The first stage of grief, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously postulated, is denial.
So it’s hardly surprising that Paul Elam and his gang of flunkies and fans at A Voice for Men have responded to the news that my site is besting AVFM in traffic by trying to claim that my traffic is somehow … fake.
Elam’s “evidence” for this assertion? He poked around my site for a few minutes and couldn’t find any posts that felt really “viral” to him.
He explained his, er, logic in a post yesterday. (You’ll have to excuse his terrible prose; he’s apparently running out of ways to call me fat.)
The gynecomastia plagued mammoth hunter’s sudden, meteoric rise into alleged relevance can only be explained by one thing. There must have been a stratospherically viral article (usually meaning more than two paragraphs) penned by the Wizard of Wallow that must have been picked up by every major media outlet in the mainstream.
Trouble is, we could not find it. A complete search of his website for something that coincided with his liftoff into the upper echelons of Alexa rankings, only turned up more of his usual fare. Quote mining, distortions, lies, poorly written snark and hundreds of comments, most of which have nothing to do with the OP and everything to do with kittens.
I’m not sure how one is supposed to be able to tell how much traffic a post has generated just by looking at it; it’s a bit like trying to tell how fast a car can go by looking at it parked.
But using some methodology of his own, apparently based not so much on what is true as on what he desperately wants to be true, he concludes that I bought the traffic using some of that sweet sweet cash I apparently get from the Femilluminati overladies.
So, that leaves us with only one other conclusion about David’s strut-worthy presence on Alexa. He paid for it. Yes, for those who cannot create real traffic, it can be purchased. Of course, purchasing a fake Alexa ranking is, well, fake. But what better tool for web presence could there ever be for a fake writer, with fake ideas waging a fake war against fake enemies for the approval of fake allies?
Also, I’m a big fan of fried chicken. (How did he know?)
A fake Alexa ranking fits on David Futrelle like a day old bucket of fried chicken fits in his lap . And it will probably last about as long given it requires regular financial maintenance.
Elam’s preoccupation with Alexa is a little weird. I didn’t even mention Alexa in my post comparing my traffic to his. Alexa’s numbers for my site and his are based on estimates — extimates that I’m pretty sure are something less-than-reliable, at least when it comes to my site.
No, the reason I know that I’m getting more traffic than A Voice for Men – or at least that I was getting more when I wrote my post on the subject – has nothing to do with Alexa rankings. It’s because Elam posted a screenshot of his actual traffic stats. Which I was able to compare to the traffic stats I get directly from WordPress. (You can see my screenshot and his in my post om the subject.)
The closest thing to “evidence” Elam has to back up his false accusation that my traffic is “fake” is based on something called Google PageRank, a zero-to-ten ranking that provides at least a rough representation of a site’s importance in the internet world. (Zero is totally obscure; ten means you’re as popular as Google.) Unfortunately, Elam’s internet research skills leave something to be desired, and his “evidence” isn’t actually evidence of anything real.
Elam reports that when he typed his site’s url into a site that tracks PageRank it got a rating of 5. He typed WeHuntedTheMammoth.com into the same page and it gets a PageRank of … zero.
Which would be pretty damning, except that it’s meaningless.
You see, the real URL for this blog is manboobz.wordpress.com; that’s the URL that WeHuntedTheMammoth.com redirects you to. And if you type manboobz.wordpress.com into that same PageRank site that Elam used, you’ll see that my site has a Google PageRank of … 4, pretty close to that of AVFM.
Seriously, Paul, try it yourself if you don’t believe me.
So, no, Paul, I didn’t buy traffic or whatever it is you think I did to get “fake” traffic for my “fake” writing.
You want to know the real secret behind the increased traffic to my site? Well. I don’t know if you realized it, Paul, but last year was kind of a breakout year for online misogyny. You remember that whole GamerGate thing? I wrote a lot about that, including a number of posts that collected together a lot of information that other people found useful.
If you look at my most-read posts from the past year – here, here and here – you can see that a lot of people did in fact find them useful: each one was shared on Twitter and Facebook literally thousands of times, as you can see by scrolling down to the bottom of each post. (Or did I fake those too?)
Also, I started writing more than one post a day. All else being equal, more posts means more traffic.
The flipside is that all this misogyny and all this writing kind of burned me out, and I’ve been taking a bit of a breather for the last few weeks, writing fewer posts and taking some days off. So my traffic has slowed a bit. Heck, my traffic may have dropped back down to AVFM levels.
But I’m not worried, Paul. As long as terrible and ridiculous people like you keep saying and doing terrible, ridiculous things, I’m not going to run out of things to write about. And as long as people are interested in hearing about people like you, it seems likely that I’ll continue to get enough traffic to reduce you to tooth-grinding rage.
I can only hope you’re able to work y0ur way through the other stages of grief until you finally reach acceptance. Because right now your desperation is so obvious it can probably be seen from space. It’s not a good look for you.
alaisvex, not my kitty, I found that pic on the net! 😀
dudeinthewoods, I love that shifty look Spot’s giving the camera. Like grumpyoldnurse said, she definitely looks like she’s up to something.
Robert – coyote and llama scenario, LOL!
@grumpyoldnurse:
She’s always up to something. She’s escaped three times so far and hopped into the boars pen another couple times. She also tries to chew the buttons off my pants, bites my ass and steals her sisters fruit/fish/whatever treat they get got.
Darrow
http://m.imgur.com/4MqvjLo
Dracarys
http://m.imgur.com/ULtPXXD
Lol, great pics & your welcome, sparky!
Awwww look at Dracarys’s fluffy white underwear.
dudeinthewoods, sounds like Spot wins the prize for Teh Ebil in your house!
Hops into the boars’ pen, does she? Naughty girl! (I heartily approve)
Also, squeeeee!! Kitties!!!! Who has the whitest tummy floof? You do, Dracarys!
Post
Both Berkshire sows. Spot and Hap(py).
http://imgur.com/SURP5x2
The “girls” when they were weenies.
http://imgur.com/TxWRRSA
Roxy, a dog of uncertain pedigree.
http://imgur.com/Rk5L4S2
Mae, a Great Pyrenees.
http://imgur.com/1bn4IIq
Mr Keepers, our boar just after we got him. He’s three times the size now.
http://imgur.com/mAtcBqH
Momma Cat and her babies.
http://imgur.com/ji6e6Nq
Most of the pack.
http://imgur.com/midmYFy
Kaylee, named after the mechanic from Firefly, uncertain pedigree, she was born in the bush and brought to the shelter. She adores my wife.
http://imgur.com/wLGeTz6
Box of Cats
http://imgur.com/4iiiKlL
Momma Cat doesn’t have time for bullshit, she has least weasels and assorted rodents to kill.
http://imgur.com/aYa7tFV
Richard B Riddick, intrepid explorer, escape artist and protector of the Quonset Hut.
http://imgur.com/cUFqPgQ
Suesse, original dog, golden doodle and my saviour. Seriously, dogs can save your life if you have PTSD.
http://imgur.com/PHrRVHc
Kittehserf
She’s my nemesis, I love her to death though. She knows I always have a sugar cube for her.
Grumpyoldnurse
Good thing he wasn’t old enough to impregnate her before I fixed it so she can’t hop. We’d be having piglets in -40c, I’m not really prepared to be on hand 24/7 in that weather. Yuck.
@dudeinthewoods
Hah! That’s the cheekiest look I’ve ever seen a pig give. Adorable!
dudeinthewoods, LOL – I can just see her in full nemesis mode, too, sitting there working on her next plan for world domination. She’s practically at moustache-twirling stage in that photo.
Seconding the Yuck at the idea of having to look after piglets in that sort of weather.
@ Kat
Yup. Hating either animals or children is a red flag for me too. Not wanting to spend a lot of time around a particular animal, or around kids, is fine, but rants about how awful they are make me wonder if the person has bodies buried in their basement. I mean, I’m not fond of most insects, but I’m not going to run around screaming about how stupid and horrible people who like them must be. Because that would be weird.
No, have to agree with you on that one, dudeinthewoods! I grew up on a farm and remember calving season… Warmer is definitely better! (hooked up with a town boy, so I don’t have to worry about the harsher realities of farm life. It’s all rosey nostalgia for me)
Truth. I don’t know of anyone saying something like that to people who own spiders, f’rinst. It’s more likely to be AAAAAAAH I COULDN’T than anything else from people who’re scared of them.
I knew a guy who owned a boa constrictor once. Seemed like an odd pet to me, and it mostly hid behind the couch when his dog got noisy, but whatever, it’s his apartment so if he wants to have a snake in it, sure.
Sparky that may be the cutest kitten E.V.E.R!
Oh, I’ve had lots of people call me a “Freaky dumb [sexist slur]” for my spiders. Of course, they’ve all turned out to be assholes, so it being common doesn’t make the theory any less completely true.
All the lovely cats here breaks my heart, my precious baby passed away on Thursday and it’s been super hard to even get up in the morning.
Cupisnique: I’m so sorry to hear that!
Hugs, cupisnique, if you want them.
I am so sorry for your loss cupisnique.
@cupisnique
Oh no… I’m so sorry. =( Take all the hugs you want.
My condolences, cupisnique.
Aw, cupisnique.
(Hugs)
Sorry for your loss, cupisnique. I’ll be at the back of the hugs line, if you want them.
Thanks everyone! I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything on here earlier because it made it more real. She became so much a part of me and has left a huge hole. I’m crying as I write this =/
She was so special, I really want to give another kitty a loving home, but I can’t bring myself to until I’ve given myself enough time to heal. I’d not be able to love them as completely otherwise.
This is my baby:
http://instagram.com/p/xXCx-UuhD1/?modal=true
She’s the most beautiful thing to me.