If you’re a regular, or semi-regular, or even just an occasional reader of this blog, you need to stop reading this post right now and read Buzzfeed’s astonishing expose of A Voice for Men’s Paul Elam instead.
SPOILER ALERT: He’s an even bigger hypocrite than you think he is.
Here’s the link. Right here. Click on it now. Click. Now. Click.
If you need a bit more convincing: Buzzfeed’s long and meticulous examination of alleged “men’s human rights” activist Elam, written by Adam Serwer and Katie Baker, delves deep into Paul’s often sordid personal history, including his drug use, his numerous failed marriages, and the alternately depressing and infuriating story of the daughter he abandoned, who forgave and reunited with him as an adult, and who is now estranged from him again.
As Serwer and Baker make clear, the story of Elam’s life makes many of his most fervent claims about alleged female irresponsibility and the evils of the family court system seem a tad, well, ironic. As the two note, Elam.
preaches the gospel that men’s failures and disappointments are not due to personal shortcomings or lapsed responsibility, but rather institutionalized feminism and a family court system rigged against dutiful fathers, as well as a world gripped by “misandry,” or the hatred of men.
But his own story, to put it as gently as possible, does not exactly support this particular narrative. Serwer and Baker note that
interviews with Elam’s ex-wives and daughter and newly uncovered court records shed light on a man who, they told BuzzFeed News, has depended on and emotionally abused the women in his own life.
For example, although Elam compares the family court system’s treatment of fathers to Jim Crow, he abandoned his biological children not once but twice. Although Elam says that “fathers are forced to pay child support like it was mafia protection money,” he accused his first wife of lying about being raped so he could relinquish his parental rights and avoid paying child support.
His ex-wife [Susan] and his daughter said he has only been able to make A Voice for Men his full-time job because of the women who have supported him throughout his life. …
“He sits there taking all these people’s money and all he’s doing is sucking them dry,” said Susan. “That’s what he’s done all his life — to say it’s the woman’s fault, and not make men look at their own mistakes.”
Seriously, go read it. Here’s the link again.
We’ll talk more when you’re done.
It’s nice to see a journalist point out how he lied about security costs and pocketed the money.
My God, he really is a vile, narcissistic trainwreck.
Hang on hang on hang on.
So Paul Elam’s red pill moment, the great injustice he suffered at the hands of feminism, turning him into a dissenter and a rebel and setting him on the path to becoming a leader of the MRM…
… was his mother trying to make him take his diarrhea medicine.
I…
I can’t even.
Normally I’d be kinda uncomfortable digging into someone’s personal life like this, but given how often he’s tried to do the same thing to women he doesn’t like, I’m cool with it.
And my god, what a bastard.
I for one agree with the blog post here. Blaming other people for your problems is the easy thing to do rather than own up to personal responsibility and be an adult. It’s far too fashionable these days to pass the buck elsewhere and whine poor pitiful me rather than get up off your ass and make something for yourself. You never heard Ayn Rand blame the “patriarchy” for men not taking her seriously and I don’t blame “feminism” every time a woman does something irresponsible. We all have free agency and are separate from society. The individual is the ultimate minority after all.
*sees David’s link*
*fills coffee cup*
*takes breath*
*reads*
I see. Well.
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Maurice-Moss-Eating-Popcorn-The-IT-Crowd.gif
spurricane,
You are just precious.
A lot of very enlightening stuff in there. I think now would be a good time for some people to stop calling Elam a “mere grifter”. He’s an all-round terrible human being who happens to make money with his hatred.
That Elam would twist his temper-tantrumy refusal to take diarrhea medicine as a kid into an inspiring story about a brave hero refusing to bow down to authority is hardly surprising, given the tendency of MRAs to turn every minor inconvenience in their lives into a melodramatic tale of a struggle of life and death. To each their own, I guess. Personally, I’d take that as Elam’s moment of epiphany, when he decided no one would ever stop him from shitting all over everything.
Speaking of shit, I see Dean Esmay is already in the comments, claiming that 1) Elam having driven off pretty much every woman in his life (every single one of them willing to comment at all agreeing on him being a terrible person) because the things he did happened, like aaages ago an stuff (not surprisingly, no mention of the MRA obsession with Dworkin), and 2) a writer from Jezebel (which should not be trusted because they were mean to MRAs once and hurt their feelings) are indicative of biased journalism.
Shut up, Woody.
I love the way Dean Esmay always turns up in the comments section and just makes an utter fool of himself every time
I think the most revealing parts of the piece where the quotes from Elam himself. His overly defensive responses to questions from a reporter:
Elam, you a now a famous person, due to your own efforts, you should expect reporters to ask you questions about your past. And then they pick out some nice gems from his own self published blog:
One thing that does come across in the article, is just how angry this man is.
I don’t have a problem with people looking into the background of a celebrity, really a self promoted celebrity at that. When he’s flaunting his own past as a reason for people to give him money, there should be someone doing a background check.
That man is an awful example of humanity.
I don’t know how to respond to this article. It mostly fills me with deep sympathy towards the women that Elam’s exploited or abused over the years, but also pity for Elam himself. He’s even more pathetic than I could have imagined, and he lashes out with so much hate that it drives away those that were somehow capable of loving him. It’s just sad.
celly:
Of course! He’s Elam’s personal white knight!
Yay, a post about this! I’m glad you saw it, too, David!
I read this an immediately went “squee! A place as big as Buzzfeed is covering this!”
…but then immediately went “ew, gross,” because the parallels between the history of a rage-filled, not-quiet-recovered-addict Elam and my rage-filled, not-quite-recovered-alcoholic dad made me really, really sad.
Still full of flu and gross, but yeah. Happy for the coverage, grossed out by how familiar it is.
Also still giggling at Dean in the comments.
Anyone else worried about “Bonnie” and the other women in the article? Sure, their names have been changed, but Elam knows who they are, and he hasn’t exactly been reluctant to doxx women he felt were evil in the past. Would he doxx his own daughter?
*sigh* anyway…
Reading this just makes me sad for all the women this man has interacted with in his life. You can see how Elam’s rhetoric stems from his personal life, or at least his twisted version of it.
Also, of course he was bumming off his girlfriend and daughter at one point. Roosh has been living off his sister as well. Makes me wonder how many big names in the manosphere railing against the evils and capriciousness of women depend on them for support. Probably a fair number.
@kirbywarp–
Yeah, I wondered about the doxxing factor–I wouldn’t put it past him to doxx his own family, not for a minute.
Hopefully, in that event, it will be able to be handled legally, as the connection goes beyond Internet relationships and is steeply and obviously grounded in real life.
Makes me wonder how many big names in the manosphere railing against the evils and capriciousness of women depend on them for support. Probably a fair number.
I would not be shocked. After all, they hunted the mammoth. Women OWE them.
Yes.
I would like to join in with everyone expressing concern for the women quoted in the article. I hope they are safe.
My favorite part was when he complained that the interview with Elam was only 20 minutes. Do you want to know why it was so short? Because Elam refused to answer any of the questions!
yeah, not surprised to find out that he’s simply a vile, and nasty person.
Not. Surprised. At. All.
It is, however, amazing to me the number of men who whip that old “personal responsibility” mantra out when it comes to PoC accepting the responsibility for America’s racist behavior towards them, but these same people refuse to engage in any form of “personal responsibility” when it comes to their own lives.
Also joining in to voice my concern for the women quoted.
I admire their bravery in telling their story.
To everyone surprised that an almost tangential take on something in his childhood guides his modern perspective: don’t be. Most of us have our sense of justice shaped by childhood events we felt were undeserved, Paul Elam is just someone who has never taken that and turned it into a wider sense of empathy for anyone who goes through abuse.
He simply imagined a trend. That happens.
Well, blow me down. Paul Elam’s real life is just as nasty as anyone might have imagined it to be. Wasn’t that a surprise!
And I don’t blame the second and third wives at all for their refusal to participate / be identified. He’s a scary, scary man.
Yeah, well, Ayn Rand was a privileged little idiotess of the oligarchy, so that really comes as a huge surprise. She never blamed the patriarchy because it was damn good to her.
She also never acknowledged her own class privilege, either.
Now fuck off and let the grownups talk.
Bina, you are awesome. I feel like I should bake you cookies. Like, all the cookies. In the shape of high-five-hands and Scented Fucking Candles. And like I should knit a platter-cozy in the shape of penguins in Spanx, and present it all on a hard chair of misandry.
(That is a very long-winded way of saying I like your comment a lot.)