So I was idly perusing Janet “JudgyBitch” Bloomfield’s Twitter yesterday, and I came across an alarming tweet. It seemed as though Bloomfield had somehow penetrated the 47 levels of security protecting the Feminist HIgh Council to discover incontrovertible evidence of Operation Wicked Succubus. You know, the feminist plan to eliminate all men (except for me).
https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/523458962704699393
Her followers were aghast:
And naturally one of them brought up #GamerGate.
There were a few others, but you get the idea.
It never occurred to any of them to, you know, try to find out just who the bald man advocating killing all men was. Or who exactly he was talking to.
So I decided to do some serious investigative journalism to see what I could uncover. I typed out “‘eliminate men as a gender’ security” into a little known internet “search engine” called Google, and boldly clicked on the first result.
This led me to a Tweet with a URL in it. Bravely, I clicked on that URL and found myself looking at a video of a presentation at something called Monitorama PDX 2014 — clearly the code name for one of the Feminist Conspiracy’s conventions.
I looked it up in Google and discovered a web page for the event, which had been held in May. It was described as an “An Open Source Monitoring Conference & Hackathon.”
Ah, clearly a clever Feminist code name.
And then I decided to look up the name of the speaker: James Mickens. Turns out the guy works at Microsoft, one of the companies at the center of the Misandrist Conspiracy. Mickens is also the author of a number of papers, with titles like “Pivot: Fast, Synchronous Mashup Isolation Using Generator Chains” and “Mugshot: Deterministic Capture and Replay for JavaScript Applications.”
Obviously, some high level feminist theorizing.
Then I decided to watch the video. And I was shocked!
Because it wasn’t a speech about killing all men after all. It wasn’t even a feminist speech. No, it seemed instead to be a highly technical talk about internet security issues, illustrated with a lot of silly slides. Like this:
And this:
I must confess that I didn’t get the overwhelming majority of his jokes. But he audience seemed to find these slides, and much of what he said, hilarious. So if you ever need to hire a comedian who can joke about Synchronous Mashup Isolation Using Generator Chains, Mickens is your guy.
So where does the whole “kill all men” thing come from?
Well, I skipped ahead a bit in the video until I found a section in which Mickens talked about the dumb things people do that can undermine even the most sophisticated security setup.
His example: gullible, horny men who are tricked into “friending” hackers on Facebook posing as hot babes — even when there are pretty obvious indications that the hot babes aren’t really hot babes at all.
Things like: saying they graduated from Central University, even though there is no school by that name in the US, or spelling the name of their profession wrong.
These are all good clues, he said, that the hot babe you just friended on facebook was really this guy:
Given that men are regularly duped with simple tricks that play on their horniness and gullibility, Mickens joked, maybe the real goal for people trying to design secure systems should be the elimination of all men.
So that’s where the slide comes from.
And by the way, that whole bit of his killed — not as in “killed all men” but as in “got giant laughs from the mostly male audience.” Expecially the part about killing all men.
If you want to see the whole bit, starting with Mary and ending with “eliminate men as a gender,” it starts at around 20:40 in the video.
Men’s Rights Activists: more gullible than guys who friend Mary from Central University on Facebook.
NOTE TO EXTREMELY LITERAL-MINDED MRAS: That bit about the feminist plot to kill all men (except me) at the start of this post was a joke. Feminists don’t really intend to kill all men (except me).
Or do they?
Don’t you see? The fact that so many MRAs fell for it just shows that it was convincing, and therefore there’s something to it! The fact that the photo isn’t proof is all the proof we need!
I don’t think the context would help. It basically matches what MRAs say about dudes all the time; that they are powerless against the feeeemaale’s wily sexiness and slaves to their sad boners. They’d probably think that eliminating men was offered as a legit solution to a real problem.
Context is misandry, we know that.
Ooh! An ableism and homophobia twofer! That’s the human rightsiest and public relationsiest thing I ‘er did see!
My dad’s fiancée is in PR. I should tell her all about JB one day. She’s not into politics very much but I’d think she’d get a good laugh at all the PR fail.
As a man currently being murdered by the feminist death squads, I can confirm that there is in fact no feminazi death squads. Their uniforms definitely do not have skulls on it.
Could one of you hit Post Comment for me? Thanoi;aojd;oano4lo9
The kicker is that these guys call women feminists liars when they receive threats and call men who voice their support mindless white knights who are only supporting them because they want positive feedback.
Then they go and mindlessly support a woman out of pure loyalty who is an eager, joyous and enthusiastic liar who knowingly lies for shits and giggles and openly doesn’t care if anyone knows it.
@ Merus – That is so a skull on my uniform. You just can’t see it for all the glitter and unicorn poop. Now, would you please stop squirming so much?
@Merus
Silly – we already knew they weren’t feminazi death squads. What do you think we all do with our spare time? Not going around not killing all men, that’s for sure.
@grumpyoldnurse
I guess your death squad has a different uniform to mine. Mine’s just covered in cat hair, not glitter.
Welcome, ladymarchhare. I’d give you a welcome basket, but I’m bad at html. Someone will come along with one sooner or later.
@ Kim – the unicorn poop dissolves the cat hair.
Judgybitch: Not sure if elaborate Borat-style performance art or serious?
Wow. Because PR is yelling slurs at people, and not the opposite like most people would think. I can feel my FEMINISMZ draining away. Yes, Janet, insult me more!
…That makes me sound like I’m finding it sexy. I do not want to engage in BDSM with Janet Bloomfield. That is a horrible thought. I need brain bleach now.
Eugh.
Oh, and my death squad uniform has a rainbow. I’m part of the Bureau of Total Political Correctness. It’s not as interesting as it sounds, though. Enforcing the entire Adjective List, mostly. With my rainbow mace can. My icon is totally true-to-life. Except I can’t put my uniform on it for security reasons.
@ andiexist – as requested, contrarian kitty brain bleach!
No, but, you see, it’s a secret plot to get men used to tolerating jokes like that so that when Operation Penis Destroy is finally launched they’ll have been lulled into a false sense of security. But I’ve already said too much.
(Crawls back into bunker)
My uniform is mostly dog hair and duct tape. But I’m not a member of one of the fancy death squads, just a lowly scout. I tape bonbons onto my forage cap when I go undercover.
ooooh, bonbon cap……
Sorry about all the drool, folks!
My death squad uniform is hand-knitted, but it’s like Kim’s, you can’t see that for all the cat hair.
It doesn’t have a skull on it because I suck at intarsia knitting.
Intarsia knitting: I suck at it too. For a really good skull motif, try duplicate stitch in a contrast colour.
I just borrowed one of my daughter’s skeleton dolls. It glows in the dark!
Hihi Kittehs! I’ve been living on Raw Story recently because embedded comments + gamergaters makes for all the lolz.
Hey folks! Back from visiting family in Ontario’s Wine country. What did I miss? (reads posts).
I didn’t buy enough wine for this…
I have been trying to enter to the death squad in my zone every year. But, for the moment, I have still training to do.
JB is having a bit of a meltdown on twitter, and is pulling out every slur she can think of.
https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/with_replies
links to individual tweets. I’m hoping these wont embed
a https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524030743828103168
a https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524030391938605056
a https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524030191333433345
Here she is doubling down on the idea that Jimmy Savile’s victims were “whores,”
a https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524021545111257088
a https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524020135242121217
And then there’s this, which doesn’t even make sense: https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524023478941274112
And I think here she’s suggesting she wants to shoot me with a bow and arrow?
a https://twitter.com/BloomfieldJanet/status/524021004054454273