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I Hate Lucy: This Redditor doesn't know it, but he just came up with a great premise for a Red Pill sitcom

I Love Literally Hitler
I Love Literally Hitler

So a new Redditor has wandered into the Red Pill subreddit, that bastion of enlightened male thought, bringing with him a tale of woe:

58  Rant/VentingFeminism Has Destroyed My Family (self.TheRedPill)  submitted 21 hours ago by TiltMyBrain  Wife has been a screeching Hitler for 30 years. Sexless marriage since the wedding reception. Daughter went to college and became a self righteous social justice warrior. Son goes to college and now thinks he is gay. Other son is so disgusted with modern women he refuses to date the pigs.  Time to plan exit strategy pronto. There is no "family" in America.      121 comments

I don’t know about you, but I would totally watch that sitcom.

In the Red Pill subreddit, though, the fellas didn’t see much humor in his situation (and only a select few even suspected a troll).

While quite a few thought that Mr. TiltMyBrain had brought the situation on himself, others came to his defense. After all, during the years in which his wife morphed into Hitler and his gay son became gay, he hadn’t yet gotten the Good News of the Red Pill, and didn’t realize he could totally stop the wife-Hitlerization, son-gayification process by being a huge dick to everyone in his family.

FiveRows 35 points 16 hours ago   It's easy to write this off as his fault, but he was likely just doing what all parts of society was telling him was the right thing to do.  The younger folks here don't realize how different things were before this information was available at your fingertips. And even now, it's usually a traumatic or catastrophic life situation that forces someone here when they can't find answers anywhere else.  Entire countries of men have been brainwashed over the past several decades. Reprogramming yourself against everything you've been taught is no simple process and usually involves some amount of anger and pain. Hopefully this guy can start putting things together now and improve his situation.

Others had more practical suggestions:

erqos 1 point an hour ago   Those brats are corrupted beyond redemption. If I were the patriarch, they would no longer be part of my household. They'd be on their own. I'd write them both a formal letter concisely explaining my decision that I no longer want anything to do with them. I'd sever ties completely.

H42 1 point 20 hours ago   Ditch the USA and make a new Family 2.0 in a better country.  Or just get out, and selfishly tend to your own needs & desires. There is nothing wrong with that plan.  Do it smart, never mention your plan to your wife & family. Cash out, and just disappear over the horizon to a better life.

LMGulf -2 points 16 hours ago   Cut your loses and start fresh. Either that or go with a triple murder suicide. though the latter wouldn't really do you any good. You should just liquidate some assets and hide them away (retirement fund). Pack one good traveling bag and hit the road. Walk the world and live like a true free man should! The only laws you need obey are streetlights directed at pedestrians and no loitering signs!

I’m hoping that last comment was meant as a joke, but on The Red Pill subreddit it’s impossible to tell.

For many, the crucial question of the day was whether TiltMyBrain’s son was irredeemably gay, or simply so disgusted with the sorry state of modern women that he decided to be a pretend gay because it’s so much easier than being a straight man. Because that’s totally how sexuality works.

MagnanimousGenius 10 points 15 hours ago   Nothing wrong with being gay, but I think he's implying that all the leftist rubbish has led to a confused son who is "gay"  A few of the other (sexually frustrated) guys in my extended group seem too uncomfortable with their masculinity to go after girls, so they resort to coming out as "bi" or "gay" because it's the easy way out. Then they get very comfortable falling into the beta bitch personalities and get all their validation from the girls in our group by being their funny "gay friend"  Because they realise that women are fickle and go after masculine men, but are too afraid to be masculine, and hold out for a unicorn all the while adhering to the tenants of feminism i.e. being a neurotic, people pleasing door mat for women  Not that these guys are open with their sexual frustration, but you can see it written in their face and everything they do.

Ill_mumble_that reminded the rest of the crucial problem with the son’s possibly pretend homosexuality: All his sperm is going to waste.

Ill_mumble_that 5 points 17 hours ago   Nobody wants a gay/lesbian child because it decrease chances of procreation. Same thing with sterile children. The hard thing about gay though is that they still have the ability to procreate, its not a physical limitation but rather an artificial one created by sexual orientation

And while we’re on the topic of sperm going to waste, a few of the regulars wondered how the OP had managed to have children if the marriage was sexless. A couple of wisecrackers provided a hilarious answer.

Well, hilarious if you’re a regular on Stormfront or Chateau Heartiste.

]ShadowWriter 1 point 8 hours ago   How did you get three kids out of a sexless marriage?      permalink     save     report     give gold  [–]ISODAK 3 points 6 hours ago   permalink     save     parent     report     give gold  [–]TestosteroneFilled 0 points 5 hours ago   Oh his friends Tyone and Jamal helped out a bit I heard.

Ha ha! He was cuckolded by black men with hilarious black names!

You know, guys, if you’re really that obsessed with this particular scenario, there’s porn for that. Hell, there’s porn for pretty much all of your ridiculous Red Pill fantasies.

In fact, I’d recommend that everyone posting on The Red Pill stick with porn, forever.

H/T — TheBluePill subreddit. Heck, someone there even came up with the sitcom joke too, though I totally swear I came up with it independently myself! Another Blue Piller helpfully provided this artistic rendition of a Screeching Hitler.

ZFF0Sjm

 

 

 

 

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bekabot
5 years ago

At the end of the series, heavenly bells ring and the mother and her children are rescued by angels. If the marriage has been sexless since the wedding reception* the kids must have been immaculately conceived.

*Of course the wife may have been unfaithful but that’s not advanced as part of the premise for the sitcom. The Idea Man here hasn’t written “Wife has been a screeching Hitler and a skag.”

brooked
5 years ago

I have to admit I have a bit of a soft spot for MGTOW types because I do think choosing to have as little to do as possible with women is the best case scenario for virulent misogynists. TeRPers are often the worst case scenario, I never read the Blue Pill during the four minutes I was on reddit because the way these guys discuss the women in their lives is stomach turning. After reading a father describe his children as a son and a “female child” I was done.

sparky
sparky
5 years ago

booburry: It’s like you’re reading my mind there.

Why would anyone be unhappy with a system that would allow, even encourage, a man to completely disown his children because he doesn’t agree with their politics or like their sexual orientation? Why would anyone object to a system in which men hold all the financial assets and power? Yay, go patriarchy!

Did someone on reddit seriously just suggest murder/suicide as an actual “solution?”

booburry
5 years ago

@sparky
LMGulf suggests a triple murder/suicide, which hopefully they meant as a totally funny joke because that never happens or anything! Men never murder people because they aren’t getting their desired outcome …nooope. Its in the OP up there, but its easy to miss with all the other garbage being spewed.

@ceebarks
Aaahahah, that reminds me of the tweet John Scalzi was posting about a while back , which was made into a Manfeel’s Park comic. These guys think withholding their sweet and tender love is a threat. It makes me feel a bit sorry for the day when they realize their version of themselves and reality could not be any further apart.

http://www.manfeels-park.com/comic/make-your-choices/
(Also noticed their most recent comic is an “Actually, its about….” heh heh I love that site)

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

Ha! I love it.

pallygirl
pallygirl
5 years ago
proxieme
proxieme
5 years ago

@HCK: That is a beautiful, glorious tweet.

@Ikeke: At one other (?) dude does. I’m on my phone so hopping over to see which post is a pain, but check out the “John Allman” character in whichever recent comments section now tops 300.

@brooked: Newsflash for those guys: If they’re up for same-sex sex when opposite-sex sex isn’t on the table, orientation’s not as binary in nature as they’d probably like to assert

@cee: Whyever wouldn’t you wish to be subject to their “gentle ministrations” and capricious whims?
Especially when so many of them seem to hold that marital rape is impossible.

Ack, toddler’s inexplicably up early.
Reading time’s done.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

“Screeching Hitler”, to these guys, translates as “wife once asked me to pick up my socks”.

Well, that’s astonishing that the OP ended up with such a dysfunctional family, where the wife and daughter can’t stand him and both sons are avoiding women like the plague. I can’t imagine where they would have learned such screwed-up attitudes about gender relations. Real head scratcher, that one.

And these shitweasels think patriarchy is the answer to restoring the family,

kittehserf - MOD
5 years ago

That Downfall is wonderful, pallygirl.

“I could have had a normal moustache all along! Like fucking Stalin!”

vaiyt
5 years ago

“Screeching Hitler” makes me think of that asdfmovie skit where the husband says “why is the baby on fire” and the wife is flailing around going “BUY ME MORE JEWELRY”

Ellesar
5 years ago

Anyone else spotted ‘MagnanimousGenius’ discussing the ‘tenants of feminism’!? Men in his circle adhere to these ‘tenants’ presumably because of the low low rents and excellent maintenance of the properties that feminism provides!

Connie
Connie
5 years ago

Dave, I can’t find how to contact you by email. Can you tell me what your e-mail is, or show me somewhere on this site where I can find you e-mail address? Oh, and I put the video in my comment because I thought you might want to see what those idiots were actually saying about you. Of course no one here believes it’s true.

ikanreed
ikanreed
5 years ago

The worst thing here is the backhanded implication that his son somehow failed him by being gay. The misogyny, and blaming interpersonal issues on women as a whole are dumb, but that is basically shining a giant “I’m an awful parent” signal.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

The advice from the manosphere was to abandon or murder his family.

That’s how they view women and children. When they won’t dispense sex on demand, they get educations and self esteem or have a sexuality you don’t like, murder them.

They really are some of the worst people on the planet.

Assuming this family even exists, I don’t blame his wife for not being attracted to such a fuckwit. I hope she leaves him asap. She’s not safe so long as he’s around. I’m so glad his daughter escaped and his son has been able to come out and live his life out from under his shitty dad’s thumb. They’d all be happier without him.

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
5 years ago

Per Elam, the solution is MGTOW. Here he is giving credit to Futrelle for the thumbnail image:

closetpuritan
5 years ago

I suppose, in addition to the “‘sexless’ should not be taken literally” possibility, they could also have gotten married after the kids were born–though that seems like it wouldn’t quite fit the narrative of the honorable, put-upon patriarch that he’s going for.

But I like the cockroach/parthenogenesis theories better. Except then they wouldn’t have sons (and in the case of parthenogenesis, the “father” would not be the genetic father, and he doesn’t sound like much of a father in the sense of providing love and support for his children…)

Is this a good time to mention that I have a parthenogenetic crayfish? Well, actually I have 3 right now: mom and 2 surviving babies (I assume she ate the rest).

I think if someone makes a sitcom of this, the characters should all be cockroaches or crayfish or lizards or guppies, so that we can incorporate the sperm storing/parthenogenesis bit.

Oh! Or maybe they’re wasps, and they got married when she was pregnant with the daughter (or the daughter was conceived at the wedding reception), and the two sons are not the result of sexual reproduction! (In wasps and other hymenopterans, fertilized eggs develop into females, and unfertilized eggs develop into males.) …Which means the ‘patriarch’ must be Steve Reeves!

closetpuritan
5 years ago

“Except then they wouldn’t have sons” should be “Except, in the case of parthenogenesis, they wouldn’t have sons”

Pteryxx
Pteryxx
5 years ago

@Falconer: not exactly porn, but Oh Joy Sex Toy has a book out:

http://boingboing.net/2014/10/27/oh-joy-oh-joy-sex-toy-is-a-bo.html

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

Periods of once a month sex and less definitely happens sometimes in long term relationships. You may marry someone because you want to be with them, but that doesn’t mean you get to spend time with them or that by the time you do, either of you feel like fucking. (It occurs to me that my mother was my age when she imparted that information to me. She was too right.) There’s work and kids and various projects that need seeing to and stressing about. Sometimes around this time of year we’ll pass around a cold and one of us will be sick for a couple weeks and then the other. Yesterday, I only saw my husband for three kisses worth of time. One “Good morning”, one “Hello and goodbye.” and one “Goodnight”. The last time we had an amorous encounter, we had to cut things short so that he could go to work and I could get the kids ready. The time before that we gave up getting the kids in bed and just locked the door and turned up some music. The hottest setting ever? No. Did we care? No. It was electric anyway. (Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder?)

That sort of schedule can easily persist for months at a time. It’s frustrating, but necessity is the mother of invention. You think of some way to cope. One couple I knew would cope with their kids climbing in bed with them every night by fucking in the garage on a stack of tires once the kids fell asleep. (Does not sound comfy) We do not have a garage, so we’ll have to think of another way to steal some privacy. Otherwise, I’d totally be down with a tire stack of love. Whatever works.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

The advice from the manosphere was to abandon or murder his family.

That’s how they view women and children. When they won’t dispense sex on demand, they get educations and self esteem or have a sexuality you don’t like, murder them.

And the manosphere tries to claim men are seen as disposable! More projection. They have no empathy and are so selfish that they see other people, particularly women as useless if they aren’t doing exactly what they want. They just assume women must see men as disposable too.

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

@proximie, right?! I gotta take breaks from the manosphere, as funny as it is, because it’s so toxic it creeps into my view of men-in-general and makes me want to be Single 4 Lyf, which is bad because I’m actually married to a guy who, while human and thus not perfect, does not relate to the world through their elaborately constructed and carefully maintained lens. He’ll crack a joke that’s arguably a little sexist and my blood will run a little cold, like, “is there a monster in there?” The manosphere is really, really bad for my relationship, basically.

I can’t imagine a single woman would read all that crap and then be MORE willing to give the next dude a chance… I really think I’d just say “fuck it!” and spend more time on my hobbies and pets instead. Sheesh

ladysunami
ladysunami
5 years ago

Maybe they had triplets but the wife insisted on holding her sons back a year as part of some evil feminist scheme.

bekabot
5 years ago

Maybe they had triplets but the wife insisted on holding her sons back a year as part of some evil feminist scheme.

Either that or she realized that the “My Three Sons” thing had already been done.

Boogerghost
Boogerghost
5 years ago

Screeching Hitler is adorable.

Michelle C Young
5 years ago

I just read this, and my very first thought is, they had three children together, and then got married, and she decided AT the wedding reception that she didn’t want to have sex with him ever again?

Just how hard did he smash the cake into her face? Or was it something even more heinous?

Or, were their three children conceived via in-vitro fertilization? Or possibly adopted?

There’s something not quite right about this submission, but darn it, I’m having the hardest time putting my finger on it.

Unless, of course he’s lying.

Naaaahhh!

pallygirl
pallygirl
5 years ago

Men in their 50s (assuming his story is that he got married in his 20s) do not write a sentence like “Time to plan exit strategy pronto.”

Michelle C Young
5 years ago

The only laws you need obey are streetlights directed at pedestrians and no loitering signs.

As a person whose life was changed because some idiot driver crashed into me, and then another idiot driver crashed into me, and then another idiot driver crashed into me, pushing me into the back of an innocent driver, and causing so much damage I had to quit my job, all of these times happening while I was IN a vehicle, I take exception to this.

He should obey ALL streetlights, because cars won’t completely protect you, just because you’re inside them. It’s not just pedestrians who are killed in auto accidents. Obey ALL traffic laws, for your OWN safety.

As for loitering – whaaaa? Most people don’t even care if you loiter, as long as you don’t bother the people walking by, while you’re loitering. That’s not a safety issue. That’s just waiting for, well, whatever you’re waiting for. Like maybe for lightning to strike you and boost your brain power enough to know that you should obey ALL traffic signals, you JERK!

Michelle C Young
5 years ago

Aaahhh! The screeching Hitler picture is wonderful! Into the Sims Painting bin it goes.

Michelle C Young
5 years ago

Re: the triple-murder suicide.

I’m wondering which of the family members would be allowed to live? The wife? Surely not. Daughter? Nope. Gay son? Naaaah.

Gotta be the other son, who is so disillusioned he refuses to date pig-women. MGTOW, right?

But, either gay or MGTOW, aren’t their sperms still going to waste? Geez, this guy just can’t win for losing.

He should have just divorced her immediately after the bedding ceremony at the wedding reception. Oh, but then he would have been forced to pay child support for those darned triplets! And child support is EEEEVVIIIIILLLLL!

Perhaps, he should have simply been more careful in his choice of a wife? I hear there are schools where rich men send their daughters they don’t love, and the schoolmasters train those girls to be meek, perfectly faithful sex-kitten wives for whatever husband their father chooses for them.

Or, wait. Is that a porn scenario?

Yeah, they had better just stick with the porn. Please stay away from real people.

Michelle C Young
5 years ago

@ceebarks

I wonder if the 10-times-a-year standard applies to non marital sex. Hooked up with an ex you kinda can’t stand? If it happened 10 or fewer times in the last 12 months, it never happened! *poof*

That sounds good, except I believe for these guys, sexless means “less sex than I want to have,” and ANY sex that a wife has with an ex has ALWAYS happened, no matter how infrequently, but ANY sex that a husband has with an ex has NEVER happened, no matter how frequently, because men are perfectly faithful, and women are always whores.

Whores who don’t put out to their own husbands, that is, because five times a week is “sexless” if the husband wants it every day.

pallygirl
pallygirl
5 years ago

New Cole and Marmalade video, think of it as Halloween brain bleach. 🙂

http://youtu.be/e8MD4LYqDxU

kittehserf - MOD
5 years ago

Eeee, Cole and Marmalade!

Good to see in the notes there that Marmalade is doing well and they’re waiting on further test results to determine treatment for him.

Michelle C Young
5 years ago

I don’t know which video I liked better – the Halloween cats or the angry Hitler.

Is that from a movie? The Hitler one? It looks like it’s from a movie.

kittehserf - MOD
5 years ago

Frothy Hitler is from the movie Downfall. It’s been made into approximately one squillion parodies, somewhat to the dismay of the actor playing him.

Relevant to kitties and the best reason ever not to go to work:

http://genderpopo.tumblr.com/image/101191030258

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Funnily enough they did make a sitcom about Hitler in the 80’s, it was about him living in suburbia with Eva Braun next door to a Jewish family. Six episodes were made but only one aired, since aside from it being tasteless and awful it was incredibly fucking boring.

If anything this guy kind of reminds me of Stan from American Dad except I’m apparently supposed to agree with him, nah even Stan was a better father than the Patriarch.

Swales
Swales
5 years ago

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching Venture Brothers a lot lately, but I think this guy might be married to Girl Hitler.

Falconer
5 years ago

Funnily enough they did make a sitcom about Hitler in the 80’s, it was about him living in suburbia with Eva Braun next door to a Jewish family. Six episodes were made but only one aired, since aside from it being tasteless and awful it was incredibly fucking boring.

Oh my god, I thought Fritz Next Door was just a MAD Magazine comic. Someone actually made that?? Where??

FigaroPho
FigaroPho
5 years ago

The Hitler sitcom was British and was called “Heil Honey, I’m Home!”. It aired on a channel that was bought and absorbed by Sky.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heil_Honey_I%27m_Home!

Somebody’s posted the only aired episode on Youtube:

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Britain, the idea was to parody 1950’s American sitcoms, which in execution meant copying them exactly except the lead was Hitler, who has an American accent for some reason. It failed as a parody since if you swapped the names out and shaved Hitler’s moustache, you’d never know that it wasn’t a real boring, American sitcom from the 1950’s.

Really wha could you have expected, if Hitler actually behaved like Hitler you’d either have a grim satire about fascist though in suburbia or a snuff film.

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Heil Honey I’m Home by the way.

Falconer
5 years ago

That just sounds awful.

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Stupid iPad typos. Yes I have to agree, the weird thing was it wasn’t even offensive, just boring! Now this is good evil dictator comedy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f37K0hIv3zk

Tim Lydon
Tim Lydon
5 years ago

How has he had set only once since marriage yet have 3 kids of different ages?

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

His wife is some kind of bee woman who can store sperm internally for years at a time?

DJG
DJG
5 years ago

Ms Cassandra – Well, thank you for having respect for people’s boundaries. I’m willing to hope it’s mainly a thing of the past, but I’ve encountered a handful of women who think of gay men as a challenge.

And I do know I’ve read at least a few (mainstream) books in which men did not object to having a reputation of appearing gay when they were straight. The one that comes to mind first is Elizabeth Peters’ *The Murders of Richard III* in which a never-married professor quietly cultivates his reputation – “It reassured women and put them off guard.”

I suppose it takes all kinds.