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"No vagina on the planet will give you superpowers," and 9 other baffling Manosphere memes from the mind of Ian Ironwood

Wait, what?
Wait, what?

Ian Ironwood, as he calls himself, is the proprietor of the blog The Red Pill Room. He’s also a big fan of retro art.  Alas, he has attempted to combine these two interests, producing a series of baffling “memes” in which he pastes little manosophere lessons on top of artwork borrowed from postwar American magazines and paperbacks.

Here are 9 more of my favorites, pulled from Ironwood’s Twitter stream.

1) “Your sudden newfound support for feminism will do absolutely nothing to get you laid.”

In this meme from last Fall, Ironwood tries to warn any young men who’ve fallen under the spell of Emma Watson that taking up feminism will not entitle them to a harem of sexy feminist ladies. Why anyone would assume that it would is unclear. but evidently in Ian Ironwood’s world, nothing is worth doing unless it’s guaranteed to get you laid.

Feminism: the snooty nurse of ideologies.
Feminism: a snooty scientific researcher that doesn’t believe in safety goggles

2) “Always flush it yourself!”

Of course, those fellas who do manage to get themselves laid have a whole other set of problems, one of the most pressing being the ever-present threat of spermburgling. Yes, it’s true (by which I mean “not true”): Women are devious creatures who will sneak used condoms out of the wastebasket in order to impregnate themselves and thereby set themselves up for a lifetime of sweet, sweet child support payments.

So flush all your condoms down the toilet. After filling them with tabasco sauce. And thumbtacks. Then jump out the window and run, run like the wind!

I WANT YOUR ... SPERM!
I WANT YOUR … SPERM!

3) “Until shit’s on fire.”

Apparently, anyone whose house catches on fire should put it out themselves.

Not sure the firefighters are going to be able to save this house.
Not sure the firefighters are going to be able to save this house.

4) “ELIMINATE the dads … and EFFEMINIZE the sons.”

Dads! Defeat the feminazis with Orange Crush.

Nothing puts hair on your chest faster than carbonated beverages.
Nothing puts hair on your chest faster than carbonated beverages.

5) “It’s your son’s best defense against feminism!”

Apparently, being an “active and involved dad” means going after feminism with a baseball bat?

Kid looks a little worried about dad.
Kid looks a little worried about dad. I don’t blame him.

6) “Real men know their place!”

You know, if you’re trying to get across the idea that feminism is all about women dominating men, you guys should probably stop illustrating your rants with sexualized pictures of dominant women designed to appeal to men with BDSM fetishes. Because this isn’t something that feminists are forcing on men; this is something that dudes actually seek out and sometimes pay a lot of money for.

Your fetishes have spilled all over the internet again.
Your fetishes have spilled all over the internet again.

7) “Don’t help them unless ordered to!”

Apparently the best way to protect yourself from accusations of sexual harassment is to be a giant douchebag.

Bosses love it when their employees are completely unfelpful to half of the other employees
Bosses love employees who are complete dicks to half of the other employees

8) “Not really a viable Reproductive Strategy anymore.”

Apparently Mr. Ironwood has confused feminism with lesbianism. And confused lesbianism with two women in slinky dresses looking out of two large holes that someone has cut into their front doors. And confused both with “reproductive strategies.” Also, he’s evidently unaware that lesbians can in fact have children.

I have no idea what is going on here.
I have no idea what is going on here.

9) “Wake me up when it’s ok to be a boy again!”

Forget about Ian Ironwood for a second. I just want to know why this poor kid’s hand has been replaced by a dog’s asshole.

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Headless Unicorn Guy
Headless Unicorn Guy
9 years ago

“No vagina on the planet will ever give you superpowers.”

THAT sounds like some sort of pornographic parody of superhero origin stories. I’m surprised it hasn’t been tried somewhere in Underground Comix.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

“those sort of stories only made me afraid of women.)”

The only woman I’m afraid of is Virginia Woolf.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
9 years ago

1. So men can only be feminists to get laid. And feminist men never get laid. Ever. Totes.

2. Spermjacking is not a thing. And nobody wants MRA sperm. Shut up MRAs.

3. If my house is ever on fire I’ll make a note to call the super manly MRA brigade to come and be manly at the fire until it is intimidated into submission. Previously I’d have called the fire brigade – thanks for the tip!

4. My youngest son has never met his dad through his dad’s own choice. He doesn’t seem “effeminized” to me. Am I doing it wrong? Can anyone here give me feminising tips?

5. Do my sons need protection from feminism? There I was thinking that fighting against traditional gender roles was widening their options.

6. Why is that rant all capitalised? Is it a book title? If so, it’s not very catchy.

7. I work in a team that’s about half men, half women. Everyone in the team is really close. It’s why our success rates are huge. There hasn’t been any accusations of sexual harassment because none of us are raging misogynists. Have you just tried not being an entitled misogynist, MRAs?

8. Shit, that’s why I’ve not been getting pregnant lately! I’ve been just reading feminist literature, improperly feminising my sons and earning more than Mr. Luna and it wasn’t working at all. Another handy tip, thanks MRAs.

9. Umm, it’s always been ok. It’s just that now it’s ok to be a girl too.

Bluecollarnerd
9 years ago

#5, holy shit is an MRA actually advocating fatherhood? That is literally the only time I’ve ever seen an MRA praise fatherhood, like ever.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

When a house is on fire, you’re supposed to neg it. Everybody knows that.

Bina
9 years ago

Oh, I get it. Cool guys walk away from explosions looking all dazed and glassy-eyed and possibly in shock, rather than running like hell and thus going faster and getting further from any flying debris that might injure them. Got it!

(Me and my poor widdle ladybrain.)

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

Also on number 7- If you’re worried a woman will report you for sexual harassment simply for talking to her, what’s to stop her from doing so if you ignore her? If you believe she’s evil and just wants you fired and management will take her word for it? What this guy really wants is gender segregated workspaces, better segregate by race too, can’t accuse him of workplace racism if he’s only got white dudes in his department, in fact, better segregate him to a tiny cubicle and make him work in the dead of night when everyone else is gone, oh, but what if the security guard is a woman? I guess the only way he gets what he wants is to ban all the women from workspaces. But wait! What if one of the other men in the office accuses him of sexual harassment, then he’ll get fired “AND” everyone will think he’s gay.

That “logic” really doesn’t play out well if you follow it down the rabbithole.

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

Guess someone has to link this

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

@ spindthrift

As someone who once turned around when hearing a noise behind me to find out one of my colleagues was using me to test a new flash-bang grenade, I can attest that not looking at explosions is pretty sound advice.

Nequam
Nequam
9 years ago

THAT sounds like some sort of pornographic parody of superhero origin stories. I’m surprised it hasn’t been tried somewhere in Underground Comix.

It has, but gender-flipped.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pro_%28comics%29

It also sounds skeevy as hell, as Garth Ennis is almost as bad as Mark Millar for this kind of thing.

Bina
9 years ago

Forget about Ian Ironwood for a second. I just want to know why this poor kid’s hand has been replaced by a dog’s asshole.

Okay, I just now saw that, and nearly choked myself laughing.

potterchik
potterchik
9 years ago

So that first one is confusing. Are there vaginas on OTHER planets that give you superpowers?

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

“So that first one is confusing. Are there vaginas on OTHER planets that give you superpowers?”

Probably on Venus.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
9 years ago

NicolaLuna

“4. Can anyone here give me feminising tips?”

Watch my little pony with him, make crafts with him like bracelets; teach him how to crochet, cook, buy him a doll and tell him that it’s ok to talk about his problems and seek help.

Maybe someone else can give you some more tips.

Scarlettathena
9 years ago

Soooo, I just visited Ian “Douchecanoe” Ironwood. His Twitter pic is a button that says “You had me at ‘blowjob'” and his description says he watches and reviews porn all day. “And I get paid for it. Envy me.” Why? Why would I want to watch porn all day? That sounds boring. I really like the job I have.

Anyway, there’s another meme of a man kissing a woman’s shoulder and the caption reads “Patriarchy…. Makes Me Wet!”

Sense I can’t make… The image makes no sense. And this is one of the better ones.

Lots of the others are total teal deers. I really nodded off on a couple.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
9 years ago

taking up feminism will not entitle them to a harem of sexy feminist ladies. Why anyone would assume that it would is unclear.

Well, why else would a man align himself with feminism?

On spermjacking: why bother? From what I hear, there are any number of dudes out there who will beg, plead, cajole, or even lie to get to have sex “bareback”. When we’re having to fight to get dudes to use condoms, why would we need to steal from the ones who do?

@WWTH, congrats on the new job!

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
9 years ago

Scarlettathena
Ewww
http://media.giphy.com/media/A6jRhaLajW9ZS/giphy.gif

Teal Deer is ‘too long didn’t read’ right?

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
9 years ago

I wonder if a magic vagina works anything like a genie’s lamp?

I can’t believe no one’s done this yet (I’m sorry):

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

“Teal Deer is ‘too long didn’t read’ right?”

Yep

ParadoxicalIntention
9 years ago

anemonerosie | February 16, 2015 at 3:01 pm

Can someone explain to me why these people don’t just get vasectomies if they’re so worried about spermjacking?

Because they want to impregnate their future houseslave wife someday and have many strong sons they can teach to disrespect their mother and other women someday.

baroncognito | February 16, 2015 at 3:59 pm

Regarding Vagina Genies:

I was thinking of that one too! Also, the latest one is absolutely hilarious (NSFW), and it feels like some kind of MRA fantasy world. “YOU’RE JUST TAXING ME FOR MY BIG PENIS!”

Jason Neuman
9 years ago

The funniest thing about this “Red Pill” BS is that the Matrix was made by feminists.

Sfumato720
Sfumato720
9 years ago

FWIW, #8, oddly, is a remaking of a pretty well know photo by Cartier-Bresson. He was documenting prostitutes in Mexico (?). In the original there are two very worn-out appearing women who are looking out from their “cribs” – might as well call them “stalls.” It is not a pretty picture by any means and yet Cartier has still caught the humanity of the women. So, IDK, remake the photo with 1950s seductive trope of women and…? I don’t want to spend too much time trying to understandthe whys and hows of MRAs etal, cause it hurts my brain.

Bina
9 years ago

His Twitter pic is a button that says “You had me at ‘blowjob’” and his description says he watches and reviews porn all day. “And I get paid for it. Envy me.”

Dude, I — no, I don’t envy you, even if that’s your job…because it has obviously turned you into a complete numbnuts. With a lot of fucked-up notions about women. To wit:

“Patriarchy…. Makes Me Wet!”

Unless that wetness is from vomit, nope. Just NOPE.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
9 years ago

http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-i-learned-from-worst-online-dating-profile-ever/

If 1% of women in the country buying Fifty Shades of Grey (and that’s being generous, since apparently JB never considered that at least *some* of those copies sold were to men) justifies abusing and raping men in MRA World, does this justify gold digging and pregnancy fraud, because “men like it”?

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
9 years ago

*abuses and raping women