For those coming here from the excellent Buzzfeed article on Paul Elam, here are some posts of mine that will give you an even fuller picture of this not only sleazy but dangerous man and the little army of fanatical assholes he has assembled to pester and often outright harass (mostly) women online.
Start here:
Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words
Aside from some of the information Buzzfeed found out about him, nothing is more damning to Elam than his own words.
Here are some posts on Elam’s peculiar approach to “activism,” which generally involves harassing individual women.
7 Tactics of Highly Effective Harassers: How A Voice for Men’s Internet Hate Machine works
Elam falsely accuses a random woman of trashing applications from white men while working for a college admissions office.
Elam Launches a Hate Campaign Against a College Student for Attending a Demonstration and Making Twitter Jokes
Paul Elam, you’re no MLK: A Voice for Men offers a $100 bounty for a clear photo of its latest feminist foe
Here’s a post on the phony “offenders registry” Elam and company put up in order to demonize feminists and other women they don’t like by posting unflattering profiles of them alongside actual female murderers and sex offenders.
Register-Her was a Fake “Offenders Registry” Run By Misogynists, Designed to Vilify and Intimidate Women
And here are a couple of posts on AVFM’s attempt to co-opt the name and the reputation of the White Ribbon anti-domestic violence campaign:
A Voice for Men has set up a phony White Ribbon website to coopt the international anti-violence campaign of that name — and raise some money using the name.
Some posts that quote Elam’s perverse justifications for violence against women:
Paul Elam: “If a woman five feet tall and 110 pounds soaking wet hits me, I am going to hit her back.”
She deserved the ass-kicking of a lifetime: Elam justifies violence against women in a disturbing short story
Paul Elam, you’re no Jonathan Swift
And then there was this:
Paul Elam, alleged human rights champion, tells me to kill myself
And a few, er, lighter reads on the man:
Elam to A Voice for Men conference goers: Don’t say terrible things about women in public, because someone might hear you
A Voice for Men’s Paul Elam and Dean Esmay explain the proper slurs to use for “nasty women.”
Elam: “This world deserves a jerk on the collar and a slap across the face and the flying spittle of rage.”
Elam on “stupid lying whores,” Rebecca Watson, and how he never claims to be a victim even though he totally is one.
(This last one is about a post he wrote attacking Skepchick founder Watson in which he used the word “whore” literally two dozen times.)
And there are more in the archives if you want to search for them.
I guess I kind of write about him a lot, huh?
Well, for better or worse, he’s the most prominent and influential Men’s Rights Activist out there. For now.
Perhaps he can institute another pledge drive from his flock to insulate him from this horrible onslaught of journalism. Nothing fends off legitimate criticism quite like crisp 20 dollar bills.
I did mention this in the previous post, but has anyone read Elam’s rebuttal to the Buzzfeed piece? In it he basically denies the things he said to Bonnie, denies spanking her son, and says that his ex wife was a drug using, drunk, cheating and promiscuous liar who abused Bonnie and her brother as they were growing up. He makes no mention of his other failed marriages. He barely addresses the part about how all the finances are used to line his pocket, pretty much just dismisses it as an attempt to slander him. He says the whole fiasco is the fault of his ex wife who refused a paternity test while she was pregnant.
Problem for Elam, is that with his track record (see above) who is going to believe him? His other writings vary from delusional fantasy to sheer vileness, often both.
sunnysombrera. Too true.
One thing we learn about nastiness from a man like Elam. There are apparently infinite ways one person can be vile, nasty, selfish and keep right on shocking people with even more ways to be as low as a person can be.
Here’s a donotlink link to Paul Elam’s rebuttle.
Blech. Of course Elam tries to paint his first wife as a c***y cheating w***e… And that part hit a bit close to home with some of my own familial experiences (no where near as extreme, but still). Having personally had a parent that would lash out one day, then completely forget about it the next and deny it ever happened, and seeing similar character traits in Paul Elam, I don’t buy most of his denials for a second. The only things I can take his word for are his descriptions of his own feelings and opinions, but even then, I’m 100% positive he’s glossing over most of his own negative feelings that he held at the time.
The comments are predictable. “Buzzfeed isn’t even journalism, they’re all lying. But even if there’s some truth, it’s understandable that you might say or do things you regret and that’s fine because you care so dang much about men’s rights.”
Is it me or does it feel like things are really kicking off? This is the first time there has been an article on a well known website painting Elam as the slimeball he is. I know Buzz has covered some of the things he’s done, but this is the first they’ve actually shown him to be a nasty hypocrite of a person.
Shut up Woody.
@sunnysombrera:
I dunno. It does sorta feel like the manosphere is getting more outside media attention, especially after #gamergate and #shirtgate, but to be fair I haven’t been on the net for all that long.
This is just one article, though, albeit a very involved one. I’m interested to see what ends up happening with AVFM. On the one hand, the comments were full of support. On the other hand, I doubt unsupportive comments would stick around, and there weren’t that many comments total.
I’d like to think this will mark the decline of Elam’s fanbase, but he’s basically got the perfect defense for his hardcore followers. “A lying woman has falsely accused me and engaged in character assasination, like I’ve been telling you women do all the time.” He doesn’t exactly have much influence beyond his hate site, so I don’t see him losing all that much.
Buzzfeed is very popular with young people so it is a good sign. Besides, the way Elam carries on it is only a matter of time before he implodes… I wouldn’t wish ill health on anyone, but his persistent cognitive dissonance, dishonesty and all the hate hate hate MUST be bad for his heart!
His wife was afraid to tell him she’d been raped and she was right to be afraid.
Says volumes, doesn’t it?
Buzzfeed News has been majorly steeping it up lately, and they have become a real, relevant source of news. I’ve noticed they do a particularly good job with reporting on social justice issues. So. Kudos to Buzzfeed for that.
While my gut says that even exposing obvious bullshit these guys do is still giving them a platform, I really do hope that more big-name writing on AVFM will bring more big-name attention to the disgusting stuff they do–particularly the organized harassment of feminists.
@kirbywarp
It does sort of show something telling, doesn’t it? That the people less fearful of retribution if they use their real names on that article are MRA’s and not the “evil feminists” who persecute them?
I mean, I tend to think of myself as a legitimately kind person trying to help as many people out as possible, but I really, really don’t want to comment on that article because I don’t want to have to deal with the hatred.
Not that I believe anyone who knows me would buy any lies that they try spewing, but when I apply to go to grad school in a different town/state? Or when I try to test at different fire departments if I decide to go that route after I finish Fire-1 this spring?
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I may be a coward in that way, but nope.
I feel their is a certain irony and pathos to Elam’s story which, if he was as clever as he thinks he is, he could use to garner some advantage, yet instead he reverts to true form and spews more vitriol and denial. At first as I read the sorry tale I though, here is a man with a vague indifferent father figure as a role model, a working mother, in a difficult high stress job (a nurse) who endeavouring to do the right thing (giving her son medicine) ended up doing the wrong thing. The boy turns into self indulgent narcissist who goes into full denial of his role as a father and uses a trite excuse to avoid taking responsibility, he then blames, blames, blames everyone else as being the fault rather than accepting and showing remorse for his actions. At every point in his story I saw opportunities for acceptance and redemption being squandered and instead his malice, spite and venom becomes worse.
I do now think we have to be deeply concerned for the safety and wellbeing of his first wife and daughter. He will stand as an example to me of how never to be as a husband and father
Wow oh wow, he has a whiteribbon.org fundraising link active on his site. I thought he’d given that up, but grifters gotta grift.
“Having personally had a parent that would lash out one day, then completely forget about it the next and deny it ever happened…”
We have that in common, kirbywarp. It might be good to talk to each other. If you agree, feel free to hit me up on Twitter.
“Wow oh wow, he has a whiteribbon.org fundraising link active on his site.”
Are you serious?! What a scumbag.
So. Are we guessing that he’s been in his self-created manosphere bubble so long that he doesn’t realize how awful he looks to outsiders, or does he just not care?
@Delphi Ote:
Thanks for the offer. I don’t really have a presence on any sort of social media, though. If you wanted, I could give you my e-mail? I’ve already been going through quite a bit of therapy that just now is starting to wind down (in a healthy way), and I don’t always like talking over personal issues with others (I feel like I’d be a bother).
But hey, not opposed to the idea. 🙂
Gotta say, I felt the lack of recognition for Paul’s fake charity fundraiser was a glaring omission in the Buzzfeed piece, so glad to see it here.
For some reason this created the horrible, horrible image of Elam grinding on a pole in the hopes of getting some bills tucked into his G-string.
I think I’m gonna go put an icepick through my earhole and stir now.
On the safety for the daughter and ex wife thing…when I first read the rebuttal, there was a sentence where instead of “Bonnie” Elam had written her real first name. He’s now edited it out so I don’t know if it was a slip or deliberate but I pray to God no one screen capped that paragraph in its original form.
Buzzfeed also recently posted this poetically blunt shutdown of a “concerned” reader here: http://buzzfeed.tumblr.com/post/108874060812/hey-buzzfeed-i-like-a-lot-of-the-stuff-you-guys . It’s especially interesting that he tries to act all concerned about “feminism” but slips up and outright says “women” near the start of his question. Women on the Internet?!
The oddest thing happened when I went out to retrieve lunch today – I was walking near a pair of women maybe around 20-22 years old, when a young man came out of the nearby hotel sports bar and began to walk alongside them, holding out his hand expectantly for one of them to join hands with him. When she shrank back and stuttered, he just ran off, and she was able to laugh about it with her friend but was visibly a bit shocked by the experience. It wasn’t clear whether he thought he knew her and ran away out of embarrassment when she turned around, or if he was using this as the world’s bluntest pickup tactic – but is this the kind of thing women usually have to deal with when they step into public places?
@sunnysombrera:
Well, on the plus side, now we have positive evidence that he’s going to try to maintain her anonymity? On the minus side, yikes. Hoping the same thing.
Seconding–I grew up with/continue to deal with the same personality with a parent. The power to re-write history and then believe that re-written history is…just unbelievable.
…maybe that’s why this one is hitting close to home.
@david knewton
I think that in that instance the guy mistook her for someone else. It’s quite an unusual pick up tactic if that was the real intention.
seraph
Given the fact that Elam rarely strays outside of his safe little echo chamber, I’d say the former. He legitimately thinks he’s a rational human being, who’s just being mistreated and slandered.
And that says volumes about him, methinks.
‘“The website is one of the oldest and, if there is such a thing, most respected hubs for MRA activity. Elam and his staff do, at the very least, engage in genuine advocacy on behalf of men.” Rensin didn’t cite any examples of said advocacy. This is not surprising, given that the site’s advocacy efforts are difficult to discern.’
Pretty much sums up my entire mindset on the disconnect between what MRAs say and what they do.