Men, beware! The woman who just texted you “happy birthday” isn’t a nice person wishing you a “happy birthday.” She is, rather, a demoness from hell. Or at the very least a creepy “attention whore tease” who won’t let you into her pants.
According to racist shitbag “game” blogger Heartiste, any woman who texts men on special occasions “is a cocktease in digital form” trying to make sure you remain one of her “beta orbiter … cuckubines,” which is his fancy way of saying “friend.”
As he sees it, these dastardly Special Occasion Texters (SOTs) have only bad reasons to text dudes on special days. The SOT may be doing some routine “Beta Orbiter Maintainance.”
She texts birthday messages to all the beta male orbiters she has accumulated over the years, and she does this as part of a maintenance program to keep her orbiters from spinning too far out of her orbit (or, conversely, too close to her planet). … She needs those suck-ups sucking up to her emotional needs, and sometimes that requires sending a tiny sliver of romantic hope — say, a birthday text — to her cuckubines.
If she’s feeling insecure, she might be trying to reassure herself that she has a few interested men “in the wings.”
Or she might be “a wicked mindfucker who gets off stringing men betas along.”
These all kind of seem like the same reason to me, but what the heck.
In any case, Heartiste strongly urges his followers not to “chomp on her bland beta boob bait.”
Amazing alliteration, asshole!
Happily, Heartiste notes, you can totally get her back for this terrible act of hers, and possibly even lure her into your bedroom by … waiting a day before texting her back. And then being a bit of a dick about it.
Don’t move immediately to pin her down for a real date. Instead, wait a day, then reply “did u wish me happy labor day? weirdo.” Or, “you’re so cute when you stalk me”. The female SOT needs to know that you aren’t the kind of desperate guy to ask “how shiny?” when she tells you to polish her pedestal. She needs to be reminded in so many words that SHE’S the one who texted YOU, not the other way around, and this reminder of her active solicitation will reinforce the implication in her mind that you are the higher value company to keep.
Nothing screams “high value” like obsessing on the internet about how to outwit women with catty text messages.
Heartiste adds a little postscript:
PS If you want to use a SOT to open the lines of communication with a prospect, one irresistibly jerkish maneuver is to text the girl “happy bday” two weeks after her actual birthday. When she responds (and she will) that you’re two weeks late, grace her with a laconic “woops”. This is a small but powerful tactic to close the organic chaser (man)-chased (woman) gap, and thus improve your odds-to-lay.
Heartiste, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not actually the first guy to come up with the brilliant strategy of trying to get with women by being an asshole.
Naturally, Heartiste’s readers have their own, equally brilliant ideas.
Peter Pan notes that:
You can always send a SOT on the day of as well… just lace it with a slightly insulting element. For instance, deliberately get her name wrong, or say something like “Happy Birthday, grandma.” They have difficulty allowing such small things pass, and will reply to see if you were joking or not.
Oh, very clever.
themanofmystery2 offers his own “witty rejoinders.” No, that’s really what he calls them.
1. “Missed me, eh? No surprise there.”
2. “I’ve been waiting all year for you to send me that. THANK YOU!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 XD XD XD XD XD … ”
NEXT LINE: “You’re gay.”
3. [No matter what the holiday] “Happy Grandparents Day to you!” followed by an image of Depends with the caption “I got you a gift” (Careful with this one if she’s over 30 and has a weak self image)
SuperFucker! added his two cents:
[R]eaching out and and reminding her of the anniversary of something unpleasant, like the day she accidentally ran over her dog, is another appropriate neg for a girl giving you the runaround. Do NOT remind her of something truly horrific, though. Subtlety is key.
Such subtlety.
Sometimes I wonder if any of these guys have ever even been in the same room as a woman.
Humbert is another character frequently misunderstood by MRA types, so that makes sense!
Someone once sent me a birthday greeting five months early (or seven months late, if I was feeling uncharitable). But that was because she’s American and got the day and month mixed up – since both the digits are under 12, it’s not obvious on paper.
But that actually worked out really well, because she sent it in the first place for the reason others are giving above (it was a good excuse to say hi to someone she hadn’t spoken to for years), we had a good laugh about it and have since stayed far more in touch than we might have been if her birthday greeting had simply turned up along with all the others on the correct date.
That said, I didn’t have sex with her. Although I genuinely don’t believe that that was her motivation.
I’m hoping one of your next posts is on the recent Roosh vs NRx spat. (Hint Hint)
“Happy birthday grandma” is supposed to be a nag? One getting old is a pretty standard birthday joke. I’ve never heard anyone getting insecure or insulted over that. But the women and men I hang out with are not imaginary, so what do I know?
On the other hand, I know several people who claim men and women cannot be just good friends. Either lovers or acquaintances, but not friends. That’s where the “he/she was misleading me” and “friendzone” accusations thrive.
I spent three hours last night, sitting listening and talking to seven guys who are channelling this stuff, listening to “linking” and ”game” and they found the idea of consensual enthusiastic intimacy, no means no and, well I won’t go further to be totallt alien. It was very interesting challenging their worldviews face to face.
weirwoodtreehugger – how on earth can American Beauty be for the MRA’s?! KS’s character refuses sex with a vulnerable virgin teenager! Surely that is the biggest beta move ever?
Wetherby – what the hell are you doing staying in touch with a FEMALE who doesn’t want to have sex with you. You are SUCH a beta!
These guys sound SO young. When I read stuff like this out to my teen sons they usually guess at between 12 and 14yo. But I know that Heartiste must be older, so it he is like the older influence on the young minds, making them believe that all women are evil, but you have to try and stick your penis into them all the time anyway. I just hope they reach 18 and think ‘what kind of dickhead was I?’ just like all of us who had a mullet hair style in the 80s – or indeed at any time!
Who doesn’t want to have sex with a guy who calls you “Grandma”?
@Lea:
Gah, dammit, I write a comment and it won’t let me log in to post it 🙁
I think they FANTASIZE about being rude to women. “Gurus” like Roosh and Heartiste are scum. Their readers are mostly sad and pathetic. I doubt many behave like this outside of their fantasies. That isn’t to excuse them. Fantasizing about being a dick is arguably more twisted than just doing it because it comes naturally
@Lea, thanks for the link to the GQ article, that was a fun read, of sorts. Sage Gerard sounds like a right rapey little shit. No wonder there were complaints about him sneaking into women’s restrooms.
Re OP, I couldn’t believe that Heartiste tries to make SOT a thing? Could it be that the idea of women just being nice and thoughtful goes so far against his narrative that he’s got find some way to twist into something mean spirited and nasty?
If they thought they were worth anything they’re “strategy” wouldn’t be trying to demoralize women into lowering their standards. Most people assume that someone wishing them a happy birthday just hopes they have a happy birthday. They do not assume that the people who are nice to them are really just trying to manipulate and insult them. They do not plot revenge on people for being nice to them. They do not plan ways to hurt people for not fucking them. These guys cannot be happy. Nothing anyone gives them will ever be enough.
They’re like:
Can you imagine being these creeps? Everything, even simple kind gestures look like slights to them. Everything looks threatening. Everything is a reminder that they are vulnerable and alone. Everyone is against them.
So much like:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/you-mock-me/n9742
@PussyPowerTantrum:
That was you? I loved that response.
Tieman: *long, rambling list of links to ‘proof’ that goes against every statistic I’ve ever seen*
You: Here, let me correct those figures for you. BOOM!
Presumably they’re Gish Galloping and hoping noone can be bothered searching through the huge amount of data. Or they genuinely can’t read the tables? Either way.
Hats off to you.
Oh man, that GQ article is great and has the perfect tone. Subtle but unmistakable mockery.
“Calabrese does not unlike preteen girls either … Calabrese thinks 12.3 as the age of consent is too old. He’d go with 12. ‘I’d rather err on the side of 12 year-olds having sex than on the side of ruining men’s lives”
You don’t even have to label such a man a “perv” or a “loser”. Just describe what they think and people will do that for themselves.
Douchebag-in-Chief is so purple prosed and oft ludicrous that I used to think he was just in the business of providing a public service of luring all the loonies to his parlor and teaching them things that would effectively make them alone forever. His commentariat is horrifying. I think there’s only one dude, YaReally or something, that is refreshingly up front about what a manipulative jerk he is — instead of blaming the wimmins or inventing hack psychology, his advice for getting laid a lot without any strings attached is the most normal, because it boils down to ‘go out a lot, be fun, pretend instead of lying, don’t be judgmental, don’t be toxic.’ I mean he’s still a total ass, but an ass who is at least inhabiting reality. The rest of them live in a bad dream.
*Their*
*hides in shame*
Although that dad who laughs about his daughters rape needs a bullet in the back of the head
So, wishing a man “Happy Birthday” is misandry now? Who would’ve thunk it.
http://www.themarysue.com/reddit-nude-pic-consent/
This is great.
I’m reading comments here and thinking, “Did I read a different article? What dad laughing about his daughter’s rape?”.
Turns out there’s another 2 pages. Oops, should probably read those before I hit the comments again…
@PussyPowerTantrum
I can’t find your reply in the comment thread. Did it get deleted or something? In that case, could you link to a screencap? I really wanted to read a smackdown of that dumbass comment. I saw that it was crap, but I didn’t have the energy to bother with it. So happy someone did. 🙂
On the other hand, I know several people who claim men and women cannot be just good friends. Either lovers or acquaintances, but not friends. That’s where the “he/she was misleading me” and “friendzone” accusations thrive.
My husband’s best friend says this kind of thing all the time, and I am merciless in making fun of him for it. One time, he was having a BBQ, and when he said this line, I got all fake-serious.
“Tyler! If we’re not friends, why the hell am I at your party?”
The look on his face before he realized I was joking was priceless. 🙂
I suspect what manospherians really mean when they say (heterosexual) men and (heterosexual) women can’t be friends, is that they themselves can’t be friends with a woman without being creepy.
On the subject of the OP though, I once got this kind of attempt at a neg when I still had a MySpace. I pretty much friended everyone who sent me a request, which obvi was a mistake, because I didn’t know this guy at all and after a couple of messages, he started demanding that I meet him in person. I refused because all we did was talk on the internet and I was super cautious about those things. When he got too pushy, I un-friended him.
A few weeks letter I had forgotten about him to the extent that I didn’t even recognize his username when he messaged me again with the line, “How’s it goin, ugly?” I made the mistake of responding with a line about how it ain’t easy being green, thinking it was just a little joke. After that, this guy sends me this HUGE rant about how I was so stupid for never meeting him in person and how he owned his own business and could have bought me anything I wanted, but I had to be stupid and push him away and he can get any woman he wants so he didn’t have to waste his time on me. He also mentioned he was blocking me so I couldn’t beg for his forgiveness.
It was the most hilarious thing I had EVER been sent. To this day.
@PussyPowerTantrum
Sorry! I found the comment now. For some reason it wouldn’t show when I clicked your link.