For those coming here from the excellent Buzzfeed article on Paul Elam, here are some posts of mine that will give you an even fuller picture of this not only sleazy but dangerous man and the little army of fanatical assholes he has assembled to pester and often outright harass (mostly) women online.
Start here:
Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words
Aside from some of the information Buzzfeed found out about him, nothing is more damning to Elam than his own words.
Here are some posts on Elam’s peculiar approach to “activism,” which generally involves harassing individual women.
7 Tactics of Highly Effective Harassers: How A Voice for Men’s Internet Hate Machine works
Elam falsely accuses a random woman of trashing applications from white men while working for a college admissions office.
Elam Launches a Hate Campaign Against a College Student for Attending a Demonstration and Making Twitter Jokes
Paul Elam, you’re no MLK: A Voice for Men offers a $100 bounty for a clear photo of its latest feminist foe
Here’s a post on the phony “offenders registry” Elam and company put up in order to demonize feminists and other women they don’t like by posting unflattering profiles of them alongside actual female murderers and sex offenders.
Register-Her was a Fake “Offenders Registry” Run By Misogynists, Designed to Vilify and Intimidate Women
And here are a couple of posts on AVFM’s attempt to co-opt the name and the reputation of the White Ribbon anti-domestic violence campaign:
A Voice for Men has set up a phony White Ribbon website to coopt the international anti-violence campaign of that name — and raise some money using the name.
Some posts that quote Elam’s perverse justifications for violence against women:
Paul Elam: “If a woman five feet tall and 110 pounds soaking wet hits me, I am going to hit her back.”
She deserved the ass-kicking of a lifetime: Elam justifies violence against women in a disturbing short story
Paul Elam, you’re no Jonathan Swift
And then there was this:
Paul Elam, alleged human rights champion, tells me to kill myself
And a few, er, lighter reads on the man:
Elam to A Voice for Men conference goers: Don’t say terrible things about women in public, because someone might hear you
A Voice for Men’s Paul Elam and Dean Esmay explain the proper slurs to use for “nasty women.”
Elam: “This world deserves a jerk on the collar and a slap across the face and the flying spittle of rage.”
Elam on “stupid lying whores,” Rebecca Watson, and how he never claims to be a victim even though he totally is one.
(This last one is about a post he wrote attacking Skepchick founder Watson in which he used the word “whore” literally two dozen times.)
And there are more in the archives if you want to search for them.
I guess I kind of write about him a lot, huh?
Well, for better or worse, he’s the most prominent and influential Men’s Rights Activist out there. For now.
sunnysombrero said:
kirbywarp said:
Or, he’s playing his well-known game of staying just this side of legality mad non-culpability. Or, I’m majorly cynical and a touch paranoid. I hope it’s the latter. I really do. The shit these guys pull, and the way they can make someone’s life completely miserable, frightens me quite a bit.
And I always like these “best-of” posts. Seeing everything together is quite breath-taking, and by that I mean, induces extreme nausea. And they’re always useful to have all these quotes in one place whenever a troll comes by extolling the virtues of Paul Elam or some other asshole.
I will be honest, to me, this time, his screed did not seem to read like the ‘wink wink nudge nudge’ he usually uses when he feels attacked. JMO, though.
You guys are so cynical. I bet that any day now, Elam and the other cash-raking MRA evangelists are going to pool their resources and open a national chain of crisis centers for boys and men. Warm, welcoming places where, say, a teenage boy can go to talk about how he feels he’s not living up to some masculine ideal, or where a man struggling with a divorce can go to be heard.
‘None of your fucking business!’ is just Elam’s sassy way of keeping this whole project as a big, fun surprise. MRAs LOVE surprises!
Why do I get the awful feeling that it’s because his buddy raped her? And why do I get the OTHER awful feeling that this explains his sadistic pleasure in using rapey metaphors, minimizing, crying “false rape” and just generally excusing rape?
Sadly, yes. That sounds like one of the tamer ones, actually.
Every time we have an anthology post like this, I wish that I wandered into this blog around a similar event. It would have saved me a lot of time, a lot of Googling, and a lot of headaches.
Keep fighting the good fight, yo.
This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time. Much of this is known to people who he has targeted but they are too decent to return the favor. There are some at least somewhat respectable people who associate with AVfM, probably without knowing all of this.
That will change now.
I hate myself enough to have read the rebuttal. Having had my own biodad give up custody without a backward glance and then try to blame it on my mother, I couldn’t help but get angrier and angrier for his ex wife and daughter. Especially when he accused his daughter of lying for money and said he didn’t even think she was his (my dad said the exact same thing). FUCK that scumbag and his beyond obvious tripe. I hope Bonnie reconsiders leaving that door open for him. The only time I’d open a door for that douche would be to let it close on him at the last second.
This is a complete disaster for Paul Elam, to any reasonable person it’s obvious that Elams whole ’cause’ boils down to ‘ I hate women and er that’s it.’
If only he had a really good PR agent who also happens to be a woman to pursuade people otherwise,Mmm.
@theomegaconstant,
You had me going there for a little while. After all, the MRM is known for its friendliness towards men who don’t quite fit the masculine mold. After all, it isn’t like their favorite slurs against feminist men don’t accuse them of being effeminate, after all.
@ davidknewton: I can’t be sure since i haven’t actually been there and seen it myself. It could very well be an honest mistake, but some real pickup “tactics” really are vague and clumsy enough to warrant such confusion.
I’ve said it before on the previous post without remembering to refresh and find out there’s a new post…and I’ll say it again: kind of looking forward to Elam’s reaction to all this.
@kirbywarp –
Yeah, that means pretty much squat to me. There was an article about MRA on Mother Jones recently. I’mma venture a guess that Mother Jones is not a usual haunt of the MRA crowd. But the comment section was bursting with angry, yowling sealions drowning out every other perspective.
@davidknewton – That’s a tactic I’m not familiar with. But I have had strange men ask my relational status as their opening line, so it seems about on par with the standard straight-to-girlfriend approach of PUA.
@tiko72 – *snerk*
We’ve always known he’s a shithead, and now we know he was always a shithead.
According to the comments before mine, he already has a rebuttal. So whoops. But I’d rather wait until there’s a post here about it. It’s much more tolerable through the filter of David’s mockery.
I’ve wondered in the past about how true Elam’s story about ‘She deserved the ass-kicking of a lifetime’ was. Not that the storyteller is remotely believable, but a real domestic abuser might, conceivably, say something similar. So did the storyteller actually say this and Elam, as counsellor, simply bought it hook, line and sinker? Or did Elam concoct the story from a number of testimonies and add his own embellishments? Or did Elam simply make the whole thing up?
I used to consider 1 or 2 but the more I learn about Elam, including watching his own videos, the more likely I reckon the correct answer is 3.
I was wondering when a major publication with deep resources would dig into Paulie’s past..and what kind of of vile stories and humiliating hypocrisy would burst forth at the slightest prodding like a grossly overripe back pimple.I suspected it would be ugly .. I was not disappointed.
Hey Paul, whats the word I’m looking for?..oh yeah, BAM!
The comments under the Buzzfeed piece are still going strong and I think I’m done trying to keep up with reading them. I’ve seen a dude who honestly believes that the government report on false rape statistics is wrong because the Crown Prosecution Service works for the mafia, and the government is trying to control the people through punishment for sexual activity. I think his tinfoil hat is on too tight.
As someone that grew up with a parent that would constantly rewrite history I can sympathize with Bonnie. Leaving the door open for the possibility of reconciliation I think can be healthy. I mean from what she’s said it sounds like she’s willing to form a relationship, but on the condition that he takes responsibility for his actions and makes strides towards change. As long as she takes care of herself and her children first there’s nothing wrong with hoping for Elam to realize his mistakes. It’s not likely to happen, but you never know, maybe when all the women in his life have finally dropped him and he hits rock bottom he may have another “red pill” moment.
I can’t believe he throws his own daughter under the bus when denying that he hit one of her sons:
‘I was indeed frustrated with both my grandsons. Both were at difficult ages to begin with. They also acted out a great deal at the time in general, I think related to the hostilities they lived with in Bonnie’s marriage, and to the fact that her mother, still drinking heavily and very emotionally unstable, lived with them.’
So basically he denies hitting either of them, but at the same time points out that the kids were totally asking for it because their mother was doing a lousy job. The same old I-didn’t-do-it-but-even-if-I-did-do-it-I-would-have-been-right-to-do-it-even-though-I-definitely-didn’t-do-it defence I’ve heard so often from AVFM.
Couldn’t he just say that he’s behaved badly in the past, that he regrets it, that he’s learned from it and now he wants help other in similar situations? And then he could take the high grounds against anyone digging up his past. No, of course he couldn’t, because that would mean admitting culpability; I gather narcissists have trouble with that.
The onslaught of hit pieces against the men’s movement is a sign that feminism is dying and the Mens movement is growing by leaps and bounds. I am a registered socialist who had always considered himself a feminist. Now, I am a proud Mra.
In part, it is because of these hit pieces against the movement (and the growing mean spirited, pettiness of feminism) I became curious and looked more into it, discovering it is nothing whatsoever like as is portrayed. ESPECIALLY not by this site. (Wehuntedthemammoth is literally, one of the most dishonest websites i have ever encountered btw)
Feminism is dying, and we are witnessing it’s final, dying gasps for air. #killallmen, ban men, unfollow a man day. All sorts of new gendered insults mansplaining, manslamming, man spreading. Endless lists, tumblrs, instagrams documenting any and all failures of men. Anti-male propaganda videos that seem to have no other purpose than to make men look bad.
It is nothing more than man shaming. It is taking any and all failures done by a man, ignoring any and all success by a man, and shoving this into men’s faces, over and over again. Like when a new puppy is being trained and you shove their faces in their own urine. That is what feminism is for men.
If someone had any actual interest in fairness or objectivity. Why not write about Erin Pizzey or Sen Ann Cools? Erin Pizzey opened the first domestic violence shelter for anyone in the entire world. I would describe her as a hero of mine. Recognizing there was a gender parity on this issue, she then sought to address issues related to men and open a shelter for men. Because feminism, despite the dictionary definition, is about female supremacy, it made her an enemy to the feminist movement. She received so many bomb threats, she was forced to leave her home country of england. For the crime of wanting to help men.
Sen Ann Cools, the first Canadian Senator of Color. She opened the first domestic violence shelter for women in Canada. Like Ms Pizzey, when she began focusing on issues related to men
Put simply, feminism is backwards and conservative. It is on the wrong side of history.
GenderAllies.org
I honestly thought
Not AllmenChristopher Allman got banned ages ago. Huh.@Christopher Allmen:
Oh reaaaallllyyy. No, go on, pull the other one. What were your beliefs and opinions that you felt defined you as a feminist? I’m all ears.
Too late, anti-feminists in the suffrage-era beat you to it.
http://historyoffeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/the-suffragette.jpg
“The death of feminism” is like the end-times. People have been predicting that it’s just around the corner for centuries, but somehow it never seems to show up. It makes for great rhetoric to fire up your supporters, though.
How awesome would it be if someone in the mainstream press dug into feminism, with even 1/100ths of the bias that is used in address the Men’s Rights Movement?
Here is Jezebel, openly laughing about and celebrating their own domestic assaults http://jezebel.com/294383/have-you-ever-beat-up-a-boyfriend-cause-uh-we-have
Or when Rebecca Latimer Felton, an early and prominent feminist leader said things like ‘it would be better to lynch a thousand negros a week than for a woman to lose her most cherished possession”
What about White Ribbon? An international organization about domestic violence against women? According to their OWN expense records, 0% of their income goes towards victims. ZERO percent.
Did you know that FIFTY percent of college aged men have been sexually assaulted since they were sixteen? Probably not, because feminists have actively tried to hide this information.http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2011-21461-001/
What about #Killallmen, ban men, unfollow a man day? All the new gendered insults, Mansplaining, manslamming, man spreading. (i.e. man shaming about ever possible thing a man can do). What about all the ‘ironic’ misandry being celebrated online? The open mockery of men’s issues ‘wut about teh menz’ ‘I bathe in male tears’.
So, maybe of the members in the men’s movement has some flaws. But it doesn’t take away from the enormous good things in their movement or the countless number of good people involved. If want to victim blame, go ahead, but it will only further cement into the ground the death of feminism.
Oh dear… Allmen’s found a soapbox to rant on. Who’s got the spray bottle?