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The dudes at Return of Kings may hate real women, but they love Barbie, "the modern Aphrodite."

Fat Barbie: The Manosphere's worst nightmare
Fat Barbie: The Manosphere’s worst nightmare

So over on Roosh Valizadeh’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Return of Kings blog a gentleman named Blair Naso has penned a weird paean to Barbie (the doll, not the Nazi war criminal), suggesting that she is a perfect “inspiration” for girls today.

I suppose it isn’t all that shocking that the kind of men who frequent Return of Kings would be fond of an imaginary woman who doesn’t talk and can’t defend herself.

Naso starts off his post by ridiculing feminists for criticizing Barbie. In his mind, they’re just jealous:

For feminists, what bothers them is that Barbie is beautiful. Feminism is an ugly ideology that overtly seeks to glorify both inner and outer ugliness. …To them, Barbie represents a vile standard of beauty.

In Naso’s mind, Barbie is both a Nietzschean Übermensch (no, really) and the embodiment of a Greek goddess.

Barbie is an over-man to little girls. She transcends reality and inspires admiration. Like Theseus for the ancients and Batman for today’s boys, Barbie goes beyond what a normal person can do. Barbie is not a standard; she is an ideal. She inspires aspiration, not imitation. Barbie is the modern Aphrodite.

Here’s a famous statue of Aphrodite from back in the day. Despite being, you know, a literal goddess, her proportions are a bit more human than Barbie’s.

Aphrodite, doing the goddess thing
Aphrodite, doing the goddess thing

Naso really seems to have a thing for Barbie:

If characters like Indiana Jones are the apex of masculinity, then Barbie is the same for femininity. She is beautiful, intelligent, domestic, social, gorgeous, hard-working, wealthy, attractive, outgoing, healthy, confident, pretty, talented, lovely, has great tits and hair, accomplished, alluring, charming, elegant, unblemished, graceful, and committed to only one man.

Apparently Naso, like Barbie herself, hasn’t caught on to the blindingly obvious fact that Ken is gay. Also, what about Allan, Brad, Curtis, Todd, Steven, Darren, Derek, Kurt and Ryan? Everyone knows that Barbie is riding the smooth flat crotch area carousel.

As Naso sees it, it’s men, not women, who are the real victims of our “fascist beauty standards.”

Men have to grow muscle, which is a journey that is painful, expensive, and filled with misinformation. And if he’s under six feet tall, his chances with women are drastically cut no matter what his other characteristics.

Women on the other hand have to buy an exercise video and keep their hair long. I suppose make-up can be time-consuming, but fashion is not nearly as expensive as women like to claim.

And if some women develop eating disorders trying to live up to the beauty ideal, well, they have no one but their own inferior female selves to blame.

It would be both mentally and physically unhealthy for a man to obsess about achieving the impossible body of Beowulf. So if Barbie and Aphrodite inspire women to turn to unhealthy practices (like eating disorders or fad diets) in a way that He-man doesn’t to men, then what does that say about women?

Either it is a lie that strict beauty standards cause women to obsess at the risk of their own health, or it is manifest that women are mentally and emotionally inferior to men.

Anyone who really wants to be a hottie needs to work for it.

Both anorexia and fat pride are shortcut cheats to beauty. Mature adults achieve what they want through hard work.

Naso does acknowledge that beauty standards are more “stringent” today. In a spectacularly ludicrous leap of logic — the intellectual equivalent of Evel Knievel’s famously failed jump over the Snake River canyon —  he blames this on … ugly women.

My guess why beauty standards are a little more demanding today than they were 100 years ago is because today women are ugly. They are overweight, they have bad hair, they lack social grace, and they think hideous products are fashionable by sole virtue of their popularity. Women and little girls know this instinctually and over-correct through their fantasies.

Perhaps little girls love Barbie and Ariel so much because they see how frumpy mommy and their teachers at school are.

And it is the evil feminists who are keeping these little girls from living out their over-corrected fantasies dreams.

Women just want to be beautiful and have a beautiful life. Barbie gives them the inspiration to achieve their dreams. Then feminism sweeps along and tells them to remain stagnant.

In case anyone here needs inspiration, this song should help.

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chrisnordlander
chrisnordlander
5 years ago

Also, now that I’ve read all the other comments, I want to express my sympathies for those commenters who have or have had eating disorders. You are strong, brave people, and your illness was 100% not your fault. You deserve respect and sympathy for the hell you’ve had to go through, not Naso’s idiotic trivialisation.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

If men are disposable because they die in war, women are disposable too. Even if we set aside that women have often been killed, raped or enslaved during wartime. Childbirth was extremely risky until recently. It’s something women have always been expected to do and back when there was no modern and reliable contraception and many kids didn’t make it to adulthood, we were expected to go through pregnancy and childbirth many times. Even today, pregnancy and childbirth carry lots of risks.

If it weren’t early in the morning and if I weren’t so far caffeine deprived, I might compare the number of women who died from complications during pregnancy or childbirth with the number of men killed in war in a handful of countries. Maybe when I get home. I suspect the former might be higher. Not that it should be a contest, but MRAs insist on making it one.

Binjabreel
5 years ago

It might not be higher in raw numbers, but what do you think that the odds are that childbirth was the #1 killer of women for a long time? Probably pretty high.

Hambeast (formerly twincats)
Hambeast (formerly twincats)
5 years ago

Yes, the disposability of both women and men is way more of a class issue if one looks at it honestly. Even pregnancy and child rearing were less risky and way less work for the upper classes due to access to what passed for medical care and child care. War was and is more risky for the lower classes who become cannon fodder while the upper classes were officers who could more easily avoid being killed.

I’ve decided I really want a fat Barbie, now. She’s really cute and makes me feel less bad about my double chin!

Zolnier
5 years ago

It should be noted that warfare only become more lethal statistically speaking than childbirth after the invention of penicillin-and the machine gun.

isidore13
isidore13
5 years ago

I love how MRAs completely fail to realize that women in all lower classes have *always* worked outside the home, and yet were also always expected to rear successful surviving children.

iankoro
5 years ago

>”….and they think hideous products are fashionable by sole virtue of their popularity. ”

Isn’t that sort of the definition of fashionable?

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Mra logic:
“men die, that’s because ‘Misandry'”
“Women die that means that men are superior”

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

“men die, that’s because ‘Misandry’”

Even when men kill other men on orders from a man. Somehow…

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Spindrift
MRA logic:
Men taking responsibility for their actions is misandry everything bad in the world should be the fault of women/feminism or its misandry.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@Fruitloopsie
MRA logic:
And if you’re male and don’t agree with MRA logic you must be one of these!
comment image:large

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Spindrift
Or like David, just a bunch of cats in a suit.

Carrie Kube
5 years ago

I’m surprised they like Barbie despite the fact that she’s had “masculine” jobs like doctor and president. As well as the fact that Ken (and any other guy friend) is just an accessory for her. Barbie doesn’t need Ken and could go her own way.

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

RE: Spindrift

Not a purple poodle? I’m hurt.

sparky
sparky
5 years ago

LBT! How are you?

It’s so good to see you here again!

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

Hey sparky! Yeah, I heard things got a bit nicer here, so I decided to stick my head back in, try my luck.

Things are going… generally good! Making a 2D horror game about multi with Sneak, my comics are getting bulk orders by zine distros and mental health providers… it’s pretty awesome! My mental health is pretty stable, though lots of bad memories are coming up. But the rest of my life is just so goshdarn great, it’s helping me pull through! How are you doing?

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

LBT
That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you! (Except about the ‘bad memories’ part)

theboost
theboost
5 years ago

What seems saddest is that these MRA/PUA goons have bought into every marketing gimmick about masculinity and hate them (muscles, height, cool hair) but worship the same standard forced on women.

I imagine them flipping through a Maxim magazine seeing sexy dude models and crying, whimpering “curse you women, making me long to look like that!”

Traditional masculinity would be above worrying about abs and Tinder profiles. Obsession with these things has been a negative but stereotypically woman thing, but the MRA types have totally embraced it.

theboost
theboost
5 years ago

I was not aware Beowulf was ever held up as an example of male beauty. (given its a poem and all) That’s just weird.

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

Thanks fruitloopsie! Yeah, I’m pretty happy too. It’s good to know my comics are helping people.

mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

LBT

Good to hear from you.

Glad things are working out OK.

sparky
sparky
5 years ago

LBT:

Making a 2D horror game about multi with Sneak,

Oooh, that sounds cool.

my comics are getting bulk orders by zine distros and mental health providers

And that is awesome!

I’m glad it’s mainly going good for you. Things have been good with me, the same old mundane routine, which is exactly how I like it!

gilshalos
5 years ago

LBT! *bounce* I am /so/ glad to see you commenting again!

Christina Nordlander
5 years ago

Sounds like you’re doing great, LBT, and I think things will only get better for you from now on.

Also, good points everyone made about the lethality of childbirth pre-20th century (and the fact that working-class women have always, well, worked, just like their husbands and brothers).

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

Welcome back. LBT. 🙂

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

@Tracy:

I’ll give him ‘filled with misinformation’, but painful and expensive? Doesn’t have to be either of those. Not sure why it would be. I strength train regularly and don’t find it painful or expensive; delayed onset muscle soreness can be, well, sore but it’s not a big deal. If you don’t practice good form you can injure yourself, but that holds true for most physical activities, so. Expensive? You can build good strength and muscle with bodyweight training, as long as you keep adding resistance (so to speak) – muscle-ups and pistol squats are HARD.

In fairness to the king of douchebags, well… I strength train quite a lot in order to build muscle, and to really get your muscles to grow may be pretty hard unless you push yourself to a level where the exercises are a bit painful… For my own part at least, and I know I’m far from unique in this regard, I immediately put on a bit of muscle and grew stronger when I went from no exercise to regular strength exercise, but ended up on a plateau after a while, and in order to move further I had to push myself pretty hard.
Plus it’s often easier to build muscle all over at a gym – some muscle groups are easy to get at with body weight exercises, others are more difficult, and most people reach a point after a while where it’s difficult to find heavy enough exercises for a lot of muscle groups if you don’t use heavy weights.

STILL, with all this said and done, the “good pain” you may feel at the gym because you simply push yourself to your pain threshold is just not… a problem, I think. You know it’s “good pain”. You know it’s constructive rather than destructive. It’s not in any way comparable to waging a war on your body by refusing to give it as much nutrition as it needs.

Plus, as many people has already pointed out, the latter problem is on the rise among men as well. They’re human too and increasingly subjected to the pressures from unrealistic beauty standards… I’ve mentioned this before, but my PT has said that zie sees more and more of male clients who don’t understand why they’re not putting on any muscle despite training hard, and it turns out they’re simply not eating enough calories, because they’re scared shitless of getting fat.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Things are going… generally good! Making a 2D horror game about multi with Sneak, my comics are getting bulk orders by zine distros and mental health providers… it’s pretty awesome! My mental health is pretty stable, though lots of bad memories are coming up. But the rest of my life is just so goshdarn great, it’s helping me pull through! How are you doing?

Hey howdy! I was just thinking of you this morning before I logged on, and here you are! And I am glad to see you…and gladder still to hear you’re doing better! Now to find a video of kitties doing a happydance…

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

Hugs and welcome back!

Tracy
Tracy
5 years ago

LBT!!! So happy to see you 🙂 That’s great news about your comics. *throws glitter, now we’ll never get rid of it*

@Dvärghundspossen I suppose that’s what I was thinking – it’s “good” pain (discomfort). I’d take the burn of a good heavy bbell squat over getting my eyebrows plucked or waxing my legs anyday (auuuuggghhhh oww).

dvarghundspossen
5 years ago

I see, Tracy. 🙂

Tracy
Tracy
5 years ago

Glad you’re back, BTW!

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

Welcome back, everyone!

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

Thanks!

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

The pain from a good workout always seems like the pain from a good massage. A massage shouldn’t hurt while you’re getting it, but if you’re not a bit sore here and there the next day, one of two things is true: either you’re getting massages often enough*, or the massage wasn’t very intense. My husband and I used to get them several times a year – now it’s a Christmas or birthday present thing.

*This is very rarely the case.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

Välkommen tillbaka, Dvärghundspossen 🙂

In fairness to the king of douchebags, well… I strength train quite a lot in order to build muscle, and to really get your muscles to grow may be pretty hard unless you push yourself to a level where the exercises are a bit painful…

I thought you only needed to buy an exercise video?

More seriously, I recall Amanda Marcotte pointing out a few years ago that women (in US) tend to avoid effective health-maintaining exercise because they think it’ll make you instantly muscular, which again is totally not ladylike.

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

*hugs* I have missed you guys a lot. I’m so glad to have an opportunity to be here again.

RE: sparky

Oooh, that sounds cool.

If you’re curious, here’s the Alice Nobody tag of art and stuff so far! Sneak is pretty much doing the ideas and story work, and I’m toddling along behind zer helping with the legwork. It really is zer baby, and I’m excited to be doing it with zer. Good bonding!

RE: exercise

Actually, I have some other exciting exercise news! Me and hubby joined a gym not long after our Mammoth hiatus. This was a pretty big deal, since some of you might recall I’d been dealing with an eating disorder.

Anyway, it’s been four months now, and it’s been great! For the first time, I feel like I’m exercising in a healthy, noncompulsive way. I’ve built a little muscle, gotten to see my performance slowly improve in all the things I’m doing… it’s really great! I’ve never actually had FUN working out before; it was always this kinda panicked “I MUST DO THIS” thing.

It’s really made me realize the difference between good and bad pain. (In the past, I would sometimes exercise to the point that I would whimper with pain for days afterward whenever I tried to sit or stand.)

Mnemosyne
Mnemosyne
5 years ago

Really? Barbie is *realistic* and young girls should strive to have bodies like hers? I guess what I read about someone with Barbie’s proportions dying of malnutrition because she wouldn’t have enough room for her intestines is a lie perpetrated by jealous feminists. Every woman is capable of being a size zero! /sarcasm

Skye
Skye
5 years ago

On childbirth, I think it’s *still* one of the leading causes of death for women and girls.

As to Barbie, I always kind of thought her proportions were like that so she’d look better in her clothes. Not sure if any of you had/remember Maxi (or her Mattel counterpart, Jazzy), but those

came out when I was younger

Skye
Skye
5 years ago

Stupid phone

Anyway, Maxi and Jazzy were supposed to be proportioned like real women and they always ended up looking like formless tubes of plastic with heads when wearing most clothes. Maybe like “reality is unrealistic “TV tropes?

Catalpa
Catalpa
5 years ago

@Skye

Pretty two of the biggest threats to women are being murdered by men and childbirth.

But, you know, men are the disposable gender.

katz
5 years ago

I was curious about childbirth as a cause of death, but I wasn’t finding a lot of information.

There’s a cool interactive graph here, but it isn’t broken down by gender and it only goes back to 1900. Still, childbirth complications (puerperal conditions) barely show up, so it appears that deaths by childbirth probably weren’t one of the very top killers of women.

Violence doesn’t show up as a cause at all, which makes me wonder if they’re leaving out war deaths.

LBT
LBT
5 years ago

Yeah, I was gonna say, I figured DISEASE would’ve been up at the top, especially since this would’ve been pre-antibiotics.

contrapangloss
5 years ago

…seconding disease.

Plagues were things. Even non plague conditions… well, yeeps.

There are so many diseases that are out to get us. Like, I’d be dead if I lived 100 years ago, because I had an appendix that went kablooey when I was 11. My theoretical future kiddos totally would have never even had a chance to kill me.

Maybe if you attempted to control for factors that killed men and women pretty indiscriminately and just looked at causes of death that were significantly different between genders…

… even then, there’d be a lot of noise in the data.

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

@Katz Re childbirth, there’s been a bit of a discussion in Sweden lately (or, at least on the internet, hasn’t seen it touched by old media) about how various chronic vagina problems are pretty common after childbirth. However, it’s doubtful whether any reliable statistics even exist, since doctors and midwives tend to brush off everything as compleeeeetely normal when it comes to women having trouble with their vaginas. Sweden has pretty much the best statistics regarding death in childbirth, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not risky…

@Mnemosyne: Barbie isn’t even a size zero. Size zero women are simply very thin all over. Barbie has, for instance, this absurd mismatch between her boobs (and not just boobs, her entire ribcage) and waist. That pic someone posted up-thread of a woman photo-shopped to have Barbie’s proportions looks nothing like a real-life size zero woman…

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

@LBT: I’m glad you’re having a good time at the gym! I love the feeling of “wow, I’m a bit stronger today that I was last week!”. 😀

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