Pickup guru Roosh Valizadeh is not only a terrible, terrible person. He is also an abuser of language.
In a post entitled Culture War Predictions For 2015, Roosh forecasts great things for the “manosphere” in the coming year. Or perhaps the coming 9 months?
Prepare yourself for the most belabored (heh heh) pregnancy metaphor the world has ever seen:
In 2013, we saw a large increase in manosphere readership that began to ejaculate our ideas onto the mainstream. In 2014, these ideas became the morning sickness that left the enemy unprepared and unwilling to respond with logic, reason, and facts. In 2015, you will see the birthing on our side of semi-formalized alliances between various groups that use more organized action to deal crushing blows upon panicked feminists and SJW’s. Media owners will reconsider their usefulness. At the same time, our mob will grow to a frightening size after growing big and strong on breast milk, and they will be lustful for blood.
Obviously, there is nothing in that paragraph that isn’t awful. But I’m a little hung up on that first sentence. Roosh: I know you probably watch a lot of porn, dude, but you are aware that in order to make a baby, you need to deposit your sperm into a woman, not onto her, like certain kinds of squid.
Actually, I’m a little confused about exactly what happens, with the squid in any case; their sex parties get pretty freaky. But I am pretty sure that to make human babies the sperm needs to get inside the woman somewhere in that whole region down there.
Could it be that Roosh learned everything he knows about reproduction from Men in Black?
He lies to his readership and lies to himself.
…and who the fuck brags about being bloodthirsty and straight off the tit? Neither suggest competence or credibility.
Alas no, gillyrosebee.. I found it on someones Tumblr post about Medieval PoC and it just seemed to fit me. Oh yeah, my brain had the same reaction yours did. It just “noped” itself out of danger.
Um, so the manosphere ejaculted onto the mainstream (ew), giving the mainstream morning sickness meaning pregnancy, then the manosphere gives birth, then the manosphere suckles breast milk (double ew), which makes it blood-thirsty (I have I said ewww yet)?
Something’s not quite right. Not quite logical or fact-based there.
PS Are the winter holidays over yet? Can everything go back to normal yet? Damn, there’s still New Years yet.
I feel like faux-revolutionary types like Roosh could easily be a character in Alice In Wonderland…
(I apologize in advance for the length…)
As Alice continued down the path, she began to hear a terribly loud commotion through the trees.
“Yet another strange resident of this land,” she supposed, “and I know it’s none of my business, but I’m afraid my curiosity will get the best of me.” And so she started wandering through the trees in search of the source.
It was rather difficult to follow the sound of the noise, which Alice could now recognize as shouting, though she couldn’t make out the workds. The noise echoed all around her, seeming to come from every direction. “Perhaps I was mistaken,” she thought as she covered her ears. “Perhaps it isn’t one resident, but an army. A whole army shouting as loud as they can about something or other.”
Alice continued through the trees until she reached the edge of a huge meadow that sloped down like an enormous cup. Whatever was shouting seemed to be at the bottom. She carefully made her way down the side of the valley as she listened to the shouting.
“Revolution is upon us!” A voice boomed, reverberating around the trees and shaking the ground. “The time has come to rise up! With our numbers, we shall strike the Red Queen down!”
“How fierce!” Alice thought, “But where is the army?”
The voice continued to boom across the valley and Alice soon reached the bottom. At first, it seemed like nobody was there, and even the voice seemed to fade away. Alice started searching.
“Whoa there!” A thin voice cried up. Alice froze in place.
“Who, pray tell, are you?”
“I’m Alice,” Alice replied. “Who are you? Or rather more importantly, where are you?”
“Are you blind?” The voice replied in a rather hurt tone. “Look beneath your giant feet!”
Alice looked down, and to her shock found a small worm stood upon a short plant. Alice knealt down, wondering if she should drink some of that shrinking potion again so the two could see face to face.
“Hello there,” she said.
“Greetings, tall one! I see my cries of revolution have reached yet another poor soul, squirming under the boot of the Red Queen!”
Alice nearly stood in shock. “That… was you?” She cried.
“But of course!” The worm replied, and he turned to a peculiar device beside him. “I merely speak my words into this little device, and it spreads my message far and wide to spark rebellion into haggard hearts!”
With that, the worm turned, put his mouth to the device, and started shouting. Down at the bottom of the valley, his words were only slightly louder than his speaking voice, but Alice could feel the weight of each word from above. When she looked up, she saw flocks of birds fleeing the forest, and realized that the valley was an odd shape, almost like the grammaphone in her father’s study.
“So that solves the mystery,” she thought to herself, “though someone should tell this poor fellow that beyond the valley his words are incomprehensible.”
Out loud, she said “Rebellion? Against whom? And why?”
The worm turned back to face her. “Against whom?” he sputtered? “And why? Surely even you have felt the weight of the Red Queen on your back, have felt the scourge of her lash, the scorn of her eyes! We rebel, dear tall one, against one who would make free men slaves!”
“I can’t say I have,” Alice said, but privately she thought “this worm certainly has a way with words, even if he’s speaking nonsense.”
“What has the Red Queen done to you?” She asked.
The worm sighed, and drew himself up proudly, or as proud as a small worm on a little plant could possibly do. “I…” he said gravely, “have been mocked.”
Alice nearly fell over again. “I’m sorry, mocked?”
“You should be!” The worm continued. “I have been subjected to the most cruel and unusual torture of being mocked by the Red Queen. In my early years,” he began, as Alice sat down in expectation of a long story.
“I spent my time in idle play, feasting upon rose leaves, basking in the warm sun, as is the manner of youth. I had no cares with which to heavily weigh my brow, no worries to burden my young heart, and only thought of what I shall do to-day!”
Alice yawned. “Quite a way with words,” she thought drowsily, “but quite nonsense.”
She started drifting off to sleep, when suddenly the worm shouted quite loudly and woke her up again.
“What was that?” She started.
“Indeed,” the worm cried! “Those were the very words of the Red Queen! ‘What was that!’ And she lumbered over to my home, spread apart the leaves, saw me, and laughed! Laughed!! ‘Oh, tis only a little worm,’ she said, and walked away. Believe me, it was horrendous!”
“Indeed, it must have been,” Alice said, though she wondered exactly how much of the story she missed.
“And then, I was cast out of the garden, and found my way here, to where my brothers and sisters in misery could band together, to overthrow the Queen for her wicked ways!”
Alice looked around, seeing only empty grass. “Is there more than just you?” she asked.
“But of course!” The worm replied, and turned to his little device again. “REVOLUTION!” He cried, and suddenly the strangest thing happened. That one word echoed through the air right back to where Alice and the worm sat, and soon the air was full of the word “REVOLUTION!” repeated over and over as a chant.
The worm turned back to Alice. “See?” He said. “Hundreds… nay… Thousands of souls whose hearts have been touched by my words, awaiting the day of revolution!”
“And what day is that?”
“Tuesday!” The worm said simply.
“Tuesday?”
“Indeed, Tuesday.”
“Isn’t today Wednesday?” Alice asked?
The worm paused, lost in thought.
“That it is, that it is, and tomorrow is the day of revolution!”
“So Thursday?”
“Indeed, Thursday.”
Alice felt it would probably be best if she took her leave. “Well, good luck with your revolution,” she said as she stood up.
“Thank you for your blessing, tall one,” The worm replied. “Always keep the spark of revolution alive!”
“Yes, yes, I will.” Alice said, and she made her way up the valley and out of the forest, thankful when the noise of the worm’s shouting finally faded away.
Kirbywarp, that’s adorable.
Far too adorable to really be a good mockery of you all know who, but still pretty darned close!
And adorable. Have I said adorable yet?
Laughnwitch
Also known as “36 reasons to stay away from Doosh”
All I’m going to say is that was one of my favorite parts from Men In Black.
Let’s forget about the sequels though…
It takes a special kind of person to think they’re in the right when their argument causes people to vomit everywhere.
For as much as these guys act like they have some secret knowledge, their ideas always strike me as ordinary misogyny dressed in … flowery? language. Even a lot of people who agree with them can’t get away fast enough.
Thank you, David, for continuing to provide the right sunny disinfectant.
About 30 years ago I had a boss whose favorite insult was, “That guy could fuck up a wet dream!” Now I wonder why reading Roosh’s latest spew would make that line pop back up in my head …
It reminded me of a post I read this morning on the catcall blog about d00dz masturbating on the bus where the woman is trapped and dares not look away for fear of what the creeper will do next.
Roosh’s taste in porn + total ignorance of reproduction = this blatheration.
Colour me surprised, not.
I think that Roosh should consider a career in creating body horror as he certainly seems to be that way inclined. Obviously it wouldn’t be very good, but it couldn’t be any worse than what he is doing at the moment. All the signs are there in this posts, plus his revulsion at basic body hygiene and self care.
“…the birthing on our side…” Um, what the fuck?
Yeah, up thread someone was correcting a poster for virgin shaming. Yeah. There’s no shame in being a virgin at all, but being an adult and not knowing a single fucking thing about actual reproduction — and claiming to be an expert, rates a big fat, “Oh hell no.” That dude who said if a woman is raped, her body shuts the whole thing (pregnancy) down (like a duck), was ridiculed. He deserved every second of it. Roosh is an idiot who apparently has never read an actual biology book — yet posts countless advice and opinions about reproduction and “mating” and such to forward his misogynistic opinions — he deserves mocking.
I think we can all agree that to anyone who is not familiar with the manospere, reading any article by Roosh for the first time is very much like being ejaculated on unknowingly in that it’s extremely shocking and offensive and leaves often leaves the brain covered in a foggy and sticky goo that no amount of washing will sufficiency remove.
I was also unaware that breast milk caused blood-lust in infants, perhaps this is why conservatives are so afraid of mothers who breast feed in public.
@Shiraz What’s especially pathetic about Roosh is that whatever experience he may have managed to accumulate, he hasn’t learned a thing from. Every encounter is exactly the same for him. Women’s anatomy and arousal patterns are just as alien to him now, approaching middle age, as they were when he was twelve. I can’t imagine devoting my life so single-mindedly to a pursuit and NOT improving at it, even marginally.
The farther Roosh gets through life, the less he knows.
Yes.
Anyone want some brain bleach? I just found this and it’s Awwwwwww.
http://media.tumblr.com/f4e16a841b25b2aa4f3e8337c1ae1e44/tumblr_ngysl4xj0l1rhavdko1_250.gif
MOAR PETTINS, HOOMAN!!!!
Awwww, dam cute.
https://mtc.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/A49531D73C1156242241170649088_3280c890f6c.1.2.1147536829148718773.mp4?versionId=s1UWvjhtbBhY_6ApK5yawvBJ1P72fRXn
Drat, I hoped that would embed. Oh well. It’s a clip of a cat being a jerk, anyway. 🙂
Kirbywarp – great episode. Reminded me of Mr. Mind, the Captain Marvel villain. I suppose Roosh might make a good comic book villain himself.
Seems like the MRA crowd could really use some of that fluffy pink liberal-arts stuff on their side. Y’know, a couple of creative writing majors, someone with a background in literature… Shame that shit’s too ‘beta’ for them.
OT, Content Warning, please sign and share widely.
http://act.weareultraviolet.org/sign/Fuller_ck/?source=CK-UV-FUL-A02-FB-FBLP.OCPM-FKW-US-WM286-BO-30p-T01.P02.C02.D01