So the fellas on the Men’s Rights subreddit have re-re-re-re-rediscovered the existence of fake pregnancy tests that always have positive results.
Happily, some dude calling himself Stripes1974 has what appears to be a foolproof plan to defeat any evil female who comes to him with one of these fake tests:
Many of the women who would do this, are being manipulative and intending to use such a falacy, such a falsehood, in order to try and maintain a sense of power in the relationships they are a part of.
I’d offer this potential “counter” to such a type of women– though I would say that this may not work with every woman of this type- judge carefully if it is something you should do:
Hey, I said it was ALMOST foolproof.
“Oh. Oh.
Oh! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! You’re pregnant? You’re really pregnant?”
Dance, make lots of excited and pleased noises. Run around. “Oh my gosh! You’re really pregnant? I mean, really? Wait! I have to call my parents, and tell them the good news!”Yes, make sure to tell as many people as you can think of that she is pregnant. When she later tries to explain how she was dishonest, her manipulations will be exposed, and she won’t come away seeming all that wonderful a person to have lied this way.
You can probably already see how diabolically clever this plan is.
“I can’t believe it! All this time, I didn’t realize it was this easy! Oh! Now we have to start saving our money so we can buy our baby the best! We’ll have to cancel that get-a-way we were planning! We have to save for the baby!”
Having easy access to money/funds taken from her, and then obsessively watched over, in support of her lie, will make her unhappy and uncomfortable.
Wait, you’re supposed to be paying your girlfriend for being your girlfriend? Uh oh. I think I’ve been doing it wrong.
“Oh! And from now on, you have to stay at home! No, you can’t go out to the club for girls’ night- you’re supporting two people now, and you have to sit and save your fragile self so the baby can be healthy!”
Stripping her of her freedom to govern her own movements within and without of the home, will grate on her nerves.
Yeah, it probably would, huh? Too bad that’s the rule. Once you are pregnant, you are not allowed to stand up, much less leave the house, until at least one actual baby comes out of your body. (And it has to be a baby. Extra large poops don’t count.)
What generally will happen, in this sudden and overwhelming blitzkrieg of support towards a pregnancy that doesn’t exist, is that at some point, sooner rather than later, the woman in question will crack, and she will vehemently deny that she is pregnant, and likely will admit that she lied/purchased a positive test, when she is in fact not pregnant. This will provide an opening for an “emotional” display by the male half of this relationship:
“What do you mean, you lied! What do you mean, I don’t really have a son on the way!?” -complete with tears and heart-wrenching warbles in the voice
and will allow him to bring this very fucked-up relationship to its bitter and thankful end.
Huh. Well, far be it from me to question such a brilliant plan from someone who obviously understands women so well, but I’m just wondering: what happens if she’s actually pregnant? I know it might seem a bit unlikely, but I have heard rumors that sometimes women use real pregnancy tests to see if they are really pregnant, and some of the time they really are.
Ah, who am I kidding? Like that ever happens.
“and will allow him to bring this very fucked-up relationship to its bitter and thankful end”
These guys would never knowingly do a woman a favor like that.
Women totally fake pregnancy all the time. I’ve done it twice. The fact that babies came out of me after 9 months of faking is just pure misandry!
Don’t most pregnancy tests go bad a few hours after being used so they look positive anyway?
not really, ime. Sometimes I’d get kind of ghost-line on an old negative test if I looked hard enough, but nothing you’d mistake for actually positive unless you were really determined to see it there. IIRC, people on pregnancy/TTC message boards called them “evaporation lines.”
I actually do know a woman who faked being pregnant; she did it to get her ex-boyfriend back, and then faked a miscarriage after they got back together. No, she’s not a very nice person.
As for women being invalid during a pregnancy, one of my former coworkers worked literally up until the day before the baby was born. She wasn’t due for a few more weeks, but her ob-gyn noticed she was dilated when she went in for her checkup on the first day of her maternity leave.
Who is the target market of the fake pregnancy tests? If I announced I was pregnant I wouldn’t expect people to ask to see the test. That said giving it to someone who didn’t know it was fake but was taking a pregnancy test is insanely cruel.
That said if someone’s reaction to finding out I was pregnant was to not let me leave the house, I might say I’d lied about being pregnant to get away from them.
Most of the mothers I know worked through the entire pregnancy, except a couple that had complications and were under doctor’s orders for bed rest. My wife spent half a day having contractions at the office with our first, and this was a few days after the due date. Wanted to get caught up on paperwork before being out for a couple months.
P-R-O-J-E-C-T!
You’re a schemer just like me!
P-R-O-J-E-C-T!
Expecting lies is e-a-sy!
(with apologies to Ms Franklin)
@KSRay: I have a coworker right now about ready to pop with her second son. She says she’s not staying away from work until he’s ready to make his entrance.
I guess a lot a these guys never thought pregnant women could go out and do things, most likely because they always just mistake pregnant for “fat”
@ssaly88:
Well, I think it’s mostly because they don’t believe women actually work, and get all their information about how pregnant women act from shitty rom-coms.
Okay, that’s it! These guys have no idea how relationships or women, work.
Look, some of these guys are very young and have never been through a pregnancy with a partner or female friend, so maybe they get a bit of a pass. But there is such a thing as deliberate ignorance, too.
@Kirbywarp: That probably also has something to do with it, but I would think that they have at least seen women out in public. I don’t know if I read it correctly, but I kind of interpreted those mock comments about how she couldn’t have a girl’s night as the assumption that pregnant women never go out in public. Kind of an extreme interpretation, I know, but I’m willing to believe any extreme position coming from guys like these.
Some dudes owe me some money apparently. And what do I do about the women? Who pays who? Do we break even? What about the months when I make more money than my partner? Should he still be paying me? What about when we drop to only my income when he goes to grad school? Are there girlfriend loans so he can keep up on his payments to me? I wouldn’t want to have to send him to collections. He may elbow me in his sleep, but I hardly think that’s a reason to screw the guy’s credit.
Goddammit MRA, HOW DO I GIRLFRIEND. I haven’t even faked a single pregnancy or DV charge with anyone, I must be such a disappointment. Hell, I even completely financially supported a couple boyfriends. I am doing this girlfriend thing ALL wrong.
Oh please, like these assholes wouldn’t just take the far simpler route of simply vanishing over the horizon if a girlfriend/partner/fuckbuddy announced she was pregnant with their child. All these super clever complicated schemes to bring the b*tch back in line and humiliate her are just exercises in masturbation.
I can’t remember where the article was, but sometime awhile back, there was an article about the people buying and selling the positive pregnancy tests on Craigslist. Mostly, it seemed, women were doing it to find out if the guy would actually commit to them or not.
Honestly, I feel if you have to trick someone into giving you an honest answer, then you should break up with them, no matter how long you’ve been together. Untangle yourself from them and just go, no matter how hard it is, because do you really want to stay with someone who can’t be honest with you or that you just can’t trust them to be honest? That doesn’t make a good long-term relationship. Save your money for the post-breakup martinis.
But how about we also have less sexism? That women feel that they have to practically beg for a proposal from a long term boyfriend is horrible, especially since so many cultural influences put pressure on her to do so. If you’re not married by X, you’ll die alone. Dying alone is horrible because your cats will eat you. No one will ever want to look at you again. Maybe there’s something wrong with you that you’re not married yet? Try this new DIY cute decorated box to stuff your emotions and dignity into so that you’re more marriageable. Oops, seems like a corner of ambition is sticking out there, you’ll want to tuck that back in. Hmmm, maybe you need to add a lock for that box?
Not that I have strong opinions on that or anything. /sarcasm I just wish the “common wisdom” didn’t include things like “the Magical Vagina Creature will tame the Wild Man into proposing” and “men have to be dragged into commitment”.
These jackholes live in an echo chamber get their information about what women are like from other jackholes, rather than actually engaging in an honest dialog with a woman.
You never know what kind of bizarre traps women might carry with them under the guise of being actual pregnancy tests:
@ssaly88:
Oh sure, they see women in public. Many of them probably have female coworkers. But they’ve constructed this fantasy where if women have jobs at all and don’t mooch off their poor beta slave, they get paid to hang around the offices all day gossiping. Or taking a bunch of vacations. Or some other nonsense.
It’s tough to figure out what they actually think. They have so many narratives for how women behave, and each one claims to be universal. It’s a constantly shifting mess that somehow always manages to paint the woman in question poorly (to say the least).
@ Kirbywarp: Remember the telemarketer-guy who thought that women are always on vacation because they were “out” whenever he called?
@GrumpyOldMangina:
Yup! Though I don’t remember if he was the same guy that complained his female supervisor was never in her office except for something like a couple hours on Tuesdays… And therefore all women are paid to sit around and do nothing just for giggles.
I’m not sure these people believe in women who aren’t doing complicated things like faking pregnancy tests – regardless if they see them or not. The vast majority of women are invisible to them. Ugly women, happy women, lesbians, women content with children, women content without children…
I’m not sure they actually recognise the existence of content women (or men) in general – vindictive women and suffering men are the only people who exist.
I’ve said this before but … a woman who is content — particularly but not only without a man — is the most vicious form of misandry.
Ooo, this would be a good idea for a sit-com episode or maybe a movie! There’s a stock storyline where the main character has told their out-of-town parents that they’ve got a fiancee, and then has to come up with an actual fiancee before the parents come to visit. Or maybe they have to find a spouse in a very short period of time to collect an inheritance. Wacky hijinks always ensue, and people must really like the story because it’s been done so many times.
I just need to replace the spouse with a new-born kid. If a woman has lied about a pregnancy, she’s got maybe two months to actually get pregnant before she’s found out. (A little fast talking can convince the supporting characters that an 11-month pregnancy was perfectly normal.)
Let’s see, where’s a script I can rewrite? I guess this one’s as good as any. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Santa_Clause_2#Plot
Annie Squidface | March 5, 2015 at 1:19 pm
They’d probably consider it to be “genital mutilation”, and refuse to do it because “why can’t she just be on the pill?! Why do I have to get a complicated surgery?! Condoms are gross and don’t fit me! Misandry!”.