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#gamergate misandry misogyny PUA

Return of Kings explains how videogames will make you a man

Do you even life (your head out of your torso)?
Do you even lift (your head out of your torso)?

Over on Return of Kings, one brave gamer dares to ask the question of our age: What will the world look like after the inevitable triumph of GamerGate?

I know, I know, just humor him for a few minutes. Because he has a rather, well, revealing notion of what triumph will look like, and it’s not one that’s compatible with the #NotYourShield propaganda that GamerGaters use to disguise its retrograde goals. Greendestiny, a veteran of TheRedPill and KotakuInAction on Reddit, sees in the video game “war” a new opportunity for gamebros to become Game Men:

It is my personal belief that, after GamerGate, video games will evolve to become a tool for raising a new generation of men. Our current education system fails horribly at providing real information on how the world works, what motivates people, and how to get laid.

Our education system is a disaster! Can you believe that not one college in the United States offers a major in Getlaidology?

More importantly, it pussifies men and turns them into starry-eyed believers in the Disney variety of life and love.

Huh. You know, there’s a cultural critic who’s made some interesting videos challenging the sexist tropes you can find in Disney movies and elsewhere in popular culture. Her name is Anita Sarkee… oh wait. Never mind.

The entire concept of sitting quietly and reading is meant for girls. Boys need the fight, the challenge, competition, and a test of their strength.

So why exactly are you trying to convince guys of this in a post you expect them to sit down and read? Shouldn’t your blog post be a video game or an arm-wrestling contest or something?

Games were always learning tools. Now they can become a tool for learning greater masculinity.

If by masculinity you mean “the proper sequence of buttons to push that will enable you to pull off an awesome combo.”

To become real men, boys must overcome challenges and find the true strength in themselves. Whether this is done in a virtual or real arena is irrelevant. By creating games that are consciously aimed at presenting a proper challenge, we can collectively make the world a better place for the next generation of men. And possibly help them get laid more.

“Hey, babe, I bet you didn’t know you were sitting next to a Level 90 Fire Mage.”

But seriously for a second: Yes, video games do teach gamers certain skills, and even something about the value of persistence. But why are the skills involved in, say,  shooting dudes with maximum efficiency in Call of Duty any more intrinsically valuable, or “masculine,” than the skills involved in doing this?

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Falconer
9 years ago

That bit was from the book, which I didn’t really like otherwise. Dash Rendar read like a bad fanfic author insertion. “I’m like Han Solo, but like, better, and all cool.”

I bet he was all gritty and hard-bitten, too, with a soft center, like a bad copy of Mickey Spillane.

I mean, Han plays at being gritty and hard-bitten, but it isn’t convincing for long.

Falconer
9 years ago

“Dash Rendar” isn’t even the worst Star Wars name. The Clone Wars cartoon features a pleasant fellow by the name of Savage Oppress (pr. sov-OJJ O’Press like he’s some fascist Irishman).

wordsp1nner
9 years ago

A friend of mine didn’t see any Star Wars movies until she was in high school (this was around 2007, so…) and she had to keep telling herself that Han Solo wasn’t the protagonist, because he was hotter than Luke, played by a more famous actor, and not a whiney pissbaby.

contrapangloss
9 years ago

Falconer:

Savage Oppress

Really?!

If I ever make a cartoon, I think I’ve just been given the okay by the world to name the main character Determine Ermine (Pronounced “Det-er-MINE eir-Mine”).

He’d totally be a stoat. A stout stoat.

contrapangloss
9 years ago

Detective Determine Ermine: The most stubborn critter alive, who also happens to be really good at differential diagnoses. It’s a hobby.

Falconer
9 years ago

@wordsp1nner: I have a friend who hadn’t seen anything Star Wars except one of the Ewok TV movies for a long time, then sat down and watched them some time after Ep III came out.

(Episode order is not the right way to watch all the movies, BTW. I would recommend IV, V, I, II, III, VI if you need to see the prequels at all, and Ep I is eminently skippable. But the story HAS to start with Luke on a farm dreaming of the stars.)

@contrapangloss: Well, okay, his name is spelled Opress with one P, so I was wrong there. He is (get this) a Dathomirian Zabrak Nightbrother (that’s a mouthful). He was the series’ path to reintroducing Darth Maul, who somehow survived his Disney Villain Death in Ep I.

Night all!

wordsp1nner
9 years ago

What prequels are you talking about, Falconer? I haven’t heard anything about this. /wishful thinking.

I saw episode II in theaters and couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on, and that is just sad. I read enough SF… but that wasn’t enough.

kittehserf
9 years ago

My favorite quote: “It would be like a female CEO who also have a love for sweater knitting.”

That … is brain-breaking stupid.

kittehserf
9 years ago

I wonder how he’d cope knowing our former Prime Minister likes knitting – and copped heaps of shit for it, too.

contrapangloss
9 years ago

He was the series’ path to reintroducing Darth Maul, who somehow survived his Disney Villain Death in Ep I.

*blinks*

Um… because getting sliced in half from the waist is totally survivable. Who needs a colon and a bladder anyways, amirte? At least the abdominal aorta was well cauterized.

I kind of really want to work for their biotech companies, now.

*blink-blink*

Hey! Did this mean they got to boot Obi-Wan back to Padawan? THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS! Since they kind of knighted him with the whole killing a Sith thing.

I’m adding a note to the Jedi-101 file: When slicing someone in half, from cranium to pelvis the only appropriate way is.

…I’m a terrible person.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

@kittehserf:

I just had an image of you wearing a giant twin-hiding fedora on your head.

Close! I wore it over my belly, and addressed them as “m’babies”.

And what did I get for all my trouble? Momzoned.

kittehserf
9 years ago

Buttercup, ROFLMAO!

Hey, does this mean that being ignored by the Furrinati is being catszoned?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
9 years ago

It took me about 30 seconds of exposure to Jar Jar to realize that the prequels were going to be a disaster. And then came the romance between the two leads with the least chemistry in the history of cinema.

Also, that line about Anakin being “stressed”? George Lucas should never write dialogue again. How Portman delivered that line without laughing will remain forever a mystery.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

Afraid so, kittehserf! The furrinati are nothing if not hypurrgamous.

“It would be like a female CEO who also have a love for sweater knitting”

Ah, more floccinaucinihilipilification from the manosphere crowd. (I never thought I’d get to use that word in a sentence, but MRAs are the very definition of it). If they can’t do something, they sneer at it.

Also, “sweater knitting”? I wasn’t aware knitting was limited to, and defined by, one specific project.

kittehserf
9 years ago

floccinaucinihilipilification

That is an amazing word – where on earth did you first encounter it?

Hypurrgamous, yes indeed! XD

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

I was obsessed with long words as a kid. It beats antidisestablishmentarianism by one letter!

kittehserf
9 years ago

Heh

Imagine the scrotospherians’ reaction to this tshirt:

http://www.crochetspot.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/men-crochet.jpg

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
9 years ago
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

@cassandrakitty – when I saw ep. 1 in the theater, the audience mood went from festive and anticipatory to “what is this fuckery?” within about five minutes. You could actually hear the disappointment.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

Rosey Greer (American MANLY MAN football player MAN) liked to knit, crochet, and do needlepoint.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
9 years ago

I’m so glad I didn’t pay to see that shit in the theater, I’d have felt like someone just conned me into buying a timeshare in sunny Winnipeg.

brooked
brooked
9 years ago

IIRC, The Shadow of the Empire N64 game had that one glorious Battle of Hoth level, including a sweet takedown of an AT-AT Walker with a tow cable, that was absolutely magic for the time and then it’s mostly unimpressive first person shooter a-wandering that I don’t remember at all.

Robert
Robert
9 years ago

I still remember seeing Fandom Menace with my husband. As soon as Jar Jar appeared – “meesa so scared!” – I turned to him and said, Oh, this is gonna get old real fast.

kittehserf
9 years ago

That knitting article is the best. 🙂

Nice timing, I saw the pic of the young guys just five minutes ago while googling!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
9 years ago

The best part was the fanboys going “oh, that’s not racist, why would anyone think that”.