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"What do fatties think of MGTOW" and other search term queries that will find no answer on this blog

Naked farting men: One of many topics not covered by this blog
Naked farting men: One of many topics not covered by this blog

So once again I took a look through some of the weirder search terms that people have used to get to this blog.

There are of course a number of misguided souls who get here by accident while searching, rather incompetently, for porn. Here are a few of their less obscene queries:

sex pron lades@man dowounlod

men who like to fart in womens faces

filling horny guim with egg

(I’m assuming this last one is a porn-related query. Though I have no idea what a “guim” is, and Urban Dictionary, frankly, is no help here.)

Perhaps the saddest of all the porn-related queries:

sexual contact between men and women videos

Aw, dude, seriously, there are like a billion videos of “sexual contact between men and women” online. It’s just that NONE OF THEM ARE ON THIS SITE.

There are also numerous visitors with seemingly urgent sexual questions to which this blog provides no answers:

my vagina gapes naturally

jerk off instructions serious

A suprising number of these involve spitting. Specfically, spitting into women’s mouths, a topic I addressed in one post some time ago.

what does spit in my mouth mean

what does it mean when a man spits in your mouth during sex

how do you spit in a girls mouth

why would you spit in someones mouth

What really strikes me, though, is how many of these queries would make perfect opening lines for truly awful conversations:

why are white women so stupid

i hate women that like bad boys

females are sneaky

what do fatties think of mgtow

how can i punch a woman

Backing away slowly now.

And then there was this one, essentially a very sad, very short story in the form of a Google query:

am somali matuher 45age my husband died now i need to marry his 25 years young brother of my husband died

Contact me to inquire about obtaining the movie rights to this or any of these other queries.

And if you’re feeling brave: see if you can work one of these phrases into a real-life conversation today, and report back on how it goes.

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Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@Ladysunami

I think the pathfinder sylph is pretty much the air genasi from 3.5 with minor changes cause of copyright.

Falconer
5 years ago

I haven’t checked out Pathfinder, even though apparently for the last few years it’s outsold D&D (that’s probably because it’s 3.5 cranked up to 11, and 4E struck me as kind of awkward, although it had some really great flavor).

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

Pathfinder’s been pretty good about inclusion for LGBT from what I’ve heard. I’d try it out if only there was time.

Falconer
5 years ago

The genasi are on my short list of races to replace elves with.

ladysunami
ladysunami
5 years ago

Hm, I thought air genasi had a level adjustment penalty, but I guess not. They are quite similar. Sylphs don’t get as many extra abilities though. Just once per day feather fall and one class dependent racial trait. No daily speed boosts or arrow deflection.

You are correct that sylphs aren’t necessarily half elementals. My character however is. Her mother is human and her father a djinn. This appears to have become plot relevant!

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

Genasi got a level adjustment, I think, but imo they didn’t warrant one like the tieflings/aasimar did. They had balanced stats and no energy resistances.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

For some reason I’m picturing a twilight zone-ey scenario where a MGTOW wakes up to find he’s the last person on earth, forced to actually go his own way, deprived of the female attention he so desperately craves.

Think even then he’d refuse to go his own way, propping up mannequins and pretending they’re begging him not to go.

Aaaand now I have a short-story idea I must flesh out. Thanks muchly!

BTW, here is a fat lady giving zero fucks. Not so much about mig-toes as about the science of obesity and what (predictably pathetic) things it has to say. Her attitude is refreshing.

katz
5 years ago

Pathfinder’s been pretty good about inclusion for LGBT from what I’ve heard.

And here’s from the D&D 5th edition PHB:

http://pbs.twimg.com/media/B9OHszACYAAiUDs.jpg:large

Fibinachi
5 years ago

I feel your considered story elements beat mine, my tiefling just realized she could sneeze spiders and that her parents – if loving – probably weren’t all honest about what old grand-grand called home…

contrapangloss
5 years ago

Pathfinder is fun. It’s the only RPGing I’ve ever done, though, and I’ve only played a few sessions.

Me and a bunch of choir folks decided we needed to have a “Bardy” (a.k.a. a party full of only bards/bard archetypes) and the GM’s favorite was Pathfinder, so…

I’ve been learning on the fly.

One bard did pass away: he had an unfortunate encounter with a deer, and everyone was rolling 2’s and 4’s… except the deer, who kept rolling 18-20’s. The poor GM was almost as traumatized as the bard who died: he’d never killed anyone before in all his years of GMing, and he killed someone with a deer.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@Contrapangloss

Animals are so much deadlier than people expect. I’ve killed low level characters with mundane animals too. I’ve seen forum threads devoted to calculating the odds an average npc human has against an average cat.

Sissy
Sissy
5 years ago

“And the people who end up at your site because they were looking for porn? Welcome to the Internet, where all you have to do is type “porn” and you’ll have lots of “sexual contact between men and women” videos.”

I so wanted to make that joke, but of course, I’ve been beaten by two days. XD

But is it me, or does “sexual contact between men and women” sound like something from one of those Maury lie detector test episodes?

“Have you had sexual contact with any woman since you’ve been with so-and-so?” That’s what it sounds like to me.

Argenti Aertheri
5 years ago

I have not had sex with that woman.

…sexual contact otoh…

ladysunami
ladysunami
5 years ago

Yeah, sylphs have much longer lifespans then humans so her mother attempted magical shenanigans so as not to die when her daughter had barely reached adulthood. It didn’t work out so well.

My character died thanks to being stabbed by a zombie with a spear. (Death by deer sounds much more amusing.) The party had enough money to buy a raise dead scroll though, so she got better.

fromafar2013
5 years ago

Aaah, I can’t believe I’m late to the mammoth hunting Skyrim party!

I’ll just say that my favorite follower mod is Inigo, by far. He’s amazing.

We were out hunting mammoths one day and mid battle he yells at the mammoth “You’ve got more fleas than me!” I was laughing so hard I had to pause the game so I could compose myself.

Seriously, anyone who likes follower mods, check it out: http://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/40960/?

My character has a bad habit of getting too drunk, and instead of sleeping it off, wandering the wilds in the middle of the night to pick flowers and catch moths. One night around Rorikstead, I accidentally chased a luna moth off of a cliff, and stumbled all the way down, landing in a drunken heap at the bottom and started to bleed out. Inigo ran down the cliff after me yelling, “My friend!? Are you okay!?” When he got to the bottom he stood over me and exclaimed ,”That looked like it hurt!”

Falconer
5 years ago

I’m in the middle of the quest where you are living The Hangover.

I just had to steal a goat back from a giant.

annamarymchugh
annamarymchugh
5 years ago

I love your blog, and read it religiously. So thankful for your playful and biting approach to all things manosphere. This post made me laugh until I cried; after months of reading, seeing what your analytics reveal about your readership was a picture perfect end to a weirdass day. Thanks for all your hard work, dude. Much obliged.

yutolia
yutolia
5 years ago

I’m totally taking the movie rights to “Why Are White Women So Stupid?”