It’s not exactly news that Men’s Rights Activists are obsessed — seriously obsessed — with sperm.
Several days ago, one Redditor took to the Men’s Rights subreddit to warn fellow sperm-generators to keep a close watch on that sperm of theirs, telling the tale of how he allegedly caught his alleged wife allegedly “scooping … up” the sperm he had thoughtfully deposited on her belly during sex and “PUTTING IT IN HER VAGINA!!!” He is now allegedly seeking a divorce.
But this is hardly the first time Men’s Rights Redditors have worked themselves into a lather over the dangers of spermjacking. Or even the hundredth. If you do a search for the word “sperm” on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit, you’ll find literally hundreds of posts — many with hundreds of upvotes and/or comments — on the importance of safeguarding one’s own sperm.
Some headlines:
And my favorite:
Ironically, while the Men’s Rights crowd waxes paranoid about spermjackers, many of their comrades in misogyny are planning on filling as many vaginas as possible with their sacred sperm.
Pickup “artists” regularly boast about “raw dogging” their dates, apparently as unconcerned with the real dangers of STDs as they are with the possibility of pregnancy.
Perhaps the most enthusiastic sperm donor of them all? Mike Cernovich, the Juice-Rights Lawyer and GamerGate celebrity who recently treated his Twitter followers to some extended musings on the allegedly addictive qualities of his “super” sperm.
https://twitter.com/PlayDangerously/status/541453497598623745
https://twitter.com/PlayDangerously/status/541454375890079745
https://twitter.com/PlayDangerously/status/541456510946000896
https://twitter.com/PlayDangerously/status/541457198073659393
In case you’re wondering, Cernovich claims that “alpha STD protection” has kept him from getting herpes and other STDs from all the decidedly unsafe sex he claims to be having.
For more of Cernovich’s wisdom on sperm and other subjects, see this enlightening Storify put together by Twitter’s amazing @SJWIlluminati.
Hallucinogens. And possibly (meth)amphetamines.
It’s clear that he’s a legend in his own mind, and the only sex he actually has is the solo kind.
(Hey look, I rhymed!)
Interesting question.
There are some vampires in Eastern European folklore (probably elsewhere as well) who can sire half-human dhampirs despite being undead.
There are some fictional vampires who can sire or bear children because of some kind of mystical imbalance in their vampirism. Here I’m thinking of high-generation Cainites and yang-imbalanced Kuei-Jin in White Wolf’s Vampire: The Masquerade game.
Stephanie Meyers didn’t go either route. She just said that while all vampires have a venom in their fangs for converting humans to vampires, male vampires also have another kind of venom.
So apparently, despite the fact that Edward has been dead for 97 years, every cell in his body absolutely static, he is still just as capable of impregnating a human woman as any living man, because he has special venom. In his balls. And the only reason he hasn’t left a string of superbabies and women with destroyed pelvises behind him over those 97 years is because he’s been waiting for his future wife.
Or if you’re just wondering how he had an erection and ejaculated…*shrug*. All of his other muscles work, why not his pelvic ones? And the blood in his body may not be his, but I suppose he can use it in all the usual ways.
re: vamp sperm. Well, it’s fictional, so whatever the author wants, goes. I know Laurell K Hamilton had a character get pregnant from a vamp (hot tubs, apparently, do things to vamps) but I just assumed that with the glittery vampires, they weren’t dead in the same way as traditional vampires.
From the author herself:
@Redcap
So you don’t agree with internet diagnosing, but you’re going to defend it anyways. Right.
I don’t think anyone’s saying bipolar people can’t have delusions of grandeur. People are saying that delusions of grandeur do not mean that someone is bipolar.
Being a (wannabe) alphahole is not limited to the non-neurotypical.
@wwth Well obviously we only summer in Minneapolis, but yes, you can tell our mansion near Lake Harriet (the lady lake) because we have all the vulvic sculptures in the yard and instead of gargoyles there are statues of Thelma, Louise and Wonderwoman.
This part gets my goat even more than the venom-induced pregnancy. I know that Meyer gets off on how awesomely strong and perfect her vampires are, but they’re clearly not Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex strong, or Edward’s venom money shot would have taken Bella’s head off. With that off the table, a vampire can avoid killing his human partner by letting her get on top and set the pace. Is that really so hard to imagine?
In Angel he gets Darla pregnant even though vampires aren’t supposed to be able to procreate. It turns out a higher power did it so that their son could eventually impregnate Cordelia’s body while said higher power had taken it over. This way she could give birth to herself and take over the world. For whatever reason she needed a supernatural birth.
Typing it out, that sounds incredibly convoluted but I swear it makes sense on the show.
Obligatory
http://youtu.be/fUspLVStPbk
Whaaaaaat??? A woman on top??? In what kind of bizarro-land do you live???
In my former profession we called that bulletproof thinking. It is an attitude that usually develops along about the fifth year. It is a very human failing to take a risk and have no negative consequences enough times that you will stop viewing it as a risk even though you know perfectly well that it is.
My oath, these guys have all the worst of massive but insecure egos and utter stupidity.
On the original bit … some bloke deliberately ejaculating on my skin would never get the opportunity to ejaculate near me ever again.
LOL that was exactly my thought, Xanthë.
WIN
Michelle – standing ovation for your comment, and 🙁 for you being sick and having to be off-line for a while. I hope the meds all work and clear that stuff up!
Emmy Rae
Bwahahahahahha!
Dude absolutely has a few strains of HPV at this point if he’s been barebacking multiple partners all this time.
Thanks seraph4377, puddleglum and Tessa.
I too vote for Mike storing up his superjizz in his own testicles where it belongs. Why share something that precious with the terrible, ungrateful wimminz? Keep it for yourself, that’s what I say. Alternatively he could keep it in a jar under the bed, or I hear they make some very nice safes these days.
I honestly can’t believe that this walking Petri dish hasn’t lost his bar accreditation yet.
Since I can be something of a bitch sometimes, I would’ve attributed these guys’ delusions of grandeur about their semen not to bipolar but to untreated neurosyphilis…
These are the same guys who lie about having vasectomies and poke holes in their condoms to trap women into having babies, aren’t they?
Let’s say you’re a woman who would like to have a baby. Which seems like the most sensible path to motherhood?
1. An adult conversation with your current spouse/partner about planning a family.
2. A medically screened donor from an accredited sperm bank.
3. A frantic taxi ride back to your apartment with a condom full of rapidly congealing “liquid bitcoin” stolen from the trash can of a paranoid MRA who hates women and has no intention of ever providing child support. Bonus points if it’s a high speed police chase. There is literally nothing more valuable than $92,000 worth of DNA from a dude who can barely comprehend reality.
Plan #3 seems like it should go pretty smoothly.
I honestly can’t believe that he has one at all. Are we absolutely certain that his law degree isn’t from a diploma mill?
Bina, that is usually pretty easy to figure out if you have someone’s full name and what state they are supposedly accredited in…. Do we?
I don’t know where he practices, but I was stupid enough to glance at his twitter feed for a few seconds, and wow. Wow. Don’t repeat my mistake.
idledilettante skewers his claims to be a lawyer here.
I’m glad I didn’t read this post until after I’d eaten.
Mike Cenovich is really, really creepy.
@Michelle C Young
Apologies if this is a derail, but it’s something I was just thinking about earlier today. I’ve been watching some WWII documentaries on Netflix, and apparently had never really seen pictures of Hitler before. Just caricatures or actors playing Hitler and the like. When I first saw a photograph of him, his eyes gave me the chills. What was my first reaction? “Hitler has crazy eyes.”
Now I do actually believe that Hitler was paranoid and delusional, but what was it that made me classify his eyes as “crazy”? I’ve been working on cutting out ableist language, but that was my instinctive response. In breaking it down a little bit, I realized that his eyes are very intense, very focused, but with a thousand-yard stare. And in thinking about it a little more, I wondered if I would have found that intensity off-putting if I didn’t know that this was Adolf Freaking Hitler? Would I find those eyes attractive or charming if I didn’t know the context?
Thanks to this site for helping me break down some of my internalized ableism. A lot of the time when I jokingly demean myself as being “crazy” or “nuts” it’s not entirely a joke. Thinking about it is very interesting!
Also, I hope you feel better soon, Michelle!