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Return of Kings writer dismisses rape allegations against Jian Ghomeshi and Bill Cosby because raping women is hard

Jian Ghomeshi
Jian Ghomeshi

It’s perhaps not altogether surprising that a writer at Return of Kings, a site run by someone who has openly admitted to raping a woman too drunk to consent, has come out in defense of Jian Ghomeshi, the Canadian radio personality recently fired from CBC in the wake of serious accusations of violent sexual assault from an ever-growing list of women.

For most of those who have been following the scandal, the fact that numerous women have come forward with strikingly similar stories of abuse at the hands of Ghomeshi only increases the credibility of the case against him.

Over on Return of Kings, however, writer Blair Naso dismisses this as “a common pattern with celebrities in unconfirmed sex scandals.” And then he sets forth one of the creepiest defenses against rape allegations I’ve ever heard:

One woman claims something and then several other groupies hop on the media whore train. People claim Bill Cosby raped 13 women, but do they have any idea how hard it is to rape just one? Thirteen is a large rape notch count. Even if it was all consensual, how would Cosby hide that much adultery from his wife? He isn’t a sex symbol like some politicians are.

Emphasis mine. Yes, that’s right, he actually wrote “thirteen is a large rape notch count.”

Mr. Nasi, you want to know how Cosby might have managed to get his “rape notch count” so high, even though he’s “not a sex symbol?” Well, you could always fucking read what the women making these accusations have said. (Hint: he allegedly drugged them first.) Generally speaking, it is probably a good idea to actually read the allegations against someone before dismissing them as nonsense.

If Ghomeshi, or Cosby, or any celebrity accused of rape were facing accusations from “only” one woman, the Return of Kings boys would no doubt dismiss her as some crazy, lying slut. But when the accusations seem to be corroborated by other similar stories from other women who have also been victimized, well, gosh, raping that many women would be “too hard” of a task for one man to pull off.

What the fuck.

Most of the commenters at ROK, meanwhile, think that even if  Ghomeshi is being railroaded he is still getting what he deserves — for being a “white knight” who previously gave lip service to the ideals of feminism.

No matter what side they’re taking in this controversy, in other words, the ROKers are doing it for the worst reasons possible.

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kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

It’s the art of sarcastic understatement, Kevin. There’s also the point that moderators can’t actually ban people, which would be zero tolerance as far as I’m concerned.

Kevin K
Kevin K
6 years ago

Do these “apologists” understand that they’re actually and really bad people? Not just avatars in a shitty game? But real-and-true evil?

How these people sleep at night is beyond me.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

They know they are the baddies. They like being the baddies.

Unimaginative
6 years ago

Most excellent essay about social whispers and speaking up, or choosing not to (via Pharyngula and Scalzi): http://www.nothinginwinnipeg.com/2014/10/do-you-know-about-jian/

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

They think being the baddies makes them hot and sexy. As though anything could.

kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

They also don’t think women exist except to serve and be punished by them.

Dawn Incognito
Dawn Incognito
6 years ago

TW for…well, Jian.

I have big feelings about this one because I was a Toronto-area Moxy Fruvous fan. And I started out having a huge crush on Jian. As I saw more shows, I started to realize that he was smug and narcissistic and in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time he became the CBC’s golden boy, I felt a pang of nausea every time I saw his name.

I read his “exculpatory” Facebook post and knew that he was guilty of horrible things. Why? Because he claimed that he showed proof to the CBC that his BDSM encounters were consensual. Unless that proof was an unedited video of full negotiation and scene, including consent to be taped, said proof would mean nothing. And all said theoretical video would prove would be that *one* scene was consensual. I knew that Jian’s idea of “consent” was not what a responsible Dominant would view as consent. And you know what an irresponsible Dom is called? A batterer and/or rapist. Fuck.

At first I thought that he honestly believed that he had consent. Why would he be so indignant and play the persecution card otherwise? But having read more and more and more about his actions (I’ve been a little obsessed) I think he realized that was the only card he could play. I think he did text/e-mail BDSM roleplay with women so he could have his so-called proof if there was a complaint against him. He was setting these women up so they couldn’t come forward. Nobody would believe them. A lot of people didn’t believe when there were “only” 4 complainants. Only when an actress/Air Force Captain put her name to an accusation did the tide turn.

And to think I have a picture of myself with his arm around me. I wish I could go back in time and punch him in the face. I admired him. I respected him. And even then the whisper network had been going for over a decade. How many women had he assaulted and raped even then?

Thanks for letting me word vomit here. I needed to get that out.

Jake Hamby (@jhamby)
6 years ago

When I see ROK, I think “South Korea.” (I’m a bit obsessed with 20th-century geopolitical and military history, and the shape of the world that we’re living in today as a consequence of it.)

Alais
6 years ago

So…I read the original article to try and determine why a man who writes for a website that frequently likes to tout men’s vastly superior physical strength thinks that it would be so goddamn hard to rape a woman, and I didn’t find any further explanation in that article. In other manosphere articles, I’ve seen explanations for why it’s hard, that being that you’d have to beat a woman really badly to force her and stop her resistance, and even leaving out that this ignores other forms of coercion and other methods for disabling people (e.g. drugging), this still proves that this author doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about because all of the accusations report that Jian used brutal, sustained violence and force against his victims. And I’m just realizing again that literally nothing will ever be rape for these guys, and anything that they’ll actually admit to being rape (because I swear to God, as much as these motherfuckers love Ted Bundy, one day they’ll start claiming that he “bad-boy Alpha’d” his way into his victims’ pants) is okay because women really want that shit anyway. Because women always have to be wrong and men always have to be right.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

If you read project unbreakable you see that the rapists and abusers say the same thing over and over. No one will believe you and I will destroy you if you tell.
Then they have each others back when someone does tell.

Puddleglum
6 years ago

I have big feelings about this one because I was a Toronto-area Moxy Fruvous fan.

I was a huge Moxy Fruvous fan too. I went to concerts when I could. I got to see a relatively unknown opening act (Jann Arden) once. I feel retroactively bad for ever having liked him, even though I know that’s pointless.

But back to Jann Arden, she posted this great link on her twitter feed:
http://kiranopal.com/on-the-jian-ghomeshi-saga-and-the-conquest-of-feminism/

kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Dawn Incognito – and as commenters on Pharyngula pointed out, even if those videos were of consensual encounters, not only do the not prove he’s not a rapist, but he showed them without the other people’s consent, and the very act of showing homemade porn to his manager was a sackable offence anyway.

GrumpyOldMan
6 years ago

I think part of the piece linked above by Unimaginative is worth quoting:

Yeah, well. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if I was harassed, assaulted, if I was flat-out raped, I would not go to the police. Not unless I wore clear scars from it, not unless I was bloodied or scraped. Even then, only if it was a stranger. Only if it was someone who slipped out of the darkness and had no other power over me. Someone who, if and when my name filtered out, couldn’t take my work and friends away from me.

God, we ask so much of victims. On one side, we tell them that the price of our belief it to spend a lifetime chained publicly to an incident they usually want desperately to escape; we tell them that the price of our belief is that they make their name public, or take it to police. If they pay that price, we don’t believe them anyway. Instead, we simply charge them with trying to make hay.

No, I wouldn’t make my name public, and I wouldn’t go to police. I would never want to watch those prying eyes turn on me, inventing for themselves a fiction of the “jilted,” vindictive woman that Jian Ghomeshi pre-emptively declared at least three of his ex-partners to be.

It seems to me that men who commit acquaintance rape count on a number of advantages.
First, they assume that most of their victims will be too ashamed to report them or unwilling to go through the ordeal involved in reporting them. Also they often choose victims that they can injure in other ways for the crime of reporting them — anything from damaging their careers to ruining their reputations (this would be the particular thing a rapist could do if his victim was a fellow student). Secondly, they set up the situation so that they can have a plausible claim of consent and their victim will have a difficult time proving otherwise, or even have it look like the victim’s poor judgment or desire for revenge played a major role. These things are obvious enough.

The main thing, however — and I’ll admit I can’t prove it — is that I believe these guys have an unshakable faith in their personal charm and their ability to talk their way out of a situation, to shift the blame onto the victim, to — if nothing more — create enough doubt so that if the victim does report the crime, and anyone who matters believes her, they can still wriggle out of the trap. They count on the benefit of the doubt. That is why it takes at least three, often four women coming forward as accusers before the rapist starts to find himself in real trouble. Given that these rapists don’t look like what we think rapists should look like, it’s devilishly hard to pin their crimes on them before they have harmed a large number of victims.

The problem is that it is very hard to prove any one individual case. If I understand correctly, the consensus seems to be that most acquaintance rapes are committed by a relatively small number of men, so what you need is a way to demonstrate the pattern. I have been trying to think of how this could be done. Obviously the sort of grapevine approach described in the article I quoted has some value, but not nearly enough. One thought that occurred to me, in regard to a college campus, is that women who feel they have been sexually abused, but do not feel that they could make out a convincing case for immediate disciplinary action against the perp, could file a written report with a campus feminist group. The group would keep these reports and — if the idea that most of these assaults are committed by relatively few men is correct — the identify of those men and their method of operation would soon become clear. If you had three or four women identifying one perp, they might be willing to go together to the authorities, and I can believe that college authorities might very well welcome this — they would no longer have to decide on action on the basis of one student’s word against another’s. It might actually be a useful deterrent.

Of course this method would be harder to apply in the greater world, but it might work against a guy like Ghomeshi — I would think it would be easier for several women to go public together rather than one by one, as happens these days. I am not claiming that this is a great idea — just that I have been trying to think of some sort of way to counter the advantage that a clever and articulate rapist has, since it is clear that the way things have been handled up to this point is a dismal failure.

Dawn Incognito
Dawn Incognito
6 years ago

@Puddleglum

I discovered Sarah Slean and Danny Michel opening for Moxy Fruvous. Still love them both so I guess that’s something.

@GrumpyOldMan

I read a comment (from Amanda Palmer’s FB page originally, I think) that says York University RAs knew about him:

I’ve been hearing from friends and acquaintances since – 1988 – the year the 5th floor residence advisors pulled the women in my dorm from every house (Stong res – he was in Vanier res at York University) together to warn us about him. Before this story broke open and before he’d posted his side on facebook I had been PMing friends outraged about his dismissal about my sispicion that he was FINALLY facing sexual assault charges and I said what I had been warned about – young women going to the RA after bad dates where they’d been choked or hit. We were warned about the coed washrooms, and being in stairwells with him and told to tell them if he was at house parties.

1988 and there was already a pattern. Did anyone take it to York? Who knows? And that was before he got any celebrity or power. It would have become harder and harder to come forward.

3 women so far have gone to police, though. We’ll see how far it progresses.

Dawn Incognito
Dawn Incognito
6 years ago

@kittehserf

The fact that he thought showing his homemade BDSM videos to his employer was justified! The sheer hubris. Nevermind that according to Canadian law, you cannot consent to assault causing bodily harm. And these videos were to show that consensual bruising was possible.

I didn’t even think of the sticky ethical wicket of showing sex videos without the other person’s consent. (Though I doubt he had consent to videotape.) This just gets grosser and grosser.

lightcastle
lightcastle
6 years ago

@thebewilderness

I thought this year’s winner of the Hugo Scwyzer award was Charles Clymer?

Misha
Misha
6 years ago

GrumpyOldMan,

One thought that occurred to me, in regard to a college campus, is that women who feel they have been sexually abused, but do not feel that they could make out a convincing case for immediate disciplinary action against the perp, could file a written report with a campus feminist group. The group would keep these reports and — if the idea that most of these assaults are committed by relatively few men is correct — the identify of those men and their method of operation would soon become clear.

An anonymous reporting system for rape and sexual assault was already tried by Occidental College (created and run by feminists). It ended up being spammed heavily by Men’s Rightsters from Reddit and 4Chan.

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/12/20/3093761/mens-rights-occidental/

Dvärghundspossen
6 years ago

And I used to like Jian too, back in the days of Moxy Früvous. I was happy for him when CBC gave him a show. To say I’m disgusted is putting it VERY mildly. Dude majored in Women’s Studies, fergawdsakes. Was that just a “macktivist” front? Ugh.

These kinds of cases are so weird. There was a case in Sweden a couple of years ago where a policeman, Göran Lindberg, was eventually convicted to jail for several cases of rape as well as buying sexual services (under Swedish law, it’s not illegal to sell sexual services but it’s illegal to buy). The thing is, he had made a career out of making campaigns against sexual harassment of female police officers, lecturing about gender equality and so on.
His name came up when other police officers were investigating some sex buyer case. A number of sex workers came forward and claimed he’d raped them (and this was all in BDSM-settings too, just like with the Jian case). The prosecution found enough evidence for conviction of rape in a few of the cases, and found it established that he’d at least paid for sex in the other cases. Eventually he got six years in jail.

But it really makes you wonder what goes on in the head of someone who alternates between lecturing about gender equality and raping women…

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

@GrumpyOldMan

It seems to me that men who commit acquaintance rape count on a number of advantages.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think that young rapists, rapists who are about to commit their first rape, are necessarily thinking that far ahead. They just do it, and learn after the fact that rape culture is going to support them and protect them. Prior to the act, they certainly absorb some of the cultural memes you cite, but I don’t think that, as a rule, they are consciously planning to exploit them.

That’s what’s so horrible about rape culture: rapists don’t actually have to plan to exploit it. It’s designed so that they don’t have to do any planning.

Leah
Leah
6 years ago

ROK writers will always blame the women, regardless of the situation, no matter how far out their arguments are.

I read the Whole article and noted that at no point does the author bother to explain why 13 completely different women would falsely accuse the same man of rape? what was their motive for making such a secious accusation is they weren’t telling the truth? And of course, none of the commenters questions anything the author says either, no matter how obviously biased he is. They’re just happy as usual to have another outles for their oh-so-justified rage against women.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago
Bina
Bina
6 years ago

But it really makes you wonder what goes on in the head of someone who alternates between lecturing about gender equality and raping women…

I’m thinking it could be one of two things: Either he feels guilty and this is his way of alleviating that guilt feeling (between horrible episodes), or else he’s blatantly using that as a strategy to lure vulnerable women. Because what could be more attractive than a guy who seemingly understands the issue so well?

It could also be a combination of the above, which is even weirder.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

There’s a third possibility: he doesn’t actually believe that he raped anyone, and he thinks his behavior is perfectly in sync with his rhetoric.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

That’s what’s so horrible about rape culture: rapists don’t actually have to plan to exploit it. It’s designed so that they don’t have to do any planning.

QFGDT.

And this is why I so often feel the impulse to beat my head against a wall…I have to plan every move I make so carefully, so that no one can accuse me of “asking for it”. And even if I do everything “right”, and something still happens, guess who’ll get blamed…

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

There’s a third possibility: he doesn’t actually believe that he raped anyone, and he thinks his behavior is perfectly in sync with his rhetoric.

It’s a definite possibility. Yesterday I read this, in which a 13-year-old Jian got naked with a girl and then didn’t know what to do next, and he wishes in hindsight that he’d had porn to help him. That was a massive WTF for me. Because porn, of course, makes it look like anything goes, and that the more horrid you are to women, the better they’ll like it (i.e., the “alpha male” fallacy so beloved of PUAs). Neither of which is true, and both of which would have made for one fucked-up 13-year-old would-be Casanova. Most of us would shrug off an episode like that as being proof that we were too young for that anyway. But the fact that his mind went THERE, of all places…ugh.

And of course, there’s the bit about him showing porn to his CBC higher-ups to prove he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Which is also pretty damning.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

But it really makes you wonder what goes on in the head of someone who alternates between lecturing about gender equality and raping women…

I think sometimes people lie to themselves and others by claiming an identity and calling it a day. They don’t make an attempt to live up it. If a misogynistic abusive man wears the title ‘feminist’ or ‘ally’ he doesn’t have to examine his behavior. He can’t possibly be sexist. He can’t possibly be a rapist. After all, he’s a feminist!

I see the same thing with a certain subset of – usually conservative – Christians. They identify as Christians, go to church once or twice a week and wear a cross pendant. Therefore they’re automatically good and moral. It gives them an excuse to act like an asshole most of the time.

Dumpster Jedi
Dumpster Jedi
6 years ago

“BritterSweet —

Waitwaitwait. Don’t these guys tend to say more often that *not* raping women is hard? What with the things they say regarding consent and clothes and stuff?”

*Everything’s* just really, really hard when you’re a white, white, cis fellow. Don’t you know that? /sarcasm

Gussie Jives (@gussiejives)

@Puddleglum Great article from Kiran Opal. I am totally adopting “feministy” as a term for that kind of Hugo Schwyzer type.

I also wanted to share this article from Vinay Menon:

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/2014/11/01/in_praise_of_the_court_of_public_opinion_menon.html

The second last paragraph obfuscates, which is the one flaw in an otherwise excellent breakdown of why these “court of public opinion” hearings are so important, especially when we think of Retaeah Parsons, Amanda Todd, or even Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown.

This kind of exposure is often the only “court” that these cases will ever see.

Dumpster Jedi
Dumpster Jedi
6 years ago

That should have been “white, straight, cis”. I don’t know how that happened.

Dumpster Jedi
Dumpster Jedi
6 years ago

And after thought, that was a horribly poor choice of phrasing. I would be willing to bet money that the commentor complaining about how hard it is to even rape one woman is light-skinned, but clearly, the only thing anyone needs to be a rapist or a batterer is their own false sense of entitlement

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

I dunno, I kind of liked the “white, white” descriptor.

Skye
Skye
6 years ago

OT, sort of. All the trigger warnings. Here’s blatant rape culture: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6089922?cps=gravity

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

When I was a little kid my whole family would gather in the living room every Thursday night at eight to watch The Cosby Show together. It was a special time. I remember feeling so excited to spend my own money to get my dad his book for Father’s Day.

I don’t want to live in a world where Bill Cosby is a rapist. It’s devastating. 🙁 🙁

Robert
Robert
6 years ago

Grumpycat – many people don’t want to live in a world in which Cosby is a rapist. Unfortunately, this has led them to insist that they actually DO.

I believe part of the problem is that some people think in categories. X is a good person. Rapists are bad people. Therefore, X cannot be a rapist regardless of what zie does. Anyone saying ‘X raped me’ must, categorically, be lying. This kind of thinking makes it easier to ignore consensus reality.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

A person can be good as gold in front of the cameras and microphones, and bad as shit behind closed doors. The fact that somebody is sometimes good, doesn’t mean they can’t be sometimes bad.

In fact, I’m starting to wonder if charismatic public personae aren’t often a dead giveaway of something…icky. #NotAllCharismaticMen, maybe. But a shocking proportion of them, definitely.

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

I know all this, of course. It’s all a huge part of what makes it so horrible and depressing.

skybison
skybison
6 years ago

My take on it is that guys like this are huge narcissists that think of feminism as rules that apply to other men, not themselves.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

So, I’ve been playing RuneScape, and avoiding all else, all weekend, for Double XP weekend. Now it’s over, and I come here, and the first thing I read is this.

YUCK.

Well, at least I was spared this for three days, and maxed my smithing skill. And maxing a skill is almost as hard as raping 13 people!

Or something.

Anyway, noping now.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@Jenora

he was generally considered a feminist ally. He’d been helping fight for abortion access since University

My interpretation is that many rapists would be all for abortion rights, since it means that the women they “accidentally” impregnate can then abort, leaving the rapists free and clear from that awful, misandrist child support.

In fact, a lot of misogynists support abortion, I believe, even when they don’t support any other women’s rights, because if they can convince “their” women to have abortions, they never need to worry about unwanted pregnancies, and don’t have to bother with taking care of their own contraception.

Because as we all know, a man who never, ever, ever wants to father children still has absolutely no reason to get a vascectomy, and “bare-backing” it is the pinnacle of alpha male-ness.

Many women who have abortions do so because the men in their lives push them into it, not because they, themselves, want to end the pregnancies.

Of course, some men want to outlaw abortion, because they use pregnancy as a weapon against “their” women, and if “their” women were free to abort, they’d probably also feel free to leave. And since they are solipsistic jerks, what’s good for THEM must be good for EVERYONE ELSE, hence, no abortion rights for anyone.

Also – re Bill Cosby – Darn it! I was just talking with a friend last week about how I loved his old routines! Now it’s all tainted.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@schwadevivre

Rape “notches” WTF?

OK, let’s say that if that is a thing then they should be like the old gunslingers and have the notches cut into their weapon.

Ooooooh. I both love and hate this idea.

JQ
JQ
6 years ago

“but do they have any idea how hard it is to rape just one? Thirteen is a large rape notch count… He isn’t a sex symbol like some politicians are.”

Does anyone else see subtext in this of “If he could manage thirteen we all could have too, right fellas?” I want to be just reading too much into it, but that does seem to be one of the implications.

I AM sure that the exhortation to think about how hard it would be to pull that off is one more excuse for these guys to spend more time fantasizing about raping women.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I pretty much read it as “look at me, I try so hard and my rape notch count is still only 9”, tbh.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@Alais – Actually, I can think of one scenario where it might actually be rape for these people.

MRA and wife are at home, in bed. Intruder breaks in, and using a weapon, physically overpowers the MAN FIRST. He controls the woman by claiming that if she resists, he will shoot the man, so she stays still, to protect her man. Then he ties up the man, and makes sure that man cannot possibly escape. Then, he beats the woman to a bloody pulp, sticks the gun in her mouth, and orders her to submit to rape. AND, he has to call what he’s doing rape.

Also, he has to make a clean get-away, so that he cannot later be found, arrested, charged and convicted.

In that case, they might actually consider it a real rape.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
6 years ago

@Michelle

Nope, they’d just say that both the man and the woman are making it up. The beta husband was cucked and doesn’t want to admit it to his alpha peers! The injuries? Bah, probably fell off the bed!

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Michelle,
Even then, I’d put money on seeing these sorts of responses:

She probably set the whole thing up!
or
She should have fought back harder!
or
Why wasn’t that slut wearing her chastity belt?
or
What had she done to get this rapists attention and how did she use her mysterious wiles to manipulate him into committing this crime?

You have to go so far through the looking glass to think of something too absurd and awful for an MRA to say.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

Something about this reminds me of when I first got my own apartment. My mother drilled into me the rules of propriety, and made me promise never to be alone in my apartment with a man. Two men? OK, but not just one man. Also, my family are all teetotalers, thanks to our Mormon faith.

She told me, “The rules of propriety protect us from our own stupidity.”

NOT “protect us from the men,” but “from our own stupidity.” In short, if I didn’t put myself in a position where it is even possible to break my vow of chastity, then I would not stupidly break my vow of chastity. I might still be raped, but I would not SEDUCED. Big difference, because being a victim of rape is not a sin, but willingly having sex outside of marriage is a sin, in my religion, particularly if you have made covenants to obey the law of chastity.

As a benefit of this life-style, should I ever be raped, I am SLIGHTLY more likely to be believed, for two reasons. One – the defense attorney would have a really hard time tearing my reputation to shreds, saying I was a slut who really deserved it, and it wasn’t rape, anyway, because I wasn’t a virgin. Two – a rape against me would not be drunk-non-consent, but would have to involve physical violence or “real” drugs that show up on a tox-screen and are clearly illegal.

The bad news is that I am hence more likely to die from a rape attack, either from the violence involved or else bad drug interactions causing fatal effects.

But at least if you are beaten to death, the press generally believe it when the M.E. says there is evidence of rape.

I do not need to worry about being told that it was just “bad sex,” or “regretted the next day” reporting, or anything like that.

Oh, wait.

There are people who would say that, anyway. But at least I would not have any doubt on the matter, myself.

Yay.

I know women who are plagued by doubts, because they hear enough victim-blaming that it soaks their souls, and they wonder if it really was “just bad sex,” or “just regret,” or something like that.

It’s not. Rape is rape.

And consenting adults are jolly well ALLOWED to consent, darn it! I only hold MYSELF to the chastity rule, because I chose that vow. All other adults are allowed to have sex if they want it, and I will not judge them for it! And neither should defense attorneys or rape apologists.

And consenting adults are allowed to consent to one type of sex and not another, or to making out but no further, or even to change their minds during the act and say “STOP NOW!” and have their partner actually STOP. No one should be told that their rape did not count, because they consented to some other act, or be told “you were alone with a man, what did you expect?”

However, judging from what I’ve read about this Jian guy, at least the encounters started out as consensual, most of the time. So, if you never have consensual sex, at least you don’t have to worry about that consensual sex turning into a non-consensual beating. So, yay me.

Bleh. It’s little enough to be grateful for, really. But the fact remains that those invisible stairs do exist, and thanks to my “rules of propriety,” I have actually dodged a few bullets. More often, though, I’ve missed an opportunity for a jolly-good time.

In a perfect world, rapist would have naturally-ocurring tattoos across their noses (really hard to cover that up with facial hair or hair-style), that warns women not to have consensual sex with these guys, at all, so they could avoid it becoming a nonconsensual beat-down-rape, including the type of sex you don’t want, like forced anal stuff. Thus, women could safely have consensual sex with all the non-rapists of the world. YAY!

But this is not a perfect world, and Schrodinger’s rapist is alive and well.

PS: I know I’m writing from a gender-binary, man-rapist/female-victim thing here. I took a pain pill, and am fast getting too fuzzy to police my language. Sorry. I’m still learning how to actually write gender-friendly language, and I have to re-type all my words two or three times, to make this clear, as it is. I hope I don’t offend.

PPS: Tox-screen keeps being changed to fox-screen in auto-correct, and I am really curious what the heck a fox-screen is.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@Bina

And this is why I so often feel the impulse to beat my head against a wall…I have to plan every move I make so carefully, so that no one can accuse me of “asking for it”. And even if I do everything “right”, and something still happens, guess who’ll get blamed…

QFT!!!

Doing everything “right” doesn’t prevent it, and I’ve seen cases of gang rape, where the victim was literally a bloody pulp, and she did everything “right,” and there were STILL a few ^$#@#$%^$#$!!!!! who blamed her.

I have no words for that.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

This seems apropos:

Screenshot 2014-09-24 00.20.20

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

Feh.

/Users/michelleyoung/Dropbox/Screenshots/Screenshot 2014-10-03 19.41.47.png

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

One last try:
comment image?dl=0