I mean very backwards and wonky. Of course, any definition of slavery is backwards and wonky because it’s a backwards and wonky institution that humanity should really not be proud of, but his is… exceptionally backwards and wonky. Wonky and Backwards. Wonkwards.

“Just fear me, love me, DO AS I SAY, and I will be your slave.”

Um… I’ll pass.

Emmy Rae
Emmy Rae
9 years ago

“The manginas still white knight for me, as they do for all who truly believe.”

– The Evil Feminist Polar Express

Pinion
Pinion
9 years ago

“Just fear me, love me, DO AS I SAY, and I will be your slave.”

Topping from the bottom, innit.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

Spindrift | March 18, 2015 at 9:03 am
This guy hasn’t even scratched the surface! He doesn’t even realise it’s our feminist friends Katie who keep the manginas in check by feeding them bloodwine sweetened with bonbons warmed over scented candles, secretly controlling everything from in their secret tunnels under the sphinx, where the Katies buried their spaceships centuries ago and from where they project their man-oppressing, testosterone-draining frequencies.

http://www.newyorkshitty.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/i-lost-my-shit.jpg

This whole thread’s a goddamned riot. I haven’t stopped giggling.

http://i1211.photobucket.com/albums/cc429/Benjamin4_4/0046_07.gif

And I’m going to use this forever.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

@contrapangloss:

I like wonkwards. That should be a word. Backky and wonkwards. Sounds like something out of Roald Dahl.

After reading a couple posts by Mr. Black Pill there, I think I’ve figured out his angle. He thinks his is the only group that actually thinks women have agency. He thinks liberals think women are controlled completely by patriarchy, conservatives think they are controlled by liberals, conspiracy theorists think they are controlled by the Jews, etc.

Here’s a telling line:

Women having agency is the most dangerous idea in the world right now, dangerous to women and manginas at any rate. If a person has agency, then that person is responsible for their own actions. If a person doesn’t have agency then that person is not responsible for their actions.

No room for external influence of culture or upbringing here that affect one’s choices, no sir! Either one is entirely free and independent from the world (and merely chooses to be subservient to one’s surroundings) or one is entirely controlled by the external world, with no choice in anything.

And of course he’s bought into the easily-demonstrable lie that women never face punishment for crimes they commit, so that’s the long and short of what he thinks women are actually getting away with with this ubiquitous belief that they are not autonomous beings.

These people need a red pill to save them from the red (or otherwise colored) pill they’ve already swallowed. Just… take a walk outside for a bit, will ya?

Lea
Lea
9 years ago

We call one of our dogs Old Greg because he seems to go from person to person pleading with his eyes “Do you love me?”

Old Greg is a scaly fish man with a vagina (mangina) that shines a blinding white light from beneath his tutu. He snares fuzzy man peaches to take to his underwater home for Bailey’s and loooooove.

It makes perfect sense in a show about two musicians who live with a wizard and an ape.

“Not you Naan bread!” still cracks me up. I love that show.

It can’t decide if Greg is a transphobic character or if a male cross dressing character with a vagina is a good thing, even if he is a creepy fish man.

Speaking of, Julian Barratt is in The ABC’s of Death 2. He’s in “B”. Good stuff. In the last one I only liked “D”. I think the sequel is better.

Bina
Bina
9 years ago

ZOMG, that Chick tract girl looks like her own grandma! And those shoes and boots are gonna haunt my dreams…and not in a good way.

http://www.roflcat.com/images/cats/scared_kitty.jpg

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

I still can’t get over the fact that Jack Chick thinks magic is real… Like, that mind bondage spells are real things that people have the power to cast but should choose not to…

Dude, if magic were real, everyone on earth would already be casting spells all over the place. There would have to be laws put in place regulating its usage, and it would be so common that it would be mundane.

I guess if you could only cast magic through deals with the devil, it might not be as common (though the devil would have no trouble finding potential customers), but that’s not what the tract implies. According to the tract, all you need to do is fill out a character sheet and suddenly you can cast spells.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
9 years ago

Conspiracies are always evil, too, and I’m sure that contributes to their general crankiness and suspicion. There’s never a conspiracy of benevolent angels plotting behind the scenes to make everyone richer, freer, happier, and healthier. Nope, the goal always has to be sinister. People in groups are untrustworthy.

I like some of Fred Clark’s comments on the Satanic Panic and Evangelicism as a LARP that play into this. Basically, start with a person who believes they are a good person, better than most others, and should be living the good life. Reality doesn’t agree with them, therefore the ‘reality’ is actually being manipulated by people following their own agenda to take what rightfully belongs to this person. This is particularly true with the ‘elect’ Christian types like the already-mentioned Jack Chick, where the idea that they are ‘God’s chosen’ really doesn’t mesh well with the rest of society not only moving away from them, but the people in that ‘godless’ society often seeming happier than they are.

A lot of the ‘evil conspiracy’ thinking is a combination of pattern-matching gone into overdrive, personal entitlement insisting that the only reason they aren’t considered great must involve others repressing them, and the feeling of importance of having ‘figured it out’. Combine that with the fact that believing in conspiracy theories like this is a safe way to feel important (really, if the conspiracy were actually murdering anybody who knew about it, why are you still walking around free?) and, yeah, it’s pretty much a LARP where the people doing it actually believe the role-playing they’re doing.

Robert
Robert
9 years ago

Jenora – so the people claiming that players of a role-playing game wind up living the game in real life. . . Are people doing the exact same thing, but insisting that THEIR game is the real world? That’s an even more disturbing way of looking at it than I already had.

Also, the amazing boots! They make me think of the chopines during the Renaissance. Allegedly, some had soles so thick the wearer had a servant walk next to her so she could support herself with one hand on a shoulder.

I had never heard of Old Greg, the scaly fish man. My universe got a little bigger today.

Film Runner
Film Runner
9 years ago

@maghavan

You know, for all the people it must take to manage a world-controlling conspiracy, no-one ever blows the whistle on them or just leaves. There are no former conspiracy members, or any with doubts about world domination. Everyone’s just really evil apparently.

cretaceouskitteh78
cretaceouskitteh78
9 years ago

Good grief. Someone needs a fucking hobby!

Robert
Robert
9 years ago

Film Runner – that reminds me of one of the things about the Satanic Panic that always struck me as odd. There were several Evangelical/Charismatic preachers who claimed to have been saved by The Precious Blood of JEsus, after a career in organized, multigenerational, devil-worshipping, baby-killing Satanism. Each and every one claimed to have been a High Priest in whatever coven. None of them were the guy who shows up early to set up the folding chairs, or ran the jumble sale – nope, just High Priests.

The lesson here is, the lower rank personnel never defect.

higharka
9 years ago

TBP deleted my comments and banned me from his blog, but since your pingback was linked there, I’m reposting my comment to him here. Quote follows in italics:

TBP, the problem you’re having here is that you’re trying to simultaneously maintain two contradictory viewpoints.

First Premise: There are no conspiracies where one group of people controls another group of people in order to obtain power.

Second Premise: Women control manginas in order to obtain power.

These premises are mutually exclusive. They cannot both be true. Your explanatory model fails.

That offended him so much that he had to censor me. Booo 🙁

Nop
Nop
9 years ago

NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE1!1!!1!!1!!!1!!!!

HAhahahahahahaha!

mildlymagnificent
9 years ago

Austin Dahl

Your first comment was fine.

Please proceed in a —> that way direction to the Scented Fucking Candle to collect your Welcome Package.

Film Runner
Film Runner
9 years ago

@Robert

Now I really want to go to a Satanic jumble sale.

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

TBP has posted the intriguing followup comment:

You are a troll unless you really believe that women from Cleopatra to Margaret Thatcher never existed, the white feather movement never happened, and there were no women who took part in the Holocaust.

This was in response to a comment that made the perfectly unexceptionable (and strongly evidence-backed) remark that:

Compared to men, women have really not murdered, waged war, commited genocide, or commited other such acts of evil.

Unsurprisingly, the commenters there are ignoring the bit that I’ve highlighted in bold, despite it being the crux of the argument. Yes, there undoubtedly were women employed in the facilitation of the Holocaust at some stage – but how many organised it and gave the orders at at the highest level? And any British Prime Minister would have tried to get the Falkland Islands back in the face of a hostile Argentinian invasion – it just so happened that Margaret Thatcher was in the hot seat at the time.

There’s been quite a bit of revisionism since then claiming that it was some kind of personal crusade on her part, but if you look at House of Commons debates at the time you’ll find that the opposition Labour Party was firmly behind military action, even though it was led by the otherwise pacifist Michael Foot. In fact, what would have happened if Thatcher had done nothing? “Typical woman – foreign aggressors invade her territory and she just runs and hides!”.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

Wasn’t the White Feather Movement founded by men who used women to shame men into going to war?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_feather

Thanks, Admiral Charles Fitzgerald.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

@ Paradoxical Intention

The origins of the white feather movement are quite interesting. The Pankhursts were very instrumental. They were surprisingly right wing. Emmeline thought all men in civilian dress should be interned.

There were some suffragists who were “intersectionalist” (in the modern sense) but the major players were of their class. They didn’t even believe working class men should have the vote let alone working class women. Many suffragists went on to join Mosley’s British Union of Fascists.

Are you in the UK? There’s a brilliant 3 part documentary on the suffragist movement on iPlayer.