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"No vagina on the planet will give you superpowers," and 9 other baffling Manosphere memes from the mind of Ian Ironwood

Wait, what?
Wait, what?

Ian Ironwood, as he calls himself, is the proprietor of the blog The Red Pill Room. He’s also a big fan of retro art.  Alas, he has attempted to combine these two interests, producing a series of baffling “memes” in which he pastes little manosophere lessons on top of artwork borrowed from postwar American magazines and paperbacks.

Here are 9 more of my favorites, pulled from Ironwood’s Twitter stream.

1) “Your sudden newfound support for feminism will do absolutely nothing to get you laid.”

In this meme from last Fall, Ironwood tries to warn any young men who’ve fallen under the spell of Emma Watson that taking up feminism will not entitle them to a harem of sexy feminist ladies. Why anyone would assume that it would is unclear. but evidently in Ian Ironwood’s world, nothing is worth doing unless it’s guaranteed to get you laid.

Feminism: the snooty nurse of ideologies.
Feminism: a snooty scientific researcher that doesn’t believe in safety goggles

2) “Always flush it yourself!”

Of course, those fellas who do manage to get themselves laid have a whole other set of problems, one of the most pressing being the ever-present threat of spermburgling. Yes, it’s true (by which I mean “not true”): Women are devious creatures who will sneak used condoms out of the wastebasket in order to impregnate themselves and thereby set themselves up for a lifetime of sweet, sweet child support payments.

So flush all your condoms down the toilet. After filling them with tabasco sauce. And thumbtacks. Then jump out the window and run, run like the wind!

I WANT YOUR ... SPERM!
I WANT YOUR … SPERM!

3) “Until shit’s on fire.”

Apparently, anyone whose house catches on fire should put it out themselves.

Not sure the firefighters are going to be able to save this house.
Not sure the firefighters are going to be able to save this house.

4) “ELIMINATE the dads … and EFFEMINIZE the sons.”

Dads! Defeat the feminazis with Orange Crush.

Nothing puts hair on your chest faster than carbonated beverages.
Nothing puts hair on your chest faster than carbonated beverages.

5) “It’s your son’s best defense against feminism!”

Apparently, being an “active and involved dad” means going after feminism with a baseball bat?

Kid looks a little worried about dad.
Kid looks a little worried about dad. I don’t blame him.

6) “Real men know their place!”

You know, if you’re trying to get across the idea that feminism is all about women dominating men, you guys should probably stop illustrating your rants with sexualized pictures of dominant women designed to appeal to men with BDSM fetishes. Because this isn’t something that feminists are forcing on men; this is something that dudes actually seek out and sometimes pay a lot of money for.

Your fetishes have spilled all over the internet again.
Your fetishes have spilled all over the internet again.

7) “Don’t help them unless ordered to!”

Apparently the best way to protect yourself from accusations of sexual harassment is to be a giant douchebag.

Bosses love it when their employees are completely unfelpful to half of the other employees
Bosses love employees who are complete dicks to half of the other employees

8) “Not really a viable Reproductive Strategy anymore.”

Apparently Mr. Ironwood has confused feminism with lesbianism. And confused lesbianism with two women in slinky dresses looking out of two large holes that someone has cut into their front doors. And confused both with “reproductive strategies.” Also, he’s evidently unaware that lesbians can in fact have children.

I have no idea what is going on here.
I have no idea what is going on here.

9) “Wake me up when it’s ok to be a boy again!”

Forget about Ian Ironwood for a second. I just want to know why this poor kid’s hand has been replaced by a dog’s asshole.

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friday jones
friday jones
9 years ago

Rocketman had to land and dunk his heels in a bucket of water while steam came out and he got a comical expression of exaggerated relief. Only approved Venture Industries rocket boots are both stylish and useful for many tasks in the home and place of business.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

@Miss Andry:

On Ian’s blog, he attempts to deconstruct “blue-pill dating advice” from another blog. The advice is actually kind of clever, the basic idea being “the right time to compliment her appearance is the time when it’d be appropriate to tickle her.”

His response was something along these lines; “Well, that won’t get you laid. If you don’t compliment/bother her/play ‘rude boy game,’ you won’t pass her initial shit-test and blah blah blah.” Basically he couldn’t fathom that the advice was assuming a different model than the “woman tests man for date-worthiness by pretending to be offended or disintrested” one red pillers use.

MRAs spend so long convincing themselves that they are all men and that their model of how women work is true that they literally can’t comprehend anything else. Seems like it’s less projection and more… I dunno, obstinate fervent belief.

A. Noyd
A. Noyd
9 years ago

These memes remind me: Did David ever do any posts on the movie Gone Girl? I saw it a few days ago now that it’s out on DVD and just… wow. The bad kind of wow.

I’d love to see his analysis of it.

Shaenon
9 years ago

My son’s response:

Shaenon
9 years ago
Shaenon
9 years ago

Dammit, I can’t get these awesome photos of my baby to post, and I’m too drunk to keep trying.

guest
guest
9 years ago

friday jones and MissyL have mentioned this, but I’d like to add on, because I think it’s significant and frightening. The ‘spermjacking’ meme is definitely projection–the reverse has happened to more than one female friend of mine, and does seem to be a thing:

http://jezebel.com/power-hungry-men-sabotaging-womens-birth-control-is-a-510465235

Mewens
Mewens
9 years ago

Is “properly resizing and sourcing art assets” a superpower? I mean, I don’t think a vagina can confer that knowledge, either, but I’m trying to quantify the difficulty of those tasks. Like, personally, I’d put ’em somewhere between “making a sammich” and “flying,” which, you know … probably explains why these cretins can’t do ’em.

(I’ll give credit where it’s due, though. I’ve spent the better part of the day trying to figure out what a friendly neighborhood Gina-Man’s powers would be.)

misseb47
misseb47
9 years ago
dhag85
dhag85
9 years ago

I always thought that if you have sex with a radioactive vagina you become a mangina.

Phil
Phil
9 years ago

Re picture 4 – does my being a feminist cancel out my being an active and involved Dad? It’s all so confusing.

Mind you, my son is almost a MGTOW, because among our family and neighbors there are literally no girls. A dozen boys within three years of his age and not one single girl.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
9 years ago

I wonder if a magic vagina works anything like a genie’s lamp?

Not quite. By rubbing her, you’ll basically just grant her a wish.

(Although if you’re a young scientist like me, and do the rubbing well, she might then wish you a grant.)

I was once with a guy that, out of nowhere, just became terribly nervous and ran to the bathroom, filled the condom with water, and threw it in the toilet (clogging everything a while later). I didn’t even know why he would do such silly thing, but he seemed oddly “relieved”.

Holy fuck I’m out of face to palm.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
9 years ago

When a house is on fire, you’re supposed to neg it. Everybody knows that.

Real men put out housefires by peeing on them. That’s obviously not something women can do.

lith
lith
9 years ago

Wake Me Up! …when it’s ok to be a boy again.

To be fair it’s always been okay to be a girl too, just one that sits in a corner waiting quietly for a male to address her and give her permission to speak, and possibly give him whatever sexual favours are required at that time – if he feels like it.
I know my history’s not great but I don’t think I’d be going out on a limb if I was to say there has never been a time when being a man was looked down on in the same way women still are today.

Poor MRAs with their glass ceilings, being paid less for doing the same job, being assumed to be the one that will stay at home with the kids because naturally their career is less valuable, being the primary target of DV and rape, etc. etc.
With an entire world of options before you and all you can do is blame those with no options for trying to get some options too. Because women wanting to be engineers, scientists, financiers, lawyers and astronauts is the cause of all your personal failures.
I’m so sorry you have to put up with women not wanting to live to serve men, that must be so hard for you.
/sarcasm

Apparently I’m feeling very grumpy today, distinct lack of sleep – going to stop ranting now or I’ll go on forever.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
9 years ago

Re: “spermjacking”

Based on non-MRA hearsay sources, it does happen more often than the blue moon, but generally only in rather limited circumstances.

It’s done by women in long-term relationships who really want to have a child, or who hope to better keep the man committed in the relationship. It’s done by secretly skipping hormonal birth control once you’ve agreed to not use condoms. It’s typically done by very young women who want to go straight from school to STAHPs because they have poor job prospects and a rosy view of motherhood and relationships.

It’s not usually done with one night stands, or if you only expect to get child support, or by scavenging used condoms, or by sexual coercion.

And yes, men do “wombjack” women by using sexual coercion or by sabotaging birth control, and that’s a considerably more serious offense.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

@Arctic Ape

(Although if you’re a young scientist like me, and do the rubbing well, she might then wish you a grant.)

That made me LOL! (MRAs would find it infuriating and baffling that you managed to do that without getting sued for harassment.)

Re: the baseball meme….speaking of “effeminizing”, why is the dad wearing a white linen napkin around his neck to quaff Coke at the ball park? That seems a tad unmanly.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Also Baseball Bat dad’s form is terrible. I personally know at least four women (myself included) who could teach Junior a better stance.

(Not denigrating the idea of father-son bonding, of course, just the received wisdom that sons can only learn manly-manly alpha stuff from their dad. My father was great at teaching me and my four brothers about opera, cooking, and gardening, but not so great with the fixing stuff and sports. Mom was the one who tackled serious house repairs. And yet my brothers all mysteriously learned how to play hockey, lacrosse, and football, despite having such an effeminizing upbringing. Back in our day, we had these things called “coaches”.)

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
9 years ago

Apparently, some people flush their used condoms down the toilet because they’re icked out by having their body fluids sitting in the trash bin. But then again, this is exactly why I rinse my condoms before trashing them.

I have never heard of anyone else doing this. Feminists sometimes honestly recommend the rinsing in response to MRA spermjack scaremongering, but that’s it. Does anyone seriously ever do it as a personal little hygiene ritual?

(Also, never heard of anyone using condoms in masturbation…)

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

Does that baseball bat look a bit small to anyone else? I’ve not held one in ages, but I feel like I remember them being bigger.

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
9 years ago

#2 is all because of one article by Liz Would-Be-Pitiful-If-She-Weren’t-So-Utterly-Awful Jones, of the Daily feMail, who decided that having a baby was something she should undertake without the knowledge or consent of her then-partner whom she knew did not want children.
dailymail.co.uk
And then she wrote about it in her widely-read newspaper column, claiming to be feminist and that her actions were totally justifiable. Because she is chronically dissociated from social acceptability and what most therapists would consider a healthy perspective on reality.

Also – Do not flush condoms – they are really bad for your plumbing.

#5 – YES! Do be an active and involved parent to your children! —- unless you’re only doing it to score points in an ideological battle, and not because you actually, y’know, love your kids and enjoy spending time with them. (How does Paul Elam reconcile himself with that advice, anyway?)

The rest I can’t even be bothered with. It’s just too stupid.

But for all their obsession with reproduction, don’t MRAs know this is where babies really come from? (From the disposable male stork, literally being chewed up and devoured by the eeevil Feminist kitties)

http://www.pbfcomics.com/269/

That Wednesday Adams vid has given me something to aspire to, though. Thank you for bringing this into my life, Paradox. 🙂

Ellesar
9 years ago

I skimmed the article by Liz Jones. Truly a dreadful person! Looking down on mumsy types because she was a feminist?! My arse! Women like this make feminists look bad, very bad. I am glad she did not have a child as someone that dishonest and self deluding would make a terrible parent

Miss Diketon
Miss Diketon
9 years ago

Wait, are they trying to say that real independent people fight their own housefires? As if some MRA idiot wouldn’t’ call the fire department if his house caught fire?

Of course they are! Considering the libertarian/MRA overlap, I would think having the State come in and fight your personal fire is Beta. Either fight that fire yourself or privately fund a fire protection service, that’s what a true Alpha would do.

PS: *My* ladybits *are* magical, thank you very much. HAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Kimstu
Kimstu
9 years ago

Amused that this “Red Pill Society” (and the American Atheists, for that matter) illustrate their commitment to “21st Century” hard-nosed “realism” with a logo of the Bohr atomic model, an oversimplified and now rather quaintly outdated interpretation of fundamental physics concepts.

When I see a picture of the Bohr atom with its neat little orbits, I don’t think cutting-edge science and uncompromising rationality, I think 1950’s-era fantasies of social conformity and ill-informed technophilia. Which I guess is no bad emblem of the Red Pill Society, come to think of it.

Lea
Lea
9 years ago

Which I guess is no bad emblem of the Red Pill Society, come to think of it.

or American Atheists really.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

There were a couple of incidents in Tennessee when the fire department responded to a call, then stood there with their hoses and equipment and watched the houses burn to the ground because the residents couldn’t afford to pay the $75.00 private protection fee.

This is what a libertarian’s dream world looks like.