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Five Reasons You Should Not Marry, or Date, or Probably Even Live in the Same City With a Fan of Return of Kings

The only appropriate reaction to a marriage proposal from a Return of Kings fan
The only appropriate reaction to a marriage proposal from a Return of Kings fan

So Return of Kings, which seems to be working hard at becoming the most abhorrent publication known to man, has a post up by regular contributor “strongsloth” titled 5 Lines That Potential Wives Cannot Cross — that is , five rules that Mr. Sloth thinks men should enforce with any woman they want to make their wife.

These rules are, naturally, horrific. So horrific, in fact, that they essentially provide us with Five Reasons You Should Not Marry, or Date, or Rent Apartments to, or Probably Even Live in the Same City With Anyone Who’s a Fan of Return of Kings.

So let’s go through them one by one. Do not date or marry a ROK fan because:

1) He will insist on being the supreme dictator.

[A]ll decisions about things outside the house are in your sphere. If she wants some responsibility, it’s ok if she chooses how to cook the eggs.

2) He will isolate you from your family and friends. You know, like abusers do.

Just make it clear that her family and friends from before are not important to you. Their opinions do not matter. Don’t spend a lot of time with them. … They will turn on you the moment there are problems between you and your wife. When that happens, the less influence they have the better.

3) He will get you pregnant in order to make you more dependent on him.

Contraceptives and abortion are murder

Why? Immediate children, more children, short gaps between children. These all increase her dependence on you and the loyalty that comes with it. …

If she is marriageable don’t be afraid to make her pregnant before marriage. There is nothing like a baby on the way to increase your bargaining power. … You are helping her by overcoming her female propensity to waste her fertile years on a career, bad boys, and antidepressants.

4) He will insist that you devote all of your time and attention to raising the children that result from his no-contraception or abortion decree.

He will do this in part because he doesn’t want to bother with the hassles of childrearing, and in part because forcing you to be a stay-at-home mother will allow him to restrict your life and control you more effectively:

Being a mother is a full-time job and her first priority. Any work, sport, church, or whatever that she can’t handle just has to go.

He’ll even insist on controlling how long you breastfeed the children:

Breast feeding is good for children and increases her bond with your children, so make her do it for one year. Then make her stop. Otherwise it might delay the next child and make her search for alternatives to being a wife and mother.

5) And last but certainly not least: Because he will rape you.

Under no circumstance can you accept the idea that she gets to choose if or when to satisfy you or choose to sabotage your joint fertility. …

You control the time and frequency of sex, not her. … [A] woman who will deny you sex early on will only use it to gain greater power over you in the long run. …

The obvious exception to this is the first time you have sex. Typically she will control the timing of that for obvious reasons. From the second time onward, any poorly-reasoned denial is a red flag.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not the real red flag here.

As strongsloth sees it, enforcing these rules will make it impossible for your future wife to ever “stray.”

Just imagine the situation. Wedding. Pregnant. Child born. Full time mother. No career. Breast feeding. Stop breast-feeding. Constant sex. Pregnant again. Repeat. There is little opportunity for her to get away from the children and her commitment to you, let alone consider alternatives to marriage. By the time the youngest child is in school her SMV [Sexual Market Value] relative to yours will have dropped, and you are safer.

You see what I was saying about how hard ROK is trying to become the worst publication in the world?

I couldn’t bring myself to look at the comments.

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Xanith
Xanith
10 years ago

And anti-feminists like to counter with the whole “No one’s teaching men how to rape and abuse women” argument to our “Maybe we should teach men not to rape and abuse woman” suggestions.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

ktrantingredhead
10 years ago

This is why I don’t date. Yes, seriously.

zennurse
zennurse
10 years ago

Re: the epigenetics, one response to this was if “her” child doesn’t look like you, grounds for a paternity test.
The one that really got me was, paraphrased, ‘All women are whores, even your mothers’.

I have been waiting for a statement like that since I found this site and its many stupefying links. I knew it was coming, knew that at least a percentage of them really believe that even their mothers are whores because how could they not? But they would never say it to her face, never admit to the toxic horrors they spew online.

Based on this post, what about their sisters marriages? If bro in law breaks her arm, does dudebro applaud and say “Good for you, Bro, she’s just a whore.”? How the fuck does any of this even work?

They won’t touch a boy child until he’s five, then teach him to man up. No nighttime feeding, diapers, nothing. That’s the only place I saw any push back and the responses were backtrack with conditions.

Of course there was no mention of daughters.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Shunning their sons until age 5, and then being horrible to them, does sound like an effective way to produce replicas of themselves.

zennurse
zennurse
10 years ago

I also wanted to say, OT, that I saw Paul Elam’s response to you, David, on the Tweeter and although I know you expected it, I appreciate what you put up with to do what you do here.

I lurk via your feed, too scary for me.

End OT

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

Okay, so… if the contraceptive trucks the woman’s body into thinking that said body is pregnant, wouldn’t that be the opposite of abortion? Since, well, those tend to keep people from menstruating?

This sort of thing barely horrifies me anymore. And that’s kinda scary. 🙁

AnnaB
AnnaB
10 years ago

Well, at least he won’t have the time and energy raping his wife after a while, since he’ll need to work three jobs to support his enormous family.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I think there’s a maximum level of horrified that the brain can cope with and after that it protects itself by going into “la la la, just going to pretend I don’t see this” mode.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
10 years ago

I’d ask what they do if they groom – erm, I mean date – a woman who later turns out to be infertile, but I really don’t want to know the answer.

syncopic rienzi
syncopic rienzi
10 years ago

“You are helping her by overcoming her female propensity to waste her fertile years on a career, bad boys, and antidepressants.”

So… to prevent women from hooking up with bad boys, we should force them to marry abusive ones. Right.

zennurse
zennurse
10 years ago

Flurry of comments here but it is incredibly frustrating to do this on a tablet.
I do read along with you all but have chronic pain and this tiny keyboard is like a phone to me.

It was mentioned above but regarding this insane idea of pregnant, breastfeeding for a year (no less no more?) Pregnant etc etc: My first son was 11 pounds and on cereal at 3 months because even every two hours wasn’t enough for him. My second was born with a tooth! We lasted only 7 weeks with direct breastfeeding and just a few more weeks pumping because I had to go back to work because I was the breadwinner so my husband could start his manly business which failed.

Their lack of experience with the real world is so clear in this. Women in this fantasy just drop the kid and come home to wash their socks and cook their meals. No thought for what happens if there’s a complication, a sick baby, a Ceserean. This woman is not a human, she’s a broodmare.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Yeah, what happens to the dad doesn’t touch the baby plan if mom is too sick to get out of bed for a while after a really difficult birth? What if she gets the flu?

zennurse
zennurse
10 years ago

M the SJR,

I wonder that as well, I guess that would nullify the contract. Good for her.

There was also talk in the comments about hymens and one comment said take her to the gyno and an ENT before the wedding to prove she’s not a slut. An ENT!!!!!
They actually believe that hymens last a lifetime if there’s no penetration.

dorabella
dorabella
10 years ago

The point about the children is so extreme that even a lot of comments are against it. I mean, even redpillers can love their children and enjoy touching them and caring for them as babies, and they themselves are disgusted at the suggestion that a “real man” shouldn’t do that.
This “aticle” really screams satire, but Poe’s law, etc etc

Nequam
Nequam
10 years ago

I wonder what they think of Ronald Shanabarger? (Google, but the story’s kind of triggery.)

zennurse
zennurse
10 years ago

Cassandrakitty,

I guess her whore mother comes to help, or maybe his whore mother.

Orion
Orion
10 years ago

Contraceptives and abortion are murder

Why? Immediate children, more children, short gaps between children. These all increase her dependence on you and the loyalty that comes with it.

That is an… interesting definition of murder. Murder apparently has nothing to do with killing people, but rather with… terminating relationships? Divorce is murder? High school graduations are murder?

sunnysombrera
10 years ago

I’d hate to be one of the children of these assholes. Imagine growing up to learn that the reason behind your existence is not because daddy loved you and wanted you but because he raped and forced your mother to carry you, and then once you were born you were simply a tool to be used in stopping mum from fleeing him.

cretaceouskitteh78
cretaceouskitteh78
10 years ago

I think I will call this attitude “malignant insecurity” from now on. Alpha males my ass!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Children – because chains around the ankle are generally illegal? Yeah, that’s going to be great for your kid’s self-esteem. If the kid is a girl I suppose they’d see that as a bonus.

Orion
Orion
10 years ago

Seriously, why don’t all of the ROK fans just go fight for the Boko Haram?

Because ISIS is trending. We know a few Americans and Europeans are fighting with ISIS in Syria. These guys are probably good recruitment candidates.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

I trigger on stuff around being told to cook eggs, basically because of this scene out of a NZ movie, based on a book by an NZ author.

I have no idea which image this would embed in, please be warned about extremely realistic man-on-women violence. I have broken the url so that the video itself won’t embed and you’ll have to go watch.

This is a movie that I believe got a reasonably large international release. It’s about 20 years old.

https://www.youtube.com/ [ remove the spaces and this bit here] watch?v=EZw6K1kconc

Jay Elmore
10 years ago

Wait, they seem to think that your child’s DNA can come from multiple male sources?

Like what, sperm just get all smooshed together like Play-Doh and you can’t untangle it before it hits the egg? o_O

zennurse
zennurse
10 years ago

I had never heard of Ronald Shanabarger, what a story.

I suspect they would applaud.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I just figured it out! It’s cats. They think we’re cats, and that’s why our kids can have multiple fathers.