Do You Even Cook, Bro? The 8 Manliest Sentences in Paul Elam's Cooking Column for Men

I was really hoping for some kind of testosterone, action packed guide to cooking a potato bake, where the cook opens his sour cream by putting it between his pecs and flexing.

Also nazi food clones? Can Captain America cook?

*gigglesnort*

REAL men eat the rôti sans pareil — a meal that consists of 17 birds stuffed inside one another.

I’m not surprised. Spider-Man bought him a hot dog once.

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So of course he’s all, no no, I’m good.

I can’t find it at the moment, but there’s an Avengers issue where Thor did a grill up and was also doubtful about hot dogs. He admits that he tried to cook a lobster, but the beast bested him.

That was a reply to Emmy Rae.

There was that one Pierre comic was “pick-up agriculture”. Now we need one in the same vein for “men cooking their own way”. That recent one was awesome BTW.

You folks clearly lack Advanced Conspiracy Theory Comprehension. Obviously, the ‘camps’ of Food Nazi Clones are just a ruse–a RUSE, I say! After Hitler’s scientists bred the first Food Nazi, he was smuggled into Argentina before the end of the war. There, he was cloned, into a small army. But the remnants of the high command, realizing the error of a single invasion force, cleverly broke the Food Nazi Clone Army into multiple groups, called ‘camps’, which were then scattered across the U.S. and Europe.

These FNC camps then staged mock-battles, in order to lull everyone into thinking they were opposed. But whether part of the Gluten Free Nazis of Northern California, or the Red Wine In Moderation Nazis of the French Riviera, all of the camps are still receiving their orders from the Food Fuhrer, Hitler’s Chef’s Brain, kept alive in a pickling jar all these decades (Hitler really did die in the bunker, but his household staff, well, that’s another story; the less you know about the Hitler Chimmneysweep Bot, the better).

These mock-battles actually serve to position the camps in proper position to round up all the MGTOWs and put them into Feminine Exposure Camps, where they will be forced to stand in the presence of a woman, without hitting on her or negging her, for a full five minutes every day. They will also be required to wipe their own bottoms and occasionally wash their hair in a sink.

I’m pretty sure Miracleman cooked his wife a meal at some point, this probably irks the MRAs more than the benevolent dictatorship thing. Plus he is all their cuckolding nightmares made manifest and given superpowers.

All-Star Superman cooks Lois Lane a romantic dinner in the first-class dining room of the Titanic, to one of its menus.

(Because of course he recovered the Titanic, put it back together, and then kept it for himself, the dick.)

I’m sure Peter and Mary Jane Parker cooked for each other, but I don’t have specific references.

Bruce Wayne doesn’t cook — Alfred does — but I’m sure Harley and Ivy cook for each other.

Because I have shipped Harley/Ivy since before it was cool Batman the Animated Series

@Nequam: See, it’s precisely that sort of ad copy that National Lampoon loved to parody, once upon a time.

Plus in the Silver Age Superman baked continental cakes ever six months or so.

I suppose that Maria from Uber’s ability to make nutrient paste doesn’t count?

I predict all of Paulie’s recipes will involve lots of meat. THERE IS A FEMINIST CONSPIRACY TO MAKE YOU EAT YOUR VEGETABLES. Also, I am eating tofu and vegetables RIGHT NOW. I am a Nazi Food Clone. Who loves camping. Or something.

It is widely known that Lex Luthor doesn’t cook. He subsists entirely on cakes which he has stolen.