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Did devious feminists scare Janet "Judgy Bitch" Bloomfield's literary agent into dumping her? Or is she just terrible? [UPDATED]

Janet Bloomfield's agent exists, pursued by feminism. (Artist's conception.)
Janet Bloomfield’s agent exits, pursued by feminism. (Artist’s conception.)

UPDATE: Oh, the drama! Bloomfield now says her agent is back on board. Gosh, maybe she should have waited a few days before posting about how evil feminists scared him off? Nah. Much better to stir up a lot of shit about nothing, huh? Wow. Such public relations. So integrity.

Ah, sweet schadenfreude! Janet “Judgy Bitch” Bloomfield — A Voice for Men’s lying, harassing PR maven — has evidently been dumped by her literary agent.

According to Bloomfield, the agent she’d been working with for more than a year on a novel of some sort has decided to wash his hands of her. “Sadly,” she writes on her blog,

something has happened (I don’t know what) and my agent has decided to drop me as a client and forego any and all income the book might potentially generate. He does not wish to be named or acknowledged in any way.

Bloomfield, naturally, blames feminists. While admitting she actually has “no idea what spooked my agent,” the headline of her blog post declares that “a man decides feminists can ruin him and wisely opts to not engage.”

In her post, she expounds on this theory:

I do not question his decision at all. No one should have to sacrifice their career and livelihood.  I have always known resisting the tyranny of feminism would come with a price, but this is my battle and I do not require civilians to go down with me.

Huh. Bloomfield notes at the outset of her post that her agent was aware of her, er, “online activism” and had no issue with it. So what could have sent him scurrying off in another direction?

I mean, what on earth could it be?

Let’s look at some possibilities:

  1. Her novel is fucking awful.
  2. She’s a pain in the ass to work with.
  3. Her agent has discovered that her “activism” consists of gleefully libeling and harassing her opponents and has decided that just maybe he doesn’t want his name associated with such a terrible person.
  4. Her agent has read some of her blog posts — possibly including her multiple posts attacking rape victims, including the underage victims of Jimmy Savile, as “whores” — and has decided he doesn’t want his name associated with such a terrible person.
  5. Evil feminists have ordered the agent to stop representing her, even though she is a wonderful human being and her novel is totally awesome and a friend of hers has already created some “beautiful cover art.”
  6. All of the above, except that last one, because seriously.

I leave you to decide which of these options makes the most sense.

Oh, and while we’re talking schadenfreude, did I mention that my little blog gets more traffic than A Voice for Men?

H/T — r/againstmensrights

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freemage
5 years ago

I think you can emphasize that bit about her tendency to be libelous (#3) a bit more heavily. If anything is going to make a literary agent, already familiar with and accepting of the general subject of the book, flee in terror, that would be it. Tweets are one thing, but if her book contains the same sorts of demonstrably false statements, she could easily find herself on the wrong end of a lawsuit–and anyone associated with the work in question will be targeted as well, because that’s how the system works.

tomtom94speaks
5 years ago

Aw, Janet, you forgot to blame it on DARPA and illegal immigrants!

L
L
5 years ago

Do we know for a fact that JB ever had an agent? I can’t help wondering if maybe self-publishing was always her plan because she couldn’t get an agent, and this is just her way of saving face. You know, “evil feminists ruined my publishing deal” instead of “I can’t write for shit.”

Zolnier
5 years ago

Is it wrong that I’m kind of curious as to the nature of her novel?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
5 years ago

I’ll take “potential PR nightmare” for 500, Bob.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
5 years ago

Agreeing with L, she already has a very long history of making shit up out of whole cloth. I’d be surprised if he ever existed.

Dio
Dio
5 years ago

YOU THINK IT WAS FEMINISTS, BUT IT WAS ME, DIO!

Puddleglum
5 years ago

I vote for ‘agent finally got to read the draft and was horrified on multiple levels’.

alysonmiers
5 years ago

If she indeed ever had literary representation in the first place, I think Option #3 is the most likely. I don’t think much of anyone who’d even begin to represent JB, but even with a total lack of integrity, any agent with half a clue would see his client’s enthusiasm for libel and say, “NOPE.”

But I also think it’s even more likely that she just didn’t have an agent in the first place. Literary agents are notoriously swamped in prospective clients. There’s no shortage of decent reading material being thrown at agents. I was just about to ask if she’d supplied a name or agency, then saw that he supposedly doesn’t want to be named in any way. Naw, I’m leaning to the side of her never having had representation at all.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
5 years ago

Also, if he’s never given out his name or agency and she’d never even mentioned him before (as far as I know), just how did these evil feminists supposedly find him? Psychic powers?

Miss Andry
5 years ago

The feminist/gay/Jewish conspiracy strikes again!

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

M,
The Feminist High Council sees all and knows all. Didn’t you know that?

proxieme
proxieme
5 years ago

Oh, bygawd, even better:

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/mgc.gif

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Here’s her breathless description of the novel and the literary agent, from the blog archives:

Now, in addition to the PhD and the blog, I decided to try my hand at writing a novel.

And true to form, I didn’t just write a novel – I was a complete asshole about it. I have combined present perfect and simple past tenses in a way that makes grammar Nazis go full bore Third Reich, but that perfectly imitates the way the tenses are used in spoken English. It’s in the first person, with multiple narrators and a fractured narrative. Sometimes the narrators change from one sentence to the next, and the narrative fractures from one paragraph to the next. My main protagonists are both men, and the story is set during wartime. Oh yeah, I have an omniscient narrator, too.

What do I know about men in combat? Men facing down an enemy? Men being the enemy? Men who face the choice between killing and being killed? Men who experience all the horror and joy and exhilaration and boredom and fear and courage and despair and invincibility and utter vulnerability of being at war?

What do I know about that?

Fuck all. But I know men. I begin with the assumption that every emotion, every feeling, every response, every reaction is a part of who they are as human beings.

So I did what few women do: I wrote a story with a male protagonist, set during war.

Think about that. When men write, they very commonly write female protagonists. From Anna Karenina to Madame Bovary to Lispeth Salander to Hester Prynne, men have always written deeply nuanced, fully realized, fully human women.

Women tend to write other women. Outside of genre fiction, they rarely write male protagonists.

So it’s unusual to have a woman write not just one, but two male protagonists.

Here’s my wonderful news: I have been accepted for representation by a literary agent in New York with a client list of some very big, prize-winning authors.

PhD

Book

Blog

Three children

Husband

Home

I simply can’t do it all. Something has to give.

Puddleglum
5 years ago

And true to form, I didn’t just write a novel – I was a complete asshole about it. I have combined present perfect and simple past tenses in a way that makes grammar Nazis go full bore Third Reich, but that perfectly imitates the way the tenses are used in spoken English. It’s in the first person, with multiple narrators and a fractured narrative. Sometimes the narrators change from one sentence to the next, and the narrative fractures from one paragraph to the next. My main protagonists are both men, and the story is set during wartime. Oh yeah, I have an omniscient narrator, too.

Gee, I wonder why she was dropped.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
5 years ago

Think about that. When men write, they very commonly write female protagonists. From Anna Karenina to Madame Bovary to Lispeth Salander to Hester Prynne, men have always written deeply nuanced, fully realized, fully human women.

Women tend to write other women. Outside of genre fiction, they rarely write male protagonists.

Ah, I get it now. She lives in an alternate Bizarro Universe. That explains literally everything she’s ever said.

deniseeliza
deniseeliza
5 years ago

I’M A WOMAN AND I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT A MAN PRAISE ME SHOWER ME WITH ACCOLADES NOBEL PRIZE HERE I COME!!!!!

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Janet sweetheart there’s a reason that nobody before you has written a book where the narrator and narration switches several times a page unannounced, and that’s because it would never ever work. The reader would ragequit before the end of the first chapter.

Especially if the two characters and their situations are almost identical.

schwadevivre
5 years ago

An agent with big name authors picked up her option …

If he existed at all I wonder how much money she paid this con man up front?

Wetherby
5 years ago

Another possibility: she insisted that she handle the PR for her novel herself, and that this be made a contractual obligation for whichever publisher picked it up.

Falconer
5 years ago

Omniscient, first-person narrator, the identity of whom changes from sentence to sentence. Oh my god.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I love how she excludes “genre fiction.” With one fell swoop she manages to erase women who write male protagonists such as Agatha Christie, Mary Shelley, J.K. Rowling, Anne Rice, P.D. James, Martha Grimes etc. etc. until she becomes that lone special snowflake. Because gods know, the male perspective is missing in our culture and we need JB to come along and fix that.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Another possibility: she insisted that she handle the PR for her novel herself, and that this be made a contractual obligation for whichever publisher picked it up.

If you don’t buy my book, you’re a WHORE! That reviewer who didn’t like my book? A WHORE! Why don’t they like me? They’re such WHORES!!!

saphy
saphy
5 years ago

Merciful God that novel announcement…

Maybe this is just part of a plot to encourage crowdfunding for this shit. Like “oh wow my novel gonna be AMAZE and there is a publisher and everything is great (end on foreboding note)”

Suddenly: “o no ebil feminists taken my novel away poor me it is totes real what shall I do?”

Next stage:
“Everybody plz crowdfund my novel or else the feminists win (YOU NOW KNOW WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF) but crowdfunding this shall defeat the feminists! ”

I bet ten cat videos that this is her next step.

jupitaur
5 years ago

My guess would be that, all along, it was a vanity house. They have a con for every mark.

She could have just used Amazon self-publishing.

dashapants
dashapants
5 years ago

Yeah, when I first learned of JB’s foray into literature, I thought that if someone chooses to publish her I may have to quit the writing profession AND eat my hat, but crisis averted.

Thanks feminism! 🙂

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

“I can’t get my book published, it’s the work of feminists”
“My agent doesn’t want to work with me, must be feminists”
“A tornado appeared, feminism is evil I tell you”

Must be easy to not take responsibility and blame everything on something because something bad happened in your life.

I’v known women who are like JB. They say that they love and respect men but when you get to know them they treat not only men but just everyone like garbage. They are very much like ‘Nice Guys’ except they’re ‘Nice Girls’.

magnesium
5 years ago

And true to form, I didn’t just write a novel – I was a complete asshole about it. I have combined present perfect and simple past tenses in a way that makes grammar Nazis go full bore Third Reich, but that perfectly imitates the way the tenses are used in spoken English. It’s in the first person, with multiple narrators and a fractured narrative. Sometimes the narrators change from one sentence to the next, and the narrative fractures from one paragraph to the next.

Her purposely incoherent novel was rejected by her agent? I’m shocked! Surely he recognized the genius of writing something that no one, anywhere, will be able to understand.

daintydougal
daintydougal
5 years ago

What the world needs is more war books with male protagonists.

daintydougal
daintydougal
5 years ago
weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

But does she have a cat she must serve 24/7?

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

Another possibility: she insisted that she handle the PR for her novel herself, and that this be made a contractual obligation for whichever publisher picked it up.

It’s a scene straight out of a horror story.


“Now, Mrs. Bloomfield, I believe we’ve covered the basics of the contract,” the agent continued as he started to pour himself some water. The dry air of winter always seemed to bother him at the worst possible times. Still, the discussion was almost over, and Mrs. Bloomfield seemed willing enough to agree to a basic contract.

Although, she did seem rather intent on the paper lying on the table in front of her. Not so uncommon, the agent supposed, for someone new to the literary business. He shivered slightly. He’d have to remind himself to turn up the thermostat a little after the meeting.

The woman remained silent.

“Were there any other details you wished to cover,” the agent asked.

The woman continued to stare at the paper, and the agent reached for his glass.

“Just one.”

The agent paused, hand outstretched. She still hadn’t moved.

“And what would that be?” The agent shivered again. He really needed to turn up that thermostat.

“I would like to do my own PR.”

“I… I’m sorry?”

“I said,” the woman said as she lifted her eyes from the contract and stared directly at the agent, “I would like to do my own PR.”

It was as if the agent were a mouse staring down a hungry viper. His arm felt paralyzed, stretched out and leaden, reaching for the salve his dry throat desperately needed.

“Mrs. Bloomfield…” the agent began, while the woman continued staring him down. “Mrs. Bloomfield, our firm is well equipped to handle any public relations, advertisement, and planning you might require.”

“I’m well aware of that,” the woman replied, cocking her head slightly but never breaking eye contact. “But I have quite a bit of… experience… in the PR world. I have a blog and a twitter account as well. I believe I can handle it myself.”

The agent felt like his brain had stopped working. His vision was going blurry. Had he blinked at all recently? Had she? Her eyes were locked to his, and in the depths he saw visions of a mad reality, chaos and despair, arcane voices whispering incessently, chanting ancient spells of ruin. “PR,” they cried, “Let the mistress of pain and destruction handle the PR!”

And suddenly the voices ceased, the visions faded, and nothing was left in the woman’s eyes except a deep void of empty darkness.

As if a spell was lifted, the agent’s arm crashed onto the table, nearly upsetting the glass of water.

“We’ll consider it,” he replied.

Catherine von Überwald
Catherine von Überwald
5 years ago

I have always known resisting the tyranny of feminism would come with a price, but this is my battle and I do not require civilians to go down with me.

“Civilians”, seriously?
Does she really go around thinking that she’s engaged in some important, mortal combat style war? 0_o

And that book announcement is just painful to read. I can’t imagine how would the actual novel look.
But I’m a bit amused with with the way it shouts “no girl cooties allowed!”
What with the whole “Men killing other men. Men thinking and feeling men things. And all about men!”

Still, maybe it’s better that there are no icky feeeemales in her book.
You can just tell that all women in her book would be evil, dirty, lying, harpies out to destroy men or get them to sacrifice themselves for them.

Chaos-Engineer
Chaos-Engineer
5 years ago

From the excerpt:

. I have combined present perfect and simple past tenses in a way that makes grammar Nazis go full bore Third Reich […] What do I know about men in combat? […] Fuck all. But I know men.

This was really a quite good character study. It’s a vivid description of the sort of self-important, “rules are for other people” wannabe auteur who’s familiar to anyone who ever took a sophomore-level Creative Writing class. Of course it’s way too exaggerated to work in a serious book, but I could see that character as the center of a comic novel along the lines of “A Confederacy of Dunces”.

If the rest of the book is as good as that, I might consider reading it. Does anyone know what it’s about? Is it an epistolary novel about an amateur internet troll who’s trying to turn their hobby into a paid position?

Wetherby
5 years ago

@kirbywarp

[applause]

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago
Miss Diketon
5 years ago

My guess is that said agent realized that Janet Bloomfield was Ann Coulter-lite (or a poor man’s Ann Coulter) and ran away screaming.

I mean really, one Ann Coulter is plenty.

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

Isn’t “War Drama” a GENRE?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
5 years ago

Extra points for patting herself on the back for writing a war novel with male protagonists and then writing Mary Sue fanfic starring herself as the brave soldier fighting the war of righteousness against the evil forces of feminism.

(I tried to make that as confusing as her novel presumably was, but I think it needs more skipping between tenses.)

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

Kirbywarp, how come you didn’t use an omniscient narrator and colloquial tense structure? Because you have some standards?

Falconer
5 years ago

If I wanted a story about white men bearing up under the horrors of war and the evil of not-white men, I’d go see Unbroken. Or the Hobbit.

Falconer
5 years ago

Probably I’ll go see the Hobbit anyway, if only so I can cast off the shackles of Peter Jackson from about my chilblained feet.

He has commanded my attention for fifteen years, and I shall at last be able to say “No more!”

freemage
5 years ago

friday jones | December 22, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Isn’t “War Drama” a GENRE?

Yes and no.

War Drama would be a subcategory of Historical Fiction, where the novel is placed against a backdrop of a specific historic period.

However, that’s not JB’s claim. Rather, she’s stating indirectly that her novel is ‘literary fiction’, which is something pretentious twits like to go on about and be the self-annointed arbiters of. Critics are actually engaged in a fairly intense debate about whether or not the distinction has any meaning, or if the criteria for literary fiction would simply be the defining elements of yet another genre. (The key element of lit-fic, for the record, seems to be a certain degree of focus on character over plot–if you have a lot of meandering on about the characters’ internal lives, it’s lit-fic; if you focus on their actions and the events around them, it’s going to be categorized in some sort of genre.)

All of which makes me wonder how Vox Day would feel about JB’s dissing of genre fiction.

Pear_tree
Pear_tree
5 years ago

Isn’t a book about people at war genre fiction? Especially where the narrator is omnipresent? The idea of writing about something you know nothing about reminds me of http://youtu.be/C_AmdvxbPT8

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

@friday jones:

I’m an entertainer, not a monster. 😛

Falconer
5 years ago

@freemage: Ah, “literary fiction.” The sort of snobbish distinction that makes authors like John Updike afraid that, if they write a sex scene that’s actually titillating and arousing and, let’s face it, fun to read, they’ll get dismissed and relegated to “genre fiction” and people will stop buying their books.

So he writes a sex scene, but makes it really disgusting.

katz
5 years ago

In my experience, the phrase “a friend of mine has created some beautiful cover art” is in itself sufficient to make an agent not want to work with you.

chaltab
chaltab
5 years ago

She seems less a misogynist and more like someone who just hates everybody. Like an evil distaff Gregory House, only her career isn’t useful to anyone.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

something has happened (I don’t know what) and my agent has decided to drop me as a client and forego any and all income the book might potentially generate. He does not wish to be named or acknowledged in any way.

JudgyBore-to-English translation: “I suck, and my agent knew it, even though he is fictitious.”

I do not question his decision at all. No one should have to sacrifice their career and livelihood. I have always known resisting the tyranny of feminism would come with a price, but this is my battle and I do not require civilians to go down with me.

Translation: “I really, REALLY suck. And he really, REALLY knew it. Even though he is really, REALLY fictitious.”

And true to form, I didn’t just write a novel – I was a complete asshole about it. I have combined present perfect and simple past tenses in a way that makes grammar Nazis go full bore Third Reich, but that perfectly imitates the way the tenses are used in spoken English. It’s in the first person, with multiple narrators and a fractured narrative. Sometimes the narrators change from one sentence to the next, and the narrative fractures from one paragraph to the next. My main protagonists are both men, and the story is set during wartime. Oh yeah, I have an omniscient narrator, too.

Yup, I was right. She really, REALLY sucks at this. That is pretty much every newbie writer’s mistake right there, all rolled up into one ball of flyblown dung. Doesn’t make the agent any less fictitious, though, because who wants to represent the next Coultergeist wannabe with a shitty war (propaganda) novel? Even if he thinks it’d be a bestseller, which anything by this dingbat is guaranteed NOT to be, she sounds like an absolute horror for a bona-fide agent to have to represent.

So I did what few women do: I wrote a story with a male protagonist, set during war.

Harrumph. I’ve done that, too. Even a full-length novel (still being revised and edited, because actual professionalism). It wasn’t that hard. But then, I’m not someone who thinks she’s committing deathless prose by shitting a hot mess of right-wing drivel onto a page. And I am a feminist! Stop the presses, feminists write male protags too! And (guerrilla) wars! Holy Hannah, there goes Judgy’s Ph.D. thesis, I’ll bet.

Assuming that it, like everything else about her, is not utterly fictitious.

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