In a sort of rebuke to men who complain that they’re “too big” to wear condoms, one Swedish gal pulled a condom over her leg and up nearly to her knee, and posted a pic documenting this feat to Instagram. This pic:
Naturally, some men have reacted with outrage. When the pic was posted recently on WomensRightsNews, a host of dudes popped up in the comments to point out that not all men are comfortable in regular sized condoms. (Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s why they make bigger sizes, dudes.)
And then there was this guy.
Yes, this is his response to a picture of a woman’s leg with a condom stretched over it.
But as it turns out, he was just getting started. Responding to one commenter who took issue with his, er, analysis, he spat forth these giant gobs of text. I won’t summarize them, because, honestly, my eyes glazed over after about the third word in ALL CAPS.
Another commenter raised an interesting point:
Huh. That must be a reference to the legendary Agent Orange files. I guess Jayme is a reader of A Voice for Men?
He then moved on to some, er, art criticism, I guess?
For what it’s worth, dude, Andy Warhol made a painting using his own semen, as did Marcel Duchamp. And this guy made a portrait of Justin Bieber out of other people’s pubic hair. So go wild, dude, stick wool up your urethra in the name of dude art!
Jayme then went on to address the wage gap issue, and then that whole “turning men into nothing more than egg fertilizers” thing that is apparently the grand aim of feminism.
I just have a couple of questions.
How exactly did Jayme Crandall become a “Top Commenter?” I think something might have gone wrong with the selection process here.
Also, why are so many angry dudes reading something called WomensRightsNews?
Ok, that’s last question was a joke. OF COURSE angry dudes are reading WomensRightsNews. Hell, there’s probably no more effective way to reel in the angry dude demographic than to mention feminism online. They are drawn to articles about feminism with the same powerful mystical force that draws cats to paper bags:
H/T — Sunnysombrera, who posted a link to this whole wondrous discussion in the comments here. Thanks!
I don’t /think/ I know you ?
I miss you, Pastor J. Grant Swank, Jr. You were glorious.
8: Explain all human interactions using science and numbers and graphs and wolves.
9: Take credit for every building, invention, noble thought, and comet landing ever (but tie your whole self-worth to how many times you’ve had sex).
10: Heads, men win…tails, women lose.
The way these kind of guys talk is like they don’t know people can be other than cis/straight. But I’m willing to bet they think it’s another evil feminist plan to conquer the world or something equally silly
gilshalos, nope, then. I’m confused, I guess, by your comment to Policy of Madness following their seconding of Mouse Farts’s rebuke and Policy of Madness’s next comment after yours.
The exchange reads as though you were serious when you wrote, ‘I guess he is allowed one tease.’, but maybe that wasn’t a reference to me or there were invisible sarcasm tags or whatever.
All or nothing of which is fine because Mouse Farts is right re: genital shaming.
Leaving this on the correct thread this time. Possibly NSF, no sound on my work pc.
*NSFW, dammit. I can’t type today. Or post well. Sigh.
Actually, I just realised I might have been being unfair. Cos Jill Valentine is as awesome as ‘Alice’, but…I don’t feel any need to talk about her.
Wow what a display of flip out. I love the kitty traps also they are perfect and really do work!
Helpful Hints from Heloise, Condom Edition:
I learned these in a safer-sex workshop at uni, so please feel free to borrow as needed.
1. Learn to put a condom on him yourself. It’s easy if you try! Here’s the basic technique:
a) Is he fully erect? Then it’s time to break that sucker out. Tear open the little packet where it says to. Usually it’s got a small notch there to make it easier. Be sure to feel for the condom and gently squeeze it to one side so you don’t accidentally tear into it. Only open the packets with your hands, not scissors, teeth, a machete, etc.
b) Take the condom out and determine which way it unrolls. Make sure the end is poking out in the correct direction so that it doesn’t resist unrolling.
c) Pinch the end of the condom to make sure there’s a space for the semen to go. If it has a reservoir tip (and most do, these days), just pinch that between your fingertips; if it’s plain, pinch as much of the tip as you can hold between your thumb and forefinger, usually about half an inch. This is your reservoir.
d) If desired, add a dab of lube inside the tip to improve sensation. (See #3.)
e) Place the condom on the head of that erection, keeping the tip pinched. Hold it in place with one hand, and unroll all the way down the shaft with the other. Once you hit pelvis, stop. Now you’re good to go!
f) Optional: If you’re feeling really show-offy (and you can handle that much length without gagging), you can use your mouth to unroll it onto him, but better practice first. (You can also go partway with your mouth, then finish by hand. No sense barfing all over him, right?)
2. It’s fairly easy to be too small for condoms, but I can’t imagine anyone really being too big. At the workshop, a woman made a fist and rolled one up her arm, all the way to the elbow. Point being, condoms STRETCH. Quite a lot, if necessary. Granted, it might not be comfortable for all guys, which is why some come in larger sizes. If you can’t get comfy in a regular, try those (or, if you’re a woman who carries her own just in case, keep some on hand for those “excuses, excuses” moments).
3. Lube is your friend, as long as it’s water-soluble (eg. KY jelly, Astroglide, etc.) — none of that greasy kid stuff. And a little dab’ll do ya, right inside the reservoir tip of the condom. This will put an end to those “shower in a raincoat” complaints. Use roughly a penny-size dab, and you’re good. Just make sure it doesn’t get all the way down the shaft, because then the condom could slip off. You need it to maintain a firm grip at the root of the matter. Make sure the bottom end is still dry and powdery when it gets to the root end of his dong. You can add as much lube as you like to the OUTSIDE of the condom once it’s on, though. Again, put it everywhere except around the opening, or you’re gonna have a slippity-slide situation.
4. Latex allergy? Doesn’t have to be a problem. Polyurethane condoms exist, and serve the purpose just as well. Use those (and/or stash some, again, just in case).
5. If the guy is one of those “whoops, it fell off” condom losers, or if you’re not entirely sure you can trust him not to be one, put it on him yourself. Use Tip #3 if he starts kvetching about loss of sensation. And if he still manages to “lose” it, LOSE THAT LOSER.
6. If you’re not 100% condom-confident, grab some free ones from the nearest walk-in clinic, and practice putting them on anything that’s roughly the right size. Bananas, broomsticks, your fist and forearm…you get the idea. Practice makes perfect! (See Tip #1.)
7. Oral sex is sex too, and condoms are also a good idea for that, because lots of STDs don’t care if they’re landing in a mouth, a vagina or an anus — a warm, moist place is a warm, moist place. Luckily, some condoms come flavored. Have fun with those!
8. For best results, use a new condom for every time you have sex, and don’t let him in until it’s on. Pre-ejaculate can still contain viable sperm, and lots of STDs don’t care if he’s only in halfway. And yes, even if it’s your first time ever, bad things can still happen; there is no grace period for first-timers. Make like a Scout, and BE PREPARED.
9. Take no shit from ANY man you’re having sex with. It’s your body, and you have a right to protect it by any means necessary. And if he protests, hand him his clothes and shove him toward the door. He’ll have a much harder time putting on his socks out in the cold than he would have if he’d just let you put the condom on him in the first place.
This concludes Helpful Hints from Heloise.
This reminds me of a young man asking advice on reddit about being with a woman who had been sexually abused, and had found his ‘girth’ triggering. I gave him some advice, but also told him that boasting about his size wasn’t OK. He threw a bit of a hissy fit at that, and said I was totally unhelpful.
Not as much of an irrelevant rant as this man, but it made me think of it as some men seem to think that any mention of their genitals by a woman is shaming if we are not falling on our knees to BJ it!
It’s always amusing how often MRA commenters begin to rant, “She’s probably an [insert super-scary strawfeminazi here]”—with no evidence other than that they bet she is—and then proceed to berate said woman for believing all of the awful things that only exist in the their own assumption. It’s a whole lot easier to tear into someone when you can just make up all the reasons they’re wrong.
And I don’t expect this dude would be particularly swayed by pointing out: someone asking you to wear something (which carries practically no medical risk) for a moment is very much different than someone asking you to undergo a medical procedure and get a device inserted long-term into your body (which has a small chance of complications, assuming it’s medically feasible for you to begin with).
Nothing against IUDs in general, of course—but they are rather a more drastic measure than a condom. But then, MRAs do love their false equivalencies, so.
Thanks, Mouse Farts and davidknewton and everyone else.
I’m really not mad– this was all what, 15 years ago? (and looking back, I wasn’t even all that angry at the time. There were so many other competing emotions going on, and I really just wanted to get through it and put it in the rear view.)
But yeah, bad shit happens when you just trust that every man you meet will look out for you, or frankly, even for themselves. I wasn’t the most confident thing back then, and as I mentioned, my first partner had been comparatively so proactive about this stuff that it simply hadn’t really entered my mind that there are dudes out there who are honestly too freakin’ dense to look out for themselves, even if you help them along.
The first “oops” gave me pause: can you really just lose it and not notice?! I didn’t really know. I couldn’t think of anyone to ask, and I didn’t have home internet back then, either. The second and third ones though… finally I realized what was up.
So yeah, you have to have boundaries, and you need to know that any kind of excuses or reluctance or foot dragging around this stuff is a Real Bad Sign. They really aren’t “too big” to take care of themselves.
Guys who are serious about doing something with their lives really don’t whine about using protection.
I actually had an IUD in for a while (non-birth-control purposes, actually, not that it’s relevant) and both (male) partners I had during those years complained about it – an IUD has a plastic “string,” kind of like a thicker piece of fishing line, that protrudes from the cervix. It’s there so you can remove it and so…so the scary uterus monster doesn’t eat it, I guess? Anyway. It sticks out like less than an inch into the vagina. Both the guys I slept with while I had it complained repeatedly that the string poked them and it was uncomfortable.
Then I had to have a hysterectomy, and dudes told me no one would want me because I can’t have kids.
So…yeah. There is no birth control method that isn’t dirty misandry.
(“and daresay aborted fetuses and miscarriages”) I do know that on the far right anti choice side they are literally saying that the pill causes miscarriages that lodge in our wombs and I wonder if this is what he means. They literally think every egg we ever had is a fetus and is actually lodged in our body.
I tried block quotes but it didn’t work drat
Oh, for the fuck of shit. As if that’s all a relationship is about…
@Bina
It does make it a hell of a lot easier go sort out the jackasses, though. They sort of opt out on their own.
Absolutely. Making a man wear a condom is as bad as poisoning him, doncha know.
Went to bed, failed to sleep after 30 mins. Realised that I hadn’t eaten today. Got up, cleaned a roasting dish put it in the oven with a beef joint. Hoping I stay awake long enough for it to cook, and hoping I eat it
@Bina (or should I say Heloise?)
Hint #9 is my very favorite!
And IUDs were a non-starter for me as well, what with my bad cramps and all. Luckily, the Pill didn’t give me any trouble at all.
God, I love my IUD.
I had to unsubscribe from Women’s Rights News on Facebook because the comment section had been completely overtaken by MRAs. I don’t mind a debate, but that’s not what they do. Wish the mods would clean it up a bit so it’s a safe place for women to be.
God, I love having hit menopause at 30!
*meekly raises hand*
Uh… Mr. Angry “WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!” Man… why WOULD you want to stick wool up your uretha? I don’t think that things are supposed to go up there.
And… dude, she only PUT A CONDOM ON HER LEG. Where did this “KILL ALL MEN!” mentality come from… oh, right. MRA’s don’t need logic to start an argument.
Why do I keep trying to find logic?