Lovers of literary catastrophes rejoice! Some GamerGaters are crowdsourcing a book about what they see as the death of 4chan and the rise of GamerGate, and so far the results have been even more amazingly awful than that even sounds.
So far all the Gaters have managed to produce have been some rough drafts of a lyrical prologue written almost entirely in mixed metaphor, a somewhat plodding first chapter, and a rough outline of the rest of the book. But there is much comedy gold in these rough pages.
And so I would like to present to you The Nine Most Ridiculous Quotes from The Crowdsourced GamerGate Book That Were Actually Written by Real Human Beings Who Thought What They Were Writing Was Awesome.
1) The endless sea of ones and zeroes
We would not be forgotten in the endless sea of ones and zeroes that many other events have been dissolved by, but drowned by liars who could only just grasp the lowest bars of the social ladder.
2) The Steps We Took To Pull Back the Curtain
Let’s take a walk through no man’s land. What you will find here among the ash piles are evidence of lies, deception, ill-gotten gains, facades, and false morality. You will also find the mark of our footprints; the steps we took to pull back the curtain and expose the corruption around us.
3) Never Stop Riding
Hold on to your seat. The ride never ends.
4) Like Terminator or Something
I’m writing in nostalgia of a now lost past, and fear of an uncertain future. You know, like Terminator or something.
5) Fighting in a Maelstrom of Pettiness
The ugliness on both sides, and the villains, and heroes, all fighting in a maelstrom of pettiness for a future that doesn’t care for them.
6) Something Larger in the Vacuum
While on the surface it just seems like trolls feeding trolls, death threats, and angry nerds on the surface, the picture painted is of something larger moving through the cultural vacuum that is the modern west.
7) Calculated and Painful
We were scattered by a well calculated and painful defeat.
8) Like Many a Writers Have Commented
4chan is probably, and like many a writers have commented before us, one of the most important websites of its type in the English world; known even to have affected how other unrelated websites published content and worked.
9) Not Technically Illegal
Despite being a minor, a majority of Poole’s early updates to 4chan were adding explicit boards. Many critics claimed the content of these boards were of borderline legality. Originally in /b/, and later /h/ (hentai) and /d/ (hentai/alternative), anime pornography of children (lolikon) and anime pornography depicting extreme fetishes such as necrophilia (guro). Poole responded to these complaints, by reminding them that this type of pornography is not technically illegal, and the content would not be removed.
So what will this new masterpiece be called? Well, there have been many suggestions so far. A few of my favorites:
1984Chan – The Rise and Fall of 4Chan
The point is MOOT (moot does not mean what you think it means) -40 keks
Our Kampf
So whats the deal with 4chan?
To Reign in Hell: The Fall from Grace
The Willing Executioners
Poole’s Closed
404 – (Chronicle of the Executioners), (4chan Not Found), (Freedom Failed to ` Load), (Freedom Not Found)
The Caliphate of the Internet
To Kill |Crush| a |Mocking| Cloverleaf
Ooh, someone took high school English!
The heroes who rose from the pariahs
Tales of the struggles of modern-day Huckleberry Finns
Oh, yet another High School graduate!
How we tried and slew Leviathan
How to win friends and crash your community, by MOOT
We are piss babies who like to suck diaper farts
I don’t think that last one was meant completely seriously.
(I am also aware that the bit about the Terminator was probably added by a troll.)
H/T — To Literally Who herself for pointing me to this literary masterpiece. She is also organizing a crowdsourced dramatic reading of the book’s prologue.
BONUS: Here are a few more of the proposed book covers.
Really? No man’s land? Do you think they even know what that is?
Gamergate is not WWI. They are not risking their lives. What a bunch of whiny turds.
@contrapangloss
Nice work! Needs more metaphor mixing though, and a lot more passive voice.
Ah, and here’s the rub. When it’s carefully calculated anarchy mitigated through a website paid for by someone else(and with automatically “enforced” anonymity), the negative effect is disguised. The bullies are limited to generic trolling.
They don’t get to see the more basic human alliance forming, petty ongoing squabbles, and line toeing that happens the moment the facade of anonymity drops away. Throw in physical, directed violence, like the real world has and suddenly you start getting governments and democracies and armies and police.
And cultural critics like feminists.
And people who stand up for others.
And basically everything else 4chan/gamergate hates. 4chan gives this false impression of anarchy as something that can function.
Buttercup Q. Skullpants,
Worse. It’s the yarn and Barbie hair of beater brush wrapping.
http://media2.giphy.com/media/12ClTeBg4yvkiI/200_s.gif
I thought it was a bad rendition of Freddy Kruger.
kirbywarp wins my eternal admiration for daring to look at the thing. Kudos to you, dude or dudette!
A legitimate review of GG’s book is the last thing GG would want, because it would have to examine the book’s content, and judging from kirbywarp’s comments, all my money says the only positive reviews would come from Vox Day, or Milo Yannopoulos, or maybe that guy with the cigar (I’m too lazy to look up his name, so there). I foretell that anyone pointing out the Jewish conspiracy theories and “not using the phrase “black people” “- euphemism of the year right here, kirbywarp! – will put the reviewer on the “Send Murder and Rape Threats” list for the horrid crime of pointing out the obvious.
Let’s see… Gamergaters want reviewers to stop looking at game content and limit their reviews to counting pixels. So what would a GG-approved book review look like? “Has lots of words, would read again, 10/10 -IGN”?
Ah, mixed metaphors. If you’re “drowned by liars who could only just grasp the lowest bars of the social ladder”, that ain’t a sea you’re in, boys. It’s a swimming pool.
Seems an appropriate confusion, somehow.
@tcwill00
I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be a variation of Anonymous, the green-skinned Slendy lookalike in the last cover. Though it took me a few minutes to realise that it wasn’t the Red Skull. =P
A gamergate-approved review would probably focus solely on the technical aspects of writing, like grammar, and forgo any comment on the content. Unless it’s a feminist book, in which case that book isn’t real literature and mixes politics with writing, which one should never ever do.
Of course, even by gamergate standards, the writers realize they are failing.
Oh well, I see they are trying to channel nazis really hard.
At least they’ve somehow managed not to include their awful rape ‘joke’ in the covers which is…a progress, after all. I think?
Sorry, but my Obsessive/Compulsive Behavior (OCB) mandates that I fix this…
That should be “Unser Kampf”!
Ok, I’m better now.
I’ll believe 4chan has gone SJW when /pol/ and /r9k/ get deleted and the long standing “NO RACISM” rule actually gets enforced.
@phasma:
Guess again. Can’t really link to it, but one of the covers has a face with purple and green on it.
On another note, looks like someone’s decided to start vandalizing the book, deleting most of the content and replacing it with a giant ASCII dong.
@M Temblay. If the games industry and gaming publications were both forced to cater to these guys I imagine reviews would look like this: “Big guns go bang and bad guys die! Female NPCs have bouncy titties! High resolution ‘splosions!”
Maybe I’m doing it wrong. Are these guys the type of idiot lads I would try and talk about games with in school, who were obsessed with graphics? Like seriously, I’d recommend a game based on content, story and even dialogue but they’d be all “Naw it’s crap because GRAPHICS!” Needless to say they would be endlessly excited about first person shooters or mother fucking FIFA. ALWAYS FIFA. IT’S JUST FOOTBALL YOU FOOLS.
@sunny
Ah, yes. FIFA, the ultimate in graphics.
http://i.imgur.com/GAlYklV.gif
@M.
O_O
…
*inhales*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Hah, someone reworked this quote a little:
What’s with the Flashdance type? For a bunch of children, their book designs are sure stuck in the 80s.
applause
I adore the trolls who are fully exercising their freeze peach in this crowdsource book.
i dl’ed a copy of the magnum opus in pdf before the ascii vandalism, to preserve for all time
[quote]If they actually managed to get it published and the someone were to review it, a whole new front in the war would open in the outraged aftermath: ethics in book reviewalism.[/quote]
http://groupthink.jezebel.com/richard-brittain-violently-assaults-book-reviewer-1649170122
It wouldn’t be a first for the manosphere!
although, the updated, vandalized version does seem to paint a more accurate picture of gg.
GamerGate: trying to captivate the general public… with all sorts of horrible stuff (3rd par). Do these people really think awfulness like this works?
… They really, really have no idea what “SJWs” actually think, do they. Like, I’m pretty sure that the Confused Cats understand feminism better than these clowns do.
Also, for all the idiotic stereotypes and conspiracy theories regarding Jewish people, “Mad scientists who’ve invented a gender identity ray” must be a new one.