Pickup guru Roosh Valizadeh is not only a terrible, terrible person. He is also an abuser of language.
In a post entitled Culture War Predictions For 2015, Roosh forecasts great things for the “manosphere” in the coming year. Or perhaps the coming 9 months?
Prepare yourself for the most belabored (heh heh) pregnancy metaphor the world has ever seen:
In 2013, we saw a large increase in manosphere readership that began to ejaculate our ideas onto the mainstream. In 2014, these ideas became the morning sickness that left the enemy unprepared and unwilling to respond with logic, reason, and facts. In 2015, you will see the birthing on our side of semi-formalized alliances between various groups that use more organized action to deal crushing blows upon panicked feminists and SJW’s. Media owners will reconsider their usefulness. At the same time, our mob will grow to a frightening size after growing big and strong on breast milk, and they will be lustful for blood.
Obviously, there is nothing in that paragraph that isn’t awful. But I’m a little hung up on that first sentence. Roosh: I know you probably watch a lot of porn, dude, but you are aware that in order to make a baby, you need to deposit your sperm into a woman, not onto her, like certain kinds of squid.
Actually, I’m a little confused about exactly what happens, with the squid in any case; their sex parties get pretty freaky. But I am pretty sure that to make human babies the sperm needs to get inside the woman somewhere in that whole region down there.
Could it be that Roosh learned everything he knows about reproduction from Men in Black?
OK, a few more things – it’s usually easier to report rape in a more densely populated area, because the “what if the perp is the sheriff’s cousin’s best friend?” issue is less likely to be a problem and a less cohesive community makes it harder for victims to be pressured into silence. Some of the highest rape rates are in isolated rural communities. Official rape stats don’t tell the whole story, because underreporting is a huge problem, and actually getting a conviction is incredibly difficult. Stranger rape is the exception, rape by partner/friends/family/acquaintances is the norm. Most women are not raped because they were in crowded clubs. An awful lot of rape happens in the victim’s own home, at the hands of a man who she knew well and thought she could trust.
People who don’t already know all these things probably shouldn’t try to argue with more knowledgeable people about how rape culture works and what the causes of rape are. This is the “discussions about rape” equivalent of knowing how to check the oil on your car and change the tires – if you don’t already have a grip on stuff this basic why on earth would you think you were qualified to get into the more complicated issues?
Katz, they talk about it in the article linked back a page. About Alaska and our crummy stats.
That article is good in how it doesn’t show pictures or name names of the kiddos, so I’m going to just suggest you look at it and not go hunting for other articles. It wasn’t at an official 4-H function, although they have been asked to share at 4-H conferences after the fact.
It was originally about suicide… which we are also abysmally at the top of the list for.
…and I’m out for brain bleaching.
It is from this Atlantic article, linked above:
http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/09/rape-culture-in-the-alaskan-wilderness/379976/
Yes, a 4-H group discovered a shared (by everyone) history of sexual violence. And then they talked about it at a 4-H presentation that was to be about the high suicide rate.
But read the whole article. There is a lot more there.
I was ninja’d. Here is some bleach:
It was in this link http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/09/rape-culture-in-the-alaskan-wilderness/379976/ from ceebarks on the previous page.
Well worth reading the whole thing. (Sort of equally depressing and uplifting.)
Talk about ninja’d
I started off feeling uplifted by that article…at least until I got to the point where it was written that the 4-H presentation didn’t actually change anything in spite of how it moved people. It was really frustrating to read more accounts of how people blame the victims for speaking of instead of the abusers for abusing. It happens all the time, all over, but knowing that just makes me angrier.
I’m just at the point where I would rather make trouble than remain silent around actions and attitudes that actively hurt other people. Of course, to people who don’t have my hypersensitivity and impatience for B.S. I am just forever over reacting and facing that attitude is exhausting. It makes me want to forgive them for not bearing the cross I’ve picked up since it’s often an alienating and cold existence, but at the same time a little help would be nice. It’s hard not to be resentful.
I’m going to scroll up and watch cute animal videos now.
Should have refreshed before I commented way up there. Sorry, kittehs.
@wordsp1nner, I need a Maine coon in my life.
No prob, Alex.
PSA: Michelle’s said she’s going back to lurking rather than commenting on the blog. Not a flounce, not a hard-feelings thing, please don’t anyone take it that way.
More brain bleach: Marmalade as a kitty.
http://youtu.be/zu9R77D06pc
@ Shaun DarthBatman Day – That is f*cking horrifying. I hope you are treated like an actual person at your current job. Also, it was very, very brave of you to call the cops! Sending virtual hugs, if you want them.
@ lordpabu – victim blaming is so insidious and internalised, though. I had an incident at work recently, and went to tell my unit manager about it. I was trying to be “fair and objective” and give some background to the incident when she told me “you did not cause this, it was not your fault”. I realise now that what I was doing was looking for an excuse as to why I deserved it, just for doing my job! How messed up is that?
Also, I wasn’t going to ‘tell’ until I found out that he did the same thing to another nurse. This made me have to report it, because I was afraid that he would do it to someone else, too. So, I was willing to protect my co-workers, but not myself. Again, how messed up is that?
And I’m a reasonably educated woman, and a feminist, and I still, at some level, obviously buy into rape culture and all the BS that it entails, that is to say that I have internalised the idea that I deserve the abuse that I have experienced (and not just this incident). I should really know better, but why don’t I? I think that this is a societal problem, as well as my own little neurosis.
Anyhow, hope that wasn’t to much of a TMI teal dear.
Also, love the brain bleach on this thread!
Okay, maybe it’s just because I am *gasp* getting old, and I remember what it was like to do feminism before Tumblr, but this idea that we can’t push back, vigorously and definitively, against bad ideas (not to mention bad ideas which have been repeatedly demonstrated to be baseless and wrong) because they would hurt someone’s feelings is a problem. A serious problem.
I believe that Michelle is a good person and that she meant well. But intentions aren’t magic, after all, and the nonsense she was spouting is not only wrong (and given that she’s a regular here, that is troubling given how much discussion there is about rape and the research about rape prevalence and rape myths) but dangerous.
To me, it’s like saying, “Yes, sure, non white people are human too, but maybe the fact that they live in the inner cities is why they are so violent!” It is exactly that ill founded, and exactly that offensive, and it reveals that no matter the protestations to the contrary, the person saying it is operating under the influence of some dangerous myths.
The reason I still feel cold about that “if-pology” is that I don’t need to be placated, and it reveals that Michelle still thinks that the problem is about her, personally, and just wants us to stop being ‘mean’ to her.
This is the problem.
Michelle, if you are reading, the above is self-justifying and not accurate. This isn’t a personal thing, you were factually wrong and heading off the rails. When people pointed this out to you, you could have stopped and evaluated that, and maybe even offered an apology (a real one, not some “sorry if I offended you” nonsense). Instead, you doubled down.
It’s okay (and, given your experience, perfectly understandable) to be interested in crowd dynamics and the bystander effect. But just because some framework of thought fits one situation doesn’t mean that it will fit another THAT YOU FULLY ADMIT you don’t completely understand. I suspect that if you stopped and did that, things would have been fine. How do I come to this belief? I’ve tripped over my own ass here before and had it handed to me, and when I realized I was wrong, I apologized and learned from it.
You want to ‘splain and talk over people who know better than you do about an issue, that’s your prerogative, but you should do so knowing that by propagating those myths, you are perpetrating rape culture, endangering and further wounding people you say you like and care about, and doing so while asserting that not having your feelings hurt is more important than all that. That is what I will hold against you in the future, not any one thing you said.
Shaun, there are no words. I’m so sorry that was done to you.
grumpyoldnurse, my sympathies as well, and ALL THE EMPATHY for the situation you found yourself in with regard to reporting.
Grumpyoldnurse, that is kind of exactly how I am, actually. I will aggressively stand up for other people and yet find it very difficult to stand up for myself. A big part of that is the shame we associate with sex. When someone gropes me I get so grossed out that I would just rather remove myself from the situation immediately and never speak of it again. Not to mention the fact that I know my collection of bad experiences have made me hyper vigilant to the point that I frequently notice and detest things that other people don’t care about. Like how in the show Supernatural, Sam and Dean Winchester have used terms associated with woman and menstruation to put the other brother down for being weak or cowardly. It’s usually Dean who does this. I stopped watching the show by season 5 because that attitude, combined with the complete lack of prominent female characters who AREN’T evil demons, became a deal breaker for me. But my friends (who are nearly all women) don’t find it upsetting. It’s that kind of thing that so often makes me doubt my own reactions.
Shaun DarthBatman Day, I am so so sorry about what happened to you.
Gillyrosebee:
This. So. Much.
This was the problem with the response from the Good Men Project on that infamous rape apology bit:
GMP “We must have really hit a nerve.
Everyone else: “Not exactly. You’re just very wrong.”
Shaun Darth Batmanday and Grumpy Old Nurse, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.
GrumpyOldNurse, I am so sorry you were hurt. I am glad that you felt empowered to report, and that you were met with respect when you did, and I hope the offender is fully charged and convicted without further harm to you and his other victim(s). Reporting is hard, and honestly I think we want to hide behind false safety (it wasn’t *really* this *because* reason) in order to cope, so I don’t think you are guilty of buying in, I think you wanted to feel safe no matter what that took from you and there is no reason to feel ashamed or guilty about that. Safety is a need, even if it’s a false sense of security.
And thanks, everyone. To be totally honest I wasn’t too traumatised by the rape portion of the event, I was far more traumatised having the phone removed from my hand, being fired, and being escorted off the premises for causing trouble. So…no police, no charges, no support, but I’m actually ok with the assault part, probably because it was just background noise if that makes sense? It was strangers, they never made promises, they never pretended anything, they never betrayed me, and those have been where my trauma comes from. Dudes groping me? Meh, all in a day, even if this time it was absolutely beyond what is, sadly and omnipresently, normal.
As per the population density creates more rapists? Not buying it. Higher socialization (ie holidays, weekends, summer) create more opportunities, not more rapists. You can’t turn a non rapist into a rapist with opportunity, that’s just not how it works, a person either has the mindset of a rapist or not, and that doesn’t change depending on how many neighbours one has.
Wow, I go semi-offline for the holidays and come back to this! Um, kinda glad to miss it all, actually. Lots of folks have said everything better than I ever could.
@ShaunBD, all the jedi hugs.
I’m not so sure that it is directly related to sex. I was famous/infamous in the past for standing up for fellow workers as a union rep and I could also do much the same sort of thing representing government policy (affecting my employer) to public meetings. I could march into any office of an executive and stay there and argue until there was some kind of concession. I ran sessions teaching people how to run meetings, how to negotiate, how to do what needed to be done. I was often the only woman on joint union-management committees which made for some interesting exchanges. I also acted on various employment related committees on promotions or workplace issues outside my own organisation. From that experience I could teach/advise people on how to apply for and present themselves for job/promotion interviews. I also taught others on how to present yourself as a knowledgeable, responsible public servant to people who thought public servants were a bunch of idle slackers.
Put that all together and you’d think I could charm or professionally present myself for job interviews and promotions. Hah! When it came to expounding my own talents or virtues I was tongue-tied and incompetent. I suspect it was worse because both I and the interviewers saw myself/me in the super-confident light of other activities and my dismal interview performance indicated some specific defect in my ability to do the job.
@ Shaun DarthBatman Day – I totally understand why the betrayal of your employers would sting way worse, emotionally, than the assault. I really hope that your current work situation is better!
To my situation, you give me too much credit! I told my manager, but I declined to press charges when she asked me if I wanted to. I couldn’t deal with the thought of telling my experience to police. I feel guilty, wondering what this patient is doing when he’s in the community, but at least my co-workers are safe. Also, he lives with his family, and they are aware, so I hope that they are keeping him in line. And, that last sentence sounds really pitiful.
Adding one more to the “please can we not be Tumblr?” comments. Did we not recently have a long discussion on this very blog about why one person’s feelings should never be allowed to control what people can talk about, and why? That basic premise doesn’t change depending on who the person with the hurt feelings is, and if they then attempt to suggest that the problem is simply other people’s hurt feelings and/or fear of facing their awesome truthy truth (that they made up), well, other people are going to push back. And they should.
Also, hugs to Shawn (if you would welcome them). I can totally see why it was the refusal of your coworkers to take what happened seriously that stung most.
@Shawn, I hadn’t commented on your experience because words completely fail me.