So our old pal Christian McQueen the ALPHA PLAYBOY has a prepared a list of “5 Essentials For Your Bachelor Pad (That Will Help You Get Laid).”
Along with some suggestions that are actually sort of thoughtful (baby wipes, a soft blanket), one that’s creepy (buy an assortment of phone chargers so she can’t use “I have to recharge my phone” as an excuse to not go home with you), and several that indicate a bit of a fetish for seafood (keep your fridge stocked with oysters, calamari and pre-made shrimp cocktails), he made a suggestion that, well, let’s just say it doesn’t exactly imply good things about his readership:
ALWAYS have toilet paper. You might wipe your ass with sandpaper, but nothing will piss a chick off more than going to wipe and there’s one dangling sheet of TP left. Buy in bulk.
WHAT THE HELL, WHO DOESN’T HAVE TOILET PAPER, ARE YOU WRITING FOR AN AUDIENCE OF BEARS.
No, wait, some bears actually DO wipe their asses, and not just the ones in those toilet paper ads.
I’m being informed that this is not an actual bear, so forget that last bit.
But the question remains: WHAT IS IT WITH PICKUP ARTISTS AND BUTT-WIPING?
NOTE TO EXCESSIVELY LITERAL-MINDED READERS: Christian McQueen is not actually our pal.
Fruity scented baby wipes? They even make such a thing? I shouldn’t be surprised. I know this is personal opinion, but I’ve never understood the food smelling bath products. I am not a thing to be eaten/consumed, just no.
So yeah, first off PUAs: GET A REAL HOBBY! How about underwater wielding? Second, if you want to have adult relationships, maybe try learning to use adult language. “you-know-what”, just say it, it won’t hurt.
Anything fruity or baby-scented is a big flashing NOPE to me. I don’t like sugary or childish scents at all.
And LOLing again at the “you-know-what” — no matter what euphemisms these guys use, it’s always gonna sound holy-shit icky.
blockquote>Also, he keeps referring to vaginas as “you-know-what’s”. Heaven help us.
I don’t think he does know what.
Judging from his blanket advice, he can’t even tell the difference between a vulva and a vagina.
Maybe that’s what the scented fucking baby wipes are really for, so he can find the you-know-what without having to rely on a GPS, which is totes not alpha. In the wild, wolves operate by sense of smell alone. Rawr!
Well, my place is well-stocked with blockquote monster chow.
*dies*
The whole thing is really, really sad. He’s supposedly an experienced Casanova, but he can’t even write “vagina,” or even any of its less childish euphemisms.
Yes, I can indeed believe that he died laughing because some woman used a bad word around him. He sounds like he’s basically a middle schooler mentally.
Also…are none of these woman wearing underwear? Shouldn’t that cover up their vulvas?
Not judging if they’re not, btw. I’m just massively confused because I didn’t think that going commando while out at night was a widespread practice.
I’m still trying to figure out how “it makes sense”. Does he seriously think that women who screw a lot of guys have vaginas that “hang out”? Because that’s a serious medical condition in need of surgical attention, there…
While all that’s true, I trust people IRL who have cats because it is the rare cat who will put up with any type of abuse. People who have an affectionate relationship with a cat are also unlikely to be controlling manipulators to your face. Don’t worry about the lurkers…this is something that can’t be faked. We’re talking about CATS. They like you or they don’t.
OTOH I’ve known conartists who have cats they love. It seems the line is while they don’t need to dominate people in their personal relationships, they have no problem tricking and exploiting people they don’t come in direct contact with.
I use orange scented shampoo. But it’s because I like the smell and because Herbal Essences brand is strong enough to get sort of fine hair clean but gentle enough to not dry it out. That brand hits the sweet spot for my particular hair.
Or, perhaps the most obvious explanation, saw a box of lipstick and assumed that he liked wearing lipstick.
The only way I’m being seduced by a guy because he has an Android charger is if he’s riding on it and it whinnies through a built-in loudspeaker.
I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that there’s a man out there to whom having no toilet paper in the flat only ever became an issue when he started trying to convince women to have sex with him.
Oh man. Reading the “Baby Wipes” section…
(From the article) “Classy chicks use baby wipes to wipe their you-know-what.”
” It keeps it fresh and is gentle on their uh-delicate skin down there.”
This guy is fucking twelve! Say it with me. Va-gi-na.
It reminds me of that King of the Hill episode.
He also insists that “chicks love soft blankets”
As a man, I can tell you it’s true. I love blankets rolled in sand and glass, it’s the true way to sleep for a man’s man, man.
” I love blankets rolled in sand and glass”
Sand!!!!? Real men use gravel.
These guys really are anatomically ignorant. Vaginas are self cleaning. We do not baby wipes to keep them clean. Basic hygiene like bathing is fine.
It’s cute how they expect us to be obsessed with keeping our vaginas powder fresh at all times but for men, toilet paper is only necessary if they’re trying to get laid.
Um, just a word of warning, my gaslighting narcissist ex had cats. They aren’t a surefire sign that dude isn’t a tool.
If these guys forget the toilet paper, what the hell is the lime-scale buildup, skidmarks and pee soaked floor like, l know what my single mates lavs are like uuurgh.
Oh yeah, toilet paper is for manginas. Real men don’t shit in their own bathrooms, because then they would have to clean them. And we all know how PUAs like Roosh are when it comes to keeping things (like themselves) clean…
Also funny/sad is how the only scenario they contemplate (and universal tenet of PUAism) is that women do not want to have sex with you. And how to trick, coerce and manipulate your way into their vaginas.
Instead of, you know, having an actual connection and mutual interest and mutual attraction so that both parties are actively interested in sex.
’cause, you know, if I’m really into a guy and for some reason I seriously need to charge my phone, I’ll insist that instead we go to my place instead.
“I’ll insist that instead we go to my place instead”
Ah, but do you have seafood and loo roll?
Sometimes dating a douche with a cat equals to you running in his neighbour’s garden coercing said feline, and eventually spending several plasters mending yourself after saving kitty from rose bush. All this while he’s sitting on his sofa drinking beer and laughing at you.
And if that didn’t justify me calling this person a douche while he is not here to defend himself, he would demonstrate the bourden of my presence by hoovering around me every time I ate at his place. While I was eating.
Cat was charming though, chased the news headlines running at the bottom of TV screen. ^_^
Ahhhh that was cleansing! Like hoovering crumbs off my soul.
I have to echo that having companion animals is NOT necessarily a good sign. I am a dog person (sorry), and I would say that maybe 1 man in 10 that I meet with their dogs have a dog because they like to control it. There is also a sad tendency for some of them, and a few others (there is definite overlap) to have a particular breed and treat the dog in a particular way so that they have a ‘scary’ dog.
Watching the way someone treats their dog is a great way of seeing if they are a good person.
Yeah…how about no? Thanks in advance.
The real benefit of using cat ownership as a seduction tactic is that even if it fails, you still have a cat to cheer you up.