So the fellas on the Men’s Rights subreddit have re-re-re-re-rediscovered the existence of fake pregnancy tests that always have positive results.
Happily, some dude calling himself Stripes1974 has what appears to be a foolproof plan to defeat any evil female who comes to him with one of these fake tests:
Many of the women who would do this, are being manipulative and intending to use such a falacy, such a falsehood, in order to try and maintain a sense of power in the relationships they are a part of.
I’d offer this potential “counter” to such a type of women– though I would say that this may not work with every woman of this type- judge carefully if it is something you should do:
Hey, I said it was ALMOST foolproof.
“Oh. Oh.
Oh! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! You’re pregnant? You’re really pregnant?”
Dance, make lots of excited and pleased noises. Run around. “Oh my gosh! You’re really pregnant? I mean, really? Wait! I have to call my parents, and tell them the good news!”Yes, make sure to tell as many people as you can think of that she is pregnant. When she later tries to explain how she was dishonest, her manipulations will be exposed, and she won’t come away seeming all that wonderful a person to have lied this way.
You can probably already see how diabolically clever this plan is.
“I can’t believe it! All this time, I didn’t realize it was this easy! Oh! Now we have to start saving our money so we can buy our baby the best! We’ll have to cancel that get-a-way we were planning! We have to save for the baby!”
Having easy access to money/funds taken from her, and then obsessively watched over, in support of her lie, will make her unhappy and uncomfortable.
Wait, you’re supposed to be paying your girlfriend for being your girlfriend? Uh oh. I think I’ve been doing it wrong.
“Oh! And from now on, you have to stay at home! No, you can’t go out to the club for girls’ night- you’re supporting two people now, and you have to sit and save your fragile self so the baby can be healthy!”
Stripping her of her freedom to govern her own movements within and without of the home, will grate on her nerves.
Yeah, it probably would, huh? Too bad that’s the rule. Once you are pregnant, you are not allowed to stand up, much less leave the house, until at least one actual baby comes out of your body. (And it has to be a baby. Extra large poops don’t count.)
What generally will happen, in this sudden and overwhelming blitzkrieg of support towards a pregnancy that doesn’t exist, is that at some point, sooner rather than later, the woman in question will crack, and she will vehemently deny that she is pregnant, and likely will admit that she lied/purchased a positive test, when she is in fact not pregnant. This will provide an opening for an “emotional” display by the male half of this relationship:
“What do you mean, you lied! What do you mean, I don’t really have a son on the way!?” -complete with tears and heart-wrenching warbles in the voice
and will allow him to bring this very fucked-up relationship to its bitter and thankful end.
Huh. Well, far be it from me to question such a brilliant plan from someone who obviously understands women so well, but I’m just wondering: what happens if she’s actually pregnant? I know it might seem a bit unlikely, but I have heard rumors that sometimes women use real pregnancy tests to see if they are really pregnant, and some of the time they really are.
Ah, who am I kidding? Like that ever happens.
Or both.
DAY 1: “Oh. Oh.
Oh! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! You’re pregnant? You’re really pregnant? Oh my gosh! You’re really pregnant? I mean, really? Wait! I have to call my parents, and tell them the good news!”
WEEK 4: “You’re still pregnant? Hooray! Make sure you stay at home!”
WEEK 8: “Still pregnant. Hooray?” (thinks: I’ll keep this up as long as she will).
WEEK 16: “You’re getting fat babe.”
WEEK 24: “Seriously, paunch is not a good look for women.” (considers dumping her but needs her for the money/sex) “Also could you not be sick in the bathroom every morning, it’s gross.”
WEEK 36: “What do you mean contractions? Bitch I know you were lying about that test MONTHS ago. No I’m not driving you to the hospital! Female privilege, sheesh. Fine, I’ll get in the car with you and your mother, but when you finally give this all up you owe me a BJ for putting me through this.”
12 HOURS LATER: “…the baby is real?”
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/07/running.gif
TEN YEARS LATER: “Hi, long time no see! I’m not here for you I’m here to be reunited with my kid! …What do you mean they don’t want me in their life? I’m their dad aren’t I? Give me what I’m entitled to!”
….I was under the impression babies WERE extra large poops.
QFT
Where I’m from, men proposing women is not such a big thing (I’d say it’s considered quite cliche and most couples who decide to get married do so like they decide to get pregnant or buy a home). So when I moved here I was quite shocked to learn how almost-compulsory the whole protocol is.
It is especially annoying when people assume that because you’re a woman you *must* want to get proposed and a wedding and white dress and they say so in a condescending voice like “ooohhh we know it’s your dream”. Get out of here creeps.
Lol! I think I just might be!
Seems like the people least likely to be in the kind of situation in which something like this could conceivably occur (because they are wholly undateable and/or unfuckable through every fault of their own) are the only ones that believe it’s a real threat. They sit around imagining worst-case scenarios instead of engaging with women because that is entirely too frightening. I can imagine someone who writes something like this cocooned in his house, reading anti-feminists blogs, and MRM reddits, feeling deep insecurity about himself and completely undermining his own chances of ever having a meaningful relationship with a woman (because IF this kind of behavior was common among women it would be totally justifiable to avoid them or have contempt for them) but never having the balls to admit it’s his own damned fault.
I mean, what better way to avoid facing your own faults, shortcomings, and insecurities than by creating this boogeyman…er, woman that you can use to justify not allowing yourself to be vulnerable through dating or engaging with a woman as an equal?
The way that one would learn that these MRA myths about women are myths would be by having more experience with women. I sincerely doubt that most of these guys have had much and that their insecurities just run them. Changing and self-improvement are hard. Much easier to demonize and blame the wimmenz! It’s funny but not funny. It’s funny-sad. 🙁
This only makes sense if you already think you’re gf is a lying, manipulative sociopath. If you already think that, why would you bother going through a sociopathic, lying manipulation of your own rather than just dump her and spare yourself the emotional aggravation?
Heck, guys like this can find new girlfriends any old time because being regarded as a conniving, manipulative bitch turns women on … oh, wait … maybe they don’t have girlfriends at all and are just snarking about how they’d treat a girlfriend if they ever got one.
@sunnysombrera: I always thought that if MRAs ever got their “right” to a “financial abortion”, the third* thing that would happen would be men who terminated their parental rights so as not to pay child support would end up wailing in front of judges five years afterwards about “but your honour she said I could still see him, I only signed away my rights cos I didn’t have a job and she didn’t want me to lose my licence for non payment” and other various fairy tales.
*The first thing would be men with kids less than a year old loudly protesting that the law should retroactively apply tothem. The second thing would be divorced dads of older kids arguing that they shouldn’t have to pay support because they never wanted kids, they just went along with their ex for Reasons.
Dude knows those pregnancy tests are meant to be pranks, right? Not for actual fraud? As much as these guys love to gripe about evil manipulatrixes faking pregnancy/paternity/rape, they’d probably fuck a woman even if they knew her to be all of those things, if she was hot: http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-i-learned-from-worst-online-dating-profile-ever/
Also for whatever reason, the first actual “faked pregnancy” incident that came to mind was committed by a man. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shi_Pei_Pu
That is an amazing story.
As the Wiki article mentions, the Bernard Boursicot-Shi Pei Pu case was the inspiration for the play “M. Butterfly” (which has been adapted into a movie). It’s gotten a lot of praise for its deconstruction of race/gender/Orientalism/colonialism, but I haven’t had the chance to read/see it yet.
I confess one of the reasons I’m so fond of that story (besides the whole “How did this guy get tricked like that throughout a TWENTY YEAR sexual relationship???” question) is that by MRA logic, in which the fact that women also commit rape/sexual abuse/domestic violence means it is MISANDRIST to discuss the fact that those crimes are largely committed by men, the fact that a man once lied about being pregnant means no man can ever complain about women faking being pregnant again.
So, it turns out misogyny is just as paranoid as feminism. I guess extreme philosophies tend to make people crazy.
What a stunningly original bit of false equivalency. Well done, Matthew!
Notice how the fake tears and grieving are over a son, not a daughter. Color me surprised.
It doesn’t seem to have occurred to the OP that a woman who is Machiavellian enough to fake a pregancy test has tricks of her own up her sleeve and won’t bat an eyelash at his bluff-calling. He’s so convinced she’ll crumple right away in the face of his clever plan to broadcast the pregnancy to the world before the pee is even dry.
Who does that, anyway, outside of the Duggars? Most people wait till the first trimester is over, since so many pregnancies end early. If a friend/family member called me hours after a pee stick turned purple, I’d be like, “congratulations, but why are you telling me now? Aren’t you jumping the gun a little bit?”
And then imagine the awkward phone call to his parents, where he has to fake joy and rope them into the deception: “Yeah, Mom…uh, I met her in a bar a month ago…we’re very ecstatic about becoming parents…” If you’re convinced the pregnancy is all a charade, why would you want to dupe all your loved ones and set them up for disappointment later on, just so you can score points off some chick? Isn’t faking being a happy father and supportive partner just as horrible and wrong as faking pregnancy?
Also, the indicator strip on that prank test is bright enough to signal quadruplets. Yikes. I never saw a line that dark, even with HCG levels high enough to melt down to China. But I can see it easily fooling a redpiller, because they’re so dismissive and willfully ignorant about ladystuff.
Oh goody, it’s Matthew “Pelvic Exams are Rape” and “Don’t Wear Suits To Interviews Because That’s Kowtowing To The Man” Chiglinsky, here to tell us how very reasonable and centered he is. With ableist language to boot.
Matthew, you were banned. Twice. There’s a hint in there somewhere, I just know it.
Yep. Because either his viewpoints are totes the most centered and reasoned viewpoints ever or my name’s not Max!
(spoiler alert: my name’s not Max.)
@sunnysombrera “WEEK 24: “Seriously, paunch is not a good look for women.” (considers dumping her but needs her for the money/sex) “Also could you not be sick in the bathroom every morning, it’s gross.””
If he’s going to tell her all she can do is sit and wait cause she’s so fragile, it seems like piv-sex would be too risky too. Though I’m sure he’d be capable of holding a double standard on that, at least untill she starts to get larger and he hits the road.
“GUYS. Guys, I found one of my girlfriend’s pregnancy tests in the trash. It’s turned purple; what does that mean? Tell me quick, before she lies to me about it.”
“Do you have the box? What does it say?”
“No, I don’t have the box, just the test.”
“Well, let’s see it… Uh, dude, that’s literally a popsicle stick. Looks like there was a purple popsicle on it.”
“…So is she pregnant or what?”
Everything they know they learnt from “Sleeping with the Enemy”, only they mistook the abusive husband for the tragic hero of the piece. Whole different film.
I have to play Brown Eyed Girl right now.
Spindrift:
Because then you wouldn’t get to do a blow-by-blow playthrough of your delicious fantasy of controlling and manipulating your fake girlfriend until she admits she was fake-lying about her fake pregnancy, at which point you get to self-righteously fake-dump her and emerge as the fake-hero of the entire charade!
This guy is definitely a happy and secure person who has super-healthy relationships with women. It just shines through in every sentence.
Victoria:
Or… Perhaps… all these miscarriages were really women getting out of their lies about being pregant, thus setting up a vast infrastructure where his plans fail not due to him being stupid, but because he is a poor victim of how deep the feminist false sperm jacking agenda goes.
Such bizarre fantasies. It’s like in Scrubs with getting JD to play the apple thief. They constantly claim they’re the one that gets to be part of all the sex but then they set themselves in the role of the apple thief.
Wait, no, he’s not the apple thief, JD’s the other guy. They put themselves in the role of JD, I got that the wrong way around.