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Five Reasons You Should Not Marry, or Date, or Probably Even Live in the Same City With a Fan of Return of Kings

The only appropriate reaction to a marriage proposal from a Return of Kings fan
The only appropriate reaction to a marriage proposal from a Return of Kings fan

So Return of Kings, which seems to be working hard at becoming the most abhorrent publication known to man, has a post up by regular contributor “strongsloth” titled 5 Lines That Potential Wives Cannot Cross — that is , five rules that Mr. Sloth thinks men should enforce with any woman they want to make their wife.

These rules are, naturally, horrific. So horrific, in fact, that they essentially provide us with Five Reasons You Should Not Marry, or Date, or Rent Apartments to, or Probably Even Live in the Same City With Anyone Who’s a Fan of Return of Kings.

So let’s go through them one by one. Do not date or marry a ROK fan because:

1) He will insist on being the supreme dictator.

[A]ll decisions about things outside the house are in your sphere. If she wants some responsibility, it’s ok if she chooses how to cook the eggs.

2) He will isolate you from your family and friends. You know, like abusers do.

Just make it clear that her family and friends from before are not important to you. Their opinions do not matter. Don’t spend a lot of time with them. … They will turn on you the moment there are problems between you and your wife. When that happens, the less influence they have the better.

3) He will get you pregnant in order to make you more dependent on him.

Contraceptives and abortion are murder

Why? Immediate children, more children, short gaps between children. These all increase her dependence on you and the loyalty that comes with it. …

If she is marriageable don’t be afraid to make her pregnant before marriage. There is nothing like a baby on the way to increase your bargaining power. … You are helping her by overcoming her female propensity to waste her fertile years on a career, bad boys, and antidepressants.

4) He will insist that you devote all of your time and attention to raising the children that result from his no-contraception or abortion decree.

He will do this in part because he doesn’t want to bother with the hassles of childrearing, and in part because forcing you to be a stay-at-home mother will allow him to restrict your life and control you more effectively:

Being a mother is a full-time job and her first priority. Any work, sport, church, or whatever that she can’t handle just has to go.

He’ll even insist on controlling how long you breastfeed the children:

Breast feeding is good for children and increases her bond with your children, so make her do it for one year. Then make her stop. Otherwise it might delay the next child and make her search for alternatives to being a wife and mother.

5) And last but certainly not least: Because he will rape you.

Under no circumstance can you accept the idea that she gets to choose if or when to satisfy you or choose to sabotage your joint fertility. …

You control the time and frequency of sex, not her. … [A] woman who will deny you sex early on will only use it to gain greater power over you in the long run. …

The obvious exception to this is the first time you have sex. Typically she will control the timing of that for obvious reasons. From the second time onward, any poorly-reasoned denial is a red flag.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not the real red flag here.

As strongsloth sees it, enforcing these rules will make it impossible for your future wife to ever “stray.”

Just imagine the situation. Wedding. Pregnant. Child born. Full time mother. No career. Breast feeding. Stop breast-feeding. Constant sex. Pregnant again. Repeat. There is little opportunity for her to get away from the children and her commitment to you, let alone consider alternatives to marriage. By the time the youngest child is in school her SMV [Sexual Market Value] relative to yours will have dropped, and you are safer.

You see what I was saying about how hard ROK is trying to become the worst publication in the world?

I couldn’t bring myself to look at the comments.

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Chevrolet
Chevrolet
10 years ago

Yes. Yes he did.

Lea
Lea
10 years ago

There is little opportunity for her to get away

He’s so frightened of being abandoned. He’s like on of those shelter dogs that won’t leave your side and chew the furniture when you are away because they’re afraid you won’t come back.

I’d chew through my own neck to get out of that trap.

CJ
CJ
10 years ago

@Jay Elmore

There are no men in the manosphere, only boys. I seriously cannot think of someone being less manly than this.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I almost want to go ask him to explain how he thinks that process works, but I know the result would just be a bunch of racist babble.

proxieme
proxieme
10 years ago

Re: the faces: I…I just can’t… *horrified face*

Re: their assertions re: epigentics: Ah, so glad to see that they truly are the intellectual powerhouse leaders of humanity that they purport to be.

Thank you for reading the comments so that we don’t have to.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

You are helping her by overcoming her female propensity to waste her fertile years on a career, bad boys, and antidepressants.

Wait. The manosphere is against antidepressants now? I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. Someone with untreated depression is going to be vulnerable and have low self-esteem. Easier to abuse. Although I’m not sure how he expects a woman to be a perfect Stepford wife if she’s too depressed. Is he unaware of what the symptoms of depression actually are?

Breast feeding is good for children and increases her bond with your children, so make her do it for one year.

Big surprise. They don’t understand how female anatomy works. Some women have enough milk to breastfeed for a year, but not every woman does. There are other reasons breastfeed might not happen too. It’s just not always physically possible to breastfeed for one year. No manly misogynist will is going to prevent milk from drying up.

CJ
CJ
10 years ago

@Chevrolet
@cassandrakitty

Just in case there’s any doubt that this garbage is pulled directly out of someone’s ass…

Lea
Lea
10 years ago

Chevrolet,
Whoa. That’s some industrial strength ignorance going on over there. I hope you wore a hazmat suit before you waded into those comments. That much dumb can cause side effects like infinite face palming. Here, have an otter. It will help.

http://cutestuff.co/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/otter.jpg

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Her bond with your children, note, not her children. Those kids emerge from the womb with “Property Of MasterDude” stamped on their forehead.

deniseeliza
deniseeliza
10 years ago

There is a growing awareness of “epigenetics”. Your DNA responding and changing to the environment is basically what it’s all about. For example, why did the colonists in the original 13 US colonies end up with a different accent than their British forebears?

Fucking magnets, how do they work?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Spoiler – it’s because their ancestors were actual for-real bears. This is the secret that the UK has been hiding from the world all along.

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
10 years ago

Accents are epigenetics? They just keep blowing the bottom out of the stupid barrel, don’t they?

Also, it sounds like this moron is implying that a woman’s very DNA is corrupted when a guy orgasms in her. How the fuck do these pieces of human garbage not drown in the shower?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

BTW, in case anyone decides to wade into the comments over there again, here is a fluffy otter to use as brain bleach.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/samimain/this-rescued-baby-otter-will-shock-you-with-its-fluffiness

Chevrolet
Chevrolet
10 years ago

Lea,

dawwww, lookit the otter!

And of course no one called him on that ridiculous statement–they just immediately started discussing how a woman’s DNA is totally ruined by the time she’s 30, so you should only procreate with 19 year olds

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

For those who prefer not to click over to other sites.

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
10 years ago

Wait it just dawned on me- that must be why Roosh hates bathing!!

nightmarelyre
nightmarelyre
10 years ago

They should change their name from “Return of Kings” to “Shades of Mordor”, seems more fitting as they sure as hell act like minions of a evil overlord

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

It staggers the mind that these dudes always say women can’t STEM. I admit to not being an expert in genetics but I know enough to realize that regional accents (and language itself) are the result of socialization, not genetics. When I picked up a slight Chicago accent while at school in Illinois did that mean my DNA first changed, then changed back when I returned to Minnesota and my accent became a slight Minnesotan one again?

And that thing about babies looking like a woman’s past sexual partners? What? Where would that even come from? Theoretically DZ twins could have two different fathers, although that’s extremely rare. It is not so rare in cats I hear.

One sperm fertilizes the egg. That’s it. Half the DNA comes from it. Half from the egg. This is junior high level science. These guys sound like the men who go on Maury to get paternity tests. They always have convoluted pseudo scientific reasons they think their kid isn’t really theirs. That comment smells like an excuse not to pay child support or help raise their own kids in any way.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I always figured my accent had changed multiple times as a result of moving multiple times and picking up the accents of the people around me because that tends to happen when you talk to people all the time. Who knew that their DNA was seeping in through my pores and somehow altering mine? Science sure is awesome.

Sally
Sally
10 years ago

I just wish the guys who followed this nonsense would wear some kind of clear identifier. All joking about fedoras and neckbeards aside, it would be nice to know who to avoid.

Of course, on dating websites they do tend to self-identify, whether intentionally or not.

jbgarner58
10 years ago

Sick and appalling. Nothing more to really be said. Well, nothing more that is allowable in polite company.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Maybe they can print up shirts and wear them to show their PUA pride or something.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
10 years ago

I once watched an episode of Cold Case where an abused wife escaped from her violent husband but the husband murdered one of their twin girls in revenge. I only watched it once because the idea of a father murdering his own daughter was horrifying even for TV. These monsters would only watch it once because the idea of a woman successfully escaping from an abusive asshole would be too horrifying even for TV.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
10 years ago

*Was too horrifying. Posting before coffee. =P

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

People who think they own their children are really frightening. I’m not seeing any sense of loving the kids in his blabber, the kids are just a weapon he can use to help control their mother.