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Pat Robertson warns women: If you put ultrasound pics on Facebook, witches may curse your unborn child!

horror_rosemarys_baby

Sometimes I forget that there are other people in the world who say things as bizarrely retrograde as the douchebags I write about here.

Case in point: televangelist and veteran sayer-of-bizarrely-retrograde-things Pat Robertson. On The 700 Club Monday, Right Wing Watch reports,  Robertson answered a question from a woman who was worried, for some reason, about her daughter posting ultrasound pics on Facebook.

The kindly old preacher offered her yet another reason to worry:

I tell you, there are demons and there are evil people in the world, and you post a picture like that and some cultist gets hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child. You never know what somebody’s going to do.
You never know.

Also, you should probably worry if your pregnant daughter develops an external womb.This is a sign that she may be breeding a small army of murderous rage-babies (see below), at least if this documentary by David Cronenberg is any guide.

Children can be so much work!
Children can be so much work!
NOTE: The Cronenberg movie is not actually a documentary. Also, covens of witches are not going to curse your fetus using Facebook.

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Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@Samantha “Has anyone here seen JourneyQuest 1 and 2??”

I have!

dhag85
5 years ago

Doesn’t the “kill their children” part just mean abortion?

ParadoxicalIntention
5 years ago

dhag85 | February 19, 2015 at 3:19 am

Doesn’t the “kill their children” part just mean abortion?

Considering that Pat Robertson is one of those “women need to get married and have lots of babies because that’s God’s Plan!” types, I wouldn’t put it past him to consider not having children at all some kind of murder of future children.

If a woman’s not having babies, her body is apparently going to waste.

Magpie
5 years ago
proxieme
proxieme
5 years ago

If a woman’s not having babies, her body is apparently going to waste.

*singing* Eeevery eeeegg is say-cred…*/singing*

re: Abortionplex: I had friends of friends who thought that that was true -_-

Vanir (@Vanir85)
5 years ago

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Right nut of an MGTOW;
Into boiling broth I throw.
Give the magic smell of Roosh;
throw into an unwashed douche.
Finally, from Voice For Men;
Stake and bake no less than ten.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

“Cackle! Cackle! Cackle!”

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

Women who listen to Pat Robertson and see squishy amphibian-babies on their ultrasounds might be very easily persuaded that some unknown person is cursing them from afar.

“She turned my baby into a newt!”

At his age, he’s basically just doddering around on a couch on TV spewing stream-of-consciousness opinions. It’s like he’s an elderly emperor/king that everyone just tries to placate because of his position of authority, except for some reason some folks take him seriously.

Maybe it’s because he’s increasingly looking like Master Yoda.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

Here’s Raw Story quoting Robertson on Facebook fetus fotos:

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/pat-robertson-to-abhorrent-moms-covens-use-your-facebook-ultrasounds-to-curse-unborn-babies/

“I just don’t think this business of posting photos of the most intimate parts of your body on Facebook, I just can’t see it,” the TV preacher added. “To me, it’s abhorrent. But it isn’t necessarily unbiblical. It’s just abhorrent.”

Looks like he was just squicked out and chose to find some “spiritual” explanation for why posting ultrasound pics is a bad idea. Then he admitted it’s really a very intuitive, rather than biblical, case of moral reasoning.

I guess if you believe God has granted PRobz a special prophetic insight, then he’s a walking, talking amendment of Bible and what’s abomination unto him is same unto God.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

TO STOP A TROUBLE MAKER JAR SPELL
Write the name of the person on a piece of parchment/paper, fold it twice.
Take a lime and cut it twice, once diagonally and once horizontally, but don’t cut it all the
way into four pieces.
Place the paper or parchment inside the lime and hold it together with two long steel nails. Place the lime into a clean glass jar and put into it some ash, salt and vinegar and screw the lid on tight. The ash and salt are supposed to thwart their efforts to cause you trouble of any kind, and the vinegar and lime should sour their own affairs at the same time.

Oh, that’s a goodie. Cheap and simple, and certainly will do the job. It’s also a variant on the old “Witch’s Bottle” spell, which new home owners used to do in olden times. You’d put a bunch of rusty nails, screws, broken mirror fragments and other sharp pointy household junk in a glass jar, then add your own urine (and if you were menstruating, some of your menstrual blood as well), cap the jar, then bury it near the boundary of your new property to keep all malign influences away. The urine and/or blood would be property markers (think how animals mark territory by pissing on it). In essence, they are there to say “this place is mine”. The metal objects (mirror fragments count, because in the old days actual silver was used to create the reflective backing) were considered to deflect curses and other ill-will headed your way, bouncing it back out in random directions, diffused. The spell was typically reinforced by circumambulation, that is, walking around the property, perhaps chanting prayers or whispering incantations of protection along the way, or else just silently keeping protective thoughts in mind, and projecting that energy outward. It was usually done counterclockwise, to “turn back” all negativity, and done during the dark of the Moon, a time associated with diminution, to minimize harm. I’ve done a variant of it, and haven’t had a single break-in, ever, anyplace I lived. (If you’re moving, you can either dig up the bottle and take it with you, or empty it, dispose of its contents safely, and make a new one when you’re settling in at your new place.)

And when I lived in the student ghetto in Kingston, in a basement apartment (and for the most part alone), I actually asked Thor to guard my door. I did a rough pencil-crayon sketch of his face, with a horned helmet and red beard, and included it in a charm-bag I attached to the doorknob (since I couldn’t do a proper Witch’s Bottle spell at temporary housing). Never had any break-ins or trouble there, either, even though such a vulnerable place would be easy as pie for a criminal to get into. One time, a young friend, who had gotten in touch with me because I’d written an article on Wicca for a local alternative paper, came by unannounced while I was out. He knocked, but got no answer. Then, he said, he heard a booming voice in his head saying “GO AWAY.” He was quite spooked until I explained that I’d put Thor on guard duty there, and that Old Redbeard was just taking his job a little too seriously. (Thor’s very strong, and definitely protective, but he’s not terribly bright, as I found out.)

Back in the 1980’s, a few witchy woman friends and I did a binding like this, using red yarn, on a very powerful member of Reagans staff. Since the guy was an environmental nightmare, we felt pretty good about doing it. Long story short, the binding was to prevent ANY action on his part that would harm the environment. Within a month or so, he lost his job. We were SOOOO happy!

Good one! I did justice spells to stop a serial killer then on the loose in the Miramichi (he was caught within days) and to bring the killers of the nuns in Guatemala to justice (about a week later, there was an arrest). It’s always satisfying to see these things work, and they do tend to bring pretty dramatic results.

Go Step On a Lego binding jar
Ingredients:
A small wax doll with a piece of the troublemaker bonded with it, or piece of parchment/paper with the troublemaker’s name written on it in red ink
a handful of Legos (off-brand will do, it’s the sharp, small pieces of plastic that count.)
a jar large enough to hold the Legos and the doll

Place the Legos and the item symbolizing the troublemaker into the jar, and give it a little shake. Seal with red wax, and put away in a safe place.

Heeheeheehee, I like that.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Right nut of an MGTOW;
Into boiling broth I throw.
Give the magic smell of Roosh;
throw into an unwashed douche.
Finally, from Voice For Men;
Stake and bake no less than ten.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

And this, too.

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Cursing an unborn child is always terrible, unless the mother is Lavinia Whateley.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

If any of you would like to add to it or edit it, feel free. : 3

I would add a black ribbon to ensure it happens in the darkness.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

the magic that works best is the magic you believe in, and the best tools are the ones you most love to use.

That’s a beautiful way to put it, and I agree wholeheartedly.

On second thought, it works for non-magic stuff as well (like art, personal projects, talking to my daughter…)

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

” Candles and thinking angry thoughts were also sometimes involved. ”

Fucking scented candles? You can’t see it, but a tear is slowly tracking down my cheek.

ParadoxicalIntention
5 years ago

Luzbelitx | February 19, 2015 at 10:22 am

I would add a black ribbon to ensure it happens in the darkness.

In the jar, or tied around it afterwards? Either way, it’s a nice addition!

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Oh, that reminds me: If you want someone to step on Legos in the dark, maybe wrap the jar in a black cloth or drawstring bag. That would supply total darkness!

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

@ParadoxicalIntention

I would’ve said in the jar, but tied around it makes more sense to me.

Wrapping the jar in a black cloth as Bina suggests sounds even more effective.

It could also be the lego bricks inside a black bag, maybe?

I’ll leave it to your creativity this time, I think 🙂

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

No, if you want someone stepping on Legos in the dark, you need to spread them around on the bottom of your tiger pit trap before you conceal it for use. Believe me, it’s dark at the bottom of those things if you dig them deep enough!

katz
5 years ago

It’s been really interesting hearing you witches talk about the stuff you do. (And if anyone feels like summoning rain down here, feel free!)

paradoxicalintent
paradoxicalintent
5 years ago

Bina

Oh, that reminds me: If you want someone to step on Legos in the dark, maybe wrap the jar in a black cloth or drawstring bag. That would supply total darkness!

Would storing it in a dark place also work? Like in the back of a closet or in a shoebox?

SCH
SCH
5 years ago

Will somebody please check him for dementia…

Karalora
5 years ago

@katz,

I am “down here.” Los Angeles area, yeah? I’ve been hitting up the weather gods on a near-constant basis since fall. I hear we’re back to normal rainfall levels for the winter, so I guess it’s at least not hurting?

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

A dark place would do nicely. A sumphole sounds about right…

mephistephanies
5 years ago

Sadly, we still need their actual baby fat and/or a lock of their hair. We haven’t gone digital yet.

soup or man?
soup or man?
5 years ago

Refreshing to see an article that’s not about Elam, Roosh, or the other shit-vipers!

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I think Pat Robertson is secretly a mixture of taxidermy and robotics being operated by the 700 club. The real Pat died some time ago.
Have to keep the money coming in…