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The dudes at Return of Kings may hate real women, but they love Barbie, "the modern Aphrodite."

Fat Barbie: The Manosphere's worst nightmare
Fat Barbie: The Manosphere’s worst nightmare

So over on Roosh Valizadeh’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Return of Kings blog a gentleman named Blair Naso has penned a weird paean to Barbie (the doll, not the Nazi war criminal), suggesting that she is a perfect “inspiration” for girls today.

I suppose it isn’t all that shocking that the kind of men who frequent Return of Kings would be fond of an imaginary woman who doesn’t talk and can’t defend herself.

Naso starts off his post by ridiculing feminists for criticizing Barbie. In his mind, they’re just jealous:

For feminists, what bothers them is that Barbie is beautiful. Feminism is an ugly ideology that overtly seeks to glorify both inner and outer ugliness. …To them, Barbie represents a vile standard of beauty.

In Naso’s mind, Barbie is both a Nietzschean Übermensch (no, really) and the embodiment of a Greek goddess.

Barbie is an over-man to little girls. She transcends reality and inspires admiration. Like Theseus for the ancients and Batman for today’s boys, Barbie goes beyond what a normal person can do. Barbie is not a standard; she is an ideal. She inspires aspiration, not imitation. Barbie is the modern Aphrodite.

Here’s a famous statue of Aphrodite from back in the day. Despite being, you know, a literal goddess, her proportions are a bit more human than Barbie’s.

Aphrodite, doing the goddess thing
Aphrodite, doing the goddess thing

Naso really seems to have a thing for Barbie:

If characters like Indiana Jones are the apex of masculinity, then Barbie is the same for femininity. She is beautiful, intelligent, domestic, social, gorgeous, hard-working, wealthy, attractive, outgoing, healthy, confident, pretty, talented, lovely, has great tits and hair, accomplished, alluring, charming, elegant, unblemished, graceful, and committed to only one man.

Apparently Naso, like Barbie herself, hasn’t caught on to the blindingly obvious fact that Ken is gay. Also, what about Allan, Brad, Curtis, Todd, Steven, Darren, Derek, Kurt and Ryan? Everyone knows that Barbie is riding the smooth flat crotch area carousel.

As Naso sees it, it’s men, not women, who are the real victims of our “fascist beauty standards.”

Men have to grow muscle, which is a journey that is painful, expensive, and filled with misinformation. And if he’s under six feet tall, his chances with women are drastically cut no matter what his other characteristics.

Women on the other hand have to buy an exercise video and keep their hair long. I suppose make-up can be time-consuming, but fashion is not nearly as expensive as women like to claim.

And if some women develop eating disorders trying to live up to the beauty ideal, well, they have no one but their own inferior female selves to blame.

It would be both mentally and physically unhealthy for a man to obsess about achieving the impossible body of Beowulf. So if Barbie and Aphrodite inspire women to turn to unhealthy practices (like eating disorders or fad diets) in a way that He-man doesn’t to men, then what does that say about women?

Either it is a lie that strict beauty standards cause women to obsess at the risk of their own health, or it is manifest that women are mentally and emotionally inferior to men.

Anyone who really wants to be a hottie needs to work for it.

Both anorexia and fat pride are shortcut cheats to beauty. Mature adults achieve what they want through hard work.

Naso does acknowledge that beauty standards are more “stringent” today. In a spectacularly ludicrous leap of logic — the intellectual equivalent of Evel Knievel’s famously failed jump over the Snake River canyon —  he blames this on … ugly women.

My guess why beauty standards are a little more demanding today than they were 100 years ago is because today women are ugly. They are overweight, they have bad hair, they lack social grace, and they think hideous products are fashionable by sole virtue of their popularity. Women and little girls know this instinctually and over-correct through their fantasies.

Perhaps little girls love Barbie and Ariel so much because they see how frumpy mommy and their teachers at school are.

And it is the evil feminists who are keeping these little girls from living out their over-corrected fantasies dreams.

Women just want to be beautiful and have a beautiful life. Barbie gives them the inspiration to achieve their dreams. Then feminism sweeps along and tells them to remain stagnant.

In case anyone here needs inspiration, this song should help.

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ParadoxicalIntention
ParadoxicalIntention
9 years ago

I wouldn’t mind getting a fade cut, I think that’s what they’re called. Where your hair on one side of your head is trimmed pretty short (but not buzzed all the way off), and the rest of your hair is long?

I also have some tattoos already planned! I made a couple of sigils for myself, and I found this really kickass monogram that has every letter and number in the English alphabet.

http://i1023.photobucket.com/albums/af354/Valin_Carsis/Tattoos_zps7471f054.png

The sigils at the top are for “Don’t worry” and “be happy” respectively, and the bottom image is a vector of the monogram I found online.

ej
ej
9 years ago

@fruitloopsie

I have medium brown hair and I’ve used a temporary purple dye on it. I don’t bleach it beforehand, so the color comes out to more of a burgundy color. The last time I did a dip dye (like the pictures you posted) and absolutely loved it. I like the way that it blends in with my natural color and it looks amazing if I put it up, especially in a braided bun (misandry) because you can see the two colors twisted together.

Unfortunately, the temporary dye doesn’t last more than 2 weeks. I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to the color full-time, but I am considering trying blue next time I do the temporary dye.

gilshalos
9 years ago

I have pondered hair dye, but as a redhead it gets complicated. Mainly I’m told that temp dyes will be permanent on redheads cos of uh…open pores or summat.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
9 years ago

Spindrift
“Can the Misandry Pink Cadillac have whiskers etc on the front like catwoman’s car from the old batman series? At least I seem to remember Eartha Kitt having a car with whiskers…”

Sure whatever you want it to be! I can’t find cat woman’s car but I found this
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HgrWdKlowDg/UWZkxChKylI/AAAAAAAAObA/T3CF0bLMoEo/s640/Google-Tesla-pink-april-fools.jpg

Ej
“it looks amazing if I put it up, especially in a braided bun (misandry) because you can see the two colors twisted together.”

Woah hair dye and braided bun, double whammy Misandry
http://media2.giphy.com/media/iiS84hOJXh1Pq/200_s.gif

I don’t think I ever want to permanently dye my hair I just want it temporary. I hope your hair will turn out the way you want it.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
9 years ago

Speaking of Eartha Kitt never saw her as cat woman but I love her song ‘I want to be evil’ she did get her wish, she voiced Yzma in the emperor’s new groove, Krunk’s new groove and the show: the emperor’s new school
http://youtu.be/SS02GeKuWQ4

Nequam
Nequam
9 years ago

Kitt made a fine Catwoman, with lots of rolling Rs in her delivery, but the UST between her and Batman got cut way down compared to Julie Newmar because God forbid in 1967 we could have a white guy and a black woman embrace. :sigh:

Found a picture of the Kitty-Car, BTW. Wish it was larger.

http://www.bat-mania.co.uk/main/villains/images/kittycar1.jpg

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
9 years ago

Nequam
Oh that’s what it looks like? I thought it would be darker.

Bina
Bina
9 years ago

I have pondered hair dye, but as a redhead it gets complicated. Mainly I’m told that temp dyes will be permanent on redheads cos of uh…open pores or summat.

I’m a redhead too, but my hair rejects dye. Shucks it off like a duck’s back does to water. Even “permanent” dye is very temporary on me. Even my white streaks are completely impossible to cover.

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

I have medium brown hair. I find that red dye shows up well and blonde dye gives me red and gold highlights. I dyed my hair dark purple in high school and it showed up well. I’d like to try a lavender streak but am not sure it would show up. I’ve only seen it on blondes.

ktrantingredhead
9 years ago

I thought they hated golddiggers and career girls… But I’ll Barbie wants to do is switch jobs and buy new clothes.

ktrantingredhead
9 years ago

I thought they hated golddiggers and career girls… But allBarbie wants to do is switch jobs and buy new clothes.

Lisa C (@hppykittystudio)

All I can think of is the scene in the Simpsons where Lisa is rallying against the talking Malibu Stacy doll’s Stepford Wife sayings only to have her friend’s doll talk like Spider Man. I wonder how Nasshole would react to Barbie talking about web slinging?

katz
9 years ago

I wonder how Nasshole would react to Barbie talking about web slinging?

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
9 years ago

Aw, was about to bring up the Barbie liberation front.

I remember stumbling onto one of their videos back when viral videos had to be handed to you on VHS. A girl in like my third grade (maybe?) class ended up with one. Wonder if they’re worth anything now?

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
9 years ago

That’s cool. I suppose the fact that there’s literally no way to prove authenticity (cause I could just buy a gi joe and swap em after the fact) probably precludes them actually being worth too much.

Hambeast (formerly twincats)
Hambeast (formerly twincats)
9 years ago

Contrapangloss –

I could never manage really long hair because my hair starts driving me up a wall (figuratively) when it gets to mid-back and I hack it off to just below the chin.
I do that every 3 to 4 years myself. I’m at almost waist length and deciding between getting a trim and going back to chin length.

My husband would like me to continue growing it, but misandrist that I am, I don’t give him a vote.

Zolnier
Zolnier
9 years ago

Almost tempted to start a Bratz Liberation Organization, those dolls kind of weird me out as an older brother.

Kootiepatra
9 years ago

From M.’s amazing quotes:

Would you choose to be considered the disposable one, who is expected to die to protect the other, or the one who is being protected by this very policy?

I’ve never understood this framework. “Men are disposable”… because surely the issue can’t be that they’re (generally) bigger, tougher, and can hit harder, and won’t be lugging around a belly with 7 to 9 pounds of offspring in it. Noooo, not at all.

Also: if I had to choose between being, say, a rhino, or the dedicated rangers who are working very hard (and indeed risking their lives) to save the rhino from poachers—yeah, I’d rather not be the thing getting poached.

It’s only in the last 200 years that our technology has managed to free us from this biological chain.

Okay, so let’s ignore all the wrongness for a moment, and accept as a matter of argument that biology metaphorically chained men in oppression. Women had nothing to do with that—we’re just as much at the mercy of biological reality as anyone. Now can we talk about how men through history, including the last 200 years, have both metaphorically and literally chained women in oppression?

Men didn’t just hunt mammoth. Men hunted EVERYTHING. And built EVERYTHING. Literally. With their own hands. Because they were expected to, pressured to, shamed to, and actively threatened into doing so.

Firstly: Er, no. (fromafar2013 covered that)

Secondly, right, I’m suuuure that men had to hunt stuff and build stuff because they were threatened and shamed into it, rather than—you know—the fact they were interested in not starving or freezing to death.

If women were forced into building the Pyramids in the way men were, you would consider it the height of oppression. But because it’s just men? Oh, who gives a shit? We have CATCALLING to oppose!

Um, yeah, the slavery used to build the pyramids was well and truly oppressive. It also happened more than four thousand years ago. So, yeah, we’re a bit more concerned with opposing oppression that is actively ongoing today. Go figure.

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

“Um, yeah, the slavery used to build the pyramids was well and truly oppressive.”

I thought egyptologists agreed now that they weren’t technically built by slaves but rather by poor laborers. They were worked pretty hard, but they ate meat frequently and were respected for the work they did. They could very well have labored out of a sense of loyalty, the pharaohs were living gods, after all.

gilshalos
9 years ago

*nods to Spindrift*
I was about to make that point 🙂

Kootiepatra
9 years ago

Well I just learned something, then!

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

So women being forced to build pyramids would be oppressive, but men volunteering to build them for religious reasons wasn’t. And even if they were built by male slaves, there would have been female slaves forced to work elsewhere. Also, who exactly was oppressing those nonexistant pyramid slaves? Could it be…men? Egypt had a few women rulers, but I thought most of the pharaohs were men. The first egyptian pyramid was built for a male pharaoh by his male vizier, so that’s where the tradition starts. Whenever I hear about historical oppression of men it always seems to be based on class, not sex.

Ellesar
9 years ago

I cannot see how it would have only been men building those pyramids anyway – women can hoy bricks, maybe not so many, but they would have had to do it.

Christina Nordlander
Christina Nordlander
9 years ago

“riding the smooth flat crotch area carousel.”

Damn, David, I already knew you were a good writer, but you blew it out of the ballpark with this one. I’m only grateful I didn’t have a drink in my mouth when I read that sentence.

This Naso fella claims that eating disorders prove that women are inferior to men (never mind that men can get eating disorders, too, if more rarely). So by his logic, I could claim that steroid abuse proves that men are inferior to women? Except I won’t, because I think any kind of self-harm is a serious mental issue that needs sympathy and treatment, not a cheap rhetorical point.

Also, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that when this guy references “Beowulf”, he’s talking about the 2007 movie, because I don’t believe he has any in-depth knowledge of Anglo-Saxon literature.