Sometimes I forget that there are other people in the world who say things as bizarrely retrograde as the douchebags I write about here.
Case in point: televangelist and veteran sayer-of-bizarrely-retrograde-things Pat Robertson. On The 700 Club Monday, Right Wing Watch reports, Robertson answered a question from a woman who was worried, for some reason, about her daughter posting ultrasound pics on Facebook.
The kindly old preacher offered her yet another reason to worry:
I tell you, there are demons and there are evil people in the world, and you post a picture like that and some cultist gets hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child. You never know what somebody’s going to do.
You never know.
Also, you should probably worry if your pregnant daughter develops an external womb.This is a sign that she may be breeding a small army of murderous rage-babies (see below), at least if this documentary by David Cronenberg is any guide.
NOTE: The Cronenberg movie is not actually a documentary. Also, covens of witches are not going to curse your fetus using Facebook.
Reminds me of some of the more superstitious folk down where my ancestors are from (Eastern KY/southwestern WV coal country)…all sorts of weird things could “mark” your baby. Looking at your dog’s feet was one my mom told me about…
Oh, thank God. We needed some silly after the Roosh article.
Well if witches don’t do it then Pat Robertson will!
I think witches have better things to do. Unless you’ve angered a witch and they’re targetting you, but then the moral of the story is not to upset witches, not that posting things on facebook is dangerous. This is a breath of fresh air after that Roosh stuff, though.
@Lee
I have family in the WV coal country. They believe in some weird shit in those hills. Half the relatives are honest-to-god snake handlers and they truly believe in hill witches that will hex you via the evil eye if they see you in the supermarket. Grandma used to watch 700 Club faithfully and got her daily dose of ol’ Pat and Jerry before she finally passed, may whatever is out there rest and hopefully improve her cruel, racist soul.
Seems to me that pedophiles pose a far greater FB threat than vague “cultists”.
This reminds me of that Kimberly Daniels article from a few years ago, where she claimed that Halloween candy is cursed:
It’s the secret that Big Candy doesn’t want you to know! Thousands of witches are on the payroll, roaming the factory floor in hairnets and mass-cursing the Red Hots!
(Actually, I will agree that Mary Janes are heathen devil spawn.)
As an actual practicing witch I can confirm 100% that I spend my spare time roaming Facebook and casting nondescript curses (by muttering to myself) on random people’s fetus pictures. For the lulz.
I’ll get you my pretty! And your little fetus too! *cackles maniacally*
You’d think curses would be one of those “no trouble at all” problems for Jesus to sort out for you.
Magic is kind of terrifying. You gotta make sure nobody knows your true name, or gets a bit of your hair or clothing, or just gets a good look at you, or gives you apples or candy, and now you gotta protect pictures of fetus-you too? Yeesh.
Demons and witches must be the laziest supernatural creatures in the world; cursing people is so easy and there are so many ways to do it, it’s a wonder that everyone in the world isn’t worshiping Satan by now.
Well, if there’s a chance someone will curse the photo, isn’t there an equal chance some kind of internet wizard will bless it? I’m just saying, could be worth the risk.
Ugh. Isn’t Pat Robertson like, 85 years old? I know it’s wrong to wish death on someone but can’t he just die peacefully in his sleep sometime soon?
Anyway, I have no qualms about giving out sweets on Halloween and I’m Christian too. Its candy, not a satanic ritual for crying out loud.
As a witch, I have never cursed anyone ever. None of the witches I know would either. We believe in the rule of three, i.e. everything you send out into the world returns on you threefold. Pat Robertson should meet actual practicing witches. He is just so wrong.
@NonServiam:
There are so many grifters in the world that I’m surprised nobody has decided to offer “facebook blessings.” Send a link to the photo of your loved fetus and $10 and they’ll protect them from any potential curses!
“facebook blessings.”
After hearing about blessed oils that make angels protect your car for you, that totally sounds like a real service someone could be selling.
Buttercup,
I could very well be mistaken, but I wouldn’t think pedophiles were especially interested in ultrasounds.
Well, after reading what the “good” preacher said, I laughed my ass, my elbows and my boobs right off. After picking them up, dusting them off and re-attaching them, I sat and giggled a bit.
I AM a witch, a pagan, and a pantheist. I believe that every particle and sub-atomic particle is part of the body of the Source of All Things and that what we cheerfully call “reality” is how the Source knows itself. It is how All That Is plays, experiments and grows. Oh, and this includes science, which I believe to be one of the many, many ways the Source knows itself.
By contrast, the “Reverend” Mr. Robertson paints a picture of a tiny, dried up world based on fear and hate. Whenever something or someone not of his in group comes to his attention, he spews hate and tells everyone to be afraid, be very afraid because THERE is the devil. And he points his finger, demands that we cast out the “evil” one…and then he tells his followers to send him lots of money…for god…so that “evil” can be vanquished.
Now I ask you, if you had to pick either Ellen Degeneris (the supposed cause of Hurricane Katrina, since god was punishing her home town for BEING her home town) or the “good” preacher to be the poster child of evil, which would you pick?
Orion – I wasn’t thinking of ultrasounds in particular, I was thinking more of pictures of children in general, especially naked bath photos and such. People don’t think about their kids’ digital privacy much.
The thing is, a lot of women fear having babies that are severely deformed or misshapen, and unfortunately Pat Robertson is tapping into that primal fear. Ultrasounds often heighten that fear, particularly the 3D ones that make your baby look like they’re sculpted out of a block of cheese. (One of my twins was nicknamed “Cheddar Bob”, for that very reason.)
Towards the end of pregnancy, babies don’t have a lot of wiggle room. On an ultrasound their faces look squished, with flat noses and slitted eyes and mouths like frogs. It can be unsettling. Women who listen to Pat Robertson and see squishy amphibian-babies on their ultrasounds might be very easily persuaded that some unknown person is cursing them from afar.
What even is the point of spreading such lies, besides upsetting and scaring people unnecessarily? It’s not like the Bible forbids the sharing of unborn-baby images. Is this another attempt to drive women out of public spaces (ie the internet)? Or is it an attempt to set Pat Robertson up as an authority figure (and separate frightened people from their money) because he sees all kinds of dangers that no one else does?
It doesn’t even make any sense. If an evil witch wanted to target someone using this method, couldn’t they just as easily draw a stick figure and curse that? It’s not like a Facebook photo has any physical connection to the person. It’s just a bunch of glowing pixels. And they’re not even the same pixels from device to device.
If it was that easy to curse people from afar, all of AVfM would be cratered rubble by now.
Cool! I didn’t know there were so many other witches on this site! And I’m glad to know that there are very few of us that were casting curses on fetuses over the net. I might have felt left out otherwise.
Also, agreeing with everyone who said that this is a nice diversion from the Roosh article.
Buttercup – People who are scared don’t act rationally. I am guessing that Pat is assuring the people he is frightening he can intercede on their behalf if they just send him 19.95 for something.
Didn’t he see Hocus-pocus? Witches like to wait for the kids to be born and grow healthily for a few years before eating them. Geez.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants:
This, which pretty much defines his whole career. There’s plenty of money separation, but even beyond that he just wants to take the position of patriarch and dispense wisdom from on high. I’m certain most of his nonsense is just coming from the top of his head, but he’s convinced himself that he’s always right so he mixes up what he’s made up and what he’s sourced from his religion and bible.
At his age, he’s basically just doddering around on a couch on TV spewing stream-of-consciousness opinions. It’s like he’s an elderly emperor/king that everyone just tries to placate because of his position of authority, except for some reason some folks take him seriously.
Why does such a commonly-terrifying image have such an adorable description?
I’m disappointed that he hasn’t also advised this woman to make sure she orders extra golden plates for the baby’s christening dinner. I mean, you just never know what some miffed guest might do if they don’t get their party favors!
Ah, one can only wish…and hope…and work a little magic. 🙂 🙂