You may have already heard the news: the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot with women in the lead roles — which caused such consternation amongst the douchebags of the world when it was recently announced — is going to be followed up with another Ghostbusters featuring dudes at the helm once again.
No, really.
Deadline spoke to Ghostbusters mastermind Ivan Reitman, who is forming a new production company with Dan Aykroyd to explore the wondrous new branding opportunities that lie in wait:
We want to expand the Ghostbusters universe in ways that will include different films, TV shows, merchandise, all things that are part of modern filmed entertainment … This is a branded entertainment … .
This is obviously going to be amazing. What, after all, is more hilarious than branded entertainment?
But why stop here? Clearly it is an injustice to the world’s men EVERY time women star in films that should rightfully belong completely to dudes, like everything else in the world.
So here are 20 more dude-ified “reboots” of films with female leads.
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The Brotherhood of the Traveling Bag of Dirty Laundry
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The Wizard of Oz, But Like that HBO Series This Time
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Whip It Out
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Frozen Entree
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The Hungry Man TV Dinner Games
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The Hungry Man Games: Lighting Farts
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Larry Croft: Fridge Raider
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Charlie’s Charlies
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Bridesdudes
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The Devil Wears Axe Body Spray
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Winter’s Boner
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Girl Interrupted, Constantly, by Dudes Explaining Shit to Her
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The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Diaries
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Alpha Male-ficent
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All About Evel Knievel
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Iron Man-gnolias
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Fred’s Green Tomatoes
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Ernie Brockovich
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Norman Rae
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Sex and Them Titties
Any other suggestions? Or does anyone want to make a movie poster for one of these?
NOTE: Yes, I am terrible at Photoshop.
At last, movies that speak to me and my experiences! The medium has ignored its male viewerbase for too long!
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Brotherhood?
“Girl, Interrupted, Constantly” made me literally lol.
Who would even admit to “branded entertainment”? He said that out loud? Un-ironically?
“Why yes, I’ve sold out completely. One hundred percent sold out. I’m going to get a Mountain Dew logo tattooed on my forehead, as well. Goodbye, and Eat Doritos.”
Wasn’t there a tv reviewer who’s sole response to the popularity of Orange is the New Black was to lament that there was no Orange is the New Black for men? And people pointed out there are like seven seasons of Oz, and he was all, “Yeah, but we need a prison show for men…” like a broken record? Listen, you just can’t go giving women a thing until you’ve given men twice as much of the thing. It’s just rules.
Of COURSE they’re going to release a male Ghostbusters after the female one, regardless of how well the female one does. Of course.
Because men can’t watch movies with feeeemales in them! Men can’t relate to feeeeemales! They have cooties! And some of them have periods! And some of them have boobs that make it so men can’t look them in the eye because they’re assaulting men with their cleavage! And they have feminist friends named Katie (who men would still totally bang even though she’s such a misandrist harpy).
@Paradoxical
Totally! I mean, women and men are SO BIOLOGICALLY DIFFERENT (but in a way that makes men superior) that it’s so unfair to expect the poor menz to try and see things through a female character’s eyes. Such a thing is almost as hard to understand as sexual consent.
All the reboots in Hollywood these days have me flashing back to Windows 95.
“Reboot it!”
“We just did.”
“Reboot it AGAIN!”
“It’s not even finished booting yet!”
Him, What Men Want, Beetches (I am so sorry), Terms of Entitlement, Brad City, Inside Amir Schumer, ElcTran, Kill Jill, My Male Pony, Womb Raider, Convergent, Mean Boys, HeRa, Xeno: Warrior Prince Yes!, Thaddeus and Luis, Death Becomes Him, The Other Men, The Whizz, Sucker Grunts, Galt (Salt), ugh. Have to try later.
Blue is the manliest color.
Ella, ENTITLED!!!!!111!!!
27 Dress Shirts That Look The Same
Lolita but, you know, pretty mature for her age.
PracticalMANgic
……Okay now I’m stretching
Magneisum.
http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/06/why-it-is-a-bad-thing-that-orange-is-the-new-black-leaves-men-out/373682/
maybe this one? If not, this one is pretty, well, self-unaware as it gets.
omfg brilliant again david. #11, 12, and 13 totally had me crying
Didn’t they already make the all male version of the Ghostbusters? Wasn’t it called The Ghostbusters?
Is this real life? What’s happening?
He’s the Man
Catman
Lucius
The Time Traveler’s Dudebro
Oh my glah. “Terms of Entitlement” and “Womb Raider”: I AM DYING.
“27 Dress Shirts That Look the Same.” YES.
The Fifth EleMant
I’m not sure Milla Jovovich counts as a “Lead” in the 5th Element, but … a woman as the “perfect being” ?….. I mean come on ….. like, get serious bro, amirite?
Mr Doubtfire
To Wan Fun, Thanks for everything, Johnny Newmar
Cary
Drew Nancy and the case of the Misandrist Murders
Luman (Mulan)
Kill el Kill
“Brozen”? … would it be too easy for the song to be “Let it Bro”?
…
And this exercise has already underlined how hard it is to think of truly woman-centered movies, doesn’t it? I was all, “The Virgin Sui … main char’s a dude, isn’t he. Young Adult? … I can’t remember if that even passed the Bechdel test (Does it count if one of the women is the unheard part of a phone call?). Bridesmaids? David already did it … Screw it, I’ll just retread the Frozen joke and call it a day.”
Superwomanman
Although I’m pretty sure that “Priscilla, King of the Desert” might warrant a watch.
Mark Poppins
QFT. They, in fact, already made 2 all male Ghostbusters. I am sad that they are basically saying, “Feeeemale movies are dumb, just like icky girls. Let’s do this reboot properly, with manly men!” But what seems worse is that (so far) most people are not even questioning how ridiculous this is. I just, can’t even.
Btw, long time lurker, first time poster. Shut up Woody!
“Star Wars: the Phantom Cunt-ess”
Crap I just realised my suggestion doesn’t work!
Kill Jill
“The Groom wakens from a four-year coma. The sperm he carried in his testes is gone. Now he must wreak vengeance on the team of assassins who betrayed him – a team he was once part of.”