In a sort of rebuke to men who complain that they’re “too big” to wear condoms, one Swedish gal pulled a condom over her leg and up nearly to her knee, and posted a pic documenting this feat to Instagram. This pic:
Naturally, some men have reacted with outrage. When the pic was posted recently on WomensRightsNews, a host of dudes popped up in the comments to point out that not all men are comfortable in regular sized condoms. (Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s why they make bigger sizes, dudes.)
And then there was this guy.
Yes, this is his response to a picture of a woman’s leg with a condom stretched over it.
But as it turns out, he was just getting started. Responding to one commenter who took issue with his, er, analysis, he spat forth these giant gobs of text. I won’t summarize them, because, honestly, my eyes glazed over after about the third word in ALL CAPS.
Another commenter raised an interesting point:
Huh. That must be a reference to the legendary Agent Orange files. I guess Jayme is a reader of A Voice for Men?
He then moved on to some, er, art criticism, I guess?
For what it’s worth, dude, Andy Warhol made a painting using his own semen, as did Marcel Duchamp. And this guy made a portrait of Justin Bieber out of other people’s pubic hair. So go wild, dude, stick wool up your urethra in the name of dude art!
Jayme then went on to address the wage gap issue, and then that whole “turning men into nothing more than egg fertilizers” thing that is apparently the grand aim of feminism.
I just have a couple of questions.
How exactly did Jayme Crandall become a “Top Commenter?” I think something might have gone wrong with the selection process here.
Also, why are so many angry dudes reading something called WomensRightsNews?
Ok, that’s last question was a joke. OF COURSE angry dudes are reading WomensRightsNews. Hell, there’s probably no more effective way to reel in the angry dude demographic than to mention feminism online. They are drawn to articles about feminism with the same powerful mystical force that draws cats to paper bags:
H/T — Sunnysombrera, who posted a link to this whole wondrous discussion in the comments here. Thanks!
Will mostly work anyway if the guy is not “fully erect” but just semi-hard. I think the fear of losing erection, which creates a negative circle, is a major reason why some guys don’t want to use a condom. So if “unspeakable” things happen, why not put it on continue with foreplay and adjust the fit.
I b is a favorite tip. Trying to roll things on in the wrong direction looks just silly.
Some seems to think that this just proves Real Manliness (TM) ” A bull’s gotta have its scars” Might be related to some kind of toxic masculinity.
Disclaimer: Certainly not speaking from any kind personal experience.
Besides what were the thinking when branding condoms Trojan. Associates to Trojan horses which does not signify reliability.
Dodom: I was talking with a woman once (customer) who had that kind of experience. She had a son, and the dad had left when he was a baby, then when the son was about 6/7 he wanted to be a part of his life again. By that age though, the son was a) aware that having just one parent is fine and b) had been told the basic truth about why he didn’t have a father around. So when the dad shows up expecting to be welcomed heartily by his child, the kid in question didn’t see him as “the man who spawned me” but “the man who walked out on me”. Nevertheless the son rejected his dad and didn’t want his visitations.
And then dudes like this blame the ex for ‘turning their kids against them’. No you stupid fuck, if you abandon your kid that’s damage enough. The ex doesn’t need to talk smack about you (and many don’t out of respect for the child), the fact that you didn’t want to stick around to nurture a child is reason enough why they won’t welcome you when you finally feel like being a dad. It’s like not only do you believe women are obliged to raise your kid through the baby stage, but the kids are obliged to love you as if you’d been there all along.
@sunnysombrera: This.
As someone who was ditched as a kid (for not being born male so I can “carry on the family name”, if you can believe it), if my father had decided to waltz back into my life, I’d have done the same thing. My mom and her side of the family didn’t need to talk smack about him. All I knew was that he didn’t love me or want me. If he had, he would have stayed.
If these asshats truly wanted to be a father, they would stay for the entirety of the child’s life, not just when it’s convenient. You don’t get to back out of someone’s life for their formative years, and then pop back in and wonder why they don’t like you.
As for myself, I’ve made it my mission in life to be the best person I can be, regardless of my sperm donor. Because fuck him.
Paradoxical: I’m sorry that happened to you, especially the “because she’s a girl” excuse he gave, which is awful. Glad you haven’t let it affect you long term and props to your mum and her family for picking up his slack.
I know a pre teen girl (semi relation) whose dad was a one night stand. Her mum has a history of mental health problems and he sort of took advantage of her, scumbag, but the only credit I can give him is that he’s always paid hill support in full and on time. She’s in a foster home right now and happy as a clam.
[Disclaimer: I don’t have experience of being in a single parent family and I’m not sure how to talk about it with people who have, so if anything I’ve said/will say is inappropriate, I’m sorry. Educate me if necessary.]
@M. the Social Justice Ranger:
Ah, I loved Regretsy! There was another similar site that also closed down called Craftastrophe where I learned that it’s possible to do taxidermy on internal organs. I found that to be marginally worse than the butt artist for some reason.
“Back when Regretsy was still a thing, one of the worst things posted there was a guy who put paint up his asshole and shat it back out onto a canvas.”
A Jacksie Pollock?
My father was in the Navy when I was born, and when he got out he couldn’t get along with my Mom, so he left us. My Mom was the most easygoing person I’ve ever known, so his leaving had to be pretty much 100% on him.
Fast forward ten years, suddenly he’s had his second daughter with his new wife, and she’s no longer able to conceive. So suddenly he starts thinking of me as “his son.” I get invited to come stay at his place for the Summer. It turns out to be a ranch, where I work for the entire Summer, while hearing about how lazy California “hippies” like me are.
The really asinine thing though? Is that I went back to stay another Summer three years later, because of my Father Issues.
So I guess if I had one takeaway bit of advice, it’s not to expect very much from a runaway Dad if and when he shows back up in one’s life. There are reasons why these guys are runners.
sunnysombrera:
Well, he ditched me and my mom when I was a baby (practically the moment he found out I was female). The sad thing is though, my mom miscarried a boy before she had me, so I’ve always had that “what if” thought in the back of my head. I don’t know what the guy even looks like, so it’s hard to “miss” him, you know? It’s like “how do I miss what I never had?”
On the other hand, it’s one of the primary reasons I became a feminist.
That, and my stepfather, who my mom met when I was four, was also a raging asshole. The only thing was, I had to witness the terror he inflicted first-hand. Which is another reason I became a feminist.
I don’t blame my mom, though. It’s not her fault that those men were both grade A jackasses. She made mistakes, but she raised my siblings and I the very best she could, and I’m very thankful for that.
Interrupting this thread for a drive-by encattening
http://i.imgur.com/ikbr1V5.jpg
I just wanted to add to the discussion of single parenting with my own experience, just…to add some balance, I guess?
My biological father and my mother divorced when I was a baby. I was young enough that I don’t remember it or him, and aside from a handful of visitations (which I also don’t remember) that ended when I was four, I didn’t see him again until a few years ago when he found me on facebook. He says he tried repeatedly to contact me. He might have; I only remember a few times that I was told about, but my mother lied about a lot of things.
She did, in fact, “poison” me against him. I grew up hearing horror stories about him, and any time I misbehaved, my mother would threaten to kick me out and make me live with him so that I’d never see her or my brothers and sisters again. If she was angry at me, she’d tell me I was acting “just like [my father]” and I understood that this was a terrible thing. Getting to know him as an adult has been difficult, because I have no idea how many of the things she said were lies, which ones were distortions or exaggerations, etc. I may never know. I also have a lot of instinctive anxiety about him because it’s really hard to “unlearn” things you were told when you were four, because you internalize them before you have the ability to think critically.
So yeah. I am, obviously, not an MRA. I am very much a feminist. But I guess I wanted to point out that some of what they say about family courts etc has some merit. The MRM is not the answer, though. If not for the assumption that the mother is always the best choice for raising a child, things might have been different. My mom is, for all intents and purposes, a FeMRA (though as far as I know, she doesn’t identify as such). It ain’t the dirty feminazis pulling this shit, dude.
Oddly relevant, safe for work and Mississippi schools:
http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/01/condoms-sex-ed-video-how-to-put-on-a-sock
@friday jones
Yep. That sums it up. I remember being on a hormonal roller coaster when I first went on the pill.
After reading about other women’s experiences with contraception on this thread, I can’t help but feel a twinge of anger at the subset of men who make excuses for not wearing a condom. Putting on a condom seems so minor compared to what some of us women go through with the pill, IUDs etc.
Mouse farts: the MRM idea that feminists want to make fathers irrelevant is bull. Feminists do want men to be fathers, do want fathers to be involved in their kids lives. What they don’t want is men to think that they can be irresponsible with regards to both conceiving and raising a kid.
I’m sorry you struggle with anxiety issues with your dad, and what your mother did. As much as we’ve been talking about runaway fathers I know mums can pull some bad shit too. I met a different customer who was a devoted single dad to his stepson, as his mother had walked out on his biological dad and then his step dad, leaving her son to be raised by him alone. He loved that boy to pieces though, it was very clear.
Whew, didn’t get et by the block quote monster.
@sunnysombrera
Thanks. My life is a lot better now that I cut my mother out of it. Sorry for the TMI teal deer, but I wanted to make clear for any lurking MRA-types that just because we are feminist does not mean we are blind to any wrongdoing by women, or to the way the family courts can be (and are) abused. It isn’t right.
Man, though, an involved dad is sexy. I fell in love with my partner about when I walked into his home for the first time – a lot of single dads, you’d never know they have kid(s) if they didn’t tell you, right? I walked into that man’s house, and there’s a Barbie dream house displayed in the living room, the couch is covered in stuffed animals and Spongebob pillows, and his bed has pink “princess sheep” sheets on it because she picked them for him. And he was so used to these things that it never occurred to him to be embarrassed; he forgot they were unusual. Single dad whose world revolves around his kid = sexy as HELL.
mrex – I couldn’t see any reference to FDA limits on condom width in the links provided (just that there’s a range offered, but that free condoms are overwhelmingly standard).
May I be lazy/pressed for time and ask you for another?
I do remember reading once (in _Red China Blues_, I think) that a quiet little secret of the WHO is that they do, in fact, distribute different condom sizes to different regions. I’d imagine that condom marketing might get tricky in societies with non-homogenous populations. (That’s not being a racial essentialist, but an acknowledgement that phenotypical characteristics did, historically, tend to cluster.)
I /can/ say that a brand recommended to my husband by a friend for use during my post-partum period definitely caused significant discomfort while some others, while not ideal, were at least workable.
It really seems like there should be some sort of standardization of sizing rather than (as your last article put it) playing to ego.
This might be apocryphal, but I’ve heard that NASA changed its sizing for the, er, business end of the urine catchers in space suits from “Small, Medium, and Large” to “Huge, Gigantic, and Titanic” (or something).
Another single parent story…
My SO’s mom raised him and his sister pretty much alone – after some significant drama involving kidnapping, etc – and there definitely was poisoning going on. To this day, I refuse to compare him to his father because it is so unnecessarily hurtful. A lot of the planted bitterness is gone, but the justifiable anger remains. If he was competent enough to use a computer, I know he would be 100% in the MRA camp, because he still fails to understand why it was wrong for him to a) steal his kids from school, b) refuse to pay child support, and c) refuse to be part of their lives if it also involved “that woman” – who was working two full time jobs to raise them.
He’s part of our lives… but only from a safe distance and with very strong boundaries.
Mouse farts: I know right?! And for all the MRA evopsych blathering about how women want dominant alpha bad boys, there’s a lot more to be said for why we would find a devoted single dad very attractive. But to them, single fatherhood is the ultimate beta. Omega even.
@Mouse Farts: I’m sorry your mother was so very horrible to you. If your father is indeed trying to get back in your life, and he’s there in good faith (which, judging from what you posted, he very much is), then I wish you two all the best. (And I’m stoked you’re happy now with your SO. Best of luck to you both!)
I don’t have experiences with women being terrible people myself, so it’s always good to get that perspective from people who do have it, and vice versa with the dads.
As for the MRAs, no, we don’t want to make fathers irrelevant. We want them to be more responsible. We want to raise a generation of children who will outlive us and help make the world a better place (and yeah, we mean male children too).
We can’t do that if men are blaming women for getting pregnant because you menfolk don’t want to handle birth control and then ditching your partners because you think she only did it to get your “money” and it’s too hard for you to handle.
We’re not asking for your eradication, we’re asking for you to grow up.
Paradoxical: exactly. Feminists don’t hate men or fathers, we love them. All we ask is that all men take responsibility when it comes to procreation and child rearing. If you don’t want to be a dad, put 100% into making sure it doesn’t happen.
THAT MEANS CONDOMS, MOTHERFUCKERS. NO EXCUSES. SEE PHOTO ABOVE.
If you do want to be a dad, do it with a stable LTR partner and for the love of Pete pull your weight! Don’t decide to drop out at the icky early stage and come back when it suits you, because as we’ve said that’s when and why your child will reject you.
And before you go all “well if feminists love dads why did my ex get primary custody”, feminists don’t run the courts . We too disagree with unequal custody if it isn’t fair, but you know what? We do support unequal custody if the dad is a douche. Treat your partner right, be good to your kids, and even if things do go pear shaped marriage wise you’ll be fine.
MRAs love to pretend that anything that ever possibly favors woman, or results in a favorable outcome for a woman, is both caused by feminists and happens 100% of the time.
Ugh, exactly. And the cheap, awful-smelling rubber and cold, slimy lube they use doesn’t help things, either. Here in Canada, the bestseller is (was?) Ramses, and with a pharaonic name like that, it’s a lot more, um, appealing.
BINGO.
It’s just fucking incredible how many of these outsize manchildren don’t realize that immaturity is NOT a right once you’re old enough to buy your own damn beer. FFS, learn to cook, clean, do your own damn laundry, and wipe your asses! Learn to share expenses and responsibilities equitably around the damn house! If there’s some household chore that you like to do more than your partner does, or are better at than your partner, feel free to divvy it up along the lines of “I’ll do this, and you’ll do that”. It’s not so hard, really. Expecting to be coddled like a child while demanding sex as an adult is a surefire formula for a shitcanning somewhere down the road. If there’s any justice in the world, it’ll be the manchild that gets the boot from the fed-up woman who’s ready for an actual adult partner.
And on that note: Hugs to all those whose biological fathers may as well just be sperm donors for all the relationship you’ve had with them. Doing a runner and then coming back a few years later expecting to be loved unconditionally as though you’d never left is a real shit move. I do not blame anyone for feeling alienated from a so-called parent like that. I’d feel the same way in that position. It makes me grateful that my dad is (a) still here, and (b) still married to my mom for nearly 50 years now. And (c) an awesome, caring dad even if he’s a bit old-school. I do NOT look forward to losing him.
Yeah, I really love my dad too. He’s old school, and pretty conservative, but very kind and loving. We have long deep conversations. My brother is also a fab guy, extremely respectful of women albeit sometimes unaware of his male privilege, and while we’re on the topic he has a personal disgust for men who get their girlfriends pregnant and then disappear. You can see it if he talks about it, he gets really mad.
Hugs from me also to everyone who had almost-literal sperm donors for fathers.