Men, beware! The woman who just texted you “happy birthday” isn’t a nice person wishing you a “happy birthday.” She is, rather, a demoness from hell. Or at the very least a creepy “attention whore tease” who won’t let you into her pants.
According to racist shitbag “game” blogger Heartiste, any woman who texts men on special occasions “is a cocktease in digital form” trying to make sure you remain one of her “beta orbiter … cuckubines,” which is his fancy way of saying “friend.”
As he sees it, these dastardly Special Occasion Texters (SOTs) have only bad reasons to text dudes on special days. The SOT may be doing some routine “Beta Orbiter Maintainance.”
She texts birthday messages to all the beta male orbiters she has accumulated over the years, and she does this as part of a maintenance program to keep her orbiters from spinning too far out of her orbit (or, conversely, too close to her planet). … She needs those suck-ups sucking up to her emotional needs, and sometimes that requires sending a tiny sliver of romantic hope — say, a birthday text — to her cuckubines.
If she’s feeling insecure, she might be trying to reassure herself that she has a few interested men “in the wings.”
Or she might be “a wicked mindfucker who gets off stringing men betas along.”
These all kind of seem like the same reason to me, but what the heck.
In any case, Heartiste strongly urges his followers not to “chomp on her bland beta boob bait.”
Amazing alliteration, asshole!
Happily, Heartiste notes, you can totally get her back for this terrible act of hers, and possibly even lure her into your bedroom by … waiting a day before texting her back. And then being a bit of a dick about it.
Don’t move immediately to pin her down for a real date. Instead, wait a day, then reply “did u wish me happy labor day? weirdo.” Or, “you’re so cute when you stalk me”. The female SOT needs to know that you aren’t the kind of desperate guy to ask “how shiny?” when she tells you to polish her pedestal. She needs to be reminded in so many words that SHE’S the one who texted YOU, not the other way around, and this reminder of her active solicitation will reinforce the implication in her mind that you are the higher value company to keep.
Nothing screams “high value” like obsessing on the internet about how to outwit women with catty text messages.
Heartiste adds a little postscript:
PS If you want to use a SOT to open the lines of communication with a prospect, one irresistibly jerkish maneuver is to text the girl “happy bday” two weeks after her actual birthday. When she responds (and she will) that you’re two weeks late, grace her with a laconic “woops”. This is a small but powerful tactic to close the organic chaser (man)-chased (woman) gap, and thus improve your odds-to-lay.
Heartiste, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not actually the first guy to come up with the brilliant strategy of trying to get with women by being an asshole.
Naturally, Heartiste’s readers have their own, equally brilliant ideas.
Peter Pan notes that:
You can always send a SOT on the day of as well… just lace it with a slightly insulting element. For instance, deliberately get her name wrong, or say something like “Happy Birthday, grandma.” They have difficulty allowing such small things pass, and will reply to see if you were joking or not.
Oh, very clever.
themanofmystery2 offers his own “witty rejoinders.” No, that’s really what he calls them.
1. “Missed me, eh? No surprise there.”
2. “I’ve been waiting all year for you to send me that. THANK YOU!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 XD XD XD XD XD … ”
NEXT LINE: “You’re gay.”
3. [No matter what the holiday] “Happy Grandparents Day to you!” followed by an image of Depends with the caption “I got you a gift” (Careful with this one if she’s over 30 and has a weak self image)
SuperFucker! added his two cents:
[R]eaching out and and reminding her of the anniversary of something unpleasant, like the day she accidentally ran over her dog, is another appropriate neg for a girl giving you the runaround. Do NOT remind her of something truly horrific, though. Subtlety is key.
Such subtlety.
Sometimes I wonder if any of these guys have ever even been in the same room as a woman.
I’m trying to imagine a scenario in which “cuckoo for cocoa penis puffs” could BE taken out of context. Although Cocoa Penis Puffs sounds like a fun part of a complete breakfast. Do they also make Rice Penis Krispies?
Okay, I’ll stop. That photo of Paul Elam, Warlord of Gor, somehow makes him look even more disturbingly unpleasant than the pictures I’ve seen here. The tone of revolted objectivity in the article was quite effective; the writer didn’t need to go into any detail on why the Manosphere was bad, he just let them do it themselves. Oh, and how they did.
*Sigh*
woman texts man on his birthday = “wicked mindfucker!! Neg her!”
Woman doesn’t text man on his birthday = “she doesn’t even care enough about you to text you! Heartless witch! Neg her!”
Woman sends man a birthday card = “desperate whore! Neg her!”
Clearly the only solution here is to not exist on a man’s birthday. Let’s get on that somehow!
Sounds like these guys should just go their own way and stop having birthdays.
@Robert
I can think of a few.
* “‘cuckoo for cocoa penis puffs’ is a silly phrase that I would never use”
* “Hah! I was trying to type ‘cooking for Cocoa Brovaz fans’ and my spell check somehow changed it to ‘cuckoo for cocoa penis puffs’. Isn’t that amazing?”
* “Can you imagine if I said something completely random, like for example ‘cuckoo for cocoa penis puffs’ and someone then quoted it as if it actually meant something?”
* “That line about cuckoo for cocoa penis puffs is ridiculous and we should never use it again ever.”
Etc.
Birthdays are just one more way in which women snare the wealth and sperm of unwitting men. The best defense is to go your own way from holidays or better yet, don’t even have a birthday. Call City Hall and have your birth certificate expunged from the records! Build a time machine and go back in time and prevent your parents from meeting! Anything to avoid having to react to a text, like some kind of wimpy blue pill mangina!
On the rare occasion when women do text these guys, they probably spend two or three days all tied up in obsessive knots trying to come up with the perfect zinger to show they don’t care.
@dhag85 It must give MRAs cognitive heebie-jeebies to read how other people view them. MRAs, like cockroaches, just hate it when a flashlight is shined onto their scurrilous actions. They need the cover of darkness to peddle their revolting beliefs.
I’m glad the mainstream media is starting to cover them, although I wish they’d dig further into what the movement is actually about and expose the hatred. The GQ piece and the Mother Jones piece were remarkably soft-pedaled and gave the MRM more than a fair shake. And yet there’s the comment brigade, as always, shoving with all their might at the Overton window.
Ninja’d by Spindrift!
I assumed Vox Day was supposed to be smegma in that diagram.
Or possibly some kind of louse. Now that I think about it, the possibilities are endless!
@Ellesar
I don’t believe the stated that as a fact. He stated it as being 1 of 3 narratives about the entire situation. – Which – Quelle Surprise – it ALWAYS is whenever Death Threats come up. There is ALWAYS some person screaming “false flag! flase flag!”. It sounded to me as if the identity of the person/people who sent death threats has ever been determined, and so he just stating the “theories” that are “out there” as it were. As evidence I cite that he followed those 3 narratives up with ” – for one of these disturbing reasons, A Voice For Men, was told by the DoubleTree to ‘go elsewhere'”. He’s clearly not commiting to a reason.
Personally, I roll my eyes every time I see ANYONE scream “false flag!” or assert “our side would never do that” argument when the “sides” are large enough to encompass all kinds of people with all kinds of temperaments and agendas . Feminism is a pretty big tent, and the number of people annoyed by the MRM is certainly large enough to include some people who think it makes “tactical” sense to send Death Threats in an effort to stop a conference by those onerous dirtbags.
“Build a time machine and go back in time and prevent your parents from meeting!”
Now I’m picturing a timetravel story where someone’s messed with a PUA’s past so his parents don’t hook up, and he has to give his would be dad dating advice to make sure he ends up existing. But instead he gets chased away for being a creep. And then probably gets arrested.
Maybe Vox Day is the condom on the penis of Men’s Rights. If you run into him before you find out about the rest of it, his weirdness acts as a barrier and prevents you from getting infected by their ideas.
Re. the angry MRA commentary on their recent mainstream media coverage:
I’ve been wondering if some of these folks would be satisfied with anything short of an absolute rave. The onslaught of mainstream media coverage must have been pretty exciting; I remember JB gloating about the press coverage she was lining up for the convention. They were probably expecting at least a few reporters to launch a story with “I’ve taken the red pill, things will never be the same.” Instead they got what they got. So cue the ragey disappointment!
Shut up, Woody.
The comments thread is a wonderful case of truly horrible people suddenly realizing how they look from outside their own echo chamber. They can’t claim misquotes, or even complain about ‘context’, given how much rope the author gave the speakers to hang themselves with.
@Katz: Are you getting a kickback from keyboard manufacturers?
Oh, I like this! His parents can finally get together in spite, not because, of his repeated ham-fisted interventions. After he’s sure that they’re on the right track, he can return to his time only to find out that his parents have given him a different name. Explanation: “Your mom really liked OldName, and I’m sure it’s great, but I just couldn’t. The only guy I knew called OldName was an asshole who wanted me to insult her clothes and buy her a six pack of Tab for her birthday because she could stand to cut some calories.”
@Katz: Beautiful!
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs4/1446012_o.gif
Sort of a messed up version of Back to the Future.
maghavan – I am not saying that no feminist or feminist sympathising person would do a death threat on the internet, simply that it seems pretty rare, as far as I can tell of the various controversies of doxxing and harassment I have read.
I am always aware that on the internet anyone can be anyone unless seeking a career as a writer or somesuch, and therefore I tend to believe that a lot of people lie a lot of the time.
“beta orbiter … cuckubines,” which is his fancy way of saying “friend.”
It doesn’t sound very fancy.
More likely, she’ll be like “Who’s this dweeb who waited two weeks just to say happy birthday, and where do I know him from? Oh yeah, that 40-year-old emo kid I met at the club. Ah, he was a dick anyway.” >block and delete<
Bina – I am wondering how one can deliver ‘woops’ laconically, esp by text?!
Well, texts are already pretty laconic because you’re typing with your thumbs, so long messages are too much bother. “Woops” is actually more inept than anything else, though; it says “I’m a putz, and you just caught me being one.”
“They just cannot leave the references to black men having sex with ‘their’ women alone can they?!”
Oh god, I totally missed the racial implications there. So much worse than I even thought. Ugh.
Literally everything a woman does is wrong through the puas’ eyes. What’s next? Telling the woman to seek therapy for wishing the guy ‘merry Christmas’? If women are ‘evil’ then why seek us out? Are they masochists? Do they have anything better to do? Any hobbies they enjoy? Anything?
I’ve had back and forths in the realm of ‘men as friends’. I accidentally wound up with a bunch of gay male friends in college (still not sure how, I wasn’t looking for it) and they were quite masculine but I also felt very comfortable with them. And I’ve had straight male friends also where sex wasn’t a discussed topic. But in some cases there’s always been that sexual tension vibe, and I’ve never known how to dispel it. Which, in turn, leads to fears on my part that I’m going to ‘friendzone’ someone who’ll go apeshit.