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Five Reasons You Should Not Marry, or Date, or Probably Even Live in the Same City With a Fan of Return of Kings

The only appropriate reaction to a marriage proposal from a Return of Kings fan
The only appropriate reaction to a marriage proposal from a Return of Kings fan

So Return of Kings, which seems to be working hard at becoming the most abhorrent publication known to man, has a post up by regular contributor “strongsloth” titled 5 Lines That Potential Wives Cannot Cross — that is , five rules that Mr. Sloth thinks men should enforce with any woman they want to make their wife.

These rules are, naturally, horrific. So horrific, in fact, that they essentially provide us with Five Reasons You Should Not Marry, or Date, or Rent Apartments to, or Probably Even Live in the Same City With Anyone Who’s a Fan of Return of Kings.

So let’s go through them one by one. Do not date or marry a ROK fan because:

1) He will insist on being the supreme dictator.

[A]ll decisions about things outside the house are in your sphere. If she wants some responsibility, it’s ok if she chooses how to cook the eggs.

2) He will isolate you from your family and friends. You know, like abusers do.

Just make it clear that her family and friends from before are not important to you. Their opinions do not matter. Don’t spend a lot of time with them. … They will turn on you the moment there are problems between you and your wife. When that happens, the less influence they have the better.

3) He will get you pregnant in order to make you more dependent on him.

Contraceptives and abortion are murder

Why? Immediate children, more children, short gaps between children. These all increase her dependence on you and the loyalty that comes with it. …

If she is marriageable don’t be afraid to make her pregnant before marriage. There is nothing like a baby on the way to increase your bargaining power. … You are helping her by overcoming her female propensity to waste her fertile years on a career, bad boys, and antidepressants.

4) He will insist that you devote all of your time and attention to raising the children that result from his no-contraception or abortion decree.

He will do this in part because he doesn’t want to bother with the hassles of childrearing, and in part because forcing you to be a stay-at-home mother will allow him to restrict your life and control you more effectively:

Being a mother is a full-time job and her first priority. Any work, sport, church, or whatever that she can’t handle just has to go.

He’ll even insist on controlling how long you breastfeed the children:

Breast feeding is good for children and increases her bond with your children, so make her do it for one year. Then make her stop. Otherwise it might delay the next child and make her search for alternatives to being a wife and mother.

5) And last but certainly not least: Because he will rape you.

Under no circumstance can you accept the idea that she gets to choose if or when to satisfy you or choose to sabotage your joint fertility. …

You control the time and frequency of sex, not her. … [A] woman who will deny you sex early on will only use it to gain greater power over you in the long run. …

The obvious exception to this is the first time you have sex. Typically she will control the timing of that for obvious reasons. From the second time onward, any poorly-reasoned denial is a red flag.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not the real red flag here.

As strongsloth sees it, enforcing these rules will make it impossible for your future wife to ever “stray.”

Just imagine the situation. Wedding. Pregnant. Child born. Full time mother. No career. Breast feeding. Stop breast-feeding. Constant sex. Pregnant again. Repeat. There is little opportunity for her to get away from the children and her commitment to you, let alone consider alternatives to marriage. By the time the youngest child is in school her SMV [Sexual Market Value] relative to yours will have dropped, and you are safer.

You see what I was saying about how hard ROK is trying to become the worst publication in the world?

I couldn’t bring myself to look at the comments.

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kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

Flora – not in the racing industry here, unfortunately. Mares get no say in who they mate with, and are tied up so they can’t kick the stallion – and some studs, like Sir Tristram, are so messed in the head that they’re bloody savage to mares.

katz
10 years ago

At least they’re up front that “contraception is murder” is just a smokescreen for “stay in the kitchen.”

K. Kristiansen-Olsen
K. Kristiansen-Olsen
10 years ago

Cassandrakitty, Lea, Zennurse, Cyberwulf! To name a few: Thank you! You make dealing with all this appalling shit bearable! I laugh. I Google. I get a grip on sanity again! So great, huge big cyberhugs from Oslo to all of you lovelyjovely people!

Macha
Macha
10 years ago

@wordsp1nner
Not even too surprised. It’s still galling to see stuff like that be *this* obvious

Ice and Indigo
10 years ago

zennurse, I’m so sorry about your son. I have a son myself and can only imagine the grief of losing him. My deepest condolences.

twincats
twincats
10 years ago

Studies indicate that the appearance of your child is influenced by her previous sexual partners. You are not the only father to your child.

Well, that’s interesting if true. I hope to see if any actual study is done on this.

There is a growing awareness of “epigenetics”. Your DNA responding and changing to the environment is basically what it’s all about. For example, why did the colonists in the original 13 US colonies end up with a different accent than their British forebears?

Wat? Seriously? ?
I know this was two pages ago but right now a fortune teller could read my palm just by looking at my face. The fortune would be backward of course.

Zolnier
Zolnier
10 years ago

Stupid bad science is stupid and bad, but a species where an individual could have two biological families is an interesting thought experiment…

Also what the Hell do these guys plan to do if their slave becomes infertile after two or three kids? Leave them? Become a serial adopter using a system that does not exist?

schwadevivre
10 years ago

@ zennurse
My sister trained when it was still policy to use straight razors for pre-op shaving, she always noted how the sexist comments stopped as soon as you came to prep them.

aebars
10 years ago

David I, like others here, appreciate what you do. But when it comes to ROK, rather than to comment on its content, the optimum response of anyone opposed to it might be to ignore it altogether. It should be patently obvious to anyone by now that, even if Valizadeh genuinely believes in them on some level, the ultimate purpose of articles such as this (and the fat-shaming week article, and the 5 reasons to date a girl with an eating disorder article, and so on) is to piss people off and drum up controversy, thereby generating pageviews which in turn generate ad revenue. With royalties from his books waning, and no employable skills due to a lifetime of sex tourism, Valizadeh is at risk of winding up living off relatives’ couches. The ad revenue – generated through attention garnered via this persona he’s deliberately concocted – postpones that fate for just a while longer. Since there’s no such thing as bad publicity, the only thing that commentary on his shtick, including your own, might well be doing, is deliver him more of precisely that which he’s after. Everyone knows that if you ignore a child throwing a tantrum, pretty soon, they tend to stop throwing the tantrum.

katz
10 years ago

Aebars: You’ve hung out here for how long and you still think ignoring them will make them stop?

rikalous
rikalous
10 years ago

@zennurse: r/TheBluePill informs me that it’s a reference to plate spinning as a metaphor for “gaming” multiple women at a time for sexeconomics reasons.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

There is such thing as bad publicity, aebars. Look at how Julien Blanc has been deported here (go Aussie!) and banned from other countries.

And Roosh and his cronies aren’t children throwing tantrums. They’re adult men aiming to harm women. They’re advocating crimes even if they’re not carrying them out, though in Roosh’s case, he’s a self-confessed rapist. Ignoring crime doesn’t make it go away.

Nequam
Nequam
10 years ago

Also what the Hell do these guys plan to do if their slave becomes infertile after two or three kids? Leave them?

Well, it’s not like a malfunctioning axolotl tank’s good for much else…

[How I wish we had a Font of Sarcasm here.]

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

My guess is that slut rays lie somewhere between visible light and infra-red: http://imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/docs/science/know_l1/emspectrum.html

titianblue
titianblue
10 years ago

I think Roosh is uppingdowning his game to compete with Julien Blanc. He must be so envious that his competition has been noticed by the Daily Fail.

http://www.donotlink.com/cijm

Truly, it’s the trifecta of misogyny – Roosh, Blanc & the DM.

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
10 years ago

I read this last night, and just had no words for the level of NOPE. But reading some of excerpts from the ROK comment section, I really want to send them to every school board and media company CEO and say “THIS is why we need Sex & Relationship Education in schools and fully-developed female characters on screen! For the love of all that is good!”
Unfortunately, I think that anyone who actively opposes those things would probably not see anything wrong with ROK’s bad science.

Maybe we could just publish the comments in a mock peer-reviewed journal. Something like “The Journal of Some Dude’s Anus” Because that’s where these guys are really sourcing their evo-psych/ feeemale anatomy “facts”.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

I’d rather have laser death rays than slut rays (pretty sure I wouldn’t qualify for those, though maybe I’d get in for hypergamy rays).

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/img/music2/cat_lasers_eyes.jpg

NonServiam
10 years ago

That was basically a guide to having an abusive relationship, and I feel physically ill.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

The “slut rays” thing just seems to be yet another case of a dude assuming that if a woman he’s looking at is making his penis happy she must be doing it on purpose (and must be a slut). Most of these guys don’t seem to have quite grasped that whole difference between self and others thing that most people gain an understanding of during childhood, they’re constantly assuming that if they’re thinking or feeling a thing someone else must have decided to make them think/feel that thing.

sunnysombrera
10 years ago

Cassandrakitty: actually that explains a lot. Remember that article about women’s butts oppressing men, and it was deadly serious? And your theory explains just why they get so upset over non boner pleasing women. Also, why they get so furiously angry at a woman for any small dent in their ego, like sexual rejection or refusal to do what they want.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

And the problem is, when we try to explain that no, actually, most of the things we do have nothing at all to do with them and aren’t intended to have any impact on them whatsoever, then they get even angrier because then we’re forcing them to realize that our lives don’t revolve around them.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

BTW, since this came up in an argument here recently – this is what a lot of us mean when we say that their mindset is childish. That kind of assumption that of course mommy’s life revolves around you is common (and understandable) in children, but completely inappropriate coming from an adult.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
10 years ago

I always thought the Ultimate Objective was to enslave men and force them to labour in the tampon mines.

If you use slavery to obtain cheap labor for tampon mines, would that make them “blood tampons”?

If you are looking for a wife in the west, you have to go young

“Go young, western man”

AfterTheKidsLeave
10 years ago

Haha, too late, I already did marry one. But then I came to my senses, divorced his sorry ass, and found an actual human being to marry.
~K.

potterchik
potterchik
10 years ago

Hey, I’ve got an idea to discourage her leaving! How about not being a repulsive a-hole that a woman would immediately want to leave?