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Pat Robertson warns women: If you put ultrasound pics on Facebook, witches may curse your unborn child!

horror_rosemarys_baby

Sometimes I forget that there are other people in the world who say things as bizarrely retrograde as the douchebags I write about here.

Case in point: televangelist and veteran sayer-of-bizarrely-retrograde-things Pat Robertson. On The 700 Club Monday, Right Wing Watch reports,  Robertson answered a question from a woman who was worried, for some reason, about her daughter posting ultrasound pics on Facebook.

The kindly old preacher offered her yet another reason to worry:

I tell you, there are demons and there are evil people in the world, and you post a picture like that and some cultist gets hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child. You never know what somebody’s going to do.
You never know.

Also, you should probably worry if your pregnant daughter develops an external womb.This is a sign that she may be breeding a small army of murderous rage-babies (see below), at least if this documentary by David Cronenberg is any guide.

Children can be so much work!
Children can be so much work!
NOTE: The Cronenberg movie is not actually a documentary. Also, covens of witches are not going to curse your fetus using Facebook.

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Lee
Lee
6 years ago

Reminds me of some of the more superstitious folk down where my ancestors are from (Eastern KY/southwestern WV coal country)…all sorts of weird things could “mark” your baby. Looking at your dog’s feet was one my mom told me about…

katz
6 years ago

Oh, thank God. We needed some silly after the Roosh article.

yutolia
yutolia
6 years ago

Well if witches don’t do it then Pat Robertson will!

Spindrift
Spindrift
6 years ago

I think witches have better things to do. Unless you’ve angered a witch and they’re targetting you, but then the moral of the story is not to upset witches, not that posting things on facebook is dangerous. This is a breath of fresh air after that Roosh stuff, though.

MissyL
MissyL
6 years ago

@Lee

I have family in the WV coal country. They believe in some weird shit in those hills. Half the relatives are honest-to-god snake handlers and they truly believe in hill witches that will hex you via the evil eye if they see you in the supermarket. Grandma used to watch 700 Club faithfully and got her daily dose of ol’ Pat and Jerry before she finally passed, may whatever is out there rest and hopefully improve her cruel, racist soul.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

Seems to me that pedophiles pose a far greater FB threat than vague “cultists”.

This reminds me of that Kimberly Daniels article from a few years ago, where she claimed that Halloween candy is cursed:

During this period, demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

It’s the secret that Big Candy doesn’t want you to know! Thousands of witches are on the payroll, roaming the factory floor in hairnets and mass-cursing the Red Hots!

(Actually, I will agree that Mary Janes are heathen devil spawn.)

fromafar2013
6 years ago

As an actual practicing witch I can confirm 100% that I spend my spare time roaming Facebook and casting nondescript curses (by muttering to myself) on random people’s fetus pictures. For the lulz.

I’ll get you my pretty! And your little fetus too! *cackles maniacally*

ikanreed
ikanreed
6 years ago

You’d think curses would be one of those “no trouble at all” problems for Jesus to sort out for you.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

Magic is kind of terrifying. You gotta make sure nobody knows your true name, or gets a bit of your hair or clothing, or just gets a good look at you, or gives you apples or candy, and now you gotta protect pictures of fetus-you too? Yeesh.

Demons and witches must be the laziest supernatural creatures in the world; cursing people is so easy and there are so many ways to do it, it’s a wonder that everyone in the world isn’t worshiping Satan by now.

NonServiam
6 years ago

Well, if there’s a chance someone will curse the photo, isn’t there an equal chance some kind of internet wizard will bless it? I’m just saying, could be worth the risk.

sunnysombrera
6 years ago

Ugh. Isn’t Pat Robertson like, 85 years old? I know it’s wrong to wish death on someone but can’t he just die peacefully in his sleep sometime soon?

Anyway, I have no qualms about giving out sweets on Halloween and I’m Christian too. Its candy, not a satanic ritual for crying out loud.

Kestrel
Kestrel
6 years ago

As a witch, I have never cursed anyone ever. None of the witches I know would either. We believe in the rule of three, i.e. everything you send out into the world returns on you threefold. Pat Robertson should meet actual practicing witches. He is just so wrong.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

@NonServiam:

There are so many grifters in the world that I’m surprised nobody has decided to offer “facebook blessings.” Send a link to the photo of your loved fetus and $10 and they’ll protect them from any potential curses!

Spindrift
Spindrift
6 years ago

“facebook blessings.”

After hearing about blessed oils that make angels protect your car for you, that totally sounds like a real service someone could be selling.

Orion
6 years ago

Buttercup,

I could very well be mistaken, but I wouldn’t think pedophiles were especially interested in ultrasounds.

samantha
6 years ago

Well, after reading what the “good” preacher said, I laughed my ass, my elbows and my boobs right off. After picking them up, dusting them off and re-attaching them, I sat and giggled a bit.

I AM a witch, a pagan, and a pantheist. I believe that every particle and sub-atomic particle is part of the body of the Source of All Things and that what we cheerfully call “reality” is how the Source knows itself. It is how All That Is plays, experiments and grows. Oh, and this includes science, which I believe to be one of the many, many ways the Source knows itself.

By contrast, the “Reverend” Mr. Robertson paints a picture of a tiny, dried up world based on fear and hate. Whenever something or someone not of his in group comes to his attention, he spews hate and tells everyone to be afraid, be very afraid because THERE is the devil. And he points his finger, demands that we cast out the “evil” one…and then he tells his followers to send him lots of money…for god…so that “evil” can be vanquished.

Now I ask you, if you had to pick either Ellen Degeneris (the supposed cause of Hurricane Katrina, since god was punishing her home town for BEING her home town) or the “good” preacher to be the poster child of evil, which would you pick?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

Orion – I wasn’t thinking of ultrasounds in particular, I was thinking more of pictures of children in general, especially naked bath photos and such. People don’t think about their kids’ digital privacy much.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

The thing is, a lot of women fear having babies that are severely deformed or misshapen, and unfortunately Pat Robertson is tapping into that primal fear. Ultrasounds often heighten that fear, particularly the 3D ones that make your baby look like they’re sculpted out of a block of cheese. (One of my twins was nicknamed “Cheddar Bob”, for that very reason.)

Towards the end of pregnancy, babies don’t have a lot of wiggle room. On an ultrasound their faces look squished, with flat noses and slitted eyes and mouths like frogs. It can be unsettling. Women who listen to Pat Robertson and see squishy amphibian-babies on their ultrasounds might be very easily persuaded that some unknown person is cursing them from afar.

What even is the point of spreading such lies, besides upsetting and scaring people unnecessarily? It’s not like the Bible forbids the sharing of unborn-baby images. Is this another attempt to drive women out of public spaces (ie the internet)? Or is it an attempt to set Pat Robertson up as an authority figure (and separate frightened people from their money) because he sees all kinds of dangers that no one else does?

It doesn’t even make any sense. If an evil witch wanted to target someone using this method, couldn’t they just as easily draw a stick figure and curse that? It’s not like a Facebook photo has any physical connection to the person. It’s just a bunch of glowing pixels. And they’re not even the same pixels from device to device.

If it was that easy to curse people from afar, all of AVfM would be cratered rubble by now.

ssaly88
6 years ago

Cool! I didn’t know there were so many other witches on this site! And I’m glad to know that there are very few of us that were casting curses on fetuses over the net. I might have felt left out otherwise.

Also, agreeing with everyone who said that this is a nice diversion from the Roosh article.

Kestrel
Kestrel
6 years ago

Buttercup – People who are scared don’t act rationally. I am guessing that Pat is assuring the people he is frightening he can intercede on their behalf if they just send him 19.95 for something.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Didn’t he see Hocus-pocus? Witches like to wait for the kids to be born and grow healthily for a few years before eating them. Geez.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants:

Or is it an attempt to set Pat Robertson up as an authority figure (and separate frightened people from their money) because he sees all kinds of dangers that no one else does?

This, which pretty much defines his whole career. There’s plenty of money separation, but even beyond that he just wants to take the position of patriarch and dispense wisdom from on high. I’m certain most of his nonsense is just coming from the top of his head, but he’s convinced himself that he’s always right so he mixes up what he’s made up and what he’s sourced from his religion and bible.

At his age, he’s basically just doddering around on a couch on TV spewing stream-of-consciousness opinions. It’s like he’s an elderly emperor/king that everyone just tries to placate because of his position of authority, except for some reason some folks take him seriously.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

squishy amphibian-babies

Why does such a commonly-terrifying image have such an adorable description?

Cuddlesquid
Cuddlesquid
6 years ago

I’m disappointed that he hasn’t also advised this woman to make sure she orders extra golden plates for the baby’s christening dinner. I mean, you just never know what some miffed guest might do if they don’t get their party favors!

samantha
6 years ago

If it was that easy to curse people from afar, all of AVfM would be cratered rubble by now.

Ah, one can only wish…and hope…and work a little magic. 🙂 🙂

samantha
6 years ago

Didn’t he see Hocus-pocus? Witches like to wait for the kids to be born and grow healthily for a few years before eating them. Geez.

I know, right? I mean, they need a little muscle and a little fat. And there is just not enough to satisfy the appetite when they are so tiny. Although…they make yummy appetizers.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

Ah, witches. So behind the times. Us atheists have long ago recognized the delicious splendor of baby barbecue. The secret is in the sauce!

Anne Mette
Anne Mette
6 years ago

Witches have other and better Things to do than cursing unborn babies. But now I might consider cursing Pat Robertson….

proxieme
proxieme
6 years ago

Towards the end of pregnancy, babies don’t have a lot of wiggle room. On an ultrasound their faces look squished, with flat noses and slitted eyes and mouths like frogs. It can be unsettling.

My husband wasn’t quite prepared for the state of a baby’s head as it *ahem* emerges.
He later gigglingly admitted to me that his panicked thoughts included, “JUST GET OUT OF MOMMY, QUASIMODO BABY! WE’LL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!”

Kane Thari
6 years ago

The church I used to go to wasn’t this nutty, but they discouraged Halloween a lot, and once, when I was going though their library (I was in fourth or fifth grade at the time) and I found a book about how Harry Potter encouraged children to join witch covens. I thought my old church was odd, but reading this…

Kane Thari
6 years ago

Also, sorry if my earlier comment seemed to come out of left field. I wrote it when there were only a few other commenters, then got distracted.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

@Kane Thari:

I think anti-Harry Potter folks overestimate the attention span of their children. Harry Potter is a world where witches and wizards wave wands around and make magical lights and big noises appear instantly. Can you imagine a kid going to join a coven, only to find the same boring standing and sitting and kneeling and chanting they’d find in church? Subtle promises of future power aren’t exactly appealing when compared to big explosions.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
6 years ago

And here’s to you, Mr. Robertson,
Jesus loves you less than you can know.
God help you, please Mr. Robertson.
Heaven isn’t just about how much you pray,
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

We’d like a picture of your fetus to defile
We’d like to help you and say, **** yourself.
Look around you all you see are Satanic eyes,
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home.

Knowing Robertson, I’m pretty sure by “witches,” he means “feminists.” (Or “lesbians.”)

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
6 years ago

Kane: there was that famous article by The Onion that fooled lots of parents into believing Harry Potter was causing Satanism among children.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/harry-potter-books-spark-rise-in-satanism-among-ch,2413/

Jarred H
6 years ago

Damn. Pat Robertson is onto us. I’ll have to alert my coven.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

Oh wow, that onion article was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while.

“I used to believe in what they taught us at Sunday School,” said Ashley, conjuring up an ancient spell to summon Cerebus, the three-headed hound of hell.

You know, as you do.

Magpie
6 years ago

So that’s what this woman was up to:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-08/woman-who-allegedly-sold-fake-baby-ultrasound-images-charged/5952358

She was protecting the fetuseseses from witches!

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Best line in that Onion Piece, with the bit that tickles my little bio-heart most bolded:

“I have this one student in the fifth grade who’d never read a book before in his life. Now he’s read Sorcerer’s Stone, Prisoner Of Azkaban, Chamber Of Secrets, Goblet Of Fire, The Seven Scrolls Of The Black Rose, The Necronomicon, The Satanic Bible, The Origin Of Species—you name it.”

Ah, fictional principle, I so feel your fictional happiness! Yes! Let the little kiddies read all the books! Whoohoo!

dhag85
6 years ago

While this is just silly and stupid, remember that Pat Robertson is also a genuinely disgusting parasite of a person. A while back I saw a video from The 700 Club where he got a question from, as I recall, an old woman who said she and her husband had been basically tithing to the church her whole life despite having very low incomes. Now her husband (again, I might get the details wrong here) had problems with his teeth, and she just couldn’t see how to figure all this stuff out. Would god come through for them? Pat’s answer: just keep giving away all your money and god will fix everything! Get a job even though you’re 80 years old! Sell your possessions on eBay!

So yeah.. I also don’t support violence, but can we at least kill.. NO… ok, can we just lock him up somewhere?

yutolia
yutolia
6 years ago

Maybe the curse is that they’ll be the type of person who listens to Pat Robertson?

contrapangloss
6 years ago

*Ehem… fictional principal. English and all the homophones. 🙁

Kakanian
Kakanian
6 years ago

This is still not as outrageous as the coven of witch-doctors that has been dominating the upper echelons of the austrian hospital system by hexing nation’s ground water with their mad magical drum beats.

Yes, that’s an actual conspiracy theory somebody came up with.

ParadoxicalIntention
6 years ago

As someone who has just started studying witchcraft, ain’t no witch got time for that.

I got to keep studying spells and how to grow proper herb gardens, how to cleanse my altar, what gems and tools I should stock up on, and good ways to participate in the holidays (I found a really yummy-looking recipe for Moon Cookies for Yule!) and plan for when I can practice in the open and have the money to practice how I wish. And that’s just the witchcraft stuff. I don’t have time for Sally McFacebook’s unborn grandchild spawn. It’s great you want to protect your grandchildren, but really? You’re worried about me, not the person who’s trying to indoctrinate your grandkids to give him all their money?

I honestly don’t believe in practicing curses though, mostly because I believe in karma (and the Rule of Three). My karma is too precious to waste on your unborn grandchild and I would never punish an unborn child for anything, no matter how shitty the bearer is. Nor would I waste karma cursing someone I’ve never even met. (Also, I tend to stay off of Facebook entirely, so that helps me keep my Vow of Witchy Niceness.)

Nicola Paton
Nicola Paton
6 years ago

Another pagan, pantheist witch here.

Oh, Pat Robertson. Citation needed.

I’d hate to be him. So terrified of witches, poor people and happy gay couples. In fact, pretty sure this guy spends more time thinking of gay sex than actual gay men do.

WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

My dyslexia read “ROB PATTINSON” on the title. My first thought was “I could see R. Pattz saying that.”

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

I think witches have better things to do. Unless you’ve angered a witch and they’re targetting you, but then the moral of the story is not to upset witches, not that posting things on facebook is dangerous.

Yup.

For whatever this is worth, I’m a witch. And if I see an ultrasound on Facebook from a friend who’s expecting a kid (or grandkid), all I do is click “like” and say congratulations.

And besides, everyone knows that witches don’t curse unborn children, they steal newborns out of their cribs and swap ’em for troll babies. [/sarcasm, in case needed]

ParadoxicalIntention
6 years ago

WatermelonSugar | February 18, 2015 at 4:28 pm

My dyslexia read “ROB PATTINSON” on the title. My first thought was “I could see R. Pattz saying that.”

Eh, I couldn’t. He doesn’t seem the type to think that witches are out to get him. Twilight fangirls, maybe.

ParadoxicalIntention
6 years ago

Also, I’d like to express my sheer (happy!) surprise that there are so many witches on here. Holy shit! 😀

M.
M.
6 years ago

Kane: there was that famous article by The Onion that fooled lots of parents into believing Harry Potter was causing Satanism among children.

My (fundamentalist Christian) high school literally banned Harry Potter because of that article until I explained to them what The Onion was. I wish I was kidding. ಠ_ಠ

Kestrel
Kestrel
6 years ago

Bina – Hey! No giving away ALL the witchy secrets! Besides, every witch knows you swap newborns with fairy changelings. ????

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